People been asking.. is why you still in Guyana? What got you in Guyana? and I see people asking each other the question and I stammer in response because I not sure what to stay.. I mean, why is anybody anywhere?
Sometimes people ask the question with the kind of '' you poor thing.." or 'you could have been doing so well in Canada, America, or somewhere 'else'.. and I feel like a five year old to say.. I am here because you think I should not be here but be where you wanted me to be..
This Guyana, this 'nation born of treachery', is what the rass I doin' hey.. and I think through these answers ..
I deh hey because they have people who want me to leave from here and I am showing them I can stay here..
I deh hey because I am a sucker for attention, and now and then I get lil bit.. an even if is of de kin' like de snocone man who say.. you name Omar, I say no, he say 'what ur name' , I say vidya kissoon, he say'' oh you does write lettah in de papah', and I blush and say yeah.. what you think, and he say '' he dont read dem"
I dey hey because a woman meet me an tell me she does read meh lettah dem but she taut was an older person (she did not say woman)
I deh hey because after I resigned from the Rights of the Child Commission, one of the countries brightest and most diplomatic constitutional persons sent a message to say congratulations; and last night a man who works as a handyman and janitor meet me and tell me six months later dat he wanted to tell me dat he was glad dat I lef de commission. I deh hey even though a large percentage of de population dont really kay 'bout no commission anyway.
I deh hey because I had to give up on a lot of desires.. and in releasing myself from those desires you realise that other things matter.
I deh hey because I like to be unknown at times, and one irony I have learnt is that dey have plenty people in Guyana who dont know or kay about any of the things I care about an' is easy to disappear amongst dem.
I deh hey, because to survive, I had to give up hatred and it was a release. I deh hey because I also want to do the same with anger, to channel it, to not succumb to fear but at the same time to learn dem tings about compassion for those who want to oppress me
I deh hey because to survive, I doin' ting like film festival an all kind ah ting which decent coolie boy from good family nevah do, de Help & Shelter wuk included.. in fact plenty ah dem still dont do it. And in so doing I learnt so much that I cannot let go of it because of all the things I am yet to learn.
I deh hey because when i bringing my niece home from school we look for the snake hawk and see how it hunting in the nasty gutter and marvel at it.
I deh hey because of the moonlight.. the moonlight on the sea, the moonlight on that flat land near the Abary Bridge with those trees in groves when you coming west, the moonlight on the savannah in the Rupununi..
I deh hey because a social worker call me at 7:30pm to give me an update on a case; and her boss email me at 10pm.. they did not have to.. and they doing dat even though their bosses would not find the resources to fulfil their duties..
I deh hey because wid all the police tekin bribe and dem ting, two police man volunteer for a domestic violence committee which have no glory in it, and another senior police woman jump in a minibus to reach a workshop to do a lecture she not mandated to give, when she entitle to travel in vehicle and she could say no..
I deh hey because I could use de Internet and challenge myself to meet other standards.. and even if place hot and mosquito biting me and de internet expensive, we gat ways of participating in de big world
I deh hey because is probably true, ah couldn' ah mek it anyway else.. an' i mekin' it hey even tho' ah dont have mercedes or bmw or tundra (and dey have nuff hey) and ah cyant afford to go on cruise and holiday in europe and so on, and meh house not aircondition..and meh clothes is cheap clothes mek in china or what relatives give me..
I deh hey because ah mekin' it hey.. an' as lang as ah could mek it hey, ah tink ah gun stay.. when ah cyan mek it, den ah gun see whah gun happen an' hope it nah gun be too late..