Rising against rape - International Women's Day 2014

"I was four years old and 36 years later, it still hurts, I still remember" - rape survivor at Promenade Gardens

I was nervous about going to the walk. I could not sleep the night before and woke up early. And read this article here which talked about feminist dissent. I accept that there are many paths to God, but it is difficult, understanding that many women choose different paths to their own liberation , some of which might liberate them but still oppress others.

I tend to stay away from IWD events.. to avoid these controversies of celebration vs protest, and not to offend any hosts if I have to get up to walk out on the anti-women women and men who might be given prominence.

The walk was about rape. I know I am walking because the women who organised the walk are committed to breaking the silence around rape. The walk was also about healing.. something which we don't talk much about in Guyana.

The silence about rape is not only about shaming the victims, but also.. about saying to the victim ow.. forgive your rapist.. marry your rapist because like he like yuh, or do your duty as a wife.. submit to whatever he wants to do and pray.  So healing is even more difficult since many victims have to live with and sometimes care for their rapists when they might want to kill them.

I am nervous about going to the walk because of the  anger at the injustice that rapists are rarely convicted or even sanctioned. I am horrified at how some of the survivors have to keep facing their rapists and pretending as though nothing was wrong. I am horrified how some scriptural thing about forgiveness is used to prevent justice. I think how the Police Commissioner rapist was allowed to stay on as commissioner,  and how people had to keep cussing so that the doctor rapist was removed from a trusted position - and how many people disagreed that the doctor rapist should be punished because.. well he was a good doctor and saved lives; and that the woman went "willingly" with the Police Commissioner so it was not an abuse of power.

I also nervous because I know the  organisers of CAR and me - we have disagreements about protests.. and political protests and confronting the politicians who support rapists and who do nothing to enforce the laws.


Rape culture in Guyana.  Rape culture, in the advertisements, in the conditioning of men and boys, in the homophobia , in the music and in the apathy towards shifting any of it. Rape culture in the pastors and pandits and imams preaching that if the woman is good and covered up and virtuous, nothing bad will happen. And if she is covered up and raped, then she probably did something in this life or a previous  life.

Rape culture in the belief that men have no control over their sexual desires and that men harassing, threatening women and girls, is part of God's law about procreation and that viagra is necessary when erections no longer are possible.



I was offered a tee shirt but saw the Ansa McAl ad on it. I handed back the shirt because  Ansa McAl in my mind is one of the proponents of Rape Culture - their advertisements and marketing of their beer products - the 'girls', the unrestrained advertising to children, the 'It's a man's world, its a man's beer  .  And the liquor industry is clever in Guyana, with their multiple products -  they brand events differently. So Smalta for the anti-rape walks.. Carib, Stag, Mackeson to remind men and boys who is in charge (small text about real men dont' hit women notwithstanding) and to nurture the culture of rape.

I felt uncomfortable because I did not want to offend the CAR organisers.  I gaffed with one of the women  who was waiting to march . She  said yep.. she knows what I am talking about as she often wondered herself.. she sat at karoke and wondered why they had to have skimpily clad women sell their beer products.

Some other women said , take the money and do good with it. And one thing I have been reading today, International Women's Day.. is that there are going to be different ways in which women work on equality.

Men and boys are raped..
Earlier in the week, a young man had disclosed about being raped as a child. One thing I wanted to tell the women at CAR, it is okay you know.. for women to talk about rape and to protest rape without having to talk about men and boys as victims of rape. There is something, about the minimizing of women's experience of rape because.. you know, it happens to us too.


There was a girl sharing out the headbands . I took one without reading the slogan. The Universe does kick me in the spirit many times.
The slogan was 'Men are Raped'.


Earlier this week, another man talked about a 'gay who get bruk out by his big brother'.. about the cycle in the family.

Some other men and boys do not ever get to talk  . Many of the people who abuse children and violate others were themselves abused as children.

It is up to us men to work with the women  to bring rapists to justice and to prevent rape. What women have done, is lead the way in breaking the silences and men now have to learn.. to support the men and boys who have been raped and to confront the homophobia, the sexism which does not allow those men and women who molest and rape other men and boys to get justice.

And so I walked with the headband...

Photo cropped from one by Amanda Richards

Silence
The organisers wanted a march which protested the silence around rape.

I put the masking tape on my mouth.. and now I also think now of other  silences. The silences for politeness.

I wanted to rush up to the beauty queen with her sash.. Take off that Sash.. or get a sash like yours for every single woman in this walk which proclaims the wearer as a  queen.. Don't you understand I screamed in my head, how the 'beauty with a purpose' discriminates against women who are not 'beautiful', women with disabilities, girls with children, young women who might have chosen to have their babies instead of aborting them? But some of the participants in the beauty pageants said that they got opportunities to learn and to think of themselves as beautiful.. even if the public laughed at their grammar and the way they walk and talk and their body parts do not suit the ideals. 

And when my sister from CADVA hails me up.. and I see the Tee Shirt and I wondered whether it would be appropriate to talk about the   One Billion Rising controversies;   how to honour you sister for wanting to do something about rape and violence while trying to ask you to think carefully about who is joining with you and who might be funding you.

I see some abusers and rapists participate in walks and protests and I have to consider my own hypocrisy as well in walking with them.   And while my silences are minor compared to the silences enforced on survivors of rape.. don't talk, don't break family trust, don't shame yourself - I wonder how many of us ,men, walk around with masking tape on our mouths all the time?


