Thoughts of a minibus traveller

cold breeze,fyah bun and pigeons

2012-01-28T10:32:00.004-04:00

This week I had to get up early to go out every morning to town.. 6-ish or so. I know many people do this daily. I set the alarm for an hour earlier and manage to get up.. it is strange though doing the surya namaskar in the pre dawn darkness but at least I face east.

The mornings have been cool and facing the seawall and walking down Churchroad to get the minibus.. breeze blows.. cold and nice... to wake you up some more. The minibuses are there.. full with early morning people .. most buses are playing hymns and gospel (yeah, even the ones with the flowers on the murti on their dashboard).. though one morning one bus (with a flower on the murti of Lord Krsna on the dashboard) had some of the music with the lyrics about man overpowering woman.

Walking down empty streets and seeing the early morning.. people going home after work, people now starting work. Coconut water vendor.. I dont think I can stomach coconut water so early. The people we pass, we say morning sometimes.

One morning though, street empty.. then round the corner.. hands flying, hips swaying, loud lipstick as only one of the 'gay/trans/antiman' could do ,
was like I could hear him even though he aint saying nothing..
and then a young woman start from the avenue across the road fyah bun.. and a whole set of cuss,
and the man respond in kind..
but I try a thing.. in between the fyah bun.. and the 'you cyan win' fuh keep a man u c..ksucker u..' I said morning.. and i got a nice polite loud "morning morning" back from the man who was swaying fast fast down the road behind me.

and Bourda market.. I did not know there were so many pigeons in Georgetown. They are there.. rubbish heaps.
One morning a lady.. in a kind of skimpy red dress showing off her tatoos.. with a bag throwing grains for the pigeons.. something I like watching about people feeding birds.. and remembering when some pigeons sat on my head in Trafalgar square to eat corn I had placed there..probably Mary Poppins

and on the mornings when I feel low.. something about watching those pigeons in a flock.. lifting off from the roof of Bourda Market ..

Mother Laxmi at the minibus stop

2012-01-19T19:14:00.002-04:00

Rush hour and the minibuses fulling up by Bourda market.

I have my three salt bags and a green Bounty bag on my shoulder. I go to stand next to an elderly woman , black woman- green cap, hair in a few long gray braids, green shirt, prominent crucifix on a rosary, two carrier bags.. dingy like my salt bags. She muttering to who would listen, as some of us do.. about being independent and things like that.

We start gaffing. She tell me she like my green Bounty bag. I say, I would love to give you but it got some stuff in it I cannot transfer. She says she was a nurse, now living in Barbados. She come home for a few deads. We talk about health.. gall stones. I know someone with gall stones. She tell me that 'you indians have to stop eating so much curry.. curry gives you gall stones'

She said she is part of a prayer group and she will offer some prayers for the person I know. She ask if I am Christian. I say no Hindu, but all prayers good. I said that would be nice. We gaff about hospitals. The buses taking long to come and her bags look heavy. She said she is heading to the prayer meeting now. She needs a 100 dollar more for a taxi fare. I say no problem, please take a gift from me.

She said she would like to give me a gift too. She said "I usually collect these calendars every year from my friend. This one has Mother Laxmi on it, i want to give you."
I say no , no.. she says yes yes.. she will get another. She opens one of the dingy bags and unrolls the calendar.. she also has a Muslim one. She tells me she keeps all.

It is one of those years, when we have not bought our Hindu calendar as yet.
I think of the other two elderly Christian people , who had come to the gate to offer God to me because I apparently did not have - even though the jhandhi flags are prominent . And I think of the blessing today, as another elderly Christian connected me with the God she accepted that I worshipped.

African childhoods: Purple Hibiscus and Boyhood

2012-01-17T14:39:00.000-04:00

Over the last couple of weeks, I have read Boyhood : scenes from provincial life by JM Coetzee; and Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

Boyhood is set in South Africa, and told by a 'white' boy who thinks that childhood is a time of "gritting teeth and enduring". Purple Hibiscus is set in Nigeria, and a story told by a 15 year old Igbo girl, Kambili, who has to deal with an abusive father who is revered by his community; amongst other things.

Coetzee's writing is stark, kind of like the dry, dusty, stark landscapes which form the backdrop to the story. His boyhood is brutal.. no licks at home but he witnesses the licks at school. We learn of the divisions between Afrikaaner and English; and between religious denominations and classes. The child is made aware of these differences.

Adichie's writing is lyrical, flowing, like a story teller. It is a narrative which describes the brutal and the beautiful aspects of Kambili's life without causing the reader to leave the writing.

Difference here, not tribal, but between Kambili's father's Catholicism which rejects the traditional customs as heathen and not good. Papa also abuses his family violently, and Adichie describes Kamibili's dilemma of dealing with the abusive father.. in the most gut wrenching way. I think of the women who have shared their own stories.. of dilemma of dealing with their abusive fathers who sometimes loved them; one woman I remember in the space of five minutes telling me her father was a good father.. and then about his affairs, and his throwing her mother on the ground and kneeling over her and beating her while she the daughter could only look on in terror.

The writing styles are different in both books, but both beautiful. Boyhood has these short sharp sentences, linking this narrative together.. gripping. Purple Hibiscus is like the story telling.. using dialect, local language, food. The characters are all interesting... descriptions through childhood eyes.

Childhood themes are explored - parents, siblings, relationship to extended family, dealing with the violence at home and in school, sexuality, identity. In Boyhood, the boy wants to stay out of school because it serves him no purpose. Kambili works hard to please Papa , who punished her when she came second.
In Boyhood, the boy is not too bothered with family and ancestors. Kambili in Purple Hibiscus connects with her aunt and yearns for the 'heathen' grandfather.

These books give insights into the complexity of what we know as Africa .

Fat fowling - The Sly company of people who care

2012-01-15T20:48:00.000-04:00

The bookclub is doing Sly Company so I took it... and it was a fascinating read. There are a lot of thoughts running through my head after reading it. Rahul Bhattacharya came to Guyana for a year and limed with various people and created this book which we not sure if is true or not, if it is based on real people or made up people.

The India coolie who not like the other India coolies
In 2001, I got a strange email from a guy who wanted to come to Guyana to get away from India and to work with me (he thought I was some very big activist person). This opened me up to this other non-bollywood, kind of Indian person who had powerful use of English and their other languages. He encouraged another friend to come whose writing about Guyana was extremely powerful, and whose reflective piece GuyanaRama is locked in a Transitions edition. The lens through which Guyanese were viewed was one of those 'quaint' or 'absurd' ones and every one's actions seemed judged next to some kind of civilised behaviour. Rahul Bhattacharya upturns this stereotype we used to have of the India coolie.. he learns and uses creolese beautifully. He records the comments made about him (gooroo.. he come to teach the girls sex postures).. and cries when he leaves Guyana at the end of the book.

The people and the characters..
As always with many travel writers, there is a focus on what might seem absurd, or what we learn to be absurd. So there is a lot of wonderful humour, and Bhattacharya also pokes fun at himself as well as part of the absurdity. The targets of the absurd are not middle class, except when the one or two who are extremely racial.. and I would love to know how were his interactions with the Guyana middle classes he names in his Acknowledgements . Bhattacharya captures all the local music.. including old Indian music.. and talks about food , and getting that food.. going to the wharf to buy fish in the morning, eating at Shantas and Germans and other places. Fat fowling is one of the phrases he learns.

Guyana - history
Bhattacharya captures all views on Guyana's history - including Roger Khan and others, and in his frustration at how the East Indians look to India, he did, as my friend did, wonder why the East Indians were not happy that they left the miserable India that these 21st century refugees were running from.

Guyana - land
The descriptions of the land.. and Bhattacharya manages to travel around.. are as many of us know them. "It was only the first sighting of the savannah, hours later, that aroused me to the special ecstasy of a journey. So f... g sudden'.. when sheer as cliff the forest ended and there was savannah.." and then on seeing Kaieteur ".. the most hypnotic thing. Water fell!... ". He is obsessed with the heat and humidity.. a lot of us probably do not take it on. he sleeps in the National Library..and records the comments made in pencil in the books. I did not get the part where he got the name for his book.

Absurd vs Noble - our story
I do not expect any travel writer or foreign writer to ever write about Guyanese as perhaps noble in their survival.. I yearn for a day that Guyana could have a Danticat or an Adichie. Bhattacharya though.. notes about the girl he took with him on his trip to Venezuela "..She was prepared to tackle the world because the world to her was not absurd. To think the world absurd is a privilege. Those who do so consider themselves enlightened. In fact, it only means their struggles are shallow. Sooner or later, the real world will rain down up on them. That, or we shall go slowly mad, or seek recourse in meditation, narcotics or writing"

The book is a great read.

Mr Trotman, Mr Ramkarran and the Guyanese citizen

2012-01-15T12:30:00.000-04:00

Guyana - well the part of Guyana who could be bothered with Parliament - finally exhaled on Thursday when the Speaker and Deputy Speaker of the Parliament were finally confirmed.

I am biased bad because I believe that the PPP should go back into opposition, like the PNC, and get some spiritual refreshing and rejuvenation. So, I was glad that their nominee did not get the Speaker position. Many assert that Mr Ramkarran did his duties well.

My experience as a citizen leaves me wondering at these assertions.

A lot of us do not understand the power of the Speaker in the parliament and unless we have had to engage with parliament, would not bother.

I engaged with the National Assembly through the Clerk as part of professional obligations, and it was good to know that Mr Ramkarran as Speaker was working to improve the operations of the National Assembly. Mr Ramkarran during his tenure had also invited SASOD as part of a group of civil society organisations to one of the Commonwealth Parliamentary Conferences.

In 2009, I was sworn in on the Rights of the Child Commission. I read the constitution, to understand how we should operate on the Commission. My colleagues and I were in limbo for many months, and people were asking me what was going on. I took my role of accountability seriously and it was frustrating not having answers.

