Apololgies to Ashley Boodhoo (and the other children) who were killed (and abused) by men like me

(Two men reportedly killed 9 year old Ashley Boodhoo and her grandmother and another man in the house in which Ashley lived with her siblings  and relatives.)

I am sorry Ashley that I only saw the headline about your death and did not read the story because it 'was another one'
 
I am sorry Ashley that two men like me killed you when you tried to find your mother.

I am sorry Ashley that as a man that I could not stop the men who went to kill you and your mother and grandmother

I am sorry Ashley that the reason I am writing this is that I am thinking of the children I know whose fathers are abusive.  I am sorry Ashley that I cannot stop the abuse by the men I know and the only thing I seem to do is to tell the children not to bother with the abuse, and to stop depending on their abusive fathers for love.


I am sorry Ashley that even though your mother used the justice system, it did not stop the man and his friend from killing you.

I am sorry Ashley that domestic violence is not serious anymore, that it has become sexed up and a platform for Beauty Pageants which like the media and the culture fuel the sexism and the hatred of women that make two men go and kill you.


I am sorry Ashley that in your community, it is probably easier to find liquor and churches  than it would be to find any other place to stop the violence.

I am sorry Ashley that I have forgotten the names of the other children who were killed by the men who were supposed to be like fathers, even as their neighbours heard their screams because 'it was normal to hear screams'.

I am sorry Ashley that I could not convince the Christian man in your neighbourhood who returned a child like you to her father and asked her to apologise to him. the Child ran away because the father is a violent man. I know you would have run away too if you could.

I am sorry Ashley that I am angry at the women who stayed with men who I begged them to leave and whose children now are dealing with the abuse.

I am sorry Ashley that there are children like you who have to buy liquor for their parents or face violence.

I am sorry Ashley that many children are learning to be violent and that this is normal , and turn the rage on each other rather than on the system which does not protect you.

I am sorry Ashley, that the few organisations which want to deal with domestic violence cannot find the money to do so or get cursed every time they try to speak out against the violence of popular persons or for not doing enough.

I am sorry Ashley that even if the men who killed you are brought to justice, there are other men out there thinking that they will kill the women who they supposed to love, and any child who comes in between.

I am sorry Ashley that the pandits, pastors, imams and others fuel the sexism, so that some children like you die slow deaths. I am sorry Ashley that I have not been able to silence them.



I am sorry Ashley that other children have grown up and in their messed up ness of family etc have had to love and worship their abusive fathers and mothers and some have become like them.

I am sorry Ashley that I will forget about you as I have forgotten about the others because that is the only way to deal with trauma.

I am sorry Ashley that there will no meaning in your death for me.