Saluting the Sun regardless
You wake up. Sometimes the body feels a bit achy at the joints. But deep down you know that you have one routine. The surya namaskara. I aim to do three rounds, but these days fight through one. But the day I do none, is the day I would have lost my battle with working for wellness. I try not to think of those days.
Some days, it takes longer because thoughts are floating around. Other days, the routine goes smoothly and nicely.
om mitrāya namaḥ (ॐ मित्राय नमः)
I promise that I will get through the day. I feel bad that I did not go to mandir last night. I have been disconnected from 'God' recently - Tuesday I found the Hanuman Chalisa in Hindi and read it, rather than listen to it. A kind of grounding. I promise to get through the day.
om ravaye namaḥ (ॐ रवये नमः)
I am glad, a kind of uneasy truce was reached with a former friend and loved one who wants to be friends. We will not be friends but for a brief exchange of text messages, it felt like old times. There is this wall of unsaid things.
Another email about SASOD and messages about my resignation. I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all as I try to move on. I spend too much time on wondering what might have been if things were good, but it is important to move on.
om sūryāya namaḥ (ॐ सूर्याय नमः)
Two websites are due, very complex websites which need investments of technical skill and creativity. I have been paid in advance. It is funny, as I breathe, how I glimpse how the content could be arranged. Different kinds of content to be laid out. Then I feel tired by it all. It is only 6am.
om bhānave namaḥ (ॐ भानवे नमः)
A woman who has told me others have called her mad and have terminated her services.. she sends me job offers which she thinks would be good for me. She is kind like that. She tells me that she is leading a purpose driven life so she tries to share inspirational thoughts and things like that.
Another friend tells me about a friend of theirs who has died after his second suicide attempt. My friend had to write an obituary which says a lot about the good things about the man, but not about his struggles.
om khagāya namaḥ (ॐ खगाय नमः)
The Internet is up and down so the work is slowing down. I step out, go market. Peanut punch.. with fish and bread with pepper and watch the world go by for a bit. Work resumes, I feel tired again as I see another email about SASOD work. I get a sound 30 minute nap and wake up. I am trying not to have these naps. But then I think, what the hell.
om puṣṇe namaḥ (ॐ पूष्णे नमः)
Chatting with a man on Facebook . He talks about a guy he likes.. I remind him about his lovely family and ask him if he want outside man or if he wants to preserve what many others do not have. He does not reply. I am a very very conservative family values man like that - and judgemental about infidelity. And I have to face up to infidelity in different ways.
om hiraṇya garbhāya namaḥ (ॐ हिरण्यगर्भाय नमः)
A function on the website is fixed. One set of layout is confirmed. Now to think about pictures and how to fix them together to look nice. The other website prototype is not working.
om marīcaye namaḥ (ॐ मरीचये नमः)
A woman emails me about how things difficult with one of our mutual acquaintances. She want to know what she should do to establish some kind of warmth and friendship. I tell her just go and ask or email - that is what I do. Most times it does not work, but it does get things out and then if the friendships are not to be, then so be it . Otherwise, people then tell you why their minds are on other things. Work is stopped as I respond to that.
om ādityāya namaḥ (ॐ आदित्याय नमः)
I am not sure how to deal with insincerity. Normally I find nice ways to deal with it, but sometimes you look at the message from the lady who probably think she being nice 'Warm Regards' she says. I write back and say.. if you are warm then please honour the request I made last week. I cannot be insincere.
And then think.. what on earth is wrong with me..!
om savitre namaḥ (ॐ सवित्रे नमः)
Another woman asks for a favour, and I do it. It feels nice that I could respond and be helpful. Another favour last week for a man who I have never met.. it works out well. A man asks for 10,000 cash.. I tell him no, I do not lend but is there anything else I can do.. A beggar man cuss me in the market after I tell him I aint got nuttin.
om arkāya namaḥ (ॐ अर्काय नमः)
A gaff session about depression is planned. Another thing is planned. There is man coming down, a life coach who invite me to something about investing in coffee trading. I am fascinated actually - I mean.. something about it, even if it is a con, I think there are things to learn from a con man which might be useful in activism and advocacy. The man look serious though.
om bhāskarāya namaḥ (ॐ भास्कराय नमः)
Not all the work is done as I wanted. I am getting there though. Seawall time, water is high, but not splashing over. Nice breeze. For some reason, eye contact is made with a lot of people and we say good afternoon and hello. That don't usually happen. I dont walk as fast as usual as my mind keeps churning and I am slowing down sometimes. The sky is pink/orange and there is the moon in the West. Nice high tide. It is good to be there.
