one thing at a time...
It has been a difficult few weeks fighting the urge to want to lie down and sleep and be in the dark.. not wake up.. and not to eat all the sugar in the bottle. Physical health is affected by mental health though it is not sure which one comes first but both are related.
Things become harder to plan and achieve major outcomes - focus is on getting through each minute, each second..each task.. get up, write this email, do this thing, that thing.. and working through the various obstacles - cough, fever, restlessness, family tensions, heat, political crap
The Swami reminded the people on the video that Happiness comes from Within..
I know that that the chocolate taste lingers only for so long..no matter how much you eat.. the sensation of the crunching of the plantain chips and tastee snacks and crackers and peanuts only lasts for a few seconds..
and that the taste of the grape thrill and grape icee might linger for a half hour so (and I cant find any grape drink where I am going to look for it)
.. and that after indulging the body feels sick and the mind does not feel better.. and there is this active struggle to reject the things which make me feel negative and seek out positive..
The two interactions with the former friend.. who fate says I will always meet up.. and there will never be the space which should happen.. I am proud that I am civil - I answer the questions politely, no quarrel.. nothing.. Bhagvad Gita Chapter 6 Verse 9 comes up "spiritual advancement is realised when one views friend and foe alike.."
That not easy.. i have affection for friends, for foes though..is another thing.. but in being polite, I mourn the loss of the friendship
As my mind is restless.. working back and forth.. doing, fighting, succumbing, resisting, celebrating, mourning, searching, pushing, .. the universe points me back again to Bhagvad Gita, Chapter 6 Verse 25.. and reminding about how the mind can be controlled by practice, by meditation.. on the soul.. 'who is this being who is struggling?"
As I deal with all the feelings of inadequacy.. I get a rejection letter rejecting an application for much needed funding ..
I am proud because as I have dealt with other rejections, this is not for me.. though part of me is sinking because the critiques are in the areas of the personal competence which I had assumed that I have.. so this is how I will know that I am not as good as I think I am. And there is a certain tired thing of thinking I have to fix certain things.. but there is a fatigue because always fixing fixing .. at some point there must be a point of realising.. perhaps it is more positive to think that it is not fixing, but building.
And when I buy the four sugar cake from the lady outside Bounty on Regent Street ($160) .. the pink and white one.. I am enjoying it and then when on the second one .. a woman begs me for ten dollars.. i ask her if she wants sugar cake .. she say yes .. and I give her the remaining eighty dollars worth.. and then when I take the wrong minibus for UG and have to walk in the hot sun.from the line top to the campus. .. I realise.. hey.. is the eighty dollars sugar wuking out hey.. saving me the $60 fare ..
So the good and the bad.. the physical exercise is taking longer.. the yoga which requires concentration is not easy to do.. not because of the body but because of the mind.. so I will go eat some ice-cream and I know all will be well because the alternative is not good.
Things become harder to plan and achieve major outcomes - focus is on getting through each minute, each second..each task.. get up, write this email, do this thing, that thing.. and working through the various obstacles - cough, fever, restlessness, family tensions, heat, political crap
The Swami reminded the people on the video that Happiness comes from Within..
I know that that the chocolate taste lingers only for so long..no matter how much you eat.. the sensation of the crunching of the plantain chips and tastee snacks and crackers and peanuts only lasts for a few seconds..
and that the taste of the grape thrill and grape icee might linger for a half hour so (and I cant find any grape drink where I am going to look for it)
.. and that after indulging the body feels sick and the mind does not feel better.. and there is this active struggle to reject the things which make me feel negative and seek out positive..
The two interactions with the former friend.. who fate says I will always meet up.. and there will never be the space which should happen.. I am proud that I am civil - I answer the questions politely, no quarrel.. nothing.. Bhagvad Gita Chapter 6 Verse 9 comes up "spiritual advancement is realised when one views friend and foe alike.."
That not easy.. i have affection for friends, for foes though..is another thing.. but in being polite, I mourn the loss of the friendship
As my mind is restless.. working back and forth.. doing, fighting, succumbing, resisting, celebrating, mourning, searching, pushing, .. the universe points me back again to Bhagvad Gita, Chapter 6 Verse 25.. and reminding about how the mind can be controlled by practice, by meditation.. on the soul.. 'who is this being who is struggling?"
As I deal with all the feelings of inadequacy.. I get a rejection letter rejecting an application for much needed funding ..
I am proud because as I have dealt with other rejections, this is not for me.. though part of me is sinking because the critiques are in the areas of the personal competence which I had assumed that I have.. so this is how I will know that I am not as good as I think I am. And there is a certain tired thing of thinking I have to fix certain things.. but there is a fatigue because always fixing fixing .. at some point there must be a point of realising.. perhaps it is more positive to think that it is not fixing, but building.
And when I buy the four sugar cake from the lady outside Bounty on Regent Street ($160) .. the pink and white one.. I am enjoying it and then when on the second one .. a woman begs me for ten dollars.. i ask her if she wants sugar cake .. she say yes .. and I give her the remaining eighty dollars worth.. and then when I take the wrong minibus for UG and have to walk in the hot sun.from the line top to the campus. .. I realise.. hey.. is the eighty dollars sugar wuking out hey.. saving me the $60 fare ..
So the good and the bad.. the physical exercise is taking longer.. the yoga which requires concentration is not easy to do.. not because of the body but because of the mind.. so I will go eat some ice-cream and I know all will be well because the alternative is not good.
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