Report of the Coalition Consultant

Oy (phonetic oy as in b-oy) have come 'ere fruhm Bah'bayduhz to talk to some people about how to win elections. Oy am not tay'in' money fruhm hanyone since oy am a patriot and we in Bah'bayduhz are feh' up wi' Goyanese who are fleeing Goyana an' coming 'ere to steal our jobs , beg on the streets, steal our men, steal our money, burn our stomachs wi' spicy curry an' fatten us wi' roti.
Oy am aware dat dere are Goyanese who look like us but once dey keep dere mouth shut, de' we do noh' have a problem wi' acceptin' dehmm' amongst us.

So it is moy patrio'ic duty to report on de findings. Furst of hall, oy 'ave found dat dere hare many people who wan' be President. Da' is good  hin a democracy.
But i' is not so good hin an alliance or coalition which his tryin' to overcome a popular party.

Oy spoke to PNC/C leaders who hare willing to alliance wid anybody hincluding those from the break away alliance party.
Oy could not get to speak to de party in power but oy suspect dat dey would 'ave no problem alliancing wid anybody who would keep dem in power.

Hair
Oy 'ave found dat people hin Goyana are concerned wi' race. De leaders are not concerned wi' race since all parties are one big happy family , wi' same DNA and genetic structure. Oy tink da' de coalition 'ave to overcome race and  de following is recommended :-

• Mistuh Kohrbin sir should ge' a nice weave made from hIndian hair to honour 'is hIndian hAncestry an' 'e should get a new photograph fruhm dat colonial suit ting
• Mistuh Troh'man sir should go on a language immersion course in one of de villages in Burbice, if dey still have people dere, an' learn to speak like a real Goyanese. Mistuh Troh'man is not runnin' fo' elections in Bah'bayduhz
• Mistuh Rumjuhttan sir should not go to Burbice because dey might chase 'im away. Mistuh Rumjattan sir should learn to do a nice passa passa which many Goyanese seem to like. We in Bah'bayduz do not approve of passa passa except if it will help to keep Goyanese hin Goyana.

Oy spoke wi' sum people from de WPA. We in Bah'bayduz have nevuh killed any of our politicians. We are bettah dan even de hInglish dat way who have cut off heads an' so on. Oy tink dat de WPA is a nice idea an' we welcome dem in Bah'bayduz at our University an' at de few moments in de year when we need a conscience. Like 'ow some of us go to Church on Goo' Friday.
Oderwise, oy respekfully submit dat de WPA woul' fin' great disappointment in alliancing wi' anybody who do not have dey principles. Haftuh hall, dat is why de WPA is not in de Parliament since is only dem have de principles.

On dat sad note Oy depar' fruhm Goyana aftuh LIAT star' to fly back. Sum ah moy fellow citzens have a nigh'mare dat dey come to Goyana an' dat LIAT stop work an Caribbean Airlines is full up an dey cant leave.

Oy tink de honliest solution fuh de coalition is to fin' someone to lead dem who do no' wan' to be Presiden' and who do no' need de big pension an' who no' have any baggage an' who can have wide appeal. Bu' she is already Proime Ministuh o' Trinidad.