Drinking dhal , binge eating and acting normal

Callerasked during one of the silences when I should have said, hey I can't talk now even though I told you you could call me anytime " so what did you do today".
War between pride and truth telling and 'mental health, managing mental health' because the day was kind of like that.. every interaction, every task, every distraction was done through a fog which was about resisting the urge to go and just lie down

Distractions like drinking dhal, and reading random things without absorbing. Distractions like trying to compose words in emails around things which I care about, instead of taking a break..  Nuts, biscuits, cake, more cake followed by guilt.

Trying to do the yoga routine which used to help, but the body is clumsy, and the mind is tired to focus on the stretches and the anger and frustration at not being able to move the body to get the serotonin needed to lift the damn clouds.

Postponing the meeting for a week, but client says no, one day only.. and pride again.. okay..

Some say it is 'strength' to go through with work , to wear covers, to act normal .. but normal cannot be acting normal.

Universe is relentless though.. and while I had promised never to say to anyone 'you can call me any time you want ".. I had to swallow pride, admit defeat and say to one caller.. I can't do it ..
But another request for work and I say yes, another request for a meeting.. translation from English to Creolese - I not sure if I can do the meeting, another request for a training demo, i say yes ironic request for a wellness workshop. I say yes, I keep saying yes though because when the moon moves and the serotonin comes back and the clouds lift, I will hate myself more if I said no.


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