Mussienda, nutmeg and recovery rituals..

Nutmeg and clove are 'good for you' so a nice kind of tea made with the nutmeg, clove and chamomile and pineapple while thinking how to write about flowers coming up after the trees had died.

A young man who had a spiritual crisis a few years ago talked about how that was all part of his living because in his struggle out of the crisis he deepened his study of his faith and consolidated his values which he might not have done if he did not have the crisis. Listening to him and thinking that well.. yeah.. bad/good and moving on and perspectives and so.

In the neglected yard, where some things run wild and other things flourish , there are some random moments and sparks.

The wildness with a lot of plants which no longer bear fruit or flowers is like my head with all kinds of ideas and memories.. and the random flowers which come up, are like those moments where there is lightness and then things can be done, social engagements can be made, work can be output, help can be given.

There is this lily which is still bearing. The bud started about a two weeks ago and then it slowly opened and it is still there. It will go at some point.

The recovery rituals of old had to be changed. The dark clouds weigh down the body and the mind the same way.
Serotonin cannot flow from the body the same way it used to as the body aches now and bending and so takes more effort.

Writing is one of the rituals that help. Focussing on one thing at a time. Rearranging interactions with people so that there is focus on being useful rather than have any other kind of expectations which could create rage and despair.

Another ritual is laughing at ironies in which the people who I want to stay far from are connected through work, and thinking of the energy which comes from trying to find my humanity to be social when I would rather be in solitude.

Another ritual is deliberately seeking to do one new thing every day and not bothering too much if the day passes and at the end of the day nothing is done.

Another ritual is trying to find new ways to get the body to move to get the serotonin out.. and trying to cut down on the bad food.. the bad teeth help with that.

Another ritual is filtering out things and then maybe unfiltering when there is time. It is a good practice.

These rituals work for now.