Helping as a selfish thing

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I walk down the road and hear a lady calling.. she been begging as long as I been walking down the road.. and she always want a help .. she been through several pregnancies, and probably knows Georgetown all over.  I glad she looks healthy.. must be all that walking and stress free life. 

I pass like I aint hear.. and then think shucks, is Navratra.. I should give my $20 to her and go along my sanctimonious way.  But I already walk far and in the evening I will keep going to the mandir and praying and singing and so on.

This helping thing - many people want to help and volunteer and speak up for the voiceless and so on. In the early days of the work against domestic violence and child abuse, some of the women taught me that I should never "speak for the voiceless", but rather use my privilege to give the voice to the 'voiceless'.

And really and truly, the work was not about doing two or three hours a week of volunteering or charity when it was my birthday, but rather helping is something which should be done when a person or group of persons needed help.

A youngster talked about wanting to join an organisation and help people. I tried to explain that you do not really need to belong to an organisation.   

I thought of some of the lessons I have learned about helping.

Ways of Helping

Many persons like the idea of the counselling - taking over people's lives, finding out their business and . Patricia Adams was one of my counselling trainers  and she had shared a handout with Helping Strategies.

Helping Strategies

1. Giving direct assistance - money, shelter,
2. Giving indirect assistance - money to organisations working on the issue, help person to look for a job, bank loan, information - referrals, 
3. Giving advice - what you would do if you were that person.. not always recommended since more harm can be caused if the person's story is not known
4. Giving a non-judgemental ear - counselling, working through options
5. Changing the world - advocacy, dealing with the issues which cause the persons' problems

Expect no thanks, no reward , no recognition

Generally, we do say thanks when someone helps us. However, I have learned that the purest form of helping does not expect any reward, obligation or even recognition.  Many persons get lost in the 'ungrateful' wretch, or feel bad when the help or charity which they have given does not seem to have been acknowledged or used. I have felt bad when I did not get the reciprocity I expected from people I helped . All the time though, I remember that there should be no expectation of any kind of reward or recognition. At the same time , I know that the Universe has a way of working as help has come to me in random ways from unexpected sources who have not asked for anything in return.

I admire persons who do their work and refuse recognition and limelight which is not about the issues which are being dealt with. 

 

Helping as a selfish thing

I feel good most times when I am helping people. It is easier to help some people than it is to help others. I also do not feel guilty when I cannot help. Limitations arise - this might be due to limitations of time or spiritual energy.  I rarely help with money. Some of the things I want to help with - like job applications, referrals for literacy and remedial education,   counselling for relationships - people do not want. Sometimes I would like to know if the help I provided has been useful - not thanks. I like when I help people who I do not know. I also like when I am helped and I am upset when I am not helped especially by people who I think would help me.  

I also have to be careful when helping some people, because they never admit that they are in need of help and the power/imbalance thing between helper and helpee has to be levelled off.

I do not like when people take photographs of themselves 'helping the less fortunate'.  Many persons have temporary problems, and any one of us could be in those problems as well. A lot of the persons we help are not less fortunate than us. 

However, if my helping brings me new opportunities to learn, or an idea that I might be paving my stones to heaven, I cannot judge anyone who wants to pose with the poor or others who they  help to get some satisfaction about how wonderful they are.