9 nice times on Tuesday

Purnima. Full moon in the Hindu month. I know there is no correlation between the moods and the moon.

The dark clouds hover though. The morning Skype goes well with a bit of struggle. The other commands and quarrels and memories of the things I cannot change become overwhelming again. I know that they say you have to find new ways of looking at things and then it will be good.

There is no warning really of when the clouds will come.. no forecast.  Some fitful sleep nights . I keep anticipating the damned itching again and I start holding things with cloth to make sure.

1. A man I know sends a chat and I call and talk to him. It is a bit difficult to carry on the conversation but a way of keeping some contact.I feel nice that I can do that.
2. I lie on the bed and do not want to go out. There is no sleep really and the stomach feels puffy from the bad eating.  There is restlessness which yoga could sometimes help with, but you need an empty stomach to do yoga.  The sun is hot on the bed, thankfully. No curtains or air conditioning . I raise up off the bed to put on clothes to go out. Some errands to run. I feel nice  that I can not succumb.
3. As I walk down the road, I stop thinking and feel the sun on my skin. They say focus on the present and still the thoughts. Meditation is recommended. I have to be careful because in focussing on stopping thoughts, I could lose concentration on the road. It has happened before. The sun feels nice.
4. I pass the ice cream shop and go in. The lady asks if I want chocolate nuts and the chocolate syrup on top. I say yes definitely. I know, the sugar is bad..  but to hell with it. The owner though asks.. do you go to church with sister phyllis? It is funny.. I laugh .. of all the connections....    so we start talking about church, and the people we know.. who go to church, and domestic violence, and love and marriage and I finish the ice cream and lick the chocolate syrup bits from the side of the bowl. I feel really nice
5. The next errand cannot be done but I do not feel so bad. The sugar is working. The bus man coming home starts talking about how Christmas not special any more.. Christmas is every day for him because he could eat pepper pot, anything he want any time. He try an ital today he said, but .. he cyan mek ital even though it had nuff nuff ting.  He said he hadn't seen me a long time on TV. I laff and seh man that is good, i have work to do. I feel nice that laughter can be shared like this.
6. I come home. I want to binge eat still. I try not to. I cannot do the yoga because stomach is full. I have to go out again.. it is not so bad. It is breezy now and the breeze feels nice. 
7. Walking around the art gallery - the drawing competition. It is good, I am talking in Spanglish with a newcomer to Guyana who is learning English and wants to learn more art. The spanish comes back.. it is interesting - hearing about shadows, lines,.. the clouds are there.. but not so heavy. Another wonderful woman who is helpful also makes me laugh.. I feel nice. Shared laughter is good.
8. I meet a woman in the niceness of the Spanglish. She is very smart . She starts to tell me about some of my previous associates. I try not to feel overwhelmed by thinking I had created a monster. I want to stop talking to her.. to say no, I do not want to hear. I focus on now. I say.. "I hope things resolve" and  in a tone which says that I do not really want to hear. I feel nice that I could do that.   There are old feelings of sadness which come up but I am glad that I am able to suppress those. It is strange though because I have to also focus on Spanish so focusing on the past and the present becomes a bit of a war. I feel nice as I walk away. Another man asks me about the past association and I start to smile to myself at these karmic jokes which says.. no no.. you sinner.. every time you want to forget , you will remember. Like the night before when I was glad to be in warm company and me eye and one of my former loved one eye mek four and we both looked away. I feel nice though that I do not feel the same pains as before so it will become easier to face the looking away.
9. I come home. Taxi man talks about one thing happening after another to him. I know.. how that feels but how sometimes you have to look at things differently and take one thing at a time. The clouds are there but not holding me down.  Some things can be changed if I have the energy and courage to change them.  I have some more sugar and watch crap TV.  I feel nice. For now anyways.