The Coil: De debate on a high
(Vidya Kissoon)
It is April 6 2015 around midnight when nomination day coming. De Presidential Debate of the Year is on. We on top de just opened Marriot so de high from de coil and de low quality ganja and de height from de top of de Marriot meking tings more nice. De hallucinations inspired by de events of de last week or so.. and sometimes ting does be giddy. Mosquito cannot fly high but wid poison coil and low quality ganja, anyting is possible. And dat light dere is not ship from Venezuela coming?
Mosquito : Welcome to all de listeners and viewers. De breeze is high on top de Marriot and de light behind me is blinking fuh dem ship dat look like dey coming straight fuh we. We are happy dat President Jabdeo who had said dat he gun tek on all de Presidential Candidates one time. Mosquito glad because Mosquito aint able fuh tek on sixteen debate.
De only person who reach de top of de Marriot fuh de debate is President Rumzotar. De man from de ganja party miss de elevator button because he had some high quality ganja and he gone higher but he leff a nice vibe dat please don’t quarrel, let us be love anodda and tell me to stop take dat poison coil .
De odder big Presidental candidate say dat he not plan to climb so high to stoop so low to tek on cuss and so and dat he will debate only de real Presidential candidate when dey decide who is de Presidential candidate. De odder Presidental candidates send dey apology because dey went home wid lil belly pain after eating nuff of de Prawns from de opening ceremony. Dey not accustomed to eating so much prawns at one time. Dey do not believe dat de inability to eat Prawns is a sign of not being able wid de strains of being President.
Mosquito : Welcome gentlemen. I believe you know each odder from before.
President Jabdeo : Where are they? They are afraid of me. I want them to come and take me on. This is nonsense. I do not have time to waste with one candidate. I want all of dem here. De only reason I am staying here is because I am already here and people need to hear and see me and know dat I am back…
President Rumzotar : In addition to whatever he say, good night or good morning to all de listeners and viewers. We have achieved and I think that being on top here shows how high we can be and dat dis is an achievement. I come here in peace to share de developments under my presidency and to share de bright future if people vote for me.
Mosquito : Gentlemen, if people vote for you, what can they expect?
President Jabdeo : Look, I am not interested in no constitutional position. De constitution is limiting and it holds back progress which I want for everybody. I want people to vote for the party I am supporting so that we can have more of the same thing. Where are they? Why are they not here? They want to talk about corruption but I can show them how they were more corrupt. They want to talk about race, I will show them how they racial.
President Rumzotar : In addition to whatever he say, everybody who vote for me – all de races, everybody , well vote for de collective dat I represent sometimes, and will get more progress, more freedom from fear, and whatever else he say.
Mosquito : Okay, dis race thing is a critical issue. How are you working against de black coolie racial ting which we mosquitoes cannot understand because all blood taste de same.
President Jabdeo : Exactly, exactly. Dat is right. All blood taste de same. Wait, let me doan say dat before de media say I is a blood sucker like how dey misquote me when I said before dat I am not a coolie. Look, dat Coolie bai dance.. look at me, play de tune, I cyan dance to de coolie bai dance. I doan want to be called coolie, call me Indian if you want to vote me out. Wait, no, I was voted out right?
President Rumzotar : In addition to what he just say, I am not interested in a racial campaign. Look how everybody play together nicely and so on. But the other parties are using race against us. We must not allow that. I am not a coolie either and I can sing sohani raat and one love and if he gives me permission, I will also dance de coolie bai dance… When I become President , sorry no, I mean.. when we become President we will promote things like make it mandatory that everybody learns to sing one love while dancing coolie bai dance. Chitti Bagan de founder of our party was not racial. Isn’t dat what he just said?
Mosquito : Dis is nice, dis is nice, comrades, Chitti Bagan is on de campaign trail, do you feel threatened by him? President Rumzotar do you want to go first?
President Rumzotar : What? no! I want to give my learned opponent a chance to go first.
President Jabdeo : Look, we are tired of dis nonsense. First Chitti was a demon and now he is a hero to dem? Let me be clear , Chitti had a nice house and comfortable lifestyle. Dey keep saying how Chitti say how you cyan have fancy cyar lifestyle in donkey cart economy. Dat is true. But we don’t have donkey cyart economy no. Aint dat right Rumzi? In fact, we must get Charliescor to release how many fancy cyar and how many donkey cart in de country now. And who have it and who get duty free, no , maybe not de duty free part, but who have dem fancy cyar. So we have progressed but dey not telling you dat. And dat de Chitti Bang house and land at de economy he was in is de same like my house and land in dis massive economy we in.
President Rumzotar : In addition to what he just say, I agree. I also tink dat dey should not be tiefing our heroes from us. Why are dey not quoting Banham quotes and so. In fact, next ting will happen is dat we gun be playing clips of Banham and dey gun be playing clips of Chitta Bagan in de campaigns . Wait, what.. oh yes, we already doing dat right? But I agree wid what he say. And look it getting late and my knee hurting from all dat ass I been kicking since I was asked to kick some asses.
Mosquito : In closing, what parting shots would you leave wid us. Would you change your mind President Jabdeo?
President Jabdeo : Change my mind from what? Oh you mean dat all dat vote fuh change dat I would be de main back on de nomination list later on in de day. Yall have to wait and see but I want to contribute to a better Guyana and contribute to progress and dem kind of ting which does sound nice so I will continue to be vocal and stand up for my beliefs . Where deh dey? Bring dem on. I will debate all of dem at de same time or one on one.
President Rumzotar : In addition to what he say, I agree… I .. , okay, in addition to what he say, in de name of Bagan, please vote for me, I mean vote for we, I mean no no.. vote for our party and progress and so. And I tink is time fuh me really to go now because dis breeze up hey really really cold.
