Loving homophobes on IDAHOT 2013
(Edited 17 May, 2016 )
Friday May 17th was International Day against Homophobia and Transphobia and it was a good time to reflect on the love I feel for all the homophobes around me.
Just as sexual orientation and gender identity and so on are on spectra, I realised, that shoots, all my homophobic lovers are also on a spectrum too and since I have nowhere to go in life.. I thought of this nice spectrum.. from White to Deep Pink.
White is the symbol of purity we hear.. so the purest homophobe is the Crusader Homophobe. The crusader is out to preserve morality and family values, and normalcy. Some will beat up gay men and rape lesbians, or chase them out of the way. Some Crusader Homophobes will chase out homosexuals and those who defend them..and Fyah Bun is a frequent call of the righteous Crusader. Responding to a crusader homophobe with love is different, because throwing flowers from a safe distance is more difficult than pelting back stones.
The Victim Homophobe now is the one who feels threatened by gay rights and marriage equality . The Victim Homophobe feels under threat that they will not be able to say homosexuality is a sin and that they will not be able to discriminate. Where are the rights of families and Christians and heterosexuals they ask? Responding to Victim Homophobes with love requires counselling skills, grief counselling as the Victim Homophobe realises that they are losing power and they fear the change as they let go of their hatred. Responding to the Victim Homophobe with love also means praying with them and showing that you can still pray and that they can still say that homosexuality is a sin.. but not reminding them that less and less people are believing them.
The Lover homophobe loves homosexuals and does not want them beaten or killed, or else there would be nobody to save. The Lover Homophobe says Jesus/God Loves homosexuals but not homosexuality. The Lover Homophobe sometimes becomes a Victim Homophobe but perseveres. Responding to the lover homophobe with love means saying that homophobes are also loved and that they too can change and there are many ex-homophobes out there. It might mean organising support groups for them too.
The Gay for Pay homophobe is market oriented. The Gay for Pay homophobe will work with homosexuals, deal with homosexual clients once the money is right. When hearing about Gay Pride Parades, they will ask.. how much is the booth? When asked if they will picket the parliament or join in a protest, they will say how they are busy but they sympathise with the cause. Responding to the gay for pay homophobe with love means ensuring that the service delivery is top notch, and that there is no overpricing.
The Customer homophobe loves their gay haidrdresser or dress designer. The Customer homophobe loves to watch drag shows and thinks drag queens are hilariously funny. The Customer homophobe will then go to Church the next day and not challenge the pastor speaking about the evil lifestyles of the hairdresser. The Customer homophobe thinks that all gay men know how to dress women ; or for male Customer Homophobes, they think all lesbians are hot and just want a good man and they like to watch lesbian pornographic movies. They do not like marriage equality because it will upset everything. Customer homophobes resent good looking gay men or sexy lesbians for not being available to them. Responding to customer homophobes with love is ensuring that they get good value for money, and that you get their dirty secrets while you doing their hair so you could keep to blackmail them with later.
The Fren homophobe says they have gay frens. However, the fren homophobe will say that homosexuality is a sin and they have their own views and will not stand up for gay rights. They however enjoy the company of their gay frens and like to laugh and so on. An evolved form of the Lover Homophobe, the Fren Homophobe will not join in any pickets or petitions for gay rights.. because 'they have their own values and respect the values of others' When challenged about these contradictions, the fren homophobe will feel upset and offended and stop being a fren and say that you do not understand their position. Responding to the fren homophobe with love is........
The Tolerant homophobes say they have no problems with homosexuals , as long as they are not around them. They do not want any discriminatory laws changed though because that might just make everybody gay and the tolerant homophobes are already tolerating enough stupidness and do not want to imagine expanding their capacity for tolerance. Responding to the tolerant homophobes with love means letting them know that you understand them,that you too have a low tolerance for stupidness and that it better than being a crusading homophobe.
