Strawberry Festival and recrero in stupid defiance..

Wake up and body is stiff and sugar is 120. Surya namaskar is painful but some celebration after two days of not doing it, it feels good to get through.. though the litheness. A mental note to take diclofenac because it is going to be a busy week.

Busy morning in the kitchen. A request for information comes in and another and another and it is good, one is a bit complex to reply to but some coherence is given.

Going market and not buying the fried mid-morning road side.. walking past the delicious puri and fish cake and the salt fish and bake after eating oats in the morning...
Buy banana and orange and think good value.

Restlessness, cravings.. and second walk into the area again.. I do not know how addicts feel or how withdrawal symptoms are.  And I go and I buy two (small packs) of Festival Strawberry thinking of the former loved one who liked strawberry and who I used to gift strawberry to.. and recrero for the fake chocolate.

I fool myself into thinking that it is only two lil packs.. not the big pack I had the last flood day.

And so the crunch and the sweetness and then afterwards feeling nice but also a bit sick in the stomach.. mind and body at war.

So if I die soon, I would have enjoyed this. I am not drunk or stoned I think smugly.

But if I do not die soon, I will have to purge all this and try to manage through resisting sweetness. Or finding sweetness in safe things.

But those small packets of festival cookies are so cute.. only four.. nothing wrong , is just a lil bit.. a lil taste and another one and another one and another one.

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