Forgiving and being forgiven...
Some of my Christian facebook friends were overjoyed after the Gospel Concert on Saturday night when President Jagdeo and Raphael Trotman held hands.
Rapheal Trotman apparently asked the President to forgive him and the President said he would do so. The President might or might not have said something about 'me too' but in a country marred by ugly rhetoric, the crowd went 'wild' no doubt at thinking that it is possible to have some connection.
Cynics like me were horrified at the abuse of a religious event - and view the whole forgiveness thing through a lens of suspicion.. will AFC join up with Love and Faith and the PPP to contest the upcoming General Elections against the blood on the hands PNC? But wasn't Mr Corbin the man who in 2003 sided with the Evangelical Churches who were praying and fasting against the sexual orientation as a fundamental right thing? Or have those people now switched their sides to the God fearing PPP now? So.. all of a sudden it looks like gospel will form a large part of the upcoming general elections.
But this thing about forgiveness though and being forgiven .. it not easy. I can apologise very easily.. and sometimes I do not mean the apology .. and I have been told that I cannot do my thing and then say sorry and expect that I can get away with that. True.. asking for forgiveness means facing consequences and changing behaviour and attitude.
Many times I have been horrified at the impact of my words and actions and have been glad for the forgiveness and I have been conscious of what and how I say certain things to people. Other times of course I have never received any forgiveness and I have moved on, though still hoping that someday I will be forgiven.
Hindu scriptures talk a lot about us not being separate. My Facebook page.. shows me these wonderful connections. Children of two of the Presidential Candidates are on my friends list and all of a sudden I realise that any sarcasm, satire and condemnation and so on.. well , one just does not insult the father's of one's friends. Another child (not a facebook friend) of a prominent man hauled me up for insinuating some wrong doing by asking a question about a relationship with a wrong doer and I apologised, even though lots of other people asked me what on earth was I apologising for. Kind of like what some of us wondered about Mr Trotman.
I have learnt to forgive.. what it means to me is letting go of a desire for revenge. However, it does not mean that I will let go of the desire to ensure that consequences are faced for any of the wrongs done to me. It was ironic for me on Monday when a man I was close to called to mock me about a statement I made about reconciliation (on facebook) and then I happened to see him later as well.. and I laughed at myself.. and asked myself so .. have you forgiven him for the undermining and the contempt or will you keep the distance which is necessary to ensure that no further damage is done ? And then polish my halo about how wonderful I am at forgiving?
I laugh at myself as I find myself engaging with people who have cussed me up and have made my life difficult - and without asking for apologies or anything like that, maybe because of my own insincere apologies. What I am grateful for is when I notice change of behaviour and attitudes , and people expressing their own remorse. In July 2010 after Mr Edghill and the IRO insinuated that we were pedophiles with the SASOD film festival, we learnt from another man that instead of rioting and burning down the place.. we should rise above that and forgive Mr Edghill for his ignorance and have compassion for him and go to dialogue with him and his colleagues. The IRO never replied to our letter for dialogue.
I have learnt from the people who no longer hate those who have abused them, raped them and harmed them terribly, that the hate and anger can consume and sometimes inhibit the ability to see justice done.
Whatever we do in Guyana, however we approach reconciliation, forgiveness and maintaining our connectedness with each other.. we should ensure that justice is not sacrificed in that project. And people should be wary of people like me who are not always serious when we are asking for forgiveness.
Rapheal Trotman apparently asked the President to forgive him and the President said he would do so. The President might or might not have said something about 'me too' but in a country marred by ugly rhetoric, the crowd went 'wild' no doubt at thinking that it is possible to have some connection.
Cynics like me were horrified at the abuse of a religious event - and view the whole forgiveness thing through a lens of suspicion.. will AFC join up with Love and Faith and the PPP to contest the upcoming General Elections against the blood on the hands PNC? But wasn't Mr Corbin the man who in 2003 sided with the Evangelical Churches who were praying and fasting against the sexual orientation as a fundamental right thing? Or have those people now switched their sides to the God fearing PPP now? So.. all of a sudden it looks like gospel will form a large part of the upcoming general elections.
But this thing about forgiveness though and being forgiven .. it not easy. I can apologise very easily.. and sometimes I do not mean the apology .. and I have been told that I cannot do my thing and then say sorry and expect that I can get away with that. True.. asking for forgiveness means facing consequences and changing behaviour and attitude.
Many times I have been horrified at the impact of my words and actions and have been glad for the forgiveness and I have been conscious of what and how I say certain things to people. Other times of course I have never received any forgiveness and I have moved on, though still hoping that someday I will be forgiven.
Hindu scriptures talk a lot about us not being separate. My Facebook page.. shows me these wonderful connections. Children of two of the Presidential Candidates are on my friends list and all of a sudden I realise that any sarcasm, satire and condemnation and so on.. well , one just does not insult the father's of one's friends. Another child (not a facebook friend) of a prominent man hauled me up for insinuating some wrong doing by asking a question about a relationship with a wrong doer and I apologised, even though lots of other people asked me what on earth was I apologising for. Kind of like what some of us wondered about Mr Trotman.
I have learnt to forgive.. what it means to me is letting go of a desire for revenge. However, it does not mean that I will let go of the desire to ensure that consequences are faced for any of the wrongs done to me. It was ironic for me on Monday when a man I was close to called to mock me about a statement I made about reconciliation (on facebook) and then I happened to see him later as well.. and I laughed at myself.. and asked myself so .. have you forgiven him for the undermining and the contempt or will you keep the distance which is necessary to ensure that no further damage is done ? And then polish my halo about how wonderful I am at forgiving?
I laugh at myself as I find myself engaging with people who have cussed me up and have made my life difficult - and without asking for apologies or anything like that, maybe because of my own insincere apologies. What I am grateful for is when I notice change of behaviour and attitudes , and people expressing their own remorse. In July 2010 after Mr Edghill and the IRO insinuated that we were pedophiles with the SASOD film festival, we learnt from another man that instead of rioting and burning down the place.. we should rise above that and forgive Mr Edghill for his ignorance and have compassion for him and go to dialogue with him and his colleagues. The IRO never replied to our letter for dialogue.
I have learnt from the people who no longer hate those who have abused them, raped them and harmed them terribly, that the hate and anger can consume and sometimes inhibit the ability to see justice done.
Whatever we do in Guyana, however we approach reconciliation, forgiveness and maintaining our connectedness with each other.. we should ensure that justice is not sacrificed in that project. And people should be wary of people like me who are not always serious when we are asking for forgiveness.
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