Resisting second and third lunches and in between foods..

"You free for lunch today" the text said. I checked the sender and the mixed feelings of dread and joy and so on which comes from connecting with a loved one who had disconnected many times.

Part of me was of course yes, yes.. even though I had another nice lunch and had work to do. The other part was no, let go, let go.. not only the second lunch because the work thing was important and even though the lunch date might also be important..

I avoid eating lunch with people these days since the teeth are out of alignment and food could go all over the place. I am not relaxed when eating with people as I have to ensure that the food stays in my mouth and things don't drop all over the place.

Unfortunately, it does not mean that I cannot eat . The mental health issues mean that I have been binge eating.. unhealthily. Having big brunches (this is the last time.. just for today) and then second lunches or in between junk food.

It is good to resist, and say no. To pass places with nice smelling food and say.. no, keep walking, you just finished eating something.  I have done things like jumped in a minibus craving food to travel 12 km when I did not need to and probably should not have done.

I keep thinking though, about that text, wondering how that second lunch would have gone. I could have excused and say I on a diet and eat light food. But then again, I might have just ate more to cover up the nervousness and then the loved one would have been repelled by the food dropping from my mouth and then no more invitations to have lunch.