We wrote to the Speaker in August 2009 to ask him to convene the first meeting. To the best of my knowledge, he did not reply in writing at the time and we continued to be in this limbo.

Then in April 2010, the Speaker summoned us to the first meeting. It would appear that this meeting could only happen under the auspices of the Office of the President and Ms Gail Teixeira who we understand had an important role to play in the functioning in those commissions. The constitution however says that the Commissions report to the National Assembly. So when the allegations of child abuse were raised against Minister Manickchand's nominee, Mr McKoy - I expected that the National Assembly would ensure that these allegations were dealt with appropriately.

I remember that afternoon of the first meeting of the Rights of the Child Commission . I remember the phone call I received before the meeting suggesting that I should vote a particular way. What was horrifying though.. was the realisation that there was some charade being played out in terms of the the National Assembly, and the bodies like the Constitutional Commissions .. that the Speaker for all intents and purposes seem to be working at the behest of the Office of the President.

I resigned from the Commission, submitting my resignation to Mr Ramkarran. I have never received any acknowledgement though it might be foolish belief that is how public officials would deal with correspondence from constitutional appointments.

I have not read the Hansards to determine whether Mr Ramkarran ever informed the National Assembly of my resignation. I know that no replacement was nominated. I also that up to after the resignation, my name still appeared on a list of persons to receive the stipends allocated to the Commissioners. One person told me I should have copied my resignation to Ms Teixeira.

It remains to see how this team of Raphael Trotman and Deborah Backer would work out. What I remember about Raphael Trotman is a 2011 budget speech in parliament when he was being politically correct referring to the need to work with people regardless of their sexual orientation amongst other things. I remember in 2006 when Deborah Backer in one of campaign meetings used homophobia in encouraging her supporters to not vote for Bharat Jagdeo.

I hope that Mr Trotman and Ms Backer would resist all political interference as they carry out their mandates. I hope that they continue to support the staff of the Parliament and contribute to the building of a modern Parliament as Mr Ramkarran did. They will have to be learning as well as all of us and citizens can hold them accountable. I hope that Mr Ramkarran and the former Deputy Speaker, Ms Clarissa Riehl, would also be part of the education of the public as to the role of Speaker so that we could learn how to hold the office accountable.

All of us Guyanese have political affiliations/non-affiliations , but it seems that we have not worked out yet how we define integrity while dealing with our political masters.

I hope that when the Constitutional Commissions are created, that Mr Trotman and Ms Backer will ensure that the National Assembly ensures that the Commissions can function without the remit of the Office of the President.

Surviving wanting to die and the moonlight

2012-01-06T20:00:00.001-04:00

545am
cell phone alarm rings and you dont feel like getting up. there are chores to be done laundry and the three rounds of exercise.. thoughts are all over, and i feel more tired than when i went to bed. Dreams which have to be undreamt and then new ones to form but no energy to deal with those. Relationships which no longer nurture and sustain but drain instead and which cannot be broken due to commitments. Other relationships which have been severed and which had a lot of investment.. failure.

600am
Church bell is ringing and i feel like i cannot move. i remember this time last year and other years and other things and thinking of the future and the day and the things which failed and wish that I was dead. that i did not have to wake up. Sun is coming up. It is getting later and stirring in the house. I cannot make the three rounds of surya namaskar today .. have to get up.

645am
I get up.. sun is in.. and i hear stirrings in the house. I want to lie down back and just lie down and not get up. Many things are happening.. thoughts are flying. I start the surya namaskar.. and the body is stretching.. breathing.. but it is like.. secondary to what is going on in my head. I get through and feel good that i finish.

715am
I go eat.. decide to make sandwich with toast,egg lettuce, and so on; and the coffee in the big mug. Treating myself I say.. today is going to be another day of fighting the urge to lie down and sleep a long time. Wanting darkness or unconsciousness. Put clothes in the washing machine.

800am
Get ready to work and sit down.. cannot face the things to do but start reading links on Facebook. Say prayers.. and one friend has sent a link to a buddhist chant. I call to start one meeting and then sort out things. I have to back off of some decisions because I cannot handle them. I say.. today.. i will do another yoga round at 11am and I will also try to take a walk on the seawall. Everything else.. just feels like swimming in a swamp.

Low energy things, the blog posts, correcting things.. the big jobs are left..again.. reading things.. different things . People email , I respond, give advice do what is needed. Function.

1130am
I start the yoga routine.. but it is taking long.. my mind is not on it.. i manage though.. the stretches. Somebody had sent a link about how yoga could be bad for you. The body feels stiff.. legs feel heavy but i get through. Enjoy lunch.. slowly and then go to pick up the five year old.

The sunshine feels good.. i am in two modes at the same time.. gaffing with the five year old while feeling bad about the things which are not done.

2pm
After one hour of trying to do work.. some conversations, composing and erasing things.. i give up.. go lie down.. no privacy in the house.. cannot sleep, doze off.. the five year old is determined that once i am not asleep I have to get up to play. 3pm - is time to get up so there is great glee as I get pulled and tugged so we could go get his sister. Sunshine is good again.

315pm
Conversation started with a man who says he is a 'secret gay'.. he looking for love and hope that SASOD could help him find it.. i manage to have a conversation.. Function. He feels good.. i have delivered.. accomplished something.

430pm
seawall.. nice sun.. breeze.. cooling down.. i start shuffling though.. dont feel like moving though I am moving.. one or two mad people are out there.. and i understand why some move the way they do.. i see people.. say hi, chat, hug, shake hands.. what ever.. the universe is good.. all kinds of connections.. and i respond.. in this kind of two phase way.. one conversation especially about IT.. in my hope that as soon as this lifts.. that i will resume not wanting to die and getting on with living.. there are things to do.
Moon is out. sea is flat.. i think the moon and me do not work together..still wonder whether the moon phases and my moods are linked maybe.. i wish i had a camera but then i would not have the skill..

7pm.
Come home.. shower, eat.. start thinking of how to get through the weekend. Say yes to some more training and other things..
Some things will be done.. I will be okay.. other things.. I cannot do.
By doing I am living. Meanwhile.. have to plan for a good nights sleep.. to wake up and resume the exercise routine and get the work done which has not been done. Thinking about all of this though.. is tiring. I will make it somehow.

to tell or not to tell.. who gay and who not gay and who might be gay

2012-01-05T11:18:00.000-04:00

One of the things of being with SASOD has been the questions of "do you know if so and so deh suh".

Another thing has been the disclosure of secrets.. of hearing who actually deh suh.. even tho' they play dey is not suh or they in church and so on. And some people nod sagely and say yes.. dey know dey know, or dey hear from solid sources. Others who deh suh avoid me and SASOD because they think I am a flaming homosexual and will out them and not keep their secrets.

Outing
Outing is this process by which journalists, prostitutes, former sex partners, drug dealers, police will disclose whether a person is gay/homosexual/bisexual/deh suh or not. Or has ever had sex with someone of the same sex/gender while drunk or high on drugs.

Scott Long wrote this piece about the ethics of outing people - celebrities, pastors politicians, homophobic people. He looks at recent cases of outing of mostly Republican, conservative, anti-gay marriage people and questions whether outing those who are homophobic does anything to further the fight against homophobia. He looks at the right to privacy of even the most obnoxious persons who hide their 'gayness' behind homophobia. He suggests that outing people is a way of reinforcing the homophobia - of shaming them more and does not do any good to anyone. ( I think.. there is a lot more said in the essay)

Experiences with outing
The first experiences I had with outing had nothing to do with homosexuality, but rather to do with domestic violence and child abuse. In doing the work, the stories of survivors of abuse at the hands of prominent men had to be hidden because the survivors wanted it to be so. It was frustrating.. but confronting hypocrisy also meant taking into consideration the rights of those who wanted to keep matters private. At one event I saw a prominent pandit, and walked out telling the organiser that this pandit had molested a woman I know but she did not want to talk about it. Sometimes it could be clear cut, sometimes it is not. I would like to out the abusers, but that means outing those who are stigmatised and feel victimised so there are ideas of not my secret.

Similar dilemma, but not the same as I have found with dealing with the same gender loving/liking/lusting/ men (and women) - who themselves willingly or unwillingly perpetuate homophobia. I talk about men here mostly.

Gay/bisexual/bi-curious/bromantic/downlow/ g0y/ lil bai buggah

What the hell is this thing named gay anyway?

Jamaica Observer Cartoon

I remember in high school in sixth form.. when talking about sex, the guys talked about 'tekin lil bai buggah' and hailing up as a part of life's experiences like 'pump racin' fuh see who could break [ejaculate] more'. For men, this is called 'adolescent and childhood experimentation and is seen as 'normal' ' It is never clear when or at what age this normal experimentation becomes abnormal.

'Gay' has different meanings for different people. For some it refers to the people who are born male but who like to dress in women's clothing and behave female. For others, it is an identity implying a man who is exclusively attracted to other men .. not necessarily dressing in women's clothing.

However, there are kinds of same gender lusting liking loving desires- which deal with the men who might sometimes experience attraction to other men; or who have had sexual and/or emotional relationships with other men.. or those who are emotionally attracted (but not sexually) attracted to other men. And many times the men are also attracted to women and might be in love with and fall in love with women too. Yeah.. is nuff stupidness.

Some people are comfortable with the gay men who fit their image of what men should be like; others prefer the effeminate men who is different and "obvious"..

So 'outing'.. is not so easy to do if it is not clear where or when on the spectrum (normal lil bai buggah, big man bromance or fantasy, one night drunk encounter) to out people. So and so dont like sex wid man, but he like cuddle up with his best friend.

So it might be easy to say that so and so deh suh.. but so and so stand up with their girlfriend/wife/bride and say, I no longer deh suh or I was never really suh or I have prayed and I am cured.. it could backfire.

