the tears and the hope..

This morning, I held the cup of coffee between my hands, and cried. The tears came from somewhere.. and I just held the warm cup in my hands. Earlier, I was doing the surya namaskar and my knee was feeling weird. The breathing was good and my mind was going through things.. I had to cease walking for exercise. By the last round, I just collapsed on the floor thinking that all of this was futile. Diabetes is to be managed with Diet and Exercise and it seems that so far, my plans for exercise are going down the drain.

So after the  tears, not sure why I was crying but i do not think it mattered. I think the deep breathing helps with cleansing perhaps. I felt like sitting down and not moving much.. had a piece of bitter alas. But, things to be done and I fought the urge to sit down.
I met one of the bright young women I know who told me that she finds that Guyana is now intellectually boring.. I gave her the spiel about Guyana's dysfunction is a good place to try ideas and to work on things, and to see results and be directly involved in solving problems. She did ask whether I was on my manic up.  Later on, I met another of the bright young men I know who is feeling useless in his job, and is working hard but has lost interest. I could not convince him enough of finding the erotic.. and somehow in doing all of this, I am feeling like I am fighting the reality that I just want to sit down on the pavement for awhile and eat lots of snocone with condensed milk.
I resist the urge to buy condensed milk. I think I am good about diabetes. In all of the discussions today, including another one with a young guy who is implementing his leadership responsibilities in his community without any desire for reward or recognition.. I managed to hold on and keep at it.
A woman said I looked like someone from the airport .
I come home tonight and the yoga cannot be done, because all the exercises seem to want the knee to flex a bit. I feel the wave of hopelessness overwhelm, and I am fighting it.. I have to look for a solution for exercising soon and dieting. The blasted Splash drink which has Splenda also has sugar in it. It is not easy to find things without sugar. They discriminate badly.
So.. the day started with tears which were long overdue. As in the past, I feel like I have to hold on a bit.. and I do not feel badly that today did not meet the objectives which I wanted. Other things happened.. which probably had better messages. I probably have to cry a few more times before this year's blues are over.. but yard have to be cleaned, articles to be written, software to be fixed, contracts to be drafted, proposals to be conceptualised.. they will happen.