RSVP

The woman sitting alone called over to me and told me she wanted to ask me something. I was sitting with some people who I saw just as I had come in. I was feeling weird, seeing this amount of people and wondering if I could disappear.

So then the people I am talking to, I see them looking over my shoulder. So I realise they not too interested in what I am saying, is just passing time.. until some other people come and I realise, oh oh.. they done with me so now I am supposed to run over. I say excuse me and I run over to the other lady.

The lady start talking to me, and after about five minutes she also looking over my shoulder to see if anybody else coming. She still aint tell me what she got to to tell me, when she smile and then she start talking to somebody she know. No "excuse me ". I am left with words in my mouth and thinking, crap.. here again. When I get up to go, the lady so no no wait wait, she got something to tell me. So I stand around looking at everybody, and then she say she forget what she had to tell me. I then flit to some other people and I say , is time to go home now.

I know why I dont come to these large social gatherings because I aint able mek small talk and measure time when you supposed to move on to somebody else, and it lil awkward when you realise there is not anybody else to small talk with. 

Now and then I get invite to things like this, and I find it awkward to say no.. I dont have any excuse not to attend the thing except to say .. I dont like make small talk.

I also dont like to huddle in a corner with people I know, because if is work people, I will start talking work and if is a group, then somebody gets left out of the conversation. And people dont dress up to go to ting in the evening to have serious conversation and after three jokes, I dont know how to get people laughing.


I am better at meeting people one on one and gaffing. Any gathering with more than three people and I am lost. I remember now why I cannot 'hang out' and how obsessive I am that all my conversations have to have meaning or some point or else I prefer to stay silent.

I am bored at weddings and the receptions especially. I stopped going to them.
Funerals nice, because at least during funerals you have to sing hymns and so on. I like singing.

I avoid mandir as well, not able wid no long talk after 10 to 15 minutes and then half the time spent with mind wandering while the pandit discoursing pun all kind of thing. Get the kirtan group to sing plenty bhajan. And the Ramayana gole as well.

I have to learn how to write RSVP in nice way when I get these invitations.