Being angry at and afraid of PPP and APNU..

"Are you afraid" my colleague had asked me.   We were standing in 2001, on Brickdam witnessing a PNC march.  I was not sure what to reply to her - she had been a supporter of the PNC.. I told her 'not now, but sometimes'.

The racial violence in the history of Guyana is always there in history, and it has manifested itself around elections time.
Today, Ravi Dev in his column , Same Ole, Same Ole talks about  how the APNU is resorting to the tactics of street politics to deal with issues which were not solved by the ballot box.

When this threat of violence surfaces, 'indians' like me who have rejected the PPP are caught between mobilising support to reject the PPP and their actions, while also condemning or cussing up and wondering whether the city/country would be closed down by peaceful protests which get out of hand as has happened in the past.

I have been avoiding discussion about the elections with many people, especially 'indian' people. There are those who prefer to accept the abuses of the PPP since it seems lesser to them than the alternatives. Imperfect is how one supporter  described these violations of rights. On the other side, in addition to the race talk, there is the kind of contempt - backdam people is how two friends talked about the PPP leadership. As though backdam people have no right to govern.

Last night though, it was inevitable, I ended up having a late night conversation with a man who I have a lot of affection and respect for, whose livelihood depends on customers of all political affiliation coming to his business. He chose not to vote.. like many of the other 'indians'. However, like many of the other 'indians', he does not want to be targeted by the PPP, as he told me, he did not want his house on the PPP blog. So there is this mix of frustration, empathy, anger and fear which has no outlet in any constructive way.

Keeping another ground - not middle maybe - is not easy. In my own family and social circle, there are strong views for and against the PPP and quarrels have been emotional .
I moderate the mailing list of the Bishops High School Old Students' Association and in the middle of the active sharing of APNU positions, and people asking not to have those positions shared, the mailing list crashed. Some members have said things like this :-

Vidya
 
I did not ask to be un-subscribed from the BHSOSA mailing list. I asked
that the discussions on the BHSOSA channel be less political and more
about BHS and BHSOSA. How does it work - I disagree with something and you
remove me from the mailing list? Whatever happened to the democracy that
you and all are always talking about?
 
When I want to be "unsubscribed" I will let you know

I was not surprised that there was this attribution that I had unsubscribed people without telling them, rather than something else could have been wrong.
As the Stabroek News editorial describes..it has been a bad week.


What to do?


I have been posting this video clip of Tina Turner signing one of the peace mantras

As I become consumed with the fear of the unknown, the despair of guys like my friend, the anger at watching how people seem to be played.. I remember the Bhagvad Gita 12:13-14 - “He who hates no creature, who is friendly and compassionate to all, who is free from attachment and egoism, balanced in pleasure and pain, and forgiving; ever content, steady in meditation, self-controlled, possessed of firm conviction, with mind and intellect dedicated to Me, he, My devotee, is dear to Me"  It is in actually seeing God in the PPP players who seem intent on holding on to whatever power they have, and God in the members of APNU and the emerging Youth Coalition who are using rhetoric to 'close down Guyana' and 'national unity or else..." .  The fact that they might not see their God in me should not relevant to me.


While I know people want their pain to be prioritised (the 'indians' killed by bandits vs the 'black' young men killed by police and other unknowns) - in order to overcome the fear and the anger, I have to keep count of all.. and the others who have been killed and beaten - many times by people who were supposed to love them.


My friend said he would understand if I decided to close down the place.. because my agenda is clear. I do not want abusers of women and children in the Government. However, the President has decided to present those to us.  I do not want the homophobic Mr Edghill to be a Minister, but the President has decided that there is no other person fit for that position. I have wanted to close down Guyana for many reasons while dealing with the issues around rights for LGBT people, for children, for challenging the racial assumptions which prevail.

However, I have conceded.. that since nobody else seems to want what I want.. or that we are a minority (maybe 49.99%) then I would like to see the Parliament work. I would like to see the institutions built in Guyana to protect rights, as we start to document and deal with the violations of the rights.


Tonight, in the middle of the madness, I joined with large crowd of all kind of people at an excellent  Concert at St George's Cathedral. Outside the Cathedral, young Isabella - one of the gay/transgender sex workers I know  was waiting for clients.  That is the nature of Guyana..