Baigan choka, blessings from the young men and being arite..

Baigan choka, pumpkin and roti and coffee and the glare from the Corentyne River in the morning

"So you arite den" - the loved one said and I said yeah yeah.. because I could not bear to tell the truth at the time. The conversations on the way home had ceased, no explanations and I was still wondering if I was doing a good thing by encouraging any kind of conversation.. and the last thing I needed to do was to explain why I was not arite .. so easier to try to shift the conversation along and hope for the best and no quarrel or dissatisfaction..



The Universe had me embarking during a difficult time on work which I hoped to do differently - workshop on gender based violence and hiv aids with 30 young men - police recruits.  My anxiety levels were high - delivery, ensuring interest, comprehension, thinking of literacy etc.  Nights were not smooth.. sleep was fitful.. comfortable bed but not my bed and who sleeps when there is subliminal anxiety about things.

But breakfast on the Corentyne river.. hot glaring sun.. and eating nice food and overhearing interesting conversations..  I usually eat breakfast standing up in the kitchen. Different to drink coffee looking at trees.. and in those moments.. I was arite.

The young men said generally the workshop went well.. one thought I should have been more 'energetic and exciting'. Several of them at the end said , in this strange way. and in different ways. God bless you Sir.. . Strange thing as I know that old people usually bless the young but never had the young bless me .. I didn't think they were joking.

The stress was high. First afternoon the yoga routine went well, second afternoon the body was too stiff and no amount of stretching could reduce the pain. Questions such as .. should I be doing this, as all kinds of issues came up.. am I doing the thing right.. am I paying attention.. are they learning.. and also seeing that it was not so much that they had to learn, but to unlearn a lot.. like 'if girls carry themselves well men would not harass them' .

But they were survivors too.. in different ways and I had to deal with my own not being arite so that they could talk of surviving multiple things..

So I was  arite at the end that they were arite and then calm acceptance. Came home and did not sleep well but woke up and did chores and everything and mind is feeling a bit numb.


I feel sometimes that being arite is a choice .

One morning on the river the breeze was cold..roti got cold in no time. I was really arite during those moments shivering as the hot sun came up. I am thinking of the loved one who used to call on the way home, who calls now and then.. yep.. I will always be arite.