Blazing fires and diya flames

The woman asked me if I was tired. She was outraged at the appointment of the doctor at GPHC despite his conviction as a sex offender. She was also trying to channel her anger into action.. and it seemed that part of her anger was that people, like me, were not doing anything big.

 I realised she was doing to me, what I had probably done to other people. The anger and passion which drives the need for justice could also drive people away who are preoccupied with other things. The barely repressed anger from the woman was turning to taunts at people she considered allies. I am glad that I could ignore those.. I know another woman whose principles are consistent but who hits out at those closest when there is no response to the kind of madness like the Government hiring a doctor whose license had been revoked.

My own rage has collateral damage in that some of the relationships I have with people tend to be strained when I feel that they do not see the things the way I see them, or as this week, broken.

The first time I became aware of my own blazing fire was when  a friend explained his growing distance from me.. he said that I was like the sun, I provide warmth from far away, but up close I burn.  At that time, I said to hell with it.. but the thing is that the blazing fire goes out leaving a kind of tiredness which sees nothing achieved .
These last months I have also had interactions with people whose views were influenced by years of back and forth in the newspapers around human rights for gay and lesbian people. It took seven years, but the absence of rage perhaps had contributed to people taking their own time to become aware of the issues and to see the homophobic rantings for what they were. It was not easy to dismiss the anger then, but it worked.. more than any confrontation could have done.

In the cliched world we live in, I realise now that before taking action on anything, it is to get rid of that anger first, and to plan.. blazing fires do not work, the Buddha warned that anger is like the live coal, it burns the person who holds it. On the other hand, I have seen how the small diya flame.. keeping it alive, lit, same fire, but different, slower, consistent, providing light rather than heat, you can put other diyas near to it to get light. That works better.

Instead of picketing, I am boycotting. I have avoided events at which the Minister of Human Services will officiate since she has not dealt with the allegations of child abuse against her nominee to the Rights of the Child Commission. I hope that she will also deal soon with the issue of the doctor at GPHC. I have told one religious leader that I will not attend his public functions (held on a Sunday) because he has a tendency to invite Government people who come to lecture and posture on issues. I prefer to spend my spare time doing other things.
I am cautious about which mandir celebrations I attend, because many of the mandirs invite the Government people to speak. I know I am not missed, but it is better to be that way, than to go and do a nice big walk out which I have always fantasised about doing.

I miss the fire and the rage, but this week I learnt that it is better to control that fire.. and have some compassion for those who are not as outraged as I am.  It serves no purpose to chase away those whose behaviour you want changed.