Solitude in crowds on the street..

A friend said he found solitude on the crowded streets of New York and he wished me the same. I am yearning for the dark cool room to go lie down or sit down in to wait until the time passes.

There is no dark room in my house. There is a feeling of being on the brink again.. of fighting and struggling to do normal things without getting to invested in the manic energies around. The sounds seem kind of shrill so it is not a matter of not hearing them, but trying to get the mind to work around them.


It was good the  high breeze the other night.. cold night breeze feeling good on the face which had some tears on it.. like washing your face with cold water.. but the high winds kind of around you and taking away the thoughts from you while you stand still.  I like the seawall when the skies are grey and I have walked in rain with thunder and lightning.
 
Some things take long to do.. but I did them one at a time. I can function and that is the check, to function. Season of goodwill but I know that I should not write just yet, wait awhile to reach out on the annual letters and emails.. no energy to do the cards. So I get out. go to get some stuff done.. meet some people.. sit in the minibus, walk on the road.. kind of like floating.. being there but not being there. Sun is good, breeze is good. Cut my hair and glad that no intense arguments on gay rights but talk about how the barber had to bribe the city council people to get their papers in order.. the red tape. The barber talked more than I did. I know, it is usually the other way around with the skillful barbers.

Some instinct though.. which told me who to avoid.. nice people but at this time the interaction will be more draining. I have no control over some of those interactions so I have to steel myself to deal with some people who I would rather stay far from. At the same time, the universe is good in bringing strangers who lift the clouds without knowing that they do that.