I have in my head also the man who ask me to hook him up with other guys, and who want to know when the next gay party is and so on.. but who say no way, I cannot interview him about his homosexuality because he does not have anything to do with 'them' beyond just having sex.

Expecting all LGBT people to be 'gay' rights activists
Not all women are feminist - I have heard. I define homophobic acts as those which will directly or indirectly cause harm to the well being of LGBT people - and I include acts such as preaching homosexuality is a sin, and then say oh but we must love the sinner but not the sin. Like smoking and smokers they say.

Many LGBT people have no interest in any kind of rights or activism and just want to get on with their lives. Some of the men who dance about the spectrum go safely to their heterosexual lives and pretend all is well. Calling these guys out to support 'gay' rights is a kind of outing and we have learnt not to do that.. or to tell them that is not only gay people who interested in gay rights.

Some men.. just want to have fun without worrying about law, rights, history and so on.. and the subversion makes it enticing for them.

Outing to the wives/girlfriends
Some men make decisions to get married to women.. and to have their flings on the side, or to stay faithful. I know some same gender liking/loving women who have told their partners about these desires. However, when I have asked the men I know if they have talked to their wives/girlfriends about these desires.. they say no, or have not replied. One man said 'she is homophobic'.. but he is in love and has curtailed his connections with the people from his past. And you wonder if when you meet the homophobic woman. . whether.. to bring up the past or conversations about gay rights .. just to you know.. get lil fun.. but then.. you think.. what the hell, everybody has their own life to live.. leave it be

Outing those who love the sin, but love/hate/love/hate the sinners
What do you with those who are committed to the religious paths which have them loving the sin.. but then going through phases of loving and hating the sinners.. ? This one not so easy.. each person chooses their own survival methods which includes praying and calling for the saviing of those who sin, including themselves. The first 'outing' is actually to oneself.. to admit that these desires exist and are part of the being. Some people.. they come to terms with this and reconcile their faith with their sexuality; others.. they remain in denial , thinking they can pray the gay away while sinning and begging for forgiveness, and alternately shunning and bringing the sinners close to them.

Outing those without power
Guyana is expected to discuss 'gay' rights soon as part of the UPR process. Each LGBT person deals with their closet differently (not the pit latrine, but the place of hiding), and some let in people selectively. Outing those, who feel they have no power, that they have everything to lose and who will not be able to change anything.. that would make no sense. But then... personal power.. is important and is there any other way for people to realise this personal power? Many have gradually come out of or let people in to their closets as they make the choices to ensure their own safety and security. Some return to the closet depending on circumstances.

Outing those with power - political, social, economic power
Yeah.. definitely.. in Guyana with the homophobic holding high positions..what do you say to those who prop up the homophobic government or institutions? But... what good would outing do.. back to this shaming thing.. is it really shaming though .. to say that so and so in power.. who hides behind respectability.. is actually the thing which you hate? Is there a way of saying that.. hey.. look.. the man you look up to , up there.. he is 'gay' too.. why would you now look down on him?

Murder, mosquitoes, dark chocolate, thriving in Guyana

2012-01-03T10:26:00.002-04:00

A beloved friend gave me one of these Ghiradelli Chocolate squares.. 72% Cacao it says.. and an hour or so my manic thoughts moved from the 23 murders in two months; the mosquitoes from the stagnant drains created by the large concrete structures going up in the prosperous land creating swamps; to thoughts of thriving in Guyana

Thriving without surviving
Some of us are lucky.. we have work, we have homes, we have health, we have things. Others do not have these things or only some of them. Many people pay different prices for these things. One of the prices is silence. After voting in November 2011, many people will remain silent, or be selective in where they air their voices and concerns. These silences, to quote Audre Lorde.. immobilize us , the fear of speaking out and identifying on working on the things which will make us Thrive. Guyana has a lot of opportunities for us to overcome our fear f silence. Thriving in Guyana means accepting that we were never meant to survive.

Celebrating differences
In any society, it is easy to be boxed into identities - race, class, gender, sexual orientation, religion. In Guyana , it is easy to avoid differences, or to silence talk of differences. Some people say we should 'tolerate' our differences. In Guyana, I have learnt that tolerance is not acceptance. One opportunity we have in Guyana is to talk through those differences. Some people do not want that to happen because their power comes from reinforcing the divisions without any attempts at bridging. There is sometimes a desire to suppress rather than celebrate because power could then come from sameness.
I do not accept all differences. What has been good in Guyana is that some people are finding ways of discussing the differences.. it is not always easy. So I like the blogs by Alex De Freitas and Iana Seales . There are Facebook Status updates and facebook notes which are made seemingly in some security of privacy but revealing none the less but open up discussion.

I like my book club even though I cannot read half of the books because of all the side conversations and the opportunities presented to read and learn. There is this challenge.. I am reading with difficulty, Ficciones by Borges.. but there is a madness in facing that challenge which is perhaps facing the challenges of living in Guyana.

Creating where nothing exists..
Guyana does not have many things. A lot of us have tied our destinies to the political parties in power.. subservient to that politics rather than make that politics work for us. Some of us choose to work outside of politics. Thriving for me in Guyana has meant doing things.. working on things to fix what might seem cannot fix. So.. there are things like the SASOD Film Festival now going into its eighth year. This film festival is uniquely Guyanese in its organisation, in how it is managed and how it is received.

Others have created businesses, experimented with ideas, managed groups. It is not easy.. things are not perfect, but thriving in Guyana means doing things, not just talking about doing them.. and learning by doing. We can find ourselves in places where we never imagined - including jails or police lock ups... Some of us might have to leave Guyana for awhile and then come back - sometimes not for long. The lil Ramayana Gole we have is good for exercising the vocal chords and for being part of a cultural tradition and we have sustained ourselves now for over 20 years.

The Georgetown Chamber Chorus is an example of how people overcome the nothingness.

Garbage
Many of the people who thrive and survive in Guyana have learnt to generate garbage and leave it - just deh. The garbage pileup in Guyana is symptomatic of how a lot of us who live here that Guyanese means bad somehow. It might be jokey... but somehow in the criticisms that nothing better can be expected. One of the things about thriving in Guyana, is refusing to let others think that we live here because we cannot do better, or that we get away with things here we cannot get away with elsewhere. Some of us want to blame leaders for the rubbish.. the leaders which we want to march for and put our faith in. I think that Thriving in Guyana requires us to accept responsibility for our own well being , being active in pursuing that well being and realising that we will never be well when others cannot be.

I have some more chocolate in the fridge for later.

Apricot face scrub, peppermint oil, sweet

2011-12-30T14:26:00.000-04:00

Face scrub
My mother had some face scrub thing which she was not using , so I started using it once a week. It left my face feeling nice after using it. I went out and bought another one.. I dont think I need to scrub my face.. but it feels nice to rub up and scrub up behind the ears and the neck and so on.. and wash out. I could imagine on elbows, knees, foot bottom, well anywhere. I could imagine that my skin is being damaged but it feel nice. Yeah.. metrosexual me.

Peppermint oil

The energy is often not there to breathe, and the wild thoughts are there and cannot slow down. So I keep dabbing pepper mint oil on my neck to smell it.. as though to help breathing. In the night, I think the pepper mint oil though gives me bad dreams.. or the dreams are from the images which I cannot suppress.

Wanting to sleep for a long time , unconscious
A man called at 7am - he want to make films and he asked if I am not up as yet.. Hindus get up before the sun. I have been awake.. fighting the urge to just lie there .. wanting the sensation of the cool dark room .. looking for a blank mind. My body aches as though I been fighting and I feel tired more than when I went to sleep .. the sun and a full bladder means that I get up and try to move.. do the surya namaskar.. to stretch out. I want to crawl back in bed but the sun is there on the bed.. so i go eat.

Sweet, chocolate, cake, food, stomach

I am fighting the urge to indulge in the sweet, and then fighting the guilt that comes with knowing that the sweet is not good as I feel like I am dizzy. I hear people cut themselves to feel sensation.. whether pain.. and I am eating sweet, and smelling mint, and using nenwa.. to sort of feel so that I could know that I exist. The stomach feels funny sometimes.. I am overdoing it.. but only for now. I am not testing my sugar either .. not yet.. let this time pass.

People
I am avoiding people, while seeking a voyeur kind of solitude on Facebook and in crowds... I am meeting people who can nurture and who have no pressure and who are not shrill. Some people's voices are shrill.. too loud.. and some I can filter out and some I cannot. Family dysfunctions emerge and I confront the loss of dreams that I had to manage the dysfunction.
The Universe is good though.. while getting up and moving out.. people, some strangers are connecting. I am functioning .. things get done, some things are not getting done.. I am moving slowly.. but moving.

Love, lust
I keep thinking of those who used to hold me close, tell me everything.. who have now pushed me away.. today is the 10th anniversary of the first restraining order I received.. "please do not contact me again because you have betrayed me" .. the price of revealing myself to people has been the loss of the myths and mystery and the death of love and like and lust .. Thinking of those who I had asked.. are you sure if this is what you want.. and who said yes even though I knew that in the end it would be no... but love is like that. So thinking of all the loved ones at the same time... especially the ones who have moved on.

Not dying, not sleeping for a long time or forever
I am pacing a lot.. not sure why.. pacing helps to still the thoughts. The yoga is good sometimes.. sometimes I cannot do it, i lie there. I cry when I have to.. well.. not in the minibus or the optician's office.. the walk on the seawall is good.. though the mind has to be controlled.. the thoughts .. because you can walk and walk and end up where you started. I cannot sleep as deep or long as I want.. every time I think I wish I was dead..that I cannot keep being held back or fighting and rebuilding dreams as ones are lost. I am scared to plan anything.. some things are taking energy and then I feel like things will not come through.. small things.

