Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

It has been an intense couple of months, with a range of experiences and tests of spiritual faith. Two practitioners of Nicheren Buddhism introduced me to the Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo chant .

Today I resigned from SASOD - an organisation I helped to found nine years ago. 

Nam 
To devote oneself to attain enlightenment. Dharma - which has no real English translation. In our living and working, how do we find ways of fulfilling our obligations to the human beings around us? There are no easy answers really. We realise that there is something to fix in the society, we join up and organise to do it, form an organisation. We agree to principles, we expect each other to honour the principles and to commit to adhering to them. We realise that we can disagree , but core principles of respect for human dignity and worth , and a commitment to accountability are important.
LGBT organising in a homophobic society in my mind requires that kind of demonstration of respect for humanity, and also to be accountable and not to use the excuse of victimhood to not be accountable.

So we evolve, and the people who formed the organisation have different views and different commitments. A decision is made - I as an individual can better challenge the homophobia in the society without having to fight with those I am aligned with on matters which I thought were given. 


Myoho
"Myo refers to the very essence of life, which is "invisible" and beyond intellectual understanding. This essence always expresses itself in a tangible form (ho) that can be apprehended by the senses" 
In experiencing life in activism, whether around domestic violence, child abuse or homophobia - there are other emotions which come out of responding to what is experienced. So watching as I speak at the media briefing, the man, former friend, who yawns without covering his mouth and reads the paper and shows he is bored as I try to explain the most recent work; and realising that there has to be other ways of engaging those who are not only actively working against what we are trying to achieve, but also to deal with those who are bored and could not be bothered.

And not only the body language of boredom and disdain, but also  hearing and seeing words which reflect contempt and then wondering how do I convince those who are issuing those words, that they are doing the same thing which we are supposed to be dealing with?

Renge

Cause and effect. Karma. We are in charge of our destiny and we can positively influence it. This means that we have to probably create a vision of what we want and then work towards it. My Buddhist friend says that the struggle with those are part of the work to achieve that vision or destiny. But karma for me, it means other things.. choices made in the past, learning from them. Knowing that values have to be affirmed and that the work for social justice will be subsumed over the never ending struggle to deal with documents for auditing purpose; or claims for honesty and accountability while ignoring the homophobic who need our help.
This lotus we hear, grows in this muddy trench.. so how to be like the lotus, part of the mud but standing out.. without being consumed by the mud or stifled by the weeds around it.

Kyo
"Kyo represents the words and voices of all living beings.... Kyo may also be defined as that which is constant and unchanging in the three existences of past, present and future. Elsewhere Nichiren associates each of the characters of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo with parts of the human body: head, throat, chest, abdomen and legs, respectively. This may be understood as indicating that the mystic principle or law that guides and governs the living cosmos is in no way separate from the concrete realities of our lives.

By invoking the Mystic Law and bringing forth our highest, most enlightened nature, we naturally inspire those around us to strive toward the highest, most creative and compassionate way of life. This develops into a "virtuous circle" of mutually reinforcing celebration of the infinite dignity and value of all human beings. "

It not easy to do this.. I found myself on Thursday walking down Main Street shouting on the cell phone to an older woman who had forgotten to sign a receipt. Another day, while there was a public forum talking about the evils and sins of homosexuals and homosexuality, I was arguing about semantics in a quest to get one of my colleagues to fulfill his obligations of accountability.

In dealing with the power struggles, in preserving the 'organisation' which was created, I was diminished in my ability to work for equality and to deal with those who believe that LGBT people are sick, evil, sinners.

As I detach myself from SASOD, there is a feeling of liberation. There are other feelings, the  sadness at the contempt of the man who was yawning and reading newspapers while I was speaking;the joy hearing the 24 year old man talk about his survival ; the celebration as the gold miner - older man, taking the folded newspaper ad for the public forum out of his pocket, becoming emotional as he talked about discrimination against a gay relative, and who talked about hiring gay people to work with him; the laughter at the 71 year old activist who talked of her encounter with a transgender at the minibus park and her affinity for him when he turned around and told the audience looking and listening to him .. f..k yall..

The Bhagvad Gita says we should detach ourselves from the results of our dharmic actions.

I detach from SASOD , not because I have given up, but because I recognise that I have a human responsibility to continue to work for equality for LGBT and other Guyanese in a way which affirms the inherent dignity of all of those who I am working with, especially those who might feel powerless.