Hey. How are you?
Bling: Hey. How are you?
20:58
It has been a few weeks. I want to move on, maintain the space I have not checked your Facebook page. I have been trying to forget you, but also remembering you. I have been wondering what I would say. I should delete and move on, but I am polite, no hard feelings really, life goes on. How do I reply, to protect you while also telling you that I am pissed off that things did not work out, and that my pride has taken a blow from your rejection. How do I be polite.. I normally reply to everyone.. how do I treat you as I would treat others? How do I let you know that I care about how things are going with you, not the face you portray to the world, but the inside person you had let me see at one time?
Message Sent: Hey. How are things with you?
Let me go, brush teeth. Make up bed. I hope that is it. There is never an answer to that question either.
Bling : Answer the question.
Yep, you are smart. We know each other well. The walls go up. The last time I told you about the pain, we started an email argument which went nowhere. I am not going to lie to you either about saying nonsense like "I am fine".
I want you to talk.
What do I say?
Bling: Hello.
I should delete, ignore, speak the truth. Should I say go to hell, but then I am polite, Hindu, compassionate. You might need some information from me or something.
Message draft : I have no answer. I love yot (typo)
Phone rings. And rings. I breathe. Lord, what do I do. I do not want to go back here. I answer.
Good night. I say hello hello, I cannot hear you.
What I really want to say, is go in peace.
Polite conversation. Where are you?
I hit send on the message.
Heading home. In a bus.
Are you drunk?
Do I have to be drunk to call you?
Yeah. I say, come on, be a man, be cheerful. Thank God for everything. Forget the past, the rejection. Things are the way they are. Nobody's fault.
Yep. I think you are drunk. Why else would you call? You hung up the phone on me a couple of times, you never answered my texts or emails when I thought things were good between us.
You seriously think dat? Maybe I will get high talking to you?
Nah, I bring people down.
(Laughter... it is good to hear, to remember, that is what I did well, made you laugh. So I will resume the counselling mode.. )
How are you? What are you doing? What are you working on?
Come on, find a topic for conversation. Do not be sarcastic. Do not ask about the spouse. Do not ask about the marriage. Do not bring up the times of rejection. Do not curse.
We talk about the neighbours. Normal neutral talk.
Are you home? Can I call you back on the landline?
No, I want to forget that we used to be close. I want to move on with life.. the last few days it was easy.. there was no pain when I thought of you. I want to ask you questions.. to meet you face to face, which you do not want to do because it is easy for us to talk and difficult for us talk.
Yes, sure.
Can you hear me better now, the breeze was in the bus.
Yes.. I can hear you better now.
We talk about the politicians It is easy to find new topics.. you talk about the dogs.
They have two dogs now that adopt me, come through the gate. They in the yard.
We talk about the stray dogs which are in the yard. I make a joke.. the dogs know a good person.. so they have adopted you. Like I did.
I overhear conversation about the bus fare.
We talk about the work and the gossip. I do not ask about home or anything personal.
I say that you have a way of using language against those you hate and dislike. I do not want to tell you anything though since it is no longer none of my business.
The past is the past.
There is silence.
But I cannot be polite as though we are strangers. We are not. The old tensions come back. I cannot be open as though we are friends. We are not.
Come on Vidya, be a man. This is the test of your faith.
How can I say, piss off, while saying that I wish that you are doing well and that all is good for you.
I reach home now.
Are the dogs there waiting for you?
No, no I not seeing them ...
I have not asked anything about why you are calling. I want to breathe and meditate. I remember when the conversations went on for hours about nothing really - sometimes arguments. But no holding back on either side. But I am polite. What next shall I ask? Okay, I going in now. We gun talk another time.
Okay.
I hang up. Why the hell did I even bother to answer the phone. I look at the phone. 20:42 mins.
Yep, you called and talked until you wanted to hang up. Sewa in the Hindu sense.. the questions I want to ask you about why things changed.. have not been answered.. the Gita says 'no difference between friend and foe'. What an ass, why the hell did I answer the phone. This is the last time.
How can I say that I love you and I miss you.
Message Sent: So, how are things with you?
Nothing. I am glad I did not cuss up and behave bad. I am angry that I did not say it is over. Because it seems as though it is not.
