My funeral..

 At funerals, my mind wanders and I start to fantasize about my own funeral. A woman told me she has written in her will that she does not want a particular priest to officiate.. I dare not do that because with my luck, it might be that the only person available would be the person who I do not like.. what on earth.. I am supposed to be dead, so why does it matter?  Another guy said he wanted everyone to wear white at his funeral.

I do not want a funeral really, but then is not up to me, is really up to the people who might be around me at the time. I have a feeling, as I get older and more crotchety and own way.. that I will start to be deleting more and more people from my Facebook.. i mean, my life .. so that if fate has it by the time for my funeral there would not be too many people around, and the City Council or the private garbage contractors would find my body and put it in Georgetown's up to date waste disposal mechanism.
On the other hand, I fantasise.. what if, I start to live an interesting life like those whose death announcements have 'husband of, and then 'special friend of.. what I swear is the sweet woman.. i mean, what if.. there are three death announcements, with different hymns, each with a different wife or different special friend all of whom turn up at the same funeral  and that there is big lick down and cry down and buse down.. but that would mean I would have to work backwards and  start to live the kind of life so that my funeral would provide grand entertainment and spectacle; i mean, generally, should i be living the kind of life which would determine the kind of funeral I want?
I mean, think of it, if you dont want people to be sad and devastated when you are dead.. then you have to distance yourself slowly from them, or just cuss them up when you living so that they will be relieved when you are dead, happy even..
but, if you nice and people adore you and so on, then when you dead, they going to be sad  and I don't want people to be sad because of me.. so how then I supposed to live with people?  Is either I make them happy when I living, or happy at my funeral..

Speaking of hymns and bhajans.. well, I would not want to wait until I dead for any special hymns and bhajans for me, these should be for the living so that they can be comforted, but then what if my death is of great comfort to a lot of people.. so just go on with some hymns of thanksgiving  and I will keep singing my favourite hymns and so on when I am alive.. thank you very much.

The Hindu thing is to be cremated.. but since is not me going to decide, well is either the up to date dump site or a cremation. People say they scared of the fire.. well the box under the ground also terrifying.. I mean, you done dead already right? Nobody must come from outside fuh meh funeral.. yall please come when I am alive or send a ticket fuh me (fuh those countries that welcome Guyanese with open arms without visa) I gun vex bad if they hold back meh funeral fuh any reason.. what am I saying, I done dead already.

There is no need for eulogy or tribute .. I can blow my own trumpet when I am alive and I will ensure that people know how great I am AND I will keep blackmailing the dwindling list of friends and relatives who are interested to keep telling me how great they think I am rather than wait until the funeral.

Others plan their funerals with great care and detail.. me now, I will have to see what other options there are ..