Paneer and bhajee
Food again, I cook what I like. Paneer and bhajee - one of my favourites. Some accomplishment.. with other small short tasks. I am reduced to doing one thing at a time.. to stopping and let the despair wash over while trying to function and communicate and get things done. Important thing is to just keep moving.. do not stop and let the despair win. That will probably be death.

Solitude in crowds on the street..

2011-12-24T11:55:00.000-04:00

A friend said he found solitude on the crowded streets of New York and he wished me the same. I am yearning for the dark cool room to go lie down or sit down in to wait until the time passes.

There is no dark room in my house. There is a feeling of being on the brink again.. of fighting and struggling to do normal things without getting to invested in the manic energies around. The sounds seem kind of shrill so it is not a matter of not hearing them, but trying to get the mind to work around them.

It was good the high breeze the other night.. cold night breeze feeling good on the face which had some tears on it.. like washing your face with cold water.. but the high winds kind of around you and taking away the thoughts from you while you stand still. I like the seawall when the skies are grey and I have walked in rain with thunder and lightning.

Some things take long to do.. but I did them one at a time. I can function and that is the check, to function. Season of goodwill but I know that I should not write just yet, wait awhile to reach out on the annual letters and emails.. no energy to do the cards. So I get out. go to get some stuff done.. meet some people.. sit in the minibus, walk on the road.. kind of like floating.. being there but not being there. Sun is good, breeze is good. Cut my hair and glad that no intense arguments on gay rights but talk about how the barber had to bribe the city council people to get their papers in order.. the red tape. The barber talked more than I did. I know, it is usually the other way around with the skillful barbers.

Some instinct though.. which told me who to avoid.. nice people but at this time the interaction will be more draining. I have no control over some of those interactions so I have to steel myself to deal with some people who I would rather stay far from. At the same time, the universe is good in bringing strangers who lift the clouds without knowing that they do that.

The family spinster

2011-12-24T11:37:00.001-04:00

Many families have a spinster - and the spinster plays an important role in preserving those traditional family values and structures.

The spinster learns from a young age that they are responsible for holding the family together. When in times of anger and quarrels and in the aftermath.. the child spinster tries to be peacemaker and to ensure that everyone is okay. The child spinster learns early how the warning signs of conflict and keeps listening out. Always on the alert. The child might try to escape some of the times by daydreaming and fantasising about a time when they could live alone without any problems. The child spinster also vows not to get married since it seems to be such a stressful thing. People outside the family say the child spinster is a good child.

The child spinster grows into the adult spinster. However, the child spinster feels obligated. The adult spinster learns religion and that children should do for their parents and family. As the parents get older, the needs get greater but the tensions do not lessen. Instead of moving away, the adult spinster assumes more roles in preserving the family. The sibling(s) as they get older might get families of their own and the spinster now feels obligated to the next generation. The next generation repeats the dysfunction and now the adult spinster has to try to keep the children happy .. to ensure that they are shielded from the misery. The adult spinster now tries to avoid and anticipate tensions. The adult spinster also tries to keep watch on the signs of ill health, to prevent health crises. However, the adult spinster might not always be successful in preventing those. During these crises, in addition to trying to sort out the health situation, the adult spinster has to be responding to the needs of relatives who want to be kept updated and want to know every details because they cannot be here..

Male spinsters are often asked 'why don't you get a wife' to help with the spinster duties. Female spinsters are not so lucky - they stick to the script- some do not get married because they will not be able to look after their families.
Guilt, religious duty, fear of being cursed by opting out and leaving the family alone all help to keep the spinster in line. The male and female spinster are often blessed by relatives abroad who are happy that they do not have to get involved in care giving.

Family times, the spinster has to keep level, to make sure that there are no stresses.. to shut up when the elderly parents are over extending themselves for Christmas for example. Male spinsters might try to apply some pragmatic solutions - don't worry with the blasted cake, dont worry with the damn blinds or cooking.. but then the male spinster like the female spinster will be guilted out.. 'this is what makes me happy'' why don't you allow me to be happy - I am not asking you to do anything' . The spinster who tries to organise things efficiently might be doomed since different people have different needs which are not expressed until they miss out something.

The adult spinster might try to rebel.. but that rebellion does not last long. The adult spinster stops making plans, since family demands could cause a change in plan. Some spinsters also have to earn an income to help out.. and then get into problems when trying to suggest budgetary issues. Other spinsters just shut up and go with the flow.

The adult spinster gradually learns to survive in the family . There are fewer thoughts of escape. The adult spinster becomes religious and accepts that duty to others is a good thing. Whenever thoughts of escape arise, the adult spinster prays instead. The adult spinster has to guard against becoming bitter. The adult spinster learns to celebrate the small things like when a family event passes without anyone quarrelling or any tensions rising. The adult spinster has to be careful about not wanting to trip out as well, and to avoid being the subject of pity.

Strong minds, alcohol , violence and free choice

2011-12-14T12:29:00.001-04:00

I asked a Facebook fren, 26 year old man , to read the letter I had written about the irresponsible alcohol advertising and the sexist campaigns. He was good to give me a response .. and I appreciate his time..

hey gd morning. i read the letter. My view goes a little something like this. we as human beings have minds of our own. if we allow people (advertisers) to manipulate us..then in my view u r weak. im sure every television now has a remote....if something is showing and u dont want to look at it ..what do u do ? u change it right ? good...well same thing goes for advertisements. i think it has been proven that sex sells. i agree with that. we livin in a an age where everything is so different from the previous generations...and as time continues to move forward more things will change and so will people's attitude and behavior... secondly..... i drink alot.. i love beers partying...but thta doesnt mean because i drink it has a negative impact on my family or community.. i can be pretty darn fun when i'm drunk....so not everyone is abusive when the consume alcohol.... it depends on how u react to it and how u handle being drunk...if a family member in ur home is abusive when the consume alcojhol...the best thing to do would be to talk to that person..try to help them...give them options ...if that doesnt work and that person wants to continue being drunk an abusive when seek professional help ..police...help an shelter etc.... most guyanese dnt believe in doin this ...the dnt think that will help or ashamed to do it because of what society will say.....but there nt ashamed of what society would say when the are being abused...how funny is that . people in abusive homes/relationships always have an option to leave or get help...the majority refuses the option and just to live with it an complain.....as for the airin of the beer commericials..promotion ..whatever the case the may be .. i think it should only be aired at nights when presumably children are asleep... guyanese in general need to stop complain for every lest thing and try to better themselves during that time the take to complain and bitch about what is happenin to the coutry/ economy..... go woth the flow...groove in times are changing rapidly..it's how u handle it that counts....

So.. I wanted to respond here

Strong minds,advertisers, choices, sex sells
It is true that we have strong minds and could decide.. the thing I wonder, is we are manipulated by advertisers into knowing and purchasing products.. do we really have free minds? Why do marketers and advertisers spend so much time and effort on influencing our minds? I mean.. how on earth did we ever manage without cell phones? And is brushing our teeth really good for us? Are the advertisers manipulated by us, or we by them? And does sex really sell? Or is it an assumption that is made - and it is just accepted that is how things are done?

I am not violent when I drink..
Many people drink and are not violent, many people who are violent do not drink.. yep, it is true. Thing is.. many people move so quickly from the nice happy fun stuff straight to violence.. a build up.. and in the last year, there is a rise of incidents of drinking buddies cutting, slashing and killing each other.. after drinking. My fren.. are you pretty darn fun when you are not drunk.?. or is that alcohol becomes the excuse.. to loosen the tongue and the behaviour to put on a spectacle.. why do we need chemicals to alter our brains to have fun? And many children ask their fathers not to go out and drink because their happy drunken fathers turn belligerent.. Risky sexual behaviour is more likely when the senses are clouded. Accidents are happening more often with drunk drivers.. and even if there are no deaths.. there are other injuries and effects which are damaging. and which take their toll on the individuals involved and the health sector What about the friends of drunk people.. if you not violent.. what about the people you leave behind to go home when you know your limits? Are they violent?

People could deal with violent alcohol users..

My fren makes it sound easy.. someone is violent and uses alcohol , you could talk to them and so on. It is not.. thousands of families in Guyana know that it is not easy.. rum shop owners are often begged not to sell alcohol to some families.. the rum friends are asked not to encourage the drinking..

Shame of staying vs Shame of leaving abusive relationships..

One of the complex factors of alcohol in abusive relationships.. is that when he nah drink.. we deh good good.. and that confuses matters and people hope for change. I was drunk, so forgive me. Fear is also a factor which stops people from leaving - many people are killed as they are leaving or after they have left the relationship, money, many different factors which might make staying in the abusive relationship seem better than leaving it.

When to advertise alcohol..
Alcohol advertising is not only on radio and TV, it is on shop signs, billboards. in the promo of events in rural places.. chutney competition, duck curry, cricket, basketball, football.. wherever families will go because there is no alternative. There are billboards, 24/7 all over the place which do not show the negative effects of alcohol use.

Complaining, bitching and going with the flow..
Thing is.. when the flow seems to carrying us nowhere.. do we stay with it? Will you always go with the flow? What would have happened if our ancestors did not revolt, complain , bitch.. about slavery, labour practices, racism.. freedom? A lot of people might resort to alcohol when they feel that the flow is against them. Is that what happens when people get drunk.. that people need to let go of the things which keep them in the flow?

Being angry at and afraid of PPP and APNU..

2011-12-11T10:51:00.001-04:00

"Are you afraid" my colleague had asked me. We were standing in 2001, on Brickdam witnessing a PNC march. I was not sure what to reply to her - she had been a supporter of the PNC.. I told her 'not now, but sometimes'.

The racial violence in the history of Guyana is always there in history, and it has manifested itself around elections time.
Today, Ravi Dev in his column , Same Ole, Same Ole talks about how the APNU is resorting to the tactics of street politics to deal with issues which were not solved by the ballot box.