Some days, it takes longer because thoughts are floating around. Other days, the routine goes smoothly and nicely.
om mitrāya namaḥ (ॐ मित्राय नमः)
I promise that I will get through the day. I feel bad that I did not go to mandir last night. I have been disconnected from 'God' recently - Tuesday I found the Hanuman Chalisa in Hindi and read it, rather than listen to it. A kind of grounding. I promise to get through the day.
om ravaye namaḥ (ॐ रवये नमः)
I am glad, a kind of uneasy truce was reached with a former friend and loved one who wants to be friends. We will not be friends but for a brief exchange of text messages, it felt like old times. There is this wall of unsaid things.
Another email about SASOD and messages about my resignation. I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all as I try to move on. I spend too much time on wondering what might have been if things were good, but it is important to move on.
om sūryāya namaḥ (ॐ सूर्याय नमः)
Two websites are due, very complex websites which need investments of technical skill and creativity. I have been paid in advance. It is funny, as I breathe, how I glimpse how the content could be arranged. Different kinds of content to be laid out. Then I feel tired by it all. It is only 6am.
om bhānave namaḥ (ॐ भानवे नमः)
A woman who has told me others have called her mad and have terminated her services.. she sends me job offers which she thinks would be good for me. She is kind like that. She tells me that she is leading a purpose driven life so she tries to share inspirational thoughts and things like that.
Another friend tells me about a friend of theirs who has died after his second suicide attempt. My friend had to write an obituary which says a lot about the good things about the man, but not about his struggles.
om khagāya namaḥ (ॐ खगाय नमः)
The Internet is up and down so the work is slowing down. I step out, go market. Peanut punch.. with fish and bread with pepper and watch the world go by for a bit. Work resumes, I feel tired again as I see another email about SASOD work. I get a sound 30 minute nap and wake up. I am trying not to have these naps. But then I think, what the hell.
om puṣṇe namaḥ (ॐ पूष्णे नमः)
Chatting with a man on Facebook . He talks about a guy he likes.. I remind him about his lovely family and ask him if he want outside man or if he wants to preserve what many others do not have. He does not reply. I am a very very conservative family values man like that - and judgemental about infidelity. And I have to face up to infidelity in different ways.
om hiraṇya garbhāya namaḥ (ॐ हिरण्यगर्भाय नमः)
A function on the website is fixed. One set of layout is confirmed. Now to think about pictures and how to fix them together to look nice. The other website prototype is not working.
om marīcaye namaḥ (ॐ मरीचये नमः)
A woman emails me about how things difficult with one of our mutual acquaintances. She want to know what she should do to establish some kind of warmth and friendship. I tell her just go and ask or email - that is what I do. Most times it does not work, but it does get things out and then if the friendships are not to be, then so be it . Otherwise, people then tell you why their minds are on other things. Work is stopped as I respond to that.
om ādityāya namaḥ (ॐ आदित्याय नमः)
I am not sure how to deal with insincerity. Normally I find nice ways to deal with it, but sometimes you look at the message from the lady who probably think she being nice 'Warm Regards' she says. I write back and say.. if you are warm then please honour the request I made last week. I cannot be insincere.
And then think.. what on earth is wrong with me..!
om savitre namaḥ (ॐ सवित्रे नमः)
Another woman asks for a favour, and I do it. It feels nice that I could respond and be helpful. Another favour last week for a man who I have never met.. it works out well. A man asks for 10,000 cash.. I tell him no, I do not lend but is there anything else I can do.. A beggar man cuss me in the market after I tell him I aint got nuttin.
om arkāya namaḥ (ॐ अर्काय नमः)
A gaff session about depression is planned. Another thing is planned. There is man coming down, a life coach who invite me to something about investing in coffee trading. I am fascinated actually - I mean.. something about it, even if it is a con, I think there are things to learn from a con man which might be useful in activism and advocacy. The man look serious though.
om bhāskarāya namaḥ (ॐ भास्कराय नमः)
Not all the work is done as I wanted. I am getting there though. Seawall time, water is high, but not splashing over. Nice breeze. For some reason, eye contact is made with a lot of people and we say good afternoon and hello. That don't usually happen. I dont walk as fast as usual as my mind keeps churning and I am slowing down sometimes. The sky is pink/orange and there is the moon in the West. Nice high tide. It is good to be there.
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