The forty five thing...

Late on the night of the 45th birthday a phone conversation with a loved one who you had never expected to have a conversation with again. Two days after the45th brithday..  hearing that.. nah you don't look 45 and then a while after wards 'you are late forties'...

People walking past you no matter how hard your feet scissors and move and the tree branches you want to jump and touch seem out of reach.
Taking longer to do things and learn things.

A 13 year old and a 18 year old find you 'entertaining' after a difficult-ish workshop. The sleep is not deep and always feeling pains and sleepy and wondering about sleep and escape.

Sitting in rooms talking to people about things in recent history, and accepting that some of the people were not born or barely born when that history was happening.

Feeling smug that you not dying your hair even as it seems everybody you know is dying and then realising, that you looking at people to see if they are dying their hair.

Even though some of them who dying their hair and who older than you can run faster than you and can jump higher than you and think quicker than you and do other things...

Woman saying.. 'yes, you trained me' and having to apologise, because you can't remember even though you remembering other stupidness which should be forgotten.

Feeling elated that other people saying what you wanted to say in the activism .. from the most unlikely sources. Reading some of the most beautiful things which need intelligent responses and then not being able to craft the responses like you used to .. because you wondering what the hell for.

Opening plantain chips to eat in the minibus and the fingers fumble and the whole pack burst and all throw away and you want to know if this is how it will be from now on.



Finding

Comments

  1. AnonymousNovember 24, 2015 at 7:26 PM

    We often feel in rut in mid life short term memory seems to decline also but keeping active and using the brain helps
    Itis odd indeed to talk to colleagues and realise that you are in their parents generation

    ReplyDelete

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