Kal Ho Naa Ho or having a good cry..

He told me that it was important to have a good cry. I told him to come see the film at the ICC on Saturday and we were chatting about films. He said Kal Ho Naa Ho was one which had him crying. He told me it is important to have a good cry now and then. This is a guy who I have never met in person, only chatting on Facebook.  In the weirdness of semi-anonymous chatting, there are things my friend will not let out, and things that he will talk about.

It has been a month of stories and people talking about things , and talking about things which they are not going to talk about. My other friend, a woman with a disability talks about having a good laugh.. let it all out. Another friend said she doing good because she is laughing at the absurdities of her life which could keep her feeling low.

I don't cry, my eyes well up during some scenes in Bollywood movies, but not recently. There are things I have wanted to cry about, but somehow in the life cycle, there are more important things it seems to worry about and get done and the tears do not flow.

I do not know if it is true that 40 is the year when you have to face up to things and not try to work hard to suppress things. I do not know the importance of a number, maybe it is in our heads. Now is the time to fix our lives, we have to plan for old age and retirement.

In talking about people this week, another thing I said to a guy who told me he was letting go of false friends, is that I trust nobody. I said that , meaning that , I will not burden people (or myself) with expectations that they will be thinking a certain way for the rest of their lives or assume their values.

I used to think that it was important to have the security in knowing people who would think a particular way or do things in a particular way when faced with circumstances. This of course is not going to happen with people who are open, and honest and who talk and state their values and the reasoning behind their values. So many people refuse to do that, how then do we build trust?

Recently though, I celebrate learning when people who I least likely thought to do so, they share my values and are becoming less fearful of saying so.

I remember a woman writing a letter in the newspapers saying she was disappointed in my views on abortion - she thought that I was pro--choice, but I had explained that I would rather a woman did not have to make that choice. I would not stop a woman from having an abortion , but I would prefer a society where a woman did not have to make that choice.

There has been a lot to get frustrated about, to be angry about, but thinking through, calming down, while eating ice cream. (and banana with condensed milk, not at the same time), without crying , you can feel good.