lime, mint, chocolate...
You think you can plan a day to get through some important tasks. Some tasks require prior knowledge and are simple, others rely on brain work.
The routine is good,, get up, do the yoga. Part of you wants to lie down flat but there are things to do. There are emails and messages to respond to. There are things in the head to do - projects and ideas which float.
But some people ask for things and thankfully, those are like sparks. It is like taking small steps at moving. I am craving food and I understand how it must feel to want alcohol and drugs.
I feel like going on a chocolate binge but my body is not moving to change the clothes to go on the road.
I know it is wrong. Like how the person who is married who wants to meet up , and the other person who is married who say that I would have been the perfect choice.
There is some moral compass which is there, so I am not dead yet. I contemplate what it must be like to be dead - not the dying part thinking of those who are dying who do not wish to die.
A lady who believes I am a sinner had given me some nice fresh limes. There is something about scratching a round lime and getting the fragrance. I squeeze some juice. I go downstairs and pick the mint leaves off of the plant - a triumph for me because the mint plant 'ketch' and did not die. The yard needs cleaning, the plants are struggling. A man told me that the soil is good to touch to help. Growing things. So the drink with the lime and the mint is symbolic. Connection with a lady who also told me that she felt that mental illness also has some spiritual side. And she talked about her own experience.
I had said Tuesday afternoon I would do the yard work.. but I do not. I should go on the seawall. But I do not.
The mind keeps wandering around. Other challenges.. the DVD with the films do not work. The thing I thought I had fixed is not fixed. The mind is blank on the things which I want to write and programme and design.
The news about Linden is there, the agreement is signed. But there is no energy really to celebrate anything or to be angry about things.
There is fear to create anything new because some of the major things in the past which I created are now lost. However, that fear also has to be dealt with. I have to work and the ability to think and be creative is part of my livelihood.
When the day is done, I wished that I had decided to just take the blasted day off. And I feel more low that I cannot even seem to adjust, or that I did not do the things which I should do. I feel bad about all the food gorging I did.
The fresh limes though smell nice.
The routine is good,, get up, do the yoga. Part of you wants to lie down flat but there are things to do. There are emails and messages to respond to. There are things in the head to do - projects and ideas which float.
But some people ask for things and thankfully, those are like sparks. It is like taking small steps at moving. I am craving food and I understand how it must feel to want alcohol and drugs.
I feel like going on a chocolate binge but my body is not moving to change the clothes to go on the road.
I know it is wrong. Like how the person who is married who wants to meet up , and the other person who is married who say that I would have been the perfect choice.
There is some moral compass which is there, so I am not dead yet. I contemplate what it must be like to be dead - not the dying part thinking of those who are dying who do not wish to die.
A lady who believes I am a sinner had given me some nice fresh limes. There is something about scratching a round lime and getting the fragrance. I squeeze some juice. I go downstairs and pick the mint leaves off of the plant - a triumph for me because the mint plant 'ketch' and did not die. The yard needs cleaning, the plants are struggling. A man told me that the soil is good to touch to help. Growing things. So the drink with the lime and the mint is symbolic. Connection with a lady who also told me that she felt that mental illness also has some spiritual side. And she talked about her own experience.
I had said Tuesday afternoon I would do the yard work.. but I do not. I should go on the seawall. But I do not.
The mind keeps wandering around. Other challenges.. the DVD with the films do not work. The thing I thought I had fixed is not fixed. The mind is blank on the things which I want to write and programme and design.
The news about Linden is there, the agreement is signed. But there is no energy really to celebrate anything or to be angry about things.
There is fear to create anything new because some of the major things in the past which I created are now lost. However, that fear also has to be dealt with. I have to work and the ability to think and be creative is part of my livelihood.
When the day is done, I wished that I had decided to just take the blasted day off. And I feel more low that I cannot even seem to adjust, or that I did not do the things which I should do. I feel bad about all the food gorging I did.
The fresh limes though smell nice.
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