Masking tape which stops us from challenging other men's sexism and not speaking out against injustices when confronted with them.

Sexually Molested And Raped Twice
Nicole talked about SMART and the experience of rape. She spoke about the importance of PEP and its availability. A lot of persons are not aware about PEP. I know that one thing that bothers me is that as a control , the PEP is available after a police report. Many rape victims do not want to go near a police station . I  hope that Nicole and others will be able to offer the PEP with or without the police report.


There was something about how Colleen and the other organisers  had to be helping with the speakers and microphones.. a kind of solidarity and support. So many times, survivors of rape talk about feeling alone and while I know it is possible to feel alone in a crowd, solidarity happens in many ways.

 Understand Rape
Nicolette talked about the experience of rape and how the victims are affected.

The presentation highlighted how the victims feel and how difficult it is to heal.

It is not always easy to talk about these things and the raw emotions were clear.

I believe that it is okay for rape survivors to cry and to cuss, to be angry when they have to. The shaming and silencing forbids crying too.

He Raped Me

Indranie read a poem called 'He raped me'.  These kinds of poems are not often read in public places, even if they are written.


Indian women especially, are not encouraged to share these experiences publicly.

For me, coolie man, I felt good, that an Indian woman was sharing this poem here.
  This is the poem Indranee read (shared 10 March, 2014)




"He Raped Me!


My silent screams in the night were muffled by his determined plight
I screamed, I yelled, at the top of my lungs
But yet, but yet, no sound could come!
I cradled my legs after he left, He took the only thing I had that was worth to be left, He stole it, He stole my Life
He took my dignity, He took my Pride! I feel like dirt, I feel like scorn, I feel like the lonest on the ground
I want to yell! I want to scream, He Raped Me! He Raped Me is what I'd scream, but if only shock and silence weren't so keen
Oh I'm only feeling I am feeling unclean. I did call my best friend Jean
I did call the Police just to scream, He Raped Me! He Raped Me now what does my life mean? "






Real men..  

Quincy is one of the litigants in the cross dressing case.  Quincy's head band had "I said no" - a reminder that No means No. I was glad to see Quincy there.

One of the roots of sexism is homophobia. Some cynics would say.. homophobia is what some men feel when they think other men will treat them the way they treat women.

Raquel talked about corrective rape - the belief that lesbians need a 'good' man to cure them, or that any woman who moves out of the stereotype 'want play man' and needs punishment to move back. 

This thing though, about all kinds of ways of being a woman. Men who transition to female terrify the men who are sexist because they are being the most transgressive. Transgendered women are targets of violence all over the world.

My own politics though, I still have difficulty when male to female transgender persons subscribe to sexist notions of what female should be like and when I hear things like "he is gorgeous.. looks more beautiful than a real woman, or that my friend with breasts.. breasts bigger than this woman'  I often wonder whether challenging the gender stereotypes just ends up reinforcing them and how much more consciousness has to be raised. While this is happening though, I do not believe anyone should be blamed for being a victim of any kind of violence or discrimination.

The organisers said thanks to the Real Men. It was good to see the young men there, and I walked remembering a friend from a decade ago who I used to joke with that he joined the women's movement because he found 'feminists to be hot' .

One of the young men apologised for men's behaviour. I wanted to say to him,, what the hell.. I don't want you to apologise for me, I want you to confront me when I being sexist, I want you to prevent me from raping and hurting others, I want you to hold me accountable if I am in a political position responsible for ensuring gender equality and not doing anything; I want you to ensure that I face the law if I rape and harass anyone.


I believe in equality for women and men. That don't make me a saint though.. in 2013 one woman was hurt badly by my behaviour which she said was masculinist and abusive; another woman found out I had cheated on her and an email I caused another woman great difficulty. And there are other women who I have pissed off. And this thing about respecting women, I can't respect women who abuse children, and who hold on to their religious views to oppress others. I can't respect women in power who reinforce patriarchy and injustice. I can't respect women who oppress other men and women in the name of their religion, political party, whatever.

When I heard the thanks to the men who were there.. I wanted to say no no.. no need to thank us.. we are where we are supposed to be.. and rather Thank You.. for giving us the opportunity to liberate ourselves from having to support the abuse of women to prove we are men.

Healing

CAR ended the event with the symbolic burning of the hurts and the anger.. with letting go of fear. This was the first public event I had ever attended which gave a space for people to not be ashamed of their experiences of rape.
Thinking of the fire too, of the Rasta woman who hollered at me during the week that she aint accepting no lesbian behaviour near her because God put fyah pun sodom and gomorrah. And I hear de Ansa McAl fuelled deejays wid their fyah pun chichi man and so on.

The masking tape has fallen off. So yeah, fyah bun pun all rapists and the men and women and judges and police and magistrate who do not want them to be punished. fyah bun. pun de men who feel up women and girls because they think it is okay, fyah bun pun de  singer who kicking in back door and who dont like woman who sit down and lazy and who should stand up ben ovah .. and thinking of the women who following the man commands..

In the minibus coming home, the conductor is a woman and the driver and a man in the front seat playing the music. The kick in she back door come on and I start another argument .. no time for compassion. A woman in the bus said she does not listen or hear the lyrics.

 The conductor said that she works with the driver and the owner of the bus, she has no say in the music they play.