When this threat of violence surfaces, 'indians' like me who have rejected the PPP are caught between mobilising support to reject the PPP and their actions, while also condemning or cussing up and wondering whether the city/country would be closed down by peaceful protests which get out of hand as has happened in the past.

I have been avoiding discussion about the elections with many people, especially 'indian' people. There are those who prefer to accept the abuses of the PPP since it seems lesser to them than the alternatives. Imperfect is how one supporter described these violations of rights. On the other side, in addition to the race talk, there is the kind of contempt - backdam people is how two friends talked about the PPP leadership. As though backdam people have no right to govern.

Last night though, it was inevitable, I ended up having a late night conversation with a man who I have a lot of affection and respect for, whose livelihood depends on customers of all political affiliation coming to his business. He chose not to vote.. like many of the other 'indians'. However, like many of the other 'indians', he does not want to be targeted by the PPP, as he told me, he did not want his house on the PPP blog. So there is this mix of frustration, empathy, anger and fear which has no outlet in any constructive way.

Keeping another ground - not middle maybe - is not easy. In my own family and social circle, there are strong views for and against the PPP and quarrels have been emotional .
I moderate the mailing list of the Bishops High School Old Students' Association and in the middle of the active sharing of APNU positions, and people asking not to have those positions shared, the mailing list crashed. Some members have said things like this :-

Vidya
 
I did not ask to be un-subscribed from the BHSOSA mailing list. I asked
that the discussions on the BHSOSA channel be less political and more
about BHS and BHSOSA. How does it work - I disagree with something and you
remove me from the mailing list? Whatever happened to the democracy that
you and all are always talking about?
 
When I want to be "unsubscribed" I will let you know

I was not surprised that there was this attribution that I had unsubscribed people without telling them, rather than something else could have been wrong.
As the Stabroek News editorial describes..it has been a bad week.

What to do?

I have been posting this video clip of Tina Turner signing one of the peace mantras

As I become consumed with the fear of the unknown, the despair of guys like my friend, the anger at watching how people seem to be played.. I remember the Bhagvad Gita 12:13-14 - “He who hates no creature, who is friendly and compassionate to all, who is free from attachment and egoism, balanced in pleasure and pain, and forgiving; ever content, steady in meditation, self-controlled, possessed of firm conviction, with mind and intellect dedicated to Me, he, My devotee, is dear to Me" It is in actually seeing God in the PPP players who seem intent on holding on to whatever power they have, and God in the members of APNU and the emerging Youth Coalition who are using rhetoric to 'close down Guyana' and 'national unity or else..." . The fact that they might not see their God in me should not relevant to me.

While I know people want their pain to be prioritised (the 'indians' killed by bandits vs the 'black' young men killed by police and other unknowns) - in order to overcome the fear and the anger, I have to keep count of all.. and the others who have been killed and beaten - many times by people who were supposed to love them.

My friend said he would understand if I decided to close down the place.. because my agenda is clear. I do not want abusers of women and children in the Government. However, the President has decided to present those to us. I do not want the homophobic Mr Edghill to be a Minister, but the President has decided that there is no other person fit for that position. I have wanted to close down Guyana for many reasons while dealing with the issues around rights for LGBT people, for children, for challenging the racial assumptions which prevail.

However, I have conceded.. that since nobody else seems to want what I want.. or that we are a minority (maybe 49.99%) then I would like to see the Parliament work. I would like to see the institutions built in Guyana to protect rights, as we start to document and deal with the violations of the rights.

Tonight, in the middle of the madness, I joined with large crowd of all kind of people at an excellent Concert at St George's Cathedral. Outside the Cathedral, young Isabella - one of the gay/transgender sex workers I know was waiting for clients. That is the nature of Guyana..

the barbers, Obama, gays, God and humans

2011-12-10T11:36:00.001-04:00

The last time I was in the barber shop, the barbers started talking about how they hear that Guyana have to enforce gay rights. It was the two barbers, me, another customer on the chair, and another man waiting. The barbers had several concerns about gay rights.. one was concerned that it would mean that a man could feel him up, and he could do nothing about it. He also said that gay rights will make the gay men come out more, make them more bold and he did not want no big strong man ssiping him off. I said ah,, you must understand what women must feel like. He said yeah, yeah - he does not agree with what happens.
He said that it is against the Bible.. so I ask him if follows the bible all the time - he said no.. he said that problems will come to Guyana if Gay rights come on.the customer say he aint got no problems with nobody. I ask the barber about what about Brazil, US, Canada, Europe.. he say that them countries have Earthquake and financial crisis and nuff nuff disaster.. Guyana does not have any disaster..

My barber is a Jehovah Witness and said that homosexuality is against the Bible. I said, what about those of us who do not believe in the Bible. The other barber said which religion allows gay rights.. I said mine does.. he said nah, he dont believe me, I said I can email you the text of the scriptures.. he seh nah nah.. he aint want to see nuttin wid no gay man ting in it.

This week President Obama sent out his memo to all the agencies to work to ensure LGBT rights in the countries where they live, and when Hilary Clinton spoke eloquently in Geneva about how gay rights are human rights, human rights are gay right
I thought about all of those who would say that God is sending wrath down on the United States and the Obama Administration. I could imagine all the religious calls to hold on to faith and culture and resist 'Western ideas' . This of course happening in a week, after the elections, when human rights is part of the national agenda .

Ethnicity and racial allegiances are part of the undercurrent of the political power playout. There is no idealogical differences really between the parties, except of course for how they intend to accept or deny or pretend that race/ethnicity is part or not part of the power problem. As a result, other issues get lost.. like the fact that a PPP MP to be, recently assaulted a woman ; and that there are others who have been accused of molesting women and children who remain prominent in the Government. There will not be any large marches calling for justice for the women and children. One wonders if all of the political parties would have been hiding their abusers so they are careful not to speak out because everybody probably has secrets, and the abuse of women and children take second place to economic boycotts.

So.. the 10th December, another day for human rights, and for us to understand what it means to be human and how we deal with this human diversity. It will be interesting to see whether Guyana would continue to think inclusive means, inclusive on race only; or whether it would include the other parts of being human such as sexual orientation and gender identity.

My racial and homophobic frenz...

2011-12-04T12:29:00.001-04:00

I know that I am not prejudiced because I have racial frenz, and I have homophobic frenz.

During this elections I have seen how the racism and the homophobia have triumphed. Many of my frenz who voted PPP feel that those who voted for APNU are racial; and many of my frenz who voted APNU feel that the PPP and all those who support the PPP are racial too. Those of my frenz in the AFC feel that those who voted for either the PPP or APNU are racial. We all probably have our stereotypes, bad experiences, good experiences, prejudices, and assumptions based on race - and it is interesting to see how those prejudices emerged during the elections season. Among my racial frenz though, it was good to see that many tried to withdraw and change the meaning of their statements when they read what they wrote. Such is the nature of prejudices,, sometimes we have to express them, reflect on them , get feedback and decide what to do with them.
I aspire to integrity - I mean.. I like people to know how I think (or bore and exhaust them with what I think ). I like my homophobic frenz who are consistent in their homophobia.. they say plainly they dont like battyman and they dont like this and they bring the blood of Jesus or Fyah and so down.. and some of them change when they realise the stupidness they talking. Some are nicer.. they want the homosexuals to change and then end up liking the homosexuals who they trying to change.

The other kind of homophobia though.. the one which is from people who say they all for LGBT rights and so on, but yet by their silences and the limitation of their actions - they quietly endorse the homophobia. I remember a man who when asked, who was paid with money to advance the rights of LGBT citizens.. said to me that he did not support SASOD's agenda and that he had his own 'Christian morals' - Those frenz terrify me.

Homophobia is now entrenched and rewarded in the PPP/C - with the appointment of Mr Edghill in Mr Ramotaur's government. Mr Edghill has used his religiosity and abused his powers to condemn SASOD.

And Facebook good..
'Congratulations HE President', Congratulations Our new leader, Congratulations President.. Congratulations Mr President.. Congratulations for ensuring that you will continue to perpetrate the injustices which we are scared of speaking out about.

I watch in amazement as the young atheist who friken to write letters to the paper because her family might be persecuted. She is concerned about the rights of gay and lesbian people but she still went and worshipped at the altar at which homophobia is rewarded . The other atheist youngster- who friken to expose himself he said.. also worshipping at the altar where religious homophobia has been rewarded.

So as the struggle evolves.. another young man who friken bad.. and I tried to empathise with that fear which is imprisoned by work, reputation, access to money.. also went and worship at the altar of the thing which makes him afraid to speak out.

Another young lesbian said she could not sign a letter - she is surviving and some of her customers would be lost if they know she signing letter about anything controversial

She like my other homophobic frenz, have a right to choose how they will survive... Audre Lorde though below reminds us.. we were never meant to survive.

Audre Lorde..

“A Litany for Survival

For those of us who live at the shoreline
standing upon the constant edges of decision
crucial and alone
for those of us who cannot indulge
the passing dreams of choice
who love in doorways coming and going
in the hours between dawns
looking inward and outward
at once before and after
seeking a now that can breed
futures
like bread in our children's mouths
so their dreams will not reflect
the death of ours:

For those of us
who were imprinted with fear
like a faint line in the center of our foreheads
learning to be afraid with our mother's milk
for by this weapon
this illusion of some safety to be found
the heavy-footed hoped to silence us
For all of us
this instant and this triumph
We were never meant to survive.

And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid
So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive.”
― Audre Lorde, The Black Unicorn: Poems

If I am elected President, I dougla donald do swear

2011-12-01T09:18:00.001-04:00

to uphold the constitution and I do declare that
1. I am glad that I do not have to suffer through parliament ever ever ever again

2. starting with the swearing in ceremony and my commitment to change, to serve whole wheat biscuit and coffee/swank to start the diet

3. Instead of a victory rally, I will join with others in walkathon from Georgetown to Buxton and back.. so when people hear march from Buxton they will come out and join for health and well being.

