COMRADES poll finds 100% of Guyanese like mauby..
Following the recent polling frenzy in Guyana, COMRADES, a grass roots polling organisation which is based in Guyana and which likes to mind people business conducted a credible poll of Guyanese on matters of national interest. (COMRADES uses the word grass roots with care since grass roots is a word used by people who are not grass roots when they want to align with people who are oppressed or when they need to feel good. In Guyana no one is oppressed any more since mauby is available for all and grass grows everywhere)
COMRADES employs the strictest ethics to ensure credibility. Every client is tested to ensure that they do have an association with at least one political party. No client is rejected, we just tailor the results of the poll accordingly. The most recent client represented the best kind of client - she seemed to be in bed with the PPP/R in a house of the AFC while being distantly related to the PNC/C.
COMRADES tried to find a measure of national identity and we found that everybody liked mauby.100% of Guyanese feel that mauby tastes better now than it ever did before and it will continue to taste better with the current government. The views of the other 43% of Guyanese who felt that mauby does not taste now like the good old days (1966 to 1992) are discounted from this poll.
In order to to assess the political climate, COMRADES polls and asks questions until they get the answers which would please all the political parties. That is easier said to done, since in some cases, COMRADES has to remind the people about who the political parties are.
COMRADEs pollsters find it difficult because in many cases we ask about PPP/R(Robert, Ralph, Rohee, Ramotaur) and PNC/C (Corbin) and AFC, the people ask us why we not asking them about Sharma. When we explain that we only asking about parliamentary parties, they suck their teeth and throw the mauby we bought for them in our face.
We conclude that 100% Guyanese are concerned about politics and that the people who are not concerned are not real Guyanese. Guyanese include all who are outside of Guyana, especially those who write letters to the newspapers.
Leadership
When asked how they felt about Corbin as Leader , the people who appeared to be PNC supporters said that they do not mind if Corbin is Leader, as long as he is Leader of the PPP/R or the AFC.
Visionary leadership -
Mauby drinkers believed that since Bharat has cut his limsey off and seems to be wearing spectacles, that his vision will be more long term. His approval ratings have gone up even higher among the people who voted for him and we also think among people who did not vote for him and who will never vote for him.
People felt that just as how Digicel came in and upset the status quo for cell phones, so they yearn for new upset in Leadership like that in Trinidad & Tobago
COMRADEs therefore concludes that the AFC should elect Ramjattan and he should wear an orange dress and use a Digicel phone and drink mauby in public at every chance he gets. In addition, he nor any AFC leader should not grow a limsey to cloud their vision or they should rotate fast enough for the limsey to stick out.
Governance
The mauby drinkers say they like to hear and see when the Adivsor on Governance blows smoke as part of the Governance strategy. When asked what cigarette smoke they want to have blown at them, 50% said Bristol, 65% said Marlboro, 68% said Marlboro hidden in a Bristol box would be okay since they understand that people would still want to be grass roots even though their salaries have improved. There was a significant majority, about 70% who said that they preferred ganja smoke blown at them, but they are now in the police lock up with the COMRADE who suggested that item.
Voting
When we asked peole who they would vote for, many of them appeared puzzled since they are accustomed to mauby being mauby. Questions about GM Mauby bark vs Organic Mauby bark caused the people to ask the COMRADES if they have time to waste, people were just happy to get their mauby without any concerns about where it coming from and such like.
Some people did not see the party of their choice on the list, and added in writing, sometimes scrawly, Gaza and Gully as their choice of political party.
Migration
COMRADES asked people if they wanted to stay in Guyana or leave. The people in the rum shop wanted to leave Guyana, then they wanted to stay in Guyana, then they wanted to die in Guyana, and then they started fighting with the COMRADES and then they passed out.
Some of the people at the US Embassy line say no no, they just going on holiday to the US and they have no plans to stay there, in that tone of voice which made the COMRADES feel that something was wrong.
On Regent Street, there were a few people who could not speak English , even though they had Guyana passports. COMRADES will go to the ERC to get a Chinese interpreter so as not to discriminate against any ethnicity or nationality.
Some of the boys on the road said that they were patriotic and planned to stay in Guyana. They just wanted their relatives to migrate so that the relatives could send back money for them.
COMRADES has extensive experience in polling. Our poll results have been rejected equally in Guyana and other Caribbean territories. Academics complain that our percentages do not add up to 100%, we tell them that there is always more than meets the eye so shut up with your imperialist and colonial methodologies which do not fit Guyana's needs.
We predicted that Kamla would wear a blue suit at her inauguration; that Dudus would become a member of the Golding cabinet and that the PNC would win the elections in 1992, 1997, 2001 and 2006 if they did not have the R. We also predicted that the PPP would win those same elections. And the AFC as well.
