Death of the mint plant, thread, custard, life


The mint plant died before I could transplant it and let it flourish. I had dreams of mint flourishing  - woman who gave me.. said oh oh.. it just runs wild kind of thing.. damn it.. the wrong plants run wild with me..  like all the wrong damned thoughts sometimes and cravings.. why the hell can't I crave lettuce and cucumber instead of the crunchy cheezee and cheez stix and sweet biscuits in small packets..

Small tasks.. and the crystals from the lights are fixed with the thread that the girl selling said is strong strong... they use for hair weaving .. and a sense of accomplishment as it has been a year since the task was postponed while looking for fine wire.. but in the absence of fine wire, thread will do.. and wondering about substitution and replacement and how sometimes things cannot be fixed the same way..

Making custard to eat with cake, and flavouring it with orange zest and looking at the bowl and wondering is how much cake I will eat it with. Nothing else this season like ginger beer because of fear of the failure like last year, and not able with more finesse in christmas tree  as the mental and emotional energy were already consumed in the cleaning and clearing and trying to fix the curtains so that they can hang symmetrically and the gathers are .. well thankfully the breeze seems to fix them.... nice cold breeze and cold water coming from the shower after a bit of exercise which the body could not handle even though it used to handle it..

the body is not bending as it used to.. i think life would be perfect if my head could touch my knees ..  and my knees cannot touch the floor any more for the lotus posture.. deterioration this year which scares me as I contemplate this time next year.. but trade offs.. thread for the fine wire .. where in totalling the year and preparing to render unto Caesar/Granger .. I realise that I made more money this year than last year and i wonder if I was light and my mind was not clouded how much more wonderful things I could have done...

but there were one or two wonderful things done.. like composing an email to someone who I swore I would never write to again in a bid to stay far .. and cursing myself after I sent it but then which ended well .. even though I keep saying never again.. and other things..  which help not to feel the despair  about the mint plant that died and the head which can't touch the knees and the knees which cannot touch the floor and the pain ..

and custard on cake.. and saying never again, because too much custard on too much cake is probably making the body feel worse.. but then I said the same about emailing, contacting, calling  the former loved one
never again..
but love is not the same as lots of custard and cake and a lesson is working out what are the things which are good and which are not so good..










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