Celebrating friendship
I watched a group of kids from FE Pollard come in the bus a day. Two of them were sharing a drink, and one came in the bus and then realised that the other had her drink and there was a big to do about the drink, and tomorrow the money and so on.. is always good to see laughing groups of children.
Growing up I stayed pretty much by myself.. self preservation. I was the target of taunts in Prep A and home was also a mess, so I just found ways to keep to myself. Primary school was like that.. no close friends but the people you know and birthday parties etc. One time I tried to buy friends by taking some blank paper to school to share out for the kids to draw.
I am not sure how people learn to make friends or be friends. I have been blessed, that despite my instincts to keep to myself and be alone, that there are some people who I have let in my life who have nurtured me.
When discussing rum drinking with some men, they talk about how you would never have 'friends' if you dont drink rum. A lot of young guys especially say that.Now and then in the newspaper you read about some of the friends stabbing each other after drinking.
A guy from University used to talk about the friends who would clean up your vomit after you are drunk and the friends who are 'heh heh friends'.. or as another school friend told me when we were 18, there are friends and there are acquaintances..
When talking about healthy romantic relationships, we say that people have to start by being friends , especially if there are plans to get married. It sounds a bit weird though, because when you fall in love with your friends, it gets stupid... or when as I accepted recently as I ended a tortuous relationship, there are sometimes you can love people, find some connection of the spirit but you just cannot be friends and instead of nurturing, it destroys. Bromances are the intense friendships between some men. Some people say the border between friendship and relationship is the sex part, while others can have sex with friends and expect the people in their relationships to be perfect human beings.
As I got older, I realised how some friendships are.. there are people who I would not see for years, and when we meet, it is like we never left...
I like being alone. I do not know if I am becoming a crotchety old man, but I find that I am increasingly impatient with some things. But the woman who calls me now and then for our weekly laugh, that feels good too.
A guy told me last week, I had become angry at something but held back.. when we gaffed about it , he said .. "you and me arite, even if you had cussed me, I know that it would have been for that time only and not for ever.. "
Kahlil Gibran talks about friendship much better than I could, though I do not know how to explain it to the guys who think they need to drink to have friends..
On Friendship
Kahlil Gibran
Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
Growing up I stayed pretty much by myself.. self preservation. I was the target of taunts in Prep A and home was also a mess, so I just found ways to keep to myself. Primary school was like that.. no close friends but the people you know and birthday parties etc. One time I tried to buy friends by taking some blank paper to school to share out for the kids to draw.
I am not sure how people learn to make friends or be friends. I have been blessed, that despite my instincts to keep to myself and be alone, that there are some people who I have let in my life who have nurtured me.
When discussing rum drinking with some men, they talk about how you would never have 'friends' if you dont drink rum. A lot of young guys especially say that.Now and then in the newspaper you read about some of the friends stabbing each other after drinking.
A guy from University used to talk about the friends who would clean up your vomit after you are drunk and the friends who are 'heh heh friends'.. or as another school friend told me when we were 18, there are friends and there are acquaintances..
When talking about healthy romantic relationships, we say that people have to start by being friends , especially if there are plans to get married. It sounds a bit weird though, because when you fall in love with your friends, it gets stupid... or when as I accepted recently as I ended a tortuous relationship, there are sometimes you can love people, find some connection of the spirit but you just cannot be friends and instead of nurturing, it destroys. Bromances are the intense friendships between some men. Some people say the border between friendship and relationship is the sex part, while others can have sex with friends and expect the people in their relationships to be perfect human beings.
As I got older, I realised how some friendships are.. there are people who I would not see for years, and when we meet, it is like we never left...
I like being alone. I do not know if I am becoming a crotchety old man, but I find that I am increasingly impatient with some things. But the woman who calls me now and then for our weekly laugh, that feels good too.
A guy told me last week, I had become angry at something but held back.. when we gaffed about it , he said .. "you and me arite, even if you had cussed me, I know that it would have been for that time only and not for ever.. "
Kahlil Gibran talks about friendship much better than I could, though I do not know how to explain it to the guys who think they need to drink to have friends..
On Friendship
Kahlil Gibran
Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
Gibran studied the bible and most of what he writes are rehashed from that source. Why not study the source itself. It says "There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother". Perhaps it would be easier to make this comparison if one already has a brother (I do not). But my point is that there needs to be references from which one starts to define friendship. What are yours?
ReplyDeleteI have no references
ReplyDeletetrue appreciation of friends can only come as we age and realise how hard it is to make them as we get older, and we stand in awe of the ones that have cosen to still stick with us in spite of...
ReplyDeletei'm lovin ur posts vidya - they're so 'you'...