It is April 6 2015 around midnight when nomination day coming. De Presidential Debate of the Year is on. We on top de just opened Marriot so de high from de coil and de low quality ganja and de height from de top of de Marriot meking tings more nice. De hallucinations inspired by de events of de last week or so.. and sometimes ting does be giddy. Mosquito cannot fly high but wid poison coil and low quality ganja, anyting is possible. And dat light dere is not ship from Venezuela coming?
Mosquito : Welcome to all de listeners and viewers. De breeze is high on top de Marriot and de light behind me is blinking fuh dem ship dat look like dey coming straight fuh we. We are happy dat President Jabdeo who had said dat he gun tek on all de Presidential Candidates one time. Mosquito glad because Mosquito aint able fuh tek on sixteen debate.
De only person who reach de top of de Marriot fuh de debate is President Rumzotar. De man from de ganja party miss de elevator button because he had some high quality ganja and he gone higher but he leff a nice vibe dat please don’t quarrel, let us be love anodda and tell me to stop take dat poison coil .
De odder big Presidental candidate say dat he not plan to climb so high to stoop so low to tek on cuss and so and dat he will debate only de real Presidential candidate when dey decide who is de Presidential candidate. De odder Presidental candidates send dey apology because dey went home wid lil belly pain after eating nuff of de Prawns from de opening ceremony. Dey not accustomed to eating so much prawns at one time. Dey do not believe dat de inability to eat Prawns is a sign of not being able wid de strains of being President.
Mosquito : Welcome gentlemen. I believe you know each odder from before.
President Jabdeo : Where are they? They are afraid of me. I want them to come and take me on. This is nonsense. I do not have time to waste with one candidate. I want all of dem here. De only reason I am staying here is because I am already here and people need to hear and see me and know dat I am back…
President Rumzotar : In addition to whatever he say, good night or good morning to all de listeners and viewers. We have achieved and I think that being on top here shows how high we can be and dat dis is an achievement. I come here in peace to share de developments under my presidency and to share de bright future if people vote for me.
Mosquito : Gentlemen, if people vote for you, what can they expect?
President Jabdeo : Look, I am not interested in no constitutional position. De constitution is limiting and it holds back progress which I want for everybody. I want people to vote for the party I am supporting so that we can have more of the same thing. Where are they? Why are they not here? They want to talk about corruption but I can show them how they were more corrupt. They want to talk about race, I will show them how they racial.
President Rumzotar : In addition to whatever he say, everybody who vote for me – all de races, everybody , well vote for de collective dat I represent sometimes, and will get more progress, more freedom from fear, and whatever else he say.
Mosquito : Okay, dis race thing is a critical issue. How are you working against de black coolie racial ting which we mosquitoes cannot understand because all blood taste de same.
President Jabdeo : Exactly, exactly. Dat is right. All blood taste de same. Wait, let me doan say dat before de media say I is a blood sucker like how dey misquote me when I said before dat I am not a coolie. Look, dat Coolie bai dance.. look at me, play de tune, I cyan dance to de coolie bai dance. I doan want to be called coolie, call me Indian if you want to vote me out. Wait, no, I was voted out right?
President Rumzotar : In addition to what he just say, I am not interested in a racial campaign. Look how everybody play together nicely and so on. But the other parties are using race against us. We must not allow that. I am not a coolie either and I can sing sohani raat and one love and if he gives me permission, I will also dance de coolie bai dance… When I become President , sorry no, I mean.. when we become President we will promote things like make it mandatory that everybody learns to sing one love while dancing coolie bai dance. Chitti Bagan de founder of our party was not racial. Isn’t dat what he just said?
Mosquito : Dis is nice, dis is nice, comrades, Chitti Bagan is on de campaign trail, do you feel threatened by him? President Rumzotar do you want to go first?
President Rumzotar : What? no! I want to give my learned opponent a chance to go first.
President Jabdeo : Look, we are tired of dis nonsense. First Chitti was a demon and now he is a hero to dem? Let me be clear , Chitti had a nice house and comfortable lifestyle. Dey keep saying how Chitti say how you cyan have fancy cyar lifestyle in donkey cart economy. Dat is true. But we don’t have donkey cyart economy no. Aint dat right Rumzi? In fact, we must get Charliescor to release how many fancy cyar and how many donkey cart in de country now. And who have it and who get duty free, no , maybe not de duty free part, but who have dem fancy cyar. So we have progressed but dey not telling you dat. And dat de Chitti Bang house and land at de economy he was in is de same like my house and land in dis massive economy we in.
President Rumzotar : In addition to what he just say, I agree. I also tink dat dey should not be tiefing our heroes from us. Why are dey not quoting Banham quotes and so. In fact, next ting will happen is dat we gun be playing clips of Banham and dey gun be playing clips of Chitta Bagan in de campaigns . Wait, what.. oh yes, we already doing dat right? But I agree wid what he say. And look it getting late and my knee hurting from all dat ass I been kicking since I was asked to kick some asses.
Mosquito : In closing, what parting shots would you leave wid us. Would you change your mind President Jabdeo?
President Jabdeo : Change my mind from what? Oh you mean dat all dat vote fuh change dat I would be de main back on de nomination list later on in de day. Yall have to wait and see but I want to contribute to a better Guyana and contribute to progress and dem kind of ting which does sound nice so I will continue to be vocal and stand up for my beliefs . Where deh dey? Bring dem on. I will debate all of dem at de same time or one on one.
President Rumzotar : In addition to what he say, I agree… I .. , okay, in addition to what he say, in de name of Bagan, please vote for me, I mean vote for we, I mean no no.. vote for our party and progress and so. And I tink is time fuh me really to go now because dis breeze up hey really really cold.
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