Coil: Suicide prevention without empathy?
“I dun talk to you,” the man selling rat bait said quietly. The last question I had asked was ‘Did you have any of the phone numbers for the hotline?’
I had gone up to him to talk about suicide prevention. The man was packing his stand. The green packs of rat bait were arranged tidily in one box, the orange packs of another poison were in another.
The small sachets of blue pellets were lined up, knots aligned. There were some with pink pellets and some with white grains. I think I saw some with a mix of blue and pink. Each sachet seemed to have the same amount. It was evening and the orange street light gave a nice glow to the layout. The darker coloured round tablets were below the blue and pink. All neat, all organised beautifully..
The man had a scale. ‘How much to weigh’.. “”40”
I paid and jumped on. “Relax your body” he said quietly. I jumped off the scale and started with my brilliant idea about how to do suicide prevention.
I asked him,”you ever had anybody come to buy poison and you tink dey gun do something wid it?”
Traffic and potential customers passing.
He said, “Yeah. I don’t sell dem if I tink dey gun do stupidness….people like you come and ask”
I asked about whether he had any phone numbers. He looked at me funnily and moved away.
I have a feeling he thought I wanted to do stupidness with the poison. I felt dejected at the rejection. I did not pay attention the man had used language he knew to tell me he had to get back to work, suicide or no.
Unlike the alcohol sellers, and the gun sellers and gun advocates, it seems that some poison sellers will try their best to see that their products are not used to destroy livelihoods.
But not every seller, or any other person, can spare time for listening. Life is hard , everybody has their own problems and can’t take on other’s problems.
Many people have taken on the suicide prevention thing with a lot of energy and so, full of ideas and messages. “I Love Life”, “Choose Life” “NO to Suicide” A man I know shared a prescription which included the hotline numbers and ‘Eat Spicy Foods’.. some people feel a good seven curry with nice achar might help cure depression and erase the feelings of hopelessness.
Is the shouting about ‘loving and choosing life’ helpful?
The problem with the “Choose Life/Suicide is NOT an Option/LoveLife/Eat spicy foods” approach
A young man who lives with a bipolar disorder, and has been suicidal, said that there is no point telling him to love life when he feels his life is crap and there are no options. “If I see any of those billboards, I would want to go and do the opposite.”
A young woman who thought of killing herself, said that campaigns about ‘loving life’ create a divide between those who ‘love life’ and those who think life is not worth living, and that those who love life are ‘superior’ to those who are struggling with life.
She said the love/choose life message “… ignores the fact that problems are real… You might love life because it is so much better but mine is chaotic so help me to love it; don’t throw it in my face.”
It would appear that the well intentioned organisations and individuals value life more than the people they aim to reach. The connections seem to be fragile, where they exist between the institutions and organisations who want to help and those who are temporarily in need of help.
Connection between people
The young man with bipolar disorder is an atheist. What works for him is kindness. In recalling one episode, he talked about a co-worker who told him come to work; and who helped him with some of his tasks. “She was kind, very kind.” He has identified the people around him who will nurture him and who understand his disorder. He in turn , with his own experience has been helping a friend who was struggling with bipolar disorder. He has also been encouraging his doctor who has been writing poems but keeping them quiet.
An older Christian woman who survived two suicide attempts said that she never sought a counsellor. Her spiritual advisor prayed with her at the time. There were family members who helped. “.. the attitudes that stood out are willingness to listen, non-judgmental approach, affirmation of my being, assistance with fixing the problem, and humour – humour especially .. “.. important to take my mind off the crises.”
She didn’t recall that trust was a big thing. She has helping others in quiet ways and pays attention to the suicide prevention work. “I am big advocate of listening and affirmations.”
Listening , Kindness, affirmations, meaningfully connecting with people are part of empathy.
Empathy
Empathy is one of those human behaviours which might sound foreign. Like Halloween, Thanksgiving, keeping the place clean, not beating children and fast food; empathy might sound like is another white people thing which has no relevance to the 50 year old independent Guyana.