20:58
It has been a few weeks. I want to move on, maintain the space I have not checked your Facebook page. I have been trying to forget you, but also remembering you. I have been wondering what I would say. I should delete and move on, but I am polite, no hard feelings really, life goes on. How do I reply, to protect you while also telling you that I am pissed off that things did not work out, and that my pride has taken a blow from your rejection. How do I be polite.. I normally reply to everyone.. how do I treat you as I would treat others? How do I let you know that I care about how things are going with you, not the face you portray to the world, but the inside person you had let me see at one time?
Message Sent: Hey. How are things with you?
Let me go, brush teeth. Make up bed. I hope that is it. There is never an answer to that question either.
Bling : Answer the question.
Yep, you are smart. We know each other well. The walls go up. The last time I told you about the pain, we started an email argument which went nowhere. I am not going to lie to you either about saying nonsense like "I am fine".
I want you to talk.
What do I say?
Bling: Hello.
I should delete, ignore, speak the truth. Should I say go to hell, but then I am polite, Hindu, compassionate. You might need some information from me or something.
Message draft : I have no answer. I love yot (typo)
Phone rings. And rings. I breathe. Lord, what do I do. I do not want to go back here. I answer.
Good night. I say hello hello, I cannot hear you.
What I really want to say, is go in peace.
Polite conversation. Where are you?
I hit send on the message.
Heading home. In a bus.
Are you drunk?
Do I have to be drunk to call you?
Yeah. I say, come on, be a man, be cheerful. Thank God for everything. Forget the past, the rejection. Things are the way they are. Nobody's fault.
Yep. I think you are drunk. Why else would you call? You hung up the phone on me a couple of times, you never answered my texts or emails when I thought things were good between us.
You seriously think dat? Maybe I will get high talking to you?
Nah, I bring people down.
(Laughter... it is good to hear, to remember, that is what I did well, made you laugh. So I will resume the counselling mode.. )
How are you? What are you doing? What are you working on?
Come on, find a topic for conversation. Do not be sarcastic. Do not ask about the spouse. Do not ask about the marriage. Do not bring up the times of rejection. Do not curse.
We talk about the neighbours. Normal neutral talk.
Are you home? Can I call you back on the landline?
No, I want to forget that we used to be close. I want to move on with life.. the last few days it was easy.. there was no pain when I thought of you. I want to ask you questions.. to meet you face to face, which you do not want to do because it is easy for us to talk and difficult for us talk.
Yes, sure.
Can you hear me better now, the breeze was in the bus.
Yes.. I can hear you better now.
We talk about the politicians It is easy to find new topics.. you talk about the dogs.
They have two dogs now that adopt me, come through the gate. They in the yard.
We talk about the stray dogs which are in the yard. I make a joke.. the dogs know a good person.. so they have adopted you. Like I did.
I overhear conversation about the bus fare.
We talk about the work and the gossip. I do not ask about home or anything personal.
I say that you have a way of using language against those you hate and dislike. I do not want to tell you anything though since it is no longer none of my business.
The past is the past.
There is silence.
But I cannot be polite as though we are strangers. We are not. The old tensions come back. I cannot be open as though we are friends. We are not.
Come on Vidya, be a man. This is the test of your faith.
How can I say, piss off, while saying that I wish that you are doing well and that all is good for you.
I reach home now.
Are the dogs there waiting for you?
No, no I not seeing them ...
I have not asked anything about why you are calling. I want to breathe and meditate. I remember when the conversations went on for hours about nothing really - sometimes arguments. But no holding back on either side. But I am polite. What next shall I ask? Okay, I going in now. We gun talk another time.
Okay.
I hang up. Why the hell did I even bother to answer the phone. I look at the phone. 20:42 mins.
Yep, you called and talked until you wanted to hang up. Sewa in the Hindu sense.. the questions I want to ask you about why things changed.. have not been answered.. the Gita says 'no difference between friend and foe'. What an ass, why the hell did I answer the phone. This is the last time.
How can I say that I love you and I miss you.
Message Sent: So, how are things with you?
Nothing. I am glad I did not cuss up and behave bad. I am angry that I did not say it is over. Because it seems as though it is not.
Comments
Post a Comment