The ballots..
Comrades, well wishers, and those who should not be concerned about our internal business
In pursuit of that western imperialist notion of democracy , we have come to a resolution, not unlike the Demerara cricket people, to have more than one poll for Supreme Leader in more than one place.
You see, when this party was planned, we never thought we would need to use the constitution. We thought that the leadership would have been handed down from one person to the other and all comrades would accept the decisions of the supreme leaders. These days, the evils of television have resulted in us having to actually read the constitution and sort out things because Father and Mother never left a position which we agreed. well Mother left a baby who keep throwing tantrums so we have to throw the baby out with the bath water this time.
So, due to these circumstances and the fact that the opposition party making us look stupid.. we said right, we will have two ballots - one in the headquarters with the show of hands after deodorant is applied since no one is afraid in the headquarters, and then a poll with secret ballots in the rum shop with the most prados, SUVs, tundras parked outside on a week night.
Show of hands
We want to be open and transparent. Voters will ensure that nobody has stains under their arms. We have decided that since we know that everyone will want something from the candidates that we will ask the candidates to lay everything on the table as to what they will offer to who.
Candidate number 1 , the oldest one will lay out some of his nice suits and ties from his days as an erudite lawyer and he will also give out copies of constitutions and law books from Guyana and other nice literature things which the Market News likes. We feel confident that people who show their hands for this candidate would not have been influenced by anything he can give since well, they not likely to understand anything anyways.
Candidate number 2 : He will be giving out goat curry.. biting the goat before the goat bite the candidate him as it were, This candidate will also give out boxes of the leadership inspiring cornflakes which are not made in America in true socialist fashion.
Candidate number 3 : Will give out lectures and speeches on how to stay in the party while cussing it up and cussing up the environment of the government and how to survive while being a pariah, and not going to join another political party and still hoping for change from within the party.
Candidate number 4 : will not promise anyone anything because he has to wait and see who will give him first, and he is not sure since he friken to be cussed up and bused out by the Chronicle letter writers.. he is handpicked by the chief protagonist of the show of hands method who wants to ensure that non-imperialist deodorant is used to avoid sour smells when the hands are raised.
Candidate number 5 : This candidate is good at smokescreens. However, this candidate will give out cigarettes - tobacco, not ganja - to anyone who wants them whether they show hands or not. We will try to silence this candidate because it will be unfair competition. The voice might appeal to those who long for the days when Mother spoke and everyone just followed and no one had to worry about democracy or voting and people might not see who is behind the smokescreen and think of voting for the good old days.
Rum shop ballot
The secret ballot will be held in the rum shop. This will be for all the sour people who only want enough money to buy the rum and the cutters (goat curry does not work good as a cutter, it is very rank and hence we are sure there will no undue influence from Candidate number 2) and who will still take low paying jobs because of principle and other noble virtues which are only talked about in the rum shop or in church or mandir or mosque.
The trouble with doing the secret ballot in the rum shop, is the logistics because well, nobody keeps any secret in a rum shop.. but we know that people are likely to vote against the candidates who they vex with rather than for people who they want and people could get reckless with the votes.
So We decided that we will take three polls. The first poll would be at the beginning when everyone meets and all is good and nobody decide who paying for the drinks.
We will do the second poll when people start singing the national anthem or old indian film songs and cussing up those who do not drink rum.
We will do the final poll when that people might want to fight and curse the party or hug up and kiss each and start crying other telling them they love each other and love Guyana.
We will then find a way of using some mathematics approved by the Chief Comrade Mathematician to ensure that the secret ballots and the open ballot have the same results..
Long live the Father and Mother of the Nation! Long Live the Party - well except the traitors of course.
In pursuit of that western imperialist notion of democracy , we have come to a resolution, not unlike the Demerara cricket people, to have more than one poll for Supreme Leader in more than one place.
You see, when this party was planned, we never thought we would need to use the constitution. We thought that the leadership would have been handed down from one person to the other and all comrades would accept the decisions of the supreme leaders. These days, the evils of television have resulted in us having to actually read the constitution and sort out things because Father and Mother never left a position which we agreed. well Mother left a baby who keep throwing tantrums so we have to throw the baby out with the bath water this time.
So, due to these circumstances and the fact that the opposition party making us look stupid.. we said right, we will have two ballots - one in the headquarters with the show of hands after deodorant is applied since no one is afraid in the headquarters, and then a poll with secret ballots in the rum shop with the most prados, SUVs, tundras parked outside on a week night.
Show of hands
We want to be open and transparent. Voters will ensure that nobody has stains under their arms. We have decided that since we know that everyone will want something from the candidates that we will ask the candidates to lay everything on the table as to what they will offer to who.
Candidate number 1 , the oldest one will lay out some of his nice suits and ties from his days as an erudite lawyer and he will also give out copies of constitutions and law books from Guyana and other nice literature things which the Market News likes. We feel confident that people who show their hands for this candidate would not have been influenced by anything he can give since well, they not likely to understand anything anyways.
Candidate number 2 : He will be giving out goat curry.. biting the goat before the goat bite the candidate him as it were, This candidate will also give out boxes of the leadership inspiring cornflakes which are not made in America in true socialist fashion.
Candidate number 3 : Will give out lectures and speeches on how to stay in the party while cussing it up and cussing up the environment of the government and how to survive while being a pariah, and not going to join another political party and still hoping for change from within the party.
Candidate number 4 : will not promise anyone anything because he has to wait and see who will give him first, and he is not sure since he friken to be cussed up and bused out by the Chronicle letter writers.. he is handpicked by the chief protagonist of the show of hands method who wants to ensure that non-imperialist deodorant is used to avoid sour smells when the hands are raised.
Candidate number 5 : This candidate is good at smokescreens. However, this candidate will give out cigarettes - tobacco, not ganja - to anyone who wants them whether they show hands or not. We will try to silence this candidate because it will be unfair competition. The voice might appeal to those who long for the days when Mother spoke and everyone just followed and no one had to worry about democracy or voting and people might not see who is behind the smokescreen and think of voting for the good old days.
Rum shop ballot
The secret ballot will be held in the rum shop. This will be for all the sour people who only want enough money to buy the rum and the cutters (goat curry does not work good as a cutter, it is very rank and hence we are sure there will no undue influence from Candidate number 2) and who will still take low paying jobs because of principle and other noble virtues which are only talked about in the rum shop or in church or mandir or mosque.
The trouble with doing the secret ballot in the rum shop, is the logistics because well, nobody keeps any secret in a rum shop.. but we know that people are likely to vote against the candidates who they vex with rather than for people who they want and people could get reckless with the votes.
So We decided that we will take three polls. The first poll would be at the beginning when everyone meets and all is good and nobody decide who paying for the drinks.
We will do the second poll when people start singing the national anthem or old indian film songs and cussing up those who do not drink rum.
We will do the final poll when that people might want to fight and curse the party or hug up and kiss each and start crying other telling them they love each other and love Guyana.
We will then find a way of using some mathematics approved by the Chief Comrade Mathematician to ensure that the secret ballots and the open ballot have the same results..
Long live the Father and Mother of the Nation! Long Live the Party - well except the traitors of course.
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