True friends, facebook frenz, accquaintances and other connections

You're a True Friend

So many simple harmonies
Have made our moments blend,
So many subtle sounds of truth
have softly shouted friend

So many routine treasures
Of good will have tuned our trust
So man kind and caring notes
Have helped our lives adjust

So many friendly acts of faith
Have flattered, calmed the soul
So many heartfelt hopes have pushed me 
Gently toward my goal.

So many deeds of understanding,
Gestures truly kind,
Have left your gentle melodies
Of friendship on my mind

Bruce B. Wilmer (Wallet Stuffers)

A few years ago, a guy who had kind of scared me with his nuff tattoos, plenty piercings and fierce face had asked me for some advice. I tried to get him to sign up for some adult education classes and so on. He never did.. but appreciated that I kept telling him to do it. We have been in contact since then.. always good. His face lights up now when he sees me.

He gave me the Wallet Stuffer.

I still carry it around.. a reminder of how friendships are made, of how assumptions can be stupid (he did not look like the kind of man to share out wallet stuffers and I am not the kind of man to keep them in my wallet)

"Confirm Friend Request"
At the time of writing this, I have 1,183 Facebook Frenz. I do not know most of them.. and I think we would pass each other on the road.
Facebook is nice like that though.. because it is nice to show common interests with complete strangers and it is nice to get news links or music from people who I would not ordinarily share newspapers with or  lime with to hear the music.
And the sharing the music went further when I went and buy a pirate Lata Mangeshkar concert DVD to post to man who I had never met who lived in the USA and who could not get the old Indian music he liked. 

Facebook too is the place where I test my faith.. the Bhagvad Gita says that a sign of true wisdom is the ability to view friend and foe alike.. and I confess that they have a few people on my Facebook page who well, I am not likely to have simple harmonies to blend moments with as the wallet stuffer says.

But you know, when they request Friendship I cyan say no. I have only said noe so with suspicious looking profiles, and with some profiles which might be prominent members of the PPP. This is because the PPP have said that many people faking their profiles and I have been accused of hacking into PPP people facebook accounts and so on.


" .. to be honest i'm FURIOUS. at your response to me.. "
I could never tell any of my friends anything like this. I polite bad, and I used to think that with friends, you might have lil disagreements about politics and who is the better singer or software, but no capital letters .

There is an amazing woman who has pushed my mind through its fogginess, and, who does not hold back when she vex with me.

I used to keep some distance because well, is one thing if I mekin politicians and child molesters vex wid me, but not with people who are nice and so on. So now I learn to kind of welcome this, because it is honest and open and we could work this out in nice ways once I do not reply in the same way - or I just learn to politely postpone the discussion while we talk and laugh about other things.


"interesting read...a nice insight in how you function"
There are acquaintances which have lasted for years. Acquaintances are nice to have.. be pleasant, make jokes, share remedies for common ailments and so on. Getting older though, what I did not anticipate is the loss of friendships which happen for different reasons. When times are low, and I have wanted to reach out, rejection from friends who had said 'please let me know when you need to talk' is often brutal. A former friend asked how I was doing in the polite kind of way which I thought was genuine, I shared the blog links of the past few months to avoid the tedium of explaining and.. and got this nice response which was nice but saddened me as I thought of the lost friendship.



"I wish we could be friends"
Next week would be six years since I met a guy who did not have a lot in common with me, but with whom, it was easy to talk to  even when disagreeing.  Our conversations were often long and I was conscious that his religious beliefs forbid him from being friends with me.  Circumstances took their course, the closeness which developed ended and the relationship degenerated into a toxic connection which had a lot of animosity and bitterness in it. At times there were elements of humanity as the connections seemed not to have been completely severed.

It was sad, there was a lot to learn from this friendship which was not supposed to be. Things were worse over the last two years. I mourned the loss of this friendship.

My own lesson in being human though, is in offering to make some kind of peace. He in turn did say he wished we could be friends. We resumed talking.
I know we will not be friends given the religious limitations. The important thing though, is in finding a place in which we could be civil and kind to each other.

The gaffing is easy, and tough.
There are things we are not talking about .
This might seem like marriage bruk up and mek up. I used to think that distance would be easy to keep some kind of peace.. but that does not work out .. you have to sometimes face people and listen and restore the basis of understanding.

A guy I know told me of his own joy at the rebuilding of his friendship circle which had been damaged a few years ago through to some intense and bitter politics. He told me that it was nice when they resumed some of their activities.. and now the group has grown larger to include their wives as well.  As we grow older it seems that some friendships will be steadfast and constant, while others will be touch and go.



" i calling to check out what happening with you"
On the seawall tonight, one of my favourite women gave me a quick hug and pushed me off.. she wanted to enjoy the sunset and breeze and didn't want me to disturb that routine. I understood that feeling.

When the depression hits, I avoid conversations and meetings with other people whose connection with me is often based on the kind of person I am when I am not feeling low. The energy to mask the depression is often too much.. one of the guys I love dearly does not understand what is happening .However, I celebrate the calls which would come if he does not see me or hear from me.

There are others who understand and who check in.. I celebrate those acquaintances as well.
I find it difficult trying to cheer people up .. even if I understand and any sign of impatience or fed-upness can cause further damage. I am glad that I have some training to get into a different kind of mode to be of some use.

While I would like to think that I am a perfect friend, or facebook fren, or acquaintance I realise that the lack of communication and my own misunderstanding of expectations could have led to breakdown of connections.
 At the same time, is a good thing to know that I could think of working through some of the barriers and space to make connections where they were lost. So even when people 'FURIOUS' with me, I can try to engage.

I have also recently been engaging with people whose actions and views are against what I believe in and it has not been too bad.

It is not easy being friends with me when I am at my lowest so I am glad for those who work through with me.