Breathing as a pain killer..

Smart woman who is thinking and has thought of suicide wrote after reading the article about suicide said that "Depression has a way of hiding and just a small word or a little action, a song or a scenery while driving sets it off"

Managing depression means managing the responses to the triggers of the events, staying far from places and things and situations

I don't go to receptions, weddings, parties, I avoid boards and board meetings, I seek events where I can be active, doing something.

After waking up this morning and getting through the surya namaskar, after weeks of not being able and body still feeling tensed up but mood okay. Tasks ahead to be done.

Some adhoc interactions set off the feelings and the initial reaction is the despair and crunching up of the body as though to ward off any blow and also to hold back words and thoughts which might create a quarrel.

Searing pain throughout the body.. all over, not fire, not muscular or even in the bone.  Mind stops thinking of the quarrels and now on the body pain.

First thought, is to relax.. focus. Breathe.. breathe.. move away . Breathe.

Calm down.. don't worry that you are taking too long about the work. the work will get done.

Breathe. Body relaxes. The pain goes. Back is still a bit tense.

Breathe. Write.. get through this crap.

Day resumes. Work goes on. Not all the work will be done to day that I planned to do. I will not go to the library to read the book today.

I might be angry at not being able to do any of these things. But important thing is breathe, get rid of the pain and get on with the tasks.



The pain goes.