Mental health on mental health day
A few weeks ago an amazingly talented woman I know told me that she went to the psychiatrist - for depression - and he gave her some mild tablets. I was shocked.. it was a week of a lot of people tripping out, including me, and I put it down to the full moon. Another woman then shared her story of coming off of her medications - an accident when she was on a weekend away from home and did not have them with her. Stories which would not make the media.
Today is Mental Health Day. Guyana media is focussed on the PPP Kitty Rally (madness and insanity is how one friend described the President's rantings against the media and the opposition). I like the focus in the Guardian UK which gives different aspects of mental health stories .
There are no organisations in Guyana set up to deal with mental health and I hope to do so at some point
Since coming out with my own mental health problems, I believe I have done well in managing them. There are still times when the depression is there.. 'I wish I was dead' or 'I do not want to move, wish I was in a dark place and could just sleep'.. but no dark place for me fortunately. The binges have been less though and I have been functioning effectively (unless others think otherwise). So.. reflecting on what works..
Acceptance that it will pass..
Yeah.. I do not fight the feelings any more.. I let them wash over me and keep in my head that while it seems while in any phase of depression and I start to react negatively to situations around me.. I know that it will pass and I have to be proactive in coming out of the rut.
Movement, sunshine
Exercise .. movement.. yoga, the surya namaskar.. so even as I do the rounds.. increase the number when I feel that I cannot or do not want to do the rounds. While the knees say no.. go out on the seawall and walk, or go on errands during the afternoon sun and walk in the sun around Georgetown. Some amount of willpower is required to do that.. but celebration when I can do it.
Self indulgence
Well.. self care really, and knowing as the mind shuts down and the body starts to slow down.. that it is okay to slow down and postpone tasks. I go through less plantain chips now than I used to.. though now and then I have gone and through four packs of cheez whiz or so in a row as a way of getting rid of stress. Not feeling guilty about self indulgence either.. and celebrating that I have not opened any of the condensed milk waiting as cures in the cupboard.
Not stressing about failure
The 40th year has been critical.. and I hear for many that all the issues come up, about expectations, dreams not fulfilled, etc. And this kind of recognition that we are immortal and wishing I was dead because in the end I will die anyway . So, now it is about not mourning that I am wasting time doing the time spent on managing the health. Everything will come in its own time, and celebrations.. that the choices which I made have led to interesting things which I would never have imagined.
Managing relationships
A major source of the feelings of failure is the lost relationships.. former lovers, friends.. and the dysfunctional family relationships which are based on complex history of culture, etc. So I have ended those relationships which do not nurture me. Some relationships which I cannot end, I am working to remove the expectations of any kind of result and to be a bit more practical in terms of how we achieve whatever results we want. Work based relationships are also important and sometimes the unpaid work generates the greatest angst. I am glad that I have said no to some things which were emerging as wearisome rather than challenging.
Keeping busy
It is good to keep busy, not to ignore what is happen or to silence the thoughts, but to be actively engaged in things which bring pleasure and feelings of achievement. Some things are spontaneous , others are deliberately planned. One of the things which I felt bad about was when I resigned from Help & Shelter, was how to use the knowledge and skills which I had since there was no vehicle to use this knowledge. However, there have been many workshops and other activities which required preparation and planning and which also had their own challenges. Writing is important.. and that has also helped.. whether my journal or this blog.
Spirit and God
I usually curse God when I feel overwhelmed and want to die, and then Thank God for the good things which happen and the bad things which force me to try to do things to survive. My atheist friends would probably laugh at me and ask why bother. But this is not so much about God, but really about working through our spirituality. This is not about devil possession ( people have prayed for me and wanted to slap and flog me for views I have held ).. but about creating a world view in which we are active but which would not hold us down. I know a Catholic priest. who has been through the political oppressions but who has maintained a sense of humour and bright eyes and no bitterness or sense of entitlement as a result of the struggle. That is the kind of spirituality which I hope to build for myself.
Today is Mental Health Day. Guyana media is focussed on the PPP Kitty Rally (madness and insanity is how one friend described the President's rantings against the media and the opposition). I like the focus in the Guardian UK which gives different aspects of mental health stories .