4. I will trim the cabinet. I will preserve the legacy of Pa, the father of the nation who when he became President in 1992, had a flatter belly than mine all through his term. I declare that all Cabinet members - men and women, must have a waist size which is smaller than or equal to Pa's waist size.

5. I will no longer go to New Thriving or any other Thriving Chinese establishment to eat. I will ask Comrade Clement for some of his cornflakes instead.

6. I will ban airconditioning from my vehicles and offices, so I could sweat out the fat and save on fuel.

7. And finally, I will keep Mr Jagdeo as my personal trainer.. he has managed over the last 19 years to keep his belly flatter than many of us and I have a lot to learn from him

So help me whoever ....

Not voting in Guyana's democracy

2011-11-25T12:31:00.001-04:00

Elections time again. There is a lot of work being done to encourage people to vote.. and that is good. I will fight for anyone's right to vote.

Guyana's version of democracy is not working for me. Iana has been writing about our democracy. I have voted many times, and to no avail. I was born into this democracy. If in 2011, my yard floods after five minutes of rain, two women have to share a hospital bed, and there can be obscene extravagance in the elections campaigns, and people still nervous about elections.. then my votes have been wasted.

My Facebook wall has posts galore telling me who to vote for. My Facebook wall is also full of comments from people - comments which are showing the ugliness of Guyana's democracy and the rejection any idea that we are 'one' people.

I am fascinated at how some PPP supporters deny the misery in Guyana, pretend it does not exist or blame it on the PNC Government of a long time go. I am also fascinated at the PNC supporters who cannot fathom the impact of the flour and dhal ban and how deeply entrenched is that hatred of what the PNC stood for.

It is funny though, how some of the PPP supporters tell me that Ms Burton and Messrs McKoy, Edghill, Bynoe and Hamilton have reformed.. apparently for them reform means joining the PPP even if you might still have some of the old time oppressive tendencies in you. I do not know whether any of the former PNC members in the PPP have apologised to the PPP supporters about the ban on flour and dhal and their role in enforcing those bans.

Mr Henry Jeffrey seems to have reverse reformed. The AFC presents some contradictions to me.. I have a healthy respect for many of the AFC supporters but I have reservations about some of the active leaders.

APNU.. I met some of the volunteers on Thursday.. wearing the PNC caps - one said that they did not have money for new APNU caps. I assured him that don't worry, I think that APNU is actually the PNC on the radical road to reform.

Of all the candidates, I am fascinated by Mr Granger and Mr Roopnarine the most. I was watching Mr Granger in his long sleeve shirt winning the PNC leader campaign. I am horrified though, that they chose to join with Messrs Ramjattan, Ramotar, Persaud, Trotman and Hinds to wear suits and ties in their campaign ads.

Men in suits and ties.. supposed to be respectable.. the colonial mindset that we inherited which as left a young Guyanese believing that he and his brothers and sisters must be whipped as children to be good.

Men in suits and ties.. like the Wall Street bankers that some of Obama's supporters are protesting against now.

If I am voting for change, it is for rejecting some of that crap which is a mix of historical and current cultural impositions and for this kind of majority wins, the rest lose democracy. The defenders of the men in suits will tell me about the majority of Guyanese like to see their leaders in suits (and nice houses according to the nice PPP supporter who said that Mr Jagdeo deserves the presidential palace he is building and will be maintaining at her expense). Many will tell me I am being trivial.

There is this question in our minds now.. not so much as who will win, but will there be violence? So much for this democracy which leaves us terrified and suspicious and for which the political parties play out with their calls for peace amidst their accusations that each others will incite violence. Facebook is good to see how people thinking, it provides this forum for the venting of some of the comments and thoughts.

The people who vote, should not forget that they have other rights and powers and that they should invoke those rights in this democracy. Their responsibilities as citizens does not end with the ink on the finger as they cede their power to the men wearing suits and ties so as to look pleasing to them.

This elections, I am not using my right to vote. In not voting, I am rejecting those divisions which are manifesting themselves in ugly ways and embracing all of those who are manifesting those divisions .

God is being invoked as part of these divisions - nothing is sadder than how God is being invoked this way. However, I cannot leave God out of anything.. God is always there including in all of those persons who I would like to cuss out and who will cuss me for not voting for their party. Those who know that I would like to live in a Guyana in which the PPP has had a chance to go back to opposition and radically reform itself will be happy - one less vote for their opposition.

I will be using my other rights to resist tyranny of any form and invoking my responsibility as a citizen to keep resisting those tyrannies. I hope that other citizens will do the same, whether they vote or not.

People an' dey stupidness.. or becoming mad..

2011-11-15T11:04:00.001-04:00

I sometimes envy the mad people I see walking down the road.. half naked, tatters, thriving and healthy on food from rubbish bins and not giving a damn about anybody around them. Talk about detachment.. that kind of yogic realisation of being one with the universe but being apart from it.. but then I do not know what going on in their head..

Recently, I have been withdrawing from relationships with people and groups of people where there is no nurturing, just a draining of spiritual energy. Or.
Unless I am a paid to do so.. I am now keeping distance from stupidness .. I thought it was an old age wise thing I am doing.. but then a younger woman's refrain in my head.. "I aint able wid people and de stupidness (and she puts some adjectives to describe that stupidness" makes me feel relieved that is not me alone. Mad or not mad.

I think it is a healthy thing to do. I am avoiding conversations which go nowhere and which seem to go in circles. I am avoiding becoming a therapist for some. I like integrity in people close to me.. that even if they disagree with me.. their values are consistent and we know what each other are about. I like that if people agree with me, then we can work on things together rather than complain. I like to part ways with people whose values are no longer consistent with mine.. I aint able wid stupidness.

I like doing things.. so I am not good at sitting around talking. But if we picketing or something, we can plan nice things. Picketing and protesting might be as useless as sitting around and talking.. but I feel that I am more useful there.

I like reliability.. that when people say they will do something, they will follow up or say early that they cannot. I like when people express an interest in an idea or event, that they will hold on to it and implement it and carry through with it - mad as that idea might be.

I like when people do that quickly and I could work with them on those things rather than fluff around endlessly.

I like when people take charge of their own destinies and do not complain about politicians or anyone not doing it for them.

I like when people are honest.. when they do not talk small social chit chat and meaningless promises which are not meant to be kept. I like when people tell me that I not honest.

I like when people bring their grievances off of Facebook and the Internet and onto the streets and in the real public spotlight and get something done.

And if, as I get older, I find that the numbers of people and groups of people I aint like gettin' bigger.. then mussee mad i getting mad.. but it sound a lot nice than being sane.

Encounters with Jesus during Diwali

2011-11-09T21:17:00.003-04:00

Sunday before Diwali

I woke up and decided to take up an invitation to go to Mass. I bathe, put on clothes - not my Sunday best - and headed down to Holy Rosary to witness the mass by a Charismatic Revival preacher.

The pastor was good. He came down from his pulpit and grounded with the congregation. He talked about 'loving your brother as you love yourself' and said no point coming to mass often if you will judge, condemn and set yourself apart from others. Well at least that is what I thought he said. The man talked a lot about how people should be dealing with each other.. not about how much mass or prayers or so on to do.

Sunday afternoon.. news comes from the PPP/C Lusignan Rally, Mr Edghill says if Jesus were on Earth, he would have voted PPP. I ask the Christians I know, if they will say anything. A few anonymous letters in the press, one pastor writes in his name. Maybe the pastors, especially those who rail up against Homosexuality, probably agree with Mr Edghill, or are scared. I wonder what they are scared about.
In my head.. I am thinking of how Hugo Chavez said Jesus was a socialist.. and thinking of the lavish socialist lives Mr Edghill's friends live.

Monday before Diwali
I spend the afternoon with my favourite atheist.. arguing for a few hours about the existence of God or of some kind of spirituality. It is a kind of strange argument. since the atheist arguments tend to be against Christian and Muslim beliefs; and I can only think of the Pastor on Sunday morning telling people to love their brother as themselves; and Jesus voting for the once atheist party. Maybe the PPP never embraced atheism as we thought. See the National Diya and feeling as though the religion has been hijacked.

Tuesday before Diwali
Preparing for Diwali. Lots of preparations in Georgetown. People still amazed at the Jesus on the PPP list and I am remembering the Diwali Galee on Camp Street when some people painted over the rangoli on the avenue... and the Christian church there had objected to the use of the avenue. I also remembered the Christian couple who attended the Galee to protest those who wanted to stifle the light.

I am terrified of the lavish Diwali motorcade - at the power and wealth which is represented there and which somehow is not transferred in the wider society. Thinking of my other Hindu friend who said that his group gave out about 3.4million in Seva, charity. No lavish motorcades for them.

Thinking of the Christian children who are told that they cannot go out to see the motorcade because the motorcade is 'false' beliefs.

Wednesday - Diwali
Wash the yard. Thinking of the breeze and the lights. On Facebook, a Christian pastor friend is organising a reading group to discuss
Thinking of Jesus the socialist, Jesus voting for PPP and the Christians trying to find a God of the oppressed and the poor. Thinking of how non-Hindus tell me that Hindus have a Goddess of money and wealth.. all lavish.My Catholic neighbours have lit three candles in glass as diyas. Other people are blowing squibs, bombs , etc. Such contrast to the quiet diya lights.. and fairy lights. Thinking of the Christians and atheists and others who think that Diwali is evil or 'childish superstition'.

Thursday after Diwali
Nomination Day.. all the big hype and so on.. the party with the most pastors is the PPP, and with one Pandit. Like Jesus win really going to be voting for the PPP. Thinking though, of the love thy brother message from Sunday morning.

