Mental health resolutions

Nothing like the seawall - breeze, orange sky, waves - to make you feel nice, good. Nothing like the setting sun approaching darkness to remind you that the nice feelings can pass.

The journal for the last four years remind me of the anxiety rather than feelings of excitement at the New Year.

And like some blasted cycle, the depression creeps up.. slowly again.

The New Year tasks to sort out the 2012 work which had not finished. I feel sick that I cannot finish them.

Resolution 1: Choose simple tasks. It's okay if you do not do them. To hell with New Year's resolutions. Say No to doing new things, even the ones which sound interesting.


I think about going to mandir .. but that requires a kind of energy and attentiveness which I cannot muster up. Wednesday night satsangh sounds nice.. but the thought of people and moving far from home is scary.

Resolution 2 : Leave the house when you want to stay home, even if you go downstairs. It is okay to pray on  your own. Though prayer at this time is not good. Listen to music. Don't worry about God now.


I feel this need to go into some dark space.. like sleep.. so I go and sleep.. fitful sleep of dreams of work and time.. and I get up feeling guilty, dry mouth. I had resolved not to sleep, but craving a kind of unconsciousness or stillness of the mind. Meditation is supposed to be good for this.

Resolution 3 : Avoid sleeping.. go downstairs instead.. and don't feel guilty about the time lost sleeping. Find something else to do, walk aimlessly.

I do not want to go on the seawall.. but I go, the leg hurts so I end up limping, then sitting down. Back pains in the morning make me think of not doing the surya namaskar.

Resolution 4 : Sort out the body. Resume the yoga which you had given up. Sort out some alternative routines. 

I am craving sweet again, have not had this craving for awhile. I had the crunchy craving yesterday.. went through four packs of crunchy stuff. I am eating the chocolate. Dipping into the sugar bottle a bit. There are bananas to eat with the home made dahi. Celebrating that I have not gone to buy ice cream.

Resolution 5 : Don't buy the sweet stuff or crunchy stuff. Watch the sugar.  Walk away.. move.. The body has to be healthy and diet is important. Eat the oats..  Succumbing to the cravings is not going to help.

I keep hating feeling this way.. this kind of 'quicksand' .. where the more you fight, the more you seem to sink down. I know that the feelings will pass, that the work will resume. The tasks will be completed. One man, said.. go fix the things which need fixing. There is no point to identifying triggers.. just to making sure that I remain functional. Functional is good, but some of the work requires creativity , problem solving. Time just goes.. and there is anger that time goes without being useful.

Resolution 6 : Tek it easy. The blues pass. The work will get done. You will do what you can do. You can learn what you can learn. Ensure that you do not mask  anything, be honest about  how you are feeling. Keep moving when you feel like you do not want to move. Think in the moment.. get through the moment.. do not worry about the past or the future. When the fog lifts, you get on with planning. Keep in touch with people who will understand.