The tolerant homophobe might manifest in another way. They might pose with rainbow flags and with known homosexuals and talk about what others can do to deal with homophobia, but not what changes they have made in their own organisations or lives to deal with homophobia. It is easy to love these kinds of homophobes. They want others to change but reinforce prejudices which do not get the same attention of the American, British , Canadians, Europeans like racism and sexism for example.
The Saviour Homophobes believe homosexuals should have rights but they should also behave in a certain way. They like to speak for 'vulnerable communities' and 'most at risk populations' and they lament how the MSMs are always fighting between themselves and they are their own worst enemy. They have many horror stories to share which they whisper with their donor friends and NGO colleagues.. of how money was stolen and how the MSMs are violent and how the lesbians are scary and how they do not want to develop.
Sentiments like "they would remain worse off if we chose to do nothing at all... They are damn lucky that we are choosing to intervene and help, rather than leave them to their own peril" are often used. Conflicts between the saviour homophobes and any of the upstart homosexuals result in the upstart homosexuals being excluded from activities and the organisations and being blamed and labelled. Sometimes the saviour homophobes end up using the homophobic state agents like the police to deal with other upstart homosexuals
Sometimes, the saviour homophobes themselves identify as L or G or B or T or ( pretend to be) because the attention is nice and there could be a nice feeling of grounding and improving of street creds. Responding to the Saviour homophobe with love is difficult.. it might mean shutting your mouth because the saviour homophobe has access to power and resources which you need later to survive.
The deep Pink is the ex-homophobe. The ex-homophobe realises that LGBT are diverse and might come to their own consciousness through experiences with different LGBT. The ex-homophobe might make their peace with former adversaries and LGBT people who they cuss up, but then they become scared of them. and they too become scared of being targeted by their homophobic friends but might donate some cash to the picket or rally. They stop viewing upstart homosexuals as threats and find ways of engaging with the upstarts.
Responding the ex-homophobe with love means saying 'wow' and then not gloating or pushing to find out what happen because you might push the ex-homophobe backwards towards the pure white of spectrum.
Friday May 17th was International Day against Homophobia and Transphobia and it was a good time to reflect on the love I feel for all the homophobes around me.
Just as sexual orientation and gender identity and so on are on spectra, I realised, that shoots, all my homophobic lovers are also on a spectrum too and since I have nowhere to go in life.. I thought of this nice spectrum.. from White to Deep Pink.
White is the symbol of purity we hear.. so the purest homophobe is the Crusader Homophobe. The crusader is out to preserve morality and family values, and normalcy. Some will beat up gay men and rape lesbians, or chase them out of the way. Some Crusader Homophobes will chase out homosexuals and those who defend them..and Fyah Bun is a frequent call of the righteous Crusader. Responding to a crusader homophobe with love is different, because throwing flowers from a safe distance is more difficult than pelting back stones.
The Victim Homophobe now is the one who feels threatened by gay rights and marriage equality . The Victim Homophobe feels under threat that they will not be able to say homosexuality is a sin and that they will not be able to discriminate. Where are the rights of families and Christians and heterosexuals they ask? Responding to Victim Homophobes with love requires counselling skills, grief counselling as the Victim Homophobe realises that they are losing power and they fear the change as they let go of their hatred. Responding to the Victim Homophobe with love also means praying with them and showing that you can still pray and that they can still say that homosexuality is a sin.. but not reminding them that less and less people are believing them.
The Lover homophobe loves homosexuals and does not want them beaten or killed, or else there would be nobody to save. The Lover Homophobe says Jesus/God Loves homosexuals but not homosexuality. The Lover Homophobe sometimes becomes a Victim Homophobe but perseveres. Responding to the lover homophobe with love means saying that homophobes are also loved and that they too can change and there are many ex-homophobes out there. It might mean organising support groups for them too.
