Thinking of marriage
A minibus driver and I talked about married life today. He asked me when next I going Brazil and I told him I dont know, when I feel like I could pick up and go. The man said, what.. you aint married? He said he thought I was married and I look like I have 3 children. I wanted to ask if I look happily married or unhappily married.. the guy looked younger than me and is married for 9 years he say.
Another lady tells me that a religious organisation has a marriage bureau and I should register. I felt flattered.
I ask him what married life like, he give that strange smile that a lot of guys give when asked what married life like, many of them do not really answer or give the thing which make it sound like if is a lot of pain or is some endurance test to prove masculinity.
One or two guys say it okay, others admit that they like their wife, and sometimes it sound like they like marriage like how you like an old chair that you too lazy to change even if the spring does bore you when you sit on it in a certain way.
The guys I know say they long for freedom, not so much for other women, but to be able and get up and go without any hassle. I dont know if the women feel the same way, that they want a holiday from the marriage sometimes.
Some of the guys I know also want to have committed loving marriages with children and the ability to love one person. It does not always work out so.
One guy used to tell me every time he talk to me, how married life was good... he used to cheat on his wife, apparently I am supposed to get married and cheat. When i tell people that i am not inclined to be monagamous, they say.. NOOOOOOOO.. and still expect that I should settle down and find a way to have flings on the side or be frustrated and angry and feel trapped or turn to drink or pornography.
I do not know any same sex married couples. I know that many gay and lesbian couples do get into relationships hoping that they would be long term , I guess like how most heterosexual couples get married , hoping for the best.
People talk of open relationships.. when I ask people who cheat about whether they would go into open relationships, they are shocked that I would even think such a thing about them... that their cheating is just a fling and they love their main partner a lot and plan to say forever with them.
Marriage should mean children. I dont believe you need to be married to give children stability. Parenting relationships require different things from being married. I have a lot of respect for the people who are doing well by their children.
A woman I know in a church talked of being happily divorced when asked her marital status. I let people know that I am happily single and plan to remain so. There are ways to being happily single, just as there are to being happily married/living together/hooked up. People should be free to choose which they want without any pressure and should be honest about what they want.
Another lady tells me that a religious organisation has a marriage bureau and I should register. I felt flattered.
I ask him what married life like, he give that strange smile that a lot of guys give when asked what married life like, many of them do not really answer or give the thing which make it sound like if is a lot of pain or is some endurance test to prove masculinity.
One or two guys say it okay, others admit that they like their wife, and sometimes it sound like they like marriage like how you like an old chair that you too lazy to change even if the spring does bore you when you sit on it in a certain way.
The guys I know say they long for freedom, not so much for other women, but to be able and get up and go without any hassle. I dont know if the women feel the same way, that they want a holiday from the marriage sometimes.
Some of the guys I know also want to have committed loving marriages with children and the ability to love one person. It does not always work out so.
One guy used to tell me every time he talk to me, how married life was good... he used to cheat on his wife, apparently I am supposed to get married and cheat. When i tell people that i am not inclined to be monagamous, they say.. NOOOOOOOO.. and still expect that I should settle down and find a way to have flings on the side or be frustrated and angry and feel trapped or turn to drink or pornography.
I do not know any same sex married couples. I know that many gay and lesbian couples do get into relationships hoping that they would be long term , I guess like how most heterosexual couples get married , hoping for the best.
People talk of open relationships.. when I ask people who cheat about whether they would go into open relationships, they are shocked that I would even think such a thing about them... that their cheating is just a fling and they love their main partner a lot and plan to say forever with them.
Marriage should mean children. I dont believe you need to be married to give children stability. Parenting relationships require different things from being married. I have a lot of respect for the people who are doing well by their children.
A woman I know in a church talked of being happily divorced when asked her marital status. I let people know that I am happily single and plan to remain so. There are ways to being happily single, just as there are to being happily married/living together/hooked up. People should be free to choose which they want without any pressure and should be honest about what they want.
two words -- male privilege.
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog as I was surfing, and like your prose , honesty and sense of humour to deal with both big and everyday issues. Initially, it was your mental health entry that drew me in, and I’ve just spent the morning reading your other posts. It is extremely helpful to know that others are dealing with and thinking about similar issues across this small world of ours. At least it helps me to feel less alone.
ReplyDeleteI know we do not know each other (other than through google—wow, you are a prominent civil rights leader in your country, all the more admirable that you share your trials and tribulations with us ), but a couple of questions come to mind. One, you are extremely open about your struggles with depression, identification with gay rights, and polygamy. However, I’ve noticed that you have never openly discussed your own sexuality (men, women, both, neither) in the blog, though in some posts you hint at heterosexuality and others homosexuality. Sorry for being so forward, but in light of willingness to discuss all other issues, I wonder why? Would your life be threatened in Guyana? Secondly, from my superficial knowledge of Guyana (Wikipedia), I understand that it is rife with ethnic divisions. I assume you are Indian, but your race has not come up in your posts. Is that because racial divisions are overblown by the media? I am curious what it is like to be an Indian (and religious) and to do the kind of work that you do, as I always thought Indians, as a community, were fairly conservative. Does your race impact your work in Guyana? I know these are personal issues, I will not feel offended if you do not respond. My primary reason to write is to say please keep it up!
Pavlina, I am glad you noticed that I have not openly discussed my sexuality on the blog, but that you have also noticed that issues come up . Maybe one day..
ReplyDeleteIn terms of ethnicity, that is another issue in Guyana. Others would identify me as 'Indian' but ethnicity itself is problematic and requires another blog post ..
Thanks for the feedback!
aiii .. stupid question! sorry. continue with courage!
ReplyDeleteNo no.. no question is stupid.. i think you asked important questions.. the answers will come in due time :)
ReplyDelete