The word ’empathy’ is not found in either the 2005 to 2015 Mental Health Plan or the draft 2015 to 2020 Mental Health plan. If the search engine is to be believed , the word ’empathy’ is not found anywhere on the Ministry of Public Health website at http://www.health.gov.gy.
There might be documents which have the word ’empathy’ in them which are not online. The Minister of Health at a recent Suicide Prevention thing might have also used the word empathy but the reporters probably did not think it worth mentioning..
Dr Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston produced an entertaining video on Empathy. The video explains among other things the difference between empathy and sympathy; and the attributes of empathy as outlined by nursing tutor Theresa Wiseman
See the world as others’ see it
- Non-judgemental attitudes
- Understanding another’s feelings
- Communicate the understanding
The social worker who shouts ‘Get a wuk’ to the woman who has lost everything and feels overwhelmed is not understanding the feelings. The religious people who shout ‘Suicide is a sin, you will punish in hell/the after life” to people who are punishing in this life are not seeing the world the same way as the person who is suffering sees it.
Empathy is not standing outside of the dark pit and throwing down slender ropes to pull out people who cannot find their way out. Empathy is coming down in the dark pit, saying ‘you are not alone’ , and “let us see how we could work our way out together.”
Resilience
The young man with bipolar disorder said that he depends on his ability to write. At his lowest, he feels he has no purpose in life but has learned to wait out the dark periods. He has recognised behaviours which help and do not help him. The older woman who advocates for listening and affirmation has followed a spiritual path which says that she has a purpose which is not fulfilled – this got her through a recent time when she was marginalised by the then Government and could not find work. She wanted to disappear, but not take her own life.
The young woman has recognised that she has to draw on her own skills. “I think when you’re encountering problems that no one seems to understand you get that sense of loneliness. You think that no one cares, or will ever understand so you lock yourself away or try to do silly things.
Sometimes all we need is someone to talk to, someone who will not judge or criticize”
She did not think she would have called a hotline, but would have preferred to walk into a centre offering face to face counselling.
She has learned as she grew older, to listen to motivational talks.. and being inspired by other persons who have come through difficult circumstances
“ Ben Carson’s story was very motivational for me because it reminded me of my own childhood so I started to tell myself that there’s hope for everyone. But these days when things are bad I tell myself that they can only get better. “ She relies on her faith.
I rely on things like the deep bellied laugh of a woman who has never made me feel guilty for having much more than she has in her life and who unknowingly manages to give affirmations without claiming any power over me.
I am sometimes good at being empathetic with others, and other times I fail.
Empathy requires some shared understanding between the people helping and those who are being helped. The people who have gone through the experience are the most expert on what works and what does not work. It seems once empathy is present, there could be a range of helping services which accommodate a variety of needs.
It is not clear how many of the strategies and approaches in Guyana to deal with suicide involve people who have survived suicide or who still think of killing themselves.
It is going to be a challenge to culture in which violence seems more normal than empathy will have to change. It might seem easier to try to engage the people selling carbon tablets and gramoxone to do the work which we all should be doing.
Preventing suicide in Guyana and promoting wellness require that we work on building meaningful connections with each other.
The Guyana Inter-agency Suicide Helpline operates 24 hours, and is organised by the Guyana Police Force.
Telephone -223-0001, 223-0009, 223-0818
Cellphone – 600-7896 (toll free from Digicel phones), 623-4444
Email – guyagency@yahoo.com
Bbm pin – 2BE55649, 2BE56020
Twitter – @guyanaagency
Whatsapp – 592-600-7896 592-623-4444
The Georgetown Public Hospital Corporation has a Psychiatric Clinic which operates on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings.
Referrals, some kinds of counselling, public education and awareness are offered by the following :-
- Crossroad Suicide & Mental Health Awareness Services Tel : 231 4328
- Guyana Foundation – Tel – 276-3057
- Help & Shelter – 225-4731, 227-3454
- Roadside Baptist Skills Training Centre (Region 6) – 338-4215/4213
Serenity Seekers
Al-Anon Family Group
Tel Nicky 600-0832 , Joanne 619-4835
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