9 tings dat I do fuh like/love/lust..

Listening to love music on the bus and then remembering journeys taken to see loved ones and thinking of the things I did for love/like/lust .. one of the joys of being and wanting to remain happily single is being able to fall in like/love/lust without any expectation of relationship but having connections which work.. but  even being happily single, when the connections are severed for whatever reason there is still sadness..



1. Read
First loved one liked Marcel Proust.. had the whole collection of works. I never read Proust.  I have read draft essays, emails professing love and frustration at the distance and chat messages and text messages and books sent my way on topics which had no interest before I fell in love.. and reading only one chapter of the book or reading the whole book and being surprised that I like it.. and keeping some books
because of the notes in them from people long gone .. and also falling in like/lust/love with people who do not like reading .. anything..

2. Sing
And singing in places because I know that it was possible to connect with the singers who I  like/lust/love .. singing even though I can't sing.. and also thinking I can push boundaries .. but not only singing.. but also music generally.. and getting a message to ask what I think about xyz music and finding myself listening to a range of music which I might not have listened to and also liking the music and listening to the music long after the liked/loved/lusted one is gone 

3. Dance
Remembering another liked/loved/lusted one watching from the side of the dance floor.. and dancing because they watching, and also dancing with another liked/loved/lusted one who wanted protection and dancing in another place.. even though we could not dance really but then who says you need to know to dance to dance?
 


4. Write
 Writing.. emails rejecting and begging and explaining and saying sorry , sometimes without meaning it and also saying'' no you do not have to apologise'; Writing.. collaboration things because the time of writing is shared and hearing 'we wrote' was nice'; almost writing a whole chapter in a book once but damned life intervened so the chapter was not written.. writing things in the hope that the liked/loved/lusted ones will read and see even if they do not say anything..
Writing journals with the stupidity of the loss of the connection.. and the joys of reconnection where those happened

5. Pray
Attending prayer events.. "you come to my mandir ..  " and I go the mandir.. even though I have no mandir to offer in return. Going to prayer events where I know the liked/loved/lusted one would be even if I make no connection as a way of making peace with the loss of what might have been. Praying for the loved/liked/lusted ones .. including those that do not believe in prayer or in God.

6. Let Go
Letting go from the beginning when you know that this will not go anywhere.. making space and having distance and disconnecting after the liked/loved/lusted one moves on; letting go which might seem pushing away at times.. and then of course also thinking that you let go when you have not really let go..


7. Embrace
Embracing.. hugging.. the spontaneous hugs and embraces from liked/loved/lusted ones - the embraces after the 'We finished'.. the embraces in actions, words and deeds... shaking hands which used to hold as a way of being polite still.. 
But Embrace.. all the time



8. Listen

Listening as an art.. hearing 'I can tell you anything'.. and encouraging the talk.. using the counselling skills and encouraging the disclosure and so. Listening which requires understanding.. and also not listening and trying to say.. no, I cannot listen anymore since my mind is on other things.. and listening to hear ' you are easy to talk to '..



9. Thrive 
Laughing .. and creating laughter.. hearing 'you are crazy'. Joys of connecting, sorrow at disconnecting, joy at finding the suitable place where the connection with the liked/loved/lusted one is a good one; joy at realising that it is okay that even if the connections are no more and hope that those connections which were severed in distress could be fixed and then broken again.. but then not so much broken as having some kind of thread which does not make it seem that it was all in vain. Thriving in laughing at the times when I lost my self and understanding desperation and realising that every liked/loved/lusted one did teach something.