To give or not to give .. sewa
I was angry, really angry at a guy for whom I have the greatest respect . I had spent a lot of hours working at this computer centre and had hoped it would have turned into this active place from which dynamic and fantastic things would happen. Instead, there was dust all over, the server had not been used for some time. There were reasons for the closing of the centre, but I was still angry when I saw the dust and the unused place.
Self less service.
The Bhagvad Gita talks about selfless service.. about giving freely without wanting anything in return and of offering help when asked.
I used to tell people that I liberated myself from feelings of inferiority to Caucasian races by putting a pound coin in the hand of a white beggar in the UK.. . Now I feel bad for the reason for giving that pound coin to show that I was superior and could help a white man.
There is a tradition of sharing the wonderful stories of philanthropy, and some people position themselves so that they are seen as wonderful giving human beings. Thing is, if one is engaging in sewa, surely there should be no need to write up about it or to celebrate the 'gratitude' of the people who were on the receiving end of the Sewa.
The story which inspires me is one which a Swami told from the Mahabharata. I do not have the exact details. In the war between relatives, the best astrologer was on Arjuna's side. The 'enemy' sent a question to the astrologer to ask when was the best time to kill Arjuna. And the astrologer told the enemy of the time to kill Arjuna.. Lord Krishna intervened and changed things a bit so that 'time' was never realised,.. so ultimate service, giving to your 'enemy'
Trying to work with the 'enemy'..
One of the joys (and I know, I not supposed to be attached to joy) of working with Help & Shelter is a result of meeting all kinds of people who think differently from me about a whole set of things and whose politics are sometimes on the opposite pole from mine. But.. the work goes on and it is funny the engagement with the 'enemy' turns out not to be too bad. At the same time, I learnt the hard way, that I cannot suppress my views and that when I least expect it, the contempt/anger/rage/ will come out and the opportunity for service is destroyed.
Expecting recognition and gratitude
Guruji Balakrishnan gave an important talk at the opening of a mandir in Guyana. He said the donor should consider himself blessed that he could have the resources to build the mandir, and to hand it over to the community since it was no longer his own. It was sad to see the donor ignore that advice, and become unhappy because of all the various things which he said that people around him did or did not do.. the mandir it seemed became a burden of unfulfilled expectations... sort of like some of my love affairs.
Sewa in love..
Many of my love relationships were formed based on unexpressed needs.. and as I look back, I realise that those needs were never truly expressed or fulfilled. There is this thing about 'friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends forever' and I think now that same thing with lovers.. 'lovers for a reason, lovers for a season.. and lovers forever'. The good times were when the needs were being met, the bad times were when the feeling of favours not being returned and needs not being met.. or that perhaps, there was no longer a need for the other since the sewa had been given and received and it was time to move on.
Selfless service and appreciation..
Giving and not giving
I like to think in my head that I will give unconditionally.. but I still refuse to give to junkies and children who are begging. Sometimes I have told the people who come with their stories that it is okay, I do not need to hear the story. I said no once to going to sing Ramayana at a place where they had El Dorado rum tents.. only to find that I found myself having to sing at a place where they had Carib Beer tents so much for my principles.. and another night we went to sing at a rum shop turned altar.. but as it turned out the people did not want us.
Overcoming the attachment to the results
Fortunately, I was not able to vent my disappointment of the unused computer centre - I had no credit in my phone to call and cuss up the guy, other things intervened. I calmed down, realised that the people I worked with also invested and their reasons for not using the centre are valid. Every time I see the room, I feel a twinge of sadness that the centre did not work out. I realise about all of the other things.. good people I have met, the opportunity that I had to learn, all of those things which are perhaps as wonderful as the things which never happened. And then I wonder, should I be bothering with these things if I am truly detached from the results of the service I gave...
Self less service.
The Bhagvad Gita talks about selfless service.. about giving freely without wanting anything in return and of offering help when asked.
I used to tell people that I liberated myself from feelings of inferiority to Caucasian races by putting a pound coin in the hand of a white beggar in the UK.. . Now I feel bad for the reason for giving that pound coin to show that I was superior and could help a white man.
There is a tradition of sharing the wonderful stories of philanthropy, and some people position themselves so that they are seen as wonderful giving human beings. Thing is, if one is engaging in sewa, surely there should be no need to write up about it or to celebrate the 'gratitude' of the people who were on the receiving end of the Sewa.
The story which inspires me is one which a Swami told from the Mahabharata. I do not have the exact details. In the war between relatives, the best astrologer was on Arjuna's side. The 'enemy' sent a question to the astrologer to ask when was the best time to kill Arjuna. And the astrologer told the enemy of the time to kill Arjuna.. Lord Krishna intervened and changed things a bit so that 'time' was never realised,.. so ultimate service, giving to your 'enemy'
Trying to work with the 'enemy'..
One of the joys (and I know, I not supposed to be attached to joy) of working with Help & Shelter is a result of meeting all kinds of people who think differently from me about a whole set of things and whose politics are sometimes on the opposite pole from mine. But.. the work goes on and it is funny the engagement with the 'enemy' turns out not to be too bad. At the same time, I learnt the hard way, that I cannot suppress my views and that when I least expect it, the contempt/anger/rage/ will come out and the opportunity for service is destroyed.
Expecting recognition and gratitude
Guruji Balakrishnan gave an important talk at the opening of a mandir in Guyana. He said the donor should consider himself blessed that he could have the resources to build the mandir, and to hand it over to the community since it was no longer his own. It was sad to see the donor ignore that advice, and become unhappy because of all the various things which he said that people around him did or did not do.. the mandir it seemed became a burden of unfulfilled expectations... sort of like some of my love affairs.
Sewa in love..
Many of my love relationships were formed based on unexpressed needs.. and as I look back, I realise that those needs were never truly expressed or fulfilled. There is this thing about 'friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends forever' and I think now that same thing with lovers.. 'lovers for a reason, lovers for a season.. and lovers forever'. The good times were when the needs were being met, the bad times were when the feeling of favours not being returned and needs not being met.. or that perhaps, there was no longer a need for the other since the sewa had been given and received and it was time to move on.
Selfless service and appreciation..
When we were learning the counselling, one of the trainers told us that we should get into our heads that the people who we are counselling are under no obligation nor do they owe us anything, not even thanks. I think this stymied a lot of people who wanted to get into counselling because they wanted the power that comes with it. One of the organisations I am involved with encourages volunteers, and it is fascinating how some of the volunteers lament that they get no stipend, recognition, etc for the work they do despite the fact that the organisation is held together by two women who very quietly give hours of their voluntary time.
Giving and not giving
I like to think in my head that I will give unconditionally.. but I still refuse to give to junkies and children who are begging. Sometimes I have told the people who come with their stories that it is okay, I do not need to hear the story. I said no once to going to sing Ramayana at a place where they had El Dorado rum tents.. only to find that I found myself having to sing at a place where they had Carib Beer tents so much for my principles.. and another night we went to sing at a rum shop turned altar.. but as it turned out the people did not want us.
Overcoming the attachment to the results
Fortunately, I was not able to vent my disappointment of the unused computer centre - I had no credit in my phone to call and cuss up the guy, other things intervened. I calmed down, realised that the people I worked with also invested and their reasons for not using the centre are valid. Every time I see the room, I feel a twinge of sadness that the centre did not work out. I realise about all of the other things.. good people I have met, the opportunity that I had to learn, all of those things which are perhaps as wonderful as the things which never happened. And then I wonder, should I be bothering with these things if I am truly detached from the results of the service I gave...
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