COMRADES also employs different methodologies to get answers - questionnaires, focus groups, lying, false promises, bribery and intimidation.
COMRADES employs the strictest ethics to ensure credibility. Every client is tested to ensure that they do have an association with at least one political party. No client is rejected, we just tailor the results of the poll accordingly. The most recent client represented the best kind of client - she seemed to be in bed with the PPP/R in a house of the AFC while being distantly related to the PNC/C.
COMRADES tried to find a measure of national identity and we found that everybody liked mauby.100% of Guyanese feel that mauby tastes better now than it ever did before and it will continue to taste better with the current government. The views of the other 43% of Guyanese who felt that mauby does not taste now like the good old days (1966 to 1992) are discounted from this poll.
In order to to assess the political climate, COMRADES polls and asks questions until they get the answers which would please all the political parties. That is easier said to done, since in some cases, COMRADES has to remind the people about who the political parties are.
COMRADEs pollsters find it difficult because in many cases we ask about PPP/R(Robert, Ralph, Rohee, Ramotaur) and PNC/C (Corbin) and AFC, the people ask us why we not asking them about Sharma. When we explain that we only asking about parliamentary parties, they suck their teeth and throw the mauby we bought for them in our face.
We conclude that 100% Guyanese are concerned about politics and that the people who are not concerned are not real Guyanese. Guyanese include all who are outside of Guyana, especially those who write letters to the newspapers.
Leadership
When asked how they felt about Corbin as Leader , the people who appeared to be PNC supporters said that they do not mind if Corbin is Leader, as long as he is Leader of the PPP/R or the AFC.
Visionary leadership -
Mauby drinkers believed that since Bharat has cut his limsey off and seems to be wearing spectacles, that his vision will be more long term. His approval ratings have gone up even higher among the people who voted for him and we also think among people who did not vote for him and who will never vote for him.
People felt that just as how Digicel came in and upset the status quo for cell phones, so they yearn for new upset in Leadership like that in Trinidad & Tobago
COMRADEs therefore concludes that the AFC should elect Ramjattan and he should wear an orange dress and use a Digicel phone and drink mauby in public at every chance he gets. In addition, he nor any AFC leader should not grow a limsey to cloud their vision or they should rotate fast enough for the limsey to stick out.
Governance
The mauby drinkers say they like to hear and see when the Adivsor on Governance blows smoke as part of the Governance strategy. When asked what cigarette smoke they want to have blown at them, 50% said Bristol, 65% said Marlboro, 68% said Marlboro hidden in a Bristol box would be okay since they understand that people would still want to be grass roots even though their salaries have improved. There was a significant majority, about 70% who said that they preferred ganja smoke blown at them, but they are now in the police lock up with the COMRADE who suggested that item.
Voting
When we asked peole who they would vote for, many of them appeared puzzled since they are accustomed to mauby being mauby. Questions about GM Mauby bark vs Organic Mauby bark caused the people to ask the COMRADES if they have time to waste, people were just happy to get their mauby without any concerns about where it coming from and such like.
Some people did not see the party of their choice on the list, and added in writing, sometimes scrawly, Gaza and Gully as their choice of political party.
Migration
COMRADES asked people if they wanted to stay in Guyana or leave. The people in the rum shop wanted to leave Guyana, then they wanted to stay in Guyana, then they wanted to die in Guyana, and then they started fighting with the COMRADES and then they passed out.
Some of the people at the US Embassy line say no no, they just going on holiday to the US and they have no plans to stay there, in that tone of voice which made the COMRADES feel that something was wrong.
On Regent Street, there were a few people who could not speak English , even though they had Guyana passports. COMRADES will go to the ERC to get a Chinese interpreter so as not to discriminate against any ethnicity or nationality.
Some of the boys on the road said that they were patriotic and planned to stay in Guyana. They just wanted their relatives to migrate so that the relatives could send back money for them.
COMRADES has extensive experience in polling. Our poll results have been rejected equally in Guyana and other Caribbean territories. Academics complain that our percentages do not add up to 100%, we tell them that there is always more than meets the eye so shut up with your imperialist and colonial methodologies which do not fit Guyana's needs.
We predicted that Kamla would wear a blue suit at her inauguration; that Dudus would become a member of the Golding cabinet and that the PNC would win the elections in 1992, 1997, 2001 and 2006 if they did not have the R. We also predicted that the PPP would win those same elections. And the AFC as well.
COMRADES also employs different methodologies to get answers - questionnaires, focus groups, lying, false promises, bribery and intimidation.
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