Confessions of a Mask : Yukio Mishima (1958)
I read a good part of this book while standing in line at the bank for about an hour or so. There were many moments to giggle. There is humour here.. only of course the macabre can be seen to be funny.
Mishima's character has no name. He is a child during World War II and as he grows, he realises he has homosexual desires.. desires which involve the image of St Sebastian. The story follows him as he speaks from behind the mask. Some of his fantasies are pretty violent.. and absurd. The book is translated.
Our protagonist in his room looking at pictures of sculptures..
"That day, the instant I looked upon the picture, my entire being trembled with some pagan joy. My blood soared up; my loins swelled as though in wrath.. Some time passed and then, with miserable feelings I looked around the desk I was facing....this was my first ejaculation. It was also the beginning, clumsy and unpremeditated of my bad habit"
The mask and masquerade includes pretending to smoke and drink; and also pretending to be in love with Sonoko, a girl who gets married but with whom he continues a relationship of sorts.
"Moreover, from this relationship, I was cunningly extracting an immoral delight, which only I could understand, My immorality was a subtle one, going even a step beyond the ordinary vices of the world, and like an exquisite poison, it was pure corruption. Since immorality was the very basis and first principle of my nature I found an all the more truly fiendish flavour of secret sin in my virtuous behaviour, in this blameless relationship with a woman, in my honourable conduct and in being regarded as a man of lofty principles."
Our protagonist thinks a lot of death and dying but says 'but when the air raid sirens sound I am the first to run for the shelters... "
The book will be enjoyed by those who are cynical about living, and loving.
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