Passionfruit, paracetamol, spinach and other helping things..

Man sent a text "Anything I can do to help you when you are in one of these moods' . I thought it was a nice polite thing to say but didn't want to get into a conversation that this was not a mood, but now a way of life . Conversations can be normal or become incoherent and communication can be problematic.




Managing and functioning require different coping strategies.  Focussing on the routine, getting tasks done, not trying to think through things. Not promising anything for the future beyond the contracts.  Trying to maintain necessary conversations, and to limit the unnecessary ones.

A call from a woman in the market .. come buy something from meh nah man.. and she had spinach which I had not eaten in Guyana.

Doubt about buying it, as I thought .. heck.. I don't feel like cooking anything  beyond all the other things I have to do.. but she already packed in the bag and pushed in my hand.

Helping perhaps in pushing a new thing.. something flickering in that hey man, go and cook, you can do it. 

Cutting it up though, and stirring it in the pot.. and realising that it is not like calalloo (poi) and waiting until lunch to eat it.. because it smells good.

Yoga not working like it used to.. something creates a headache .. and not even sleep cures it, so paracetmol to the rescue. I don't want to keep using paracetamol .. don't want any dependence on any meds.. but the headache goes.  For now.

I have to figure out which pose does that..  Serotonin is needed , the body is resistant though to moving to generate it and I am tired of the pain.

Oranges not visible and as with other things which are no longer available to enjoy .. passion fruit is the 'alternative'.. except that it is not really an alternative as it is a fruit in its own right which can be eaten .. smelling up the whole place.


Trying to think through.. all the conversations, all the people, the lifestyle generally and not seeking alternatives but new things in their own right which will help to keep the heaviness and the sluggishness  away.