Talking and not talking and keeping the clouds away..

A not so bad day and I am walking after managing a front of the room three minutes speaking thing. My hands find the number on the phone of the woman whose laugh is medicine. Though I think we are both intelligent people, we end up talking nonsense with ease which is not always possible.

Survival means that talking and communicating are important. I keep the communication open though I make sure that I am honest about the degree and space. 

The text chat .. Facebook and so are good.. I mute a conversation with a woman who is intense.. her illness is not clear but she sends lots of stuff .. I reply politely because I know how it feels when in a chat , it suddenly ends and there is no reply.

A man dealing with poor mental health told me that he felt pressure from me and I said.. it is okay man, stay away if you have to. He said don't worry.. though I worry about what I said because I want to ensure every interaction I have is positive with respect even if there is disagreement. 

I am always anxious that I not  boring a very intelligent man who thinks that I know what he is talking about.. when truth is the text chats are better because I could go on google on the side and try to find out.   I am always anxious in the random conversations with the loved one who the sages would say, hang up the phone and move on, but to ensure the conversation is light and meaningless and chit chat which I do not do.. and I wonder if that would be the last call, until the next one.



The difficult thing about talking while having clouds around is the energy it takes to ensure that words are formed and then wondering if the words are heard.

It's easier to talk to people when doing something else.. when talk is not the principal thing and any loss of words could be covered by useful actions.

Some groups are easier than others, some contexts are better.   I am glad I have managed to work those out and how to say no directly and politely when I know that I would not manage the interactions. Some people , I think, do not believe me..but I will not spend words trying to convince them of anything.






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