Friday after Diwali
School sports . The children start with a prayer which ended with Amen (I learn from a man in Minibus afterwards that Amen is reference to an Egyptian God.) Wondering if any of the children are atheist what they would do. I remember the Christian normativeness in school days.. all the hymns, prayers, references. Later that day I go hang with the atheists and skeptics , another discussion about astrology. I am Scorpio. I had an argument earlier on Facebook with one of the young women about female bodies and exploitation. She was there but silent. I was told I should apologise to her because she young. I go and sing Ramayana after the atheist discussion. As I am singing.. about death really and the meaning of death - it was a wake house, I keep thinking of the apology thing, and that I do not mean the woman any harm. So I come home and .. loving my sister as I love myself and I send her an apology. I never hear from her. But that is how we should do these things.. without expectations of any kind of reward.

Who gun get de gay vote?

2011-11-06T21:00:00.001-04:00

[De Dragon Diva aint gat credit fuh de blackberry. De Diva ask de pagally coolie bai to put up dese ramblings because is nuff madness dis election season. De pagally bai like de rest ah dem bai aint gat de guts fuh talk]

So it drizzlin' an' de Diva deh hey pun de corner.. keepin' an eye pun tings fuh mek sure no police aint harassin' no body, an' dat everybody get dey fare share ah de limited market of clients. De Diva start to tink politiks..

So.. de Diva.. tinkin' bout de rulin' party.. De Prezzy.. ow.. de prezzy.. ah would vote fuh he any day.. dat bald head.. ow he so handsome an' young.. he agin' graceful.. an' .. ow, ow.. when he busin' out.. ow.. Diva want to know wheh he learn fuh buse suh.. ah mean.. ow.. but ah hear it so unfair , he cyant run again... an' is a whole set ah dry up face people.. some ah ol ol.. Santa Claus.. ow.. he can wine.. Diva and de girls watch as big red put a ball pun he.. ow.. who would ah tell dat a big man like dat could win' suh.. De Diva dem is impressed and seh dat a fun luvin' santa claus like dat.. dat is a good party man.. and de rulin' party , though.. got de bishop pun dey list.. dat just mek meh blood boil, he does only know fuh talk about gay people.. dem..but laff fuh laff.. dey got big anti man pun deh list too (an' ah mean anti-man, not gay ). I not votin' fuh de bishop.. I aint kay how much Santa Claus win' fuh me

Dat odder party.. wid de indian film sounding name.. apnu.. ow.. dem two old man deh.. dey look suh stiff up.. me aint know whah fuh seh.. but Bella deh wid dem.. Bella walkin roun' wid de Vote Apnu Badge an' well.. Bella is a diva too an' well.. but still me aint know.. dem people dem does wine up pun de road one day an' de next day dey in chuch condemning homosexual an' trowin' de blood ah Jesus pun yuh.. so I ain;' know whah fuh seh..me an de Diva dem gah fuh guh to de meetin' dem fuh see if we gun get chase

De odder party.. well dem.. dey gat dat nice red chubby face man.. but fuh a young man like he friken fuh win' pun de stage like we Prezzy.. and dem.. dem cyant cuss like Prezzy.. an' den dey gat two odder serious lookin' indian wid dem.. is what wrong wid dem, like dey can;t laugh.. ah mean... is Christmas.. ow.. dis party.. me aint know whah fuh seh..

I know none ah dem gun do nuttin' bout no gay rights an' i gah fuh ketch meh han'.. Rain pourin' now. I fughet.. i cyan vote.. dem aint gun allow me fuh tek me pitcha wid me long hair an me makeup.. an' fuh put sex 'male' pun it. Nuttin aint gun change fuh some ah we..

battyman, pope, battyman, mathematics

2011-11-04T21:53:00.001-04:00

So the shine bus come at Church Road and I open meh ears to listen fuh de music. Is an oldish rasta man driving, so i cross meh fingers.. hoping dat no dutty music. Is nice low music, reggae tunes. I hear something about battyman and meh hackles rise. The man in the front seat talking loud. Razor is battyman he seh, dat Bible mek man and woman and dat man have beard and dat razor is a battyman invention to mek man into boy again. I seh is a good ting I dont use razor, I use clipper. De driver look like he gat a few straggly hairs pun he face. I aint see the girl face in de middle seat fuh know whedder she have hairs pun she face or what.

We reach David Street to turn into Alexander.. den I hear how Battyman rule de world, de pope is de head battyman who rule de world. So I saying.. right right, this is like the kind of mad talk.. except that the driver and the girl like they listening. Den by Kitty market.. de man seh dat black people get affliction. I seh okay.. de man seh dat indian and amerindian born because of every time black people transgress. So I wonder which black man transgress when I born.. he seh dat greed and battyman politics consume people and dat is why black people suffering will continue. He say dat de Bible say dat Ethiopia will reach out her hands. The driver answer back.. and it seem like he believing.

Then we hear dat battyman religion tekin over de place and dat Rasta was de chosen. De man seh dat nevah mind Jesus and Allah, dat Selassie I is the call and dat de Bible say dat is de Chosen Few, not de chosen millions. I look up at the bus roof.. dey have two picture of the white joseph, mary and baby jesus. De driver have Psalm 121 dangling from he rearview mirror.

The man seh dat battyman education is in de schools.. dat the teacher is within you. I nod meh head. He seh dat school cannot teach you nuttin, yuh have to listen to mother nature.. I seh to meh self arite now.. I know is de result of a transgression but dis man meking sense now .

De man get a vibe I listening.. and he look at me , an turn back in front an' continue ... dont worry, de world is rule by mathematics.. I seh wow.. good, de Driver sehin yes, i aint hear de girl.. but she lookin' straight ahead.
We deh in Regent Street now, an' he seh he gat 7 children, an he look aftah dem. he seh he aint seh children aint ask fuh mek, dat parents gat fuh mind de children and not de odder way roun. he cuss up bout how some black people aint know fuh mek children an' dat is part of de curse. However. he seh dat de Good Lord mek dese people to bring de curse so dat peole could learn. So jealous people come so dat black people could learn about jealousy; and so on.

De man hail up a lady pun de road.. so dis is not a mad man like I tink. Dis man know people and people know he. He lower he voice.. I hear someting about he chinee fren.
We reach de market now.. he come out nuff hailing up all over to different people. And he eye and me eye mek four and he also raise he hand and seh right man, right man.

Pillow talk..

2011-10-22T11:46:00.004-04:00

Some nights when the night is cold, and you wake up and hug up the pillows.. like last night.. you think and dream of all those who you wish were with you.

I have been lucky.. I always thought I was sensible and that I am a sleep alone, on my back kind of man but there have been times..

Pillow talk.. realising that sometimes when you actually are together you talk less than when at 1,2,3 in the morning, you increasing the phone companies' profits. The pillow, hugging up the pillow as you talk the unending nonsense on the phone. I wish you were here.. with me now.. what are you wearing (the shorts with the hole which too comfortable to throw away).. Sometimes.. the beep beep which lets you know -- the battery going and then one of you realise that you do not have the charger.. or.. the stern woman.. 'you only have one minute remaining' and nobody could get credit at 230am...

Pillow Talk.. when you cuddling up the pillow.. and talking with the beloved, because the beloved's neighbour had a birthday party and at 3am the music so loud the beloved cannot sleep.. the only thing being that the music is old Indian Filmi tunes which you both humming to in between the long silences just knowing that the other is there..

Pillow Talk.. when you wake up fuzzy , and recognise the number as the friend you got a crush on.. and then the friend apologises saying that is the wrong number and you want to know who the friend calling at this hour..

Pillow Talk.. when in the beginning , 11pm.. you do not answer the beeps saying someone else is calling.. and then as the intensity wanes.. you say excuse me.. i taking this call.. or I gotta go now.. somebody else calling.. and then no more pillow talk

Pillow Talk.. when the place cold.. and you talking, on the phone, and your bladder fulling up.. and you thinking.. heck.. I don't want to move.. or stop the conversation.. and think. should I carry the phone to the toilet... but that would be like taking someone to the toilet with you .. is that respectful and loving?

Pillow Talk.. when after all the conversations about how lovely it would be to be next to each other right there., that when it does happen.. it has all kinds of logistical problems.. and you end up sleeping apart anyway.. This they say is good for the health

Pillow Talk.. is when the loved one wants to talk or be with you and that jealous lover who sometimes evades you. Sleep, intervenes and you have to fight with Sleep to enjoy the limited time.

Pillow Talk.. is arguing and talking and laughing with a loved one.. who tells you to stop it because their loved one is sleeping next to them and might wake up...

Pillow Talk.. is when you cannot sleep and think of all the ones who you used to talk to at this time.. and how it all ended up .. but at least the pillows still there

Chocolate cake recipe

2011-10-22T10:10:00.000-04:00

The favourite one, with all the conversions.. buttermilk, self raising flour, making three times the icing because two not enough to make the layered cake

Outlawing the beating of children

2011-10-21T16:26:00.000-04:00

Dedicated to Balica Romana George, Joy Millicent Blanchard, and Daniel John Blanchard . Their father is charged for killing them. Their neighbours, on hearing one of the children asking "daddy, how you could do this to we?” did nothing because they thought their father was beating them (part of the supposedly healthy and happy family life of many Guyanese).

The Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children is doing a global consultation to inform its strategic planning. Belize has become one of the countries in the Caribbean to outlaw the beating of children in schools. The Global Initiative is working on law reform in other Caribbean countries.

There have been recent conversations about the beating of children which continue to show how neighbours and others would ignore when children are in crisis. Recently, a young doctor told me that she will not fill out a police medical form for a child who had been beaten by her mother. The child had come into the hospital after a beating. The young doctor treated the child who had bruises and marks. The doctor said her own mother used to beat her and she believes that children need licks sometimes, but not excessive. The young doctor did not believe the mother should be punished.