There are no organisations in Guyana set up to deal with mental health and I hope to do so at some point
Since coming out with my own mental health problems, I believe I have done well in managing them. There are still times when the depression is there.. 'I wish I was dead' or 'I do not want to move, wish I was in a dark place and could just sleep'.. but no dark place for me fortunately. The binges have been less though and I have been functioning effectively (unless others think otherwise). So.. reflecting on what works..
Acceptance that it will pass..
Yeah.. I do not fight the feelings any more.. I let them wash over me and keep in my head that while it seems while in any phase of depression and I start to react negatively to situations around me.. I know that it will pass and I have to be proactive in coming out of the rut.
Movement, sunshine
Exercise .. movement.. yoga, the surya namaskar.. so even as I do the rounds.. increase the number when I feel that I cannot or do not want to do the rounds. While the knees say no.. go out on the seawall and walk, or go on errands during the afternoon sun and walk in the sun around Georgetown. Some amount of willpower is required to do that.. but celebration when I can do it.
Self indulgence
Well.. self care really, and knowing as the mind shuts down and the body starts to slow down.. that it is okay to slow down and postpone tasks. I go through less plantain chips now than I used to.. though now and then I have gone and through four packs of cheez whiz or so in a row as a way of getting rid of stress. Not feeling guilty about self indulgence either.. and celebrating that I have not opened any of the condensed milk waiting as cures in the cupboard.
Not stressing about failure
The 40th year has been critical.. and I hear for many that all the issues come up, about expectations, dreams not fulfilled, etc. And this kind of recognition that we are immortal and wishing I was dead because in the end I will die anyway . So, now it is about not mourning that I am wasting time doing the time spent on managing the health. Everything will come in its own time, and celebrations.. that the choices which I made have led to interesting things which I would never have imagined.
Managing relationships
A major source of the feelings of failure is the lost relationships.. former lovers, friends.. and the dysfunctional family relationships which are based on complex history of culture, etc. So I have ended those relationships which do not nurture me. Some relationships which I cannot end, I am working to remove the expectations of any kind of result and to be a bit more practical in terms of how we achieve whatever results we want. Work based relationships are also important and sometimes the unpaid work generates the greatest angst. I am glad that I have said no to some things which were emerging as wearisome rather than challenging.
Keeping busy
It is good to keep busy, not to ignore what is happen or to silence the thoughts, but to be actively engaged in things which bring pleasure and feelings of achievement. Some things are spontaneous , others are deliberately planned. One of the things which I felt bad about was when I resigned from Help & Shelter, was how to use the knowledge and skills which I had since there was no vehicle to use this knowledge. However, there have been many workshops and other activities which required preparation and planning and which also had their own challenges. Writing is important.. and that has also helped.. whether my journal or this blog.
Spirit and God
I usually curse God when I feel overwhelmed and want to die, and then Thank God for the good things which happen and the bad things which force me to try to do things to survive. My atheist friends would probably laugh at me and ask why bother. But this is not so much about God, but really about working through our spirituality. This is not about devil possession ( people have prayed for me and wanted to slap and flog me for views I have held ).. but about creating a world view in which we are active but which would not hold us down. I know a Catholic priest. who has been through the political oppressions but who has maintained a sense of humour and bright eyes and no bitterness or sense of entitlement as a result of the struggle. That is the kind of spirituality which I hope to build for myself.
GOOD READ, VIDYA!
ReplyDeleteVidya,
ReplyDeleteThank you for remembering the day. I would love to help if an effort is made to set up a support organisation.
I was not diagnosed until I was 38 and have been on medication since. Before, I was functional and coped without others noticing. At 40, I was committed by a relative who did not believe that I was seeing a psychiatrist. I could not believe that these archaic laws existed in Guyana that a family member could go to a magistrate to commit a relative (without the magistrate seeing the person) to government psychiatric assessment - which in my case involved the police arresting me at Ogle, as I was about to fly into a mining area - to take me to be incarcerated in the Observation Ward. It took a week before a friend could bribe a nurse to let me go and seek proper psychiatric care. I was hospitalized for two weeks to reverse the effects of the medication forced on me without a diagnosis.
There are few competent psychiatrists. I am sorry for folks who cannot afford to pay for care. I helped get the MoH assistance to craft a mental health plan but not sufficient resources are allocated for training.
Anna