21 reasons I know I am in love..

Sunday morning. December running out. 2013 running out. Fabulous forties fading too fast. I am in love and I love and so on and how I know is because love is...

1. love is laughing at the memories of long conversations and arguments with  the much younger woman.. who now married and whose pictures and comments still make you smile without any pangs
2. love is cussing  the man who sleeps nowhere and everywhere who works when he wants and who comes at all hours to ask for money, salt, matches , whatever ; and then giving him what he wants after you done cuss him
3. love is feeling irritated and overwhelmed at the woman's intense postings and messages about social issues even as you know she is doing that in her own way of dealing with her mental health issues and then feeling bad when she tells people how wonderful she thinks your work is
4. love is watching the wonderful woman who terrifies you and inspires you "like" your stuff on facebook and writing stuff which you think she would approve of
5. love is the closing off conversation with a loved one who calls from a far to talk about their new love relationships and to seek advice .. love is realising that it finally done and being happy.
6. love is remembering the long conversations in the night with a loved one who you knew you not going to have any relationship with anyways; and after years of pulling close and pushing away,  seeing the phone number on your phone and hanging up because you aint able no more with the push away/pull close even though you would not mind one more long conversation to close things off forever ; love is when you think that it done forever, there is an email or some contact that raises hope again that it not over even though you know it is a stupid cycle and the time between those emails and contacts gets longer and longer and you are scared of the time when you realise that it really finally done even though you been wanting that too
7. love is "unfriending" the loved ones  as a way not to stalk them and to let go of them even though the mutal friends posts ensure that at least once a week you see the posts and pictures and you feel the pangs and feel glad that they okay while trying to do the new agey thing of saying at least you were once part of the happiness. Love is celebrating every day that you do not creep their facebook pages even though you have unfriended them
8. love is watching the lizards in the rubbish bin and in the fruit bowl and on the table going for the cake and cleaning their mess and missing them when you don't see them around and not having the heart to wish them dead even though they might be spreading germs and messing up all over the place.
9. love is  not liking the posts of the  the woman who still has you as frend on facebook even though she passes you straight; and you wondering at life  as you go back through the pictures and see you and her hugging up plenty times
10. love is the surprise at the amazing man who you spend a lot of time arguing with and who you like immensely tell you if you were a woman he would have wanted to have a relationship with you and that his girlfriend inspires him the same way that you do
11. love is carefully managing the connections with the friends you have intense crushes on so that you don't cross any lines or create awkwardness. Love is being able to cuss and forgive the same friends when they don't meet your expectations. Love is also trying to deal nicely with the people who have crushes on you and who then cuss you because you not fulfilling their expectations
12. love is not being able to say no to the dimples and the smile and the head patting when you know you supposed to be a mature adult reinforcing discipline and so on
13. love is deep laughter at unexpected times with all kinds of people 
14. love is understanding that even though you feel deep love and enjoy the time together, that the sex will not be mind blowing because well, some people have different sexual needs. love is listening to the loved ones talk about their times having great sex and the people they had it with and encouraging them to go find them and have fun
15. love is wishing that you could have great sex with the people you feel deep love with and enjoy the time together with and not feeling bad when you know it would not happen
16. love is listening to someone you just cuddled with talk about how much they love their ex and missing them and so on and them telling you what a wonderful listener you are; love is listening to another loved one cry about loving someone who treating them like crap and the loved one telling you how glad they are to be your friend
17. love is trying to find ways to un love and undo and not feel stupid when you realise the images you created did not exist even as you try to preserve and sustain those images
18. love is being able to work with the woman who had undermined your professionalism in the past but for whom Karma come back. Love is feeling bad after saying no to the woman whose friend molests children and who continues to give him power to do so.
19. love is asking the only man who pointed a gun to your head and asked you if you wanted him to kill you if his back is okay and if his head is okay and so on as you still remember the gun and the look in the eyes
20. love is cussing the politicians on facebook and then feeling a lil twinge when you know the politicians' children are on facebook with you
21. love is according to bell hooks, the ability to spiritually nurture and be spiritually nurtured ..  

yeah right..