The Gay for Pay homophobe is market oriented. The Gay for Pay homophobe will work with homosexuals, deal with homosexual clients once the money is right. When hearing about Gay Pride Parades, they will ask.. how much is the booth? When asked if they will picket the parliament or join in a protest, they will say how they are busy but they sympathise with the cause. Responding to the gay for pay homophobe with love means ensuring that the service delivery is top notch, and that there is no overpricing.
The Customer homophobe loves their gay haidrdresser or dress designer. The Customer homophobe loves to watch drag shows and thinks drag queens are hilariously funny. The Customer homophobe will then go to Church the next day and not challenge the pastor speaking about the evil lifestyles of the hairdresser. The Customer homophobe thinks that all gay men know how to dress women ; or for male Customer Homophobes, they think all lesbians are hot and just want a good man and they like to watch lesbian pornographic movies. They do not like marriage equality because it will upset everything. Customer homophobes resent good looking gay men or sexy lesbians for not being available to them. Responding to customer homophobes with love is ensuring that they get good value for money, and that you get their dirty secrets while you doing their hair so you could keep to blackmail them with later.
The Fren homophobe says they have gay frens. However, the fren homophobe will say that homosexuality is a sin and they have their own views and will not stand up for gay rights. They however enjoy the company of their gay frens and like to laugh and so on. An evolved form of the Lover Homophobe, the Fren Homophobe will not join in any pickets or petitions for gay rights.. because 'they have their own values and respect the values of others' When challenged about these contradictions, the fren homophobe will feel upset and offended and stop being a fren and say that you do not understand their position. Responding to the fren homophobe with love is........
The Tolerant homophobes say they have no problems with homosexuals , as long as they are not around them. They do not want any discriminatory laws changed though because that might just make everybody gay and the tolerant homophobes are already tolerating enough stupidness and do not want to imagine expanding their capacity for tolerance. Responding to the tolerant homophobes with love means letting them know that you understand them,that you too have a low tolerance for stupidness and that it better than being a crusading homophobe.
The tolerant homophobe might manifest in another way. They might pose with rainbow flags and with known homosexuals and talk about what others can do to deal with homophobia, but not what changes they have made in their own organisations or lives to deal with homophobia. It is easy to love these kinds of homophobes. They want others to change but reinforce prejudices which do not get the same attention of the American, British , Canadians, Europeans like racism and sexism for example.
The Saviour Homophobes believe homosexuals should have rights but they should also behave in a certain way. They like to speak for 'vulnerable communities' and 'most at risk populations' and they lament how the MSMs are always fighting between themselves and they are their own worst enemy. They have many horror stories to share which they whisper with their donor friends and NGO colleagues.. of how money was stolen and how the MSMs are violent and how the lesbians are scary and how they do not want to develop.
Sentiments like "they would remain worse off if we chose to do nothing at all... They are damn lucky that we are choosing to intervene and help, rather than leave them to their own peril" are often used. Conflicts between the saviour homophobes and any of the upstart homosexuals result in the upstart homosexuals being excluded from activities and the organisations and being blamed and labelled. Sometimes the saviour homophobes end up using the homophobic state agents like the police to deal with other upstart homosexuals
Sometimes, the saviour homophobes themselves identify as L or G or B or T or ( pretend to be) because the attention is nice and there could be a nice feeling of grounding and improving of street creds. Responding to the Saviour homophobe with love is difficult.. it might mean shutting your mouth because the saviour homophobe has access to power and resources which you need later to survive.
The deep Pink is the ex-homophobe. The ex-homophobe realises that LGBT are diverse and might come to their own consciousness through experiences with different LGBT. The ex-homophobe might make their peace with former adversaries and LGBT people who they cuss up, but then they become scared of them. and they too become scared of being targeted by their homophobic friends but might donate some cash to the picket or rally. They stop viewing upstart homosexuals as threats and find ways of engaging with the upstarts.
Responding the ex-homophobe with love means saying 'wow' and then not gloating or pushing to find out what happen because you might push the ex-homophobe backwards towards the pure white of spectrum.
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