Ironically, some of the women and men involved in the work against intimate partner violence tend to be silent or even oppose any idea that children should not be beaten (using terms like 'excessive' and 'little spanking' or 'touching up' ) to decide on the violence. Many persons cite their religious beliefs as grounds for beating children.

Some of my answers to the GI questionnaire are shared here.

Purpose: To scan the political, economic, social, technological, legislative, cultural environment in your country and in the Caribbean region, and identify forces and trends that may be opportunities or threats for speeding up progress of law reform to abolish corporal punishment of children. To help GI understand its context.

Political
Opportunities
During the consultations on the drafting of a new Education Bill, the ruling political party the People's Progressive party had indicated that as a party they were against corporal punishment of children. Another political party , the Alliance For Change had tabled a bill in 2006 to outlaw corporal punishment in schools. The new political partnership- A Partnership for National Unity - which is contesting elections includes the People's National Congress (PNC) and the Working People's Alliance (WPA). The PNC has not supported the outlawing of beating of children. The Working People's Alliance, some of whose members and former members have called for the on corporal punishment. The Prime Ministerial Candidate for APNU, Dr Rupert Roopnarine is from the WPA and had signed the petition against corporal punishment in schools in 2006.

Threats
It would appear that apart from the Alliance for Change, the politicians believe that this is a strong 'cultural' issue and refuse to take this on beyond rhetoric and sharing personal views rather than deal with this at a policy level.
The political parties also rely on support of the religious groups, some of whom are avid supporters of beating children in the name of discipline. Some of the religious persons who have supported beating children are candidates in the political parties in the current elections.

Legislative
Opportunities
There is an Education Bill which is pending but has not been tabled. The drafts we have unofficially seen do not remove corporal punishment.

Guyana went through the Universal Periodic Review of its Human Rights obligations in 2010. One of the recommendations from the review is to outlaw corporal punishment. The next Government is expected to honour these commitments.

Threats
There are reports of beating within child care institutions run by the state and by private organisations. One mother who had her children removed by the state told me that she never beat her children, but they were beaten in the orphanage to which the Child Protection Agency removed them. The Child Protection Officers I have heard talking about the beating of children do not talk about stopping the beating. One young person told me he heard one representative of the agency on television saying it was okay to spank now and then. The phrase 'not excessive' seems to be used quite often.

Some people like to say that not beating children is a “white people thing” and therefore it is not Guyanese/Caribbean. The fact that Guyana and the Caribbean have histories of violence in slavery , indentureship and colonialism and refused to overturn these laws

Social & Cultural (because I cannot distinguish between the two sometimes)
Opportunities
In some small spaces, people are talking and are becoming aware, and are are willing to change. There was a short project in 2008 “Removing Corporal Punishment from Schools : Integrating Partner Efforts” That project highlighted the dilemmas. Another project, the Pickney Project which was organised by Help & Shelter also showed how persons were willing to change their behaviour if they were willing to be educated and to be open to the change.

Threats
Some religious organisations still try to enforce the beating children and I believe that many of the teachers in the education system hold deeply religious views which support the beating of children.

There is fear of anarchy in the schools and the home without beating – that “we gun get like America where the children have no respect for elders and there is violence”, etc, etc). This is an extract taken from a recent article in Kaieteur News around a vigil against domestic violence.

“As far as the law for not beating your children is concerned, many were against it as they believe some children need to be taught a good lesson.
“People should come on this park and see how lawless them young people getting on. I gon beat me daughter bad if I see she behaving like that,” noted one woman.
Many argued that children will now hide behind these laws and do bad things, adding that it is not fair that parents cannot discipline their children the way they want to and then when they do wrong things parents are the ones who will have to face the law.
The majority of parents expressed that they believe that talking to some children don’t help until you whip them and then “talk” to them about another whipping if they repeat the mistake.”

(It is no surpise that some of the young people who passed at the vigil also felt that intimate partner violence was justified in some instances. )

The Inter Religious Organisation in Guyana in Guyana signed on to the 2006 World Assembly of Religions statement which called for religious bodies to confront violence against children. Apparently, the IRO decided not to get involved in following up in Guyana since they apparently felt that it was a contentious issue . Some members of the IRO have done their own work against beating children. Help & Shelter's Pickney Project showed how it was possible for many faith based leaders to think again about beating children and using scripture to justify that violence.

Threats

Step 2
1)Looking at what you have written above, identify those things that are most significant for your current and future work to abolish corporal punishment of children in your country/the region. Highlight them.

1.Ban corporal punishment in schools
2.Keep educating parents, teachers, caregivers about non-violent forms of discipline.
3.Keep educating children and others about rights and responsibilities and the consequences of inappropriate behaviour.

2)Briefly - what do you/does your organization need to do, to make use of the opportunities you have identified?

I am writing as an individual. The activism has to be sustained at different levels – to celebrate the successes.

2) What are the threats facing GI in the next 3 years?

I do not have enough information but I could imagine local religious leaders and others who like beating children would say that GI is foreign and imperialist in trying to impose 'foreign values' etc.

Step 4

Please give us as much information as you can on the following questions.

1)What is the problem you are addressing in your work in relation to the elimination of corporal punishment?
That parents and teachers want to beat children and that there is little scope to educate parents about non-abusive parenting and teaching.

What is the difference you want to make?
To be part of the movement which rejects violence against children, much like the work being done about intimate partner violence .. where there is no justification anymore.

2)What is the one major obstacle to your work being successful?

The global, regional , national increase in violence and the use of violence to deal with problems and issues. Many young people and children themselves see violence as a solution to problems.

The political support to ensure that the work is done especially in the national institutions, and funding is needed to support the work.

3)What do you consider is the one major factor stopping law reform in your country?
Belief in challenging cultural issues would cause uproar, and the inability to fund the changes needed . Violence is seen to work because it is quick and cheap though our society has become more violent.

4)What factors/combination of factors do you consider are necessary to make a breakthrough on law reform in your country/the region?

Cultural change, limiting the influence of the religious ideas which support violence against children

5)When are the next parliamentary elections in your country?
November 2011

6)Are there any existing national or regional campaigns to hasten law reform?
No

7)Are any laws/policies relating to children due to be revised in the coming months/2 years, where elimination of corporal punishment could be integrated?

I am not sure of any.

8)Who are the people to lobby to push for law reform, who would do so from a position of influence and knowledge about what’s involved in law reform?

Government members of parliament.

And finally

9) What is really important for your current and future work?
To keep the knowledge sharing going on and to celebrate the small victories.

10) What is too serious to ignore?
The lack of political will and support, the influence of the religious bodies who believe children should be beaten, Funding issues.. work for the protection of the children is limited and it should be tied to other goals and mechanisms for peace and development.

Chocolate milk shake above the madding crowd..

2011-10-21T14:35:00.002-04:00

I discovered this week, that it is possible to have a rich chocolate milk shake (or a chocolate sundae) while being detached from the world.
The Red Cherry Cafe is on the second floor of City Mall. The staff are friendly. There is a nice selection of sandwiches, pastries, milk shakes and sundaes. Some of the sundaes are designed for two people and for four people.. I have not tried them as yet but intend to do so when on the next binge.
City Mall invokes this feeling in me that I am too old to be there and that I should be about 18 years old waiting on some date or something. When I went to City Mall to visit Red Cherry Cafe the first time, someone called me and asked if I was not "too big to be going in deh'. I mumbled something about going to buy credit. and nothing about the ice cream thing.

So.. after braving the young crowds.. I found a nice place to go indulge my weakness for ice cream and for people watching. There are to small 'balcony' spaces.. and it was amazing, to sit on the balcony and look down at the people.. not quite ants. You kind of see all the people walking talking, who is looking at who long after the people have passed them. I ignore the pineapple vendor when eating the sundae or drinking the milk shake. I see some people walking with their head straight forward, others.. head down, others smiling in cell phones, others faces with frowns.. and of course nobody knows I am watching them.

It is nice to watch how people cross the road, to avoid the lights, some stay for the green man, others walk down to find ways of dodging the cars. People watch people who have passed them.. long after and I wonder what going through their heads.
It is kind of like being detached, while still being connected, and having the milk shake or the sundae helps to enjoy the experience more.

I wonder if I watch myself from above, what I would see.

Atheist, Agnostic, Catholic, Hindu, Eclectic - Fun with heresy at the Coffee Bean

2011-10-15T11:14:00.000-04:00

The discussion was to start at 430pm at The Coffee Bean. I saw a Hindu girl I knew in the corner, exchanged Ram Ram with her. When I told her about the atheist discussion and film, she raised her eyebrows at me. I told her.. with no authority.. that atheism (skepticism, enquiry) is allowed in Hinduism .

I showed her the Richard Dawkins book 'The God Delusion' and she showed her friend who had on a badge with a picture of Jesus. He looked at the back of the book, and then said 'oh scientists' and gave me back the book.

People started coming in. It was funny and interesting.. most of the people were from the Facebook group and had not met in person before even though they might have argued or agreed on different issues. One guy asked me at 450pm.. I thought you guys were starting at 430pm.. we said .. sorry, because we wanted to let people come. Later on he said he hoped to enjoy his coffee and sandwich while watching the film. Next time we will start on time.

Another woman came in a said she was so happy to find a group.. she used to be a member of two American atheist groups. I was happy that she was there. When she told me her political work in Guyana though.. I wanted to pray, curse , invoke the spirits.. but... that is another story.. about who's who in the political campaigning.

The film started.. Alternatively called the Root of all Evil/The God Delusion Part 1 - it was brightly coloured, and Richard Dawkins is a wonderful entertainer if nothing else. The film was about Catholics, Jews, Muslims and the conflict in the Holy Land.. who later went on to seek counselling and so on for his relationship with Mike Jones. I of course was smug because Dawkins really could not take on Hindu theology (theology is a western thing though).. in his book he talked about the Gujarat massacres as being the kind of evil which Hindus are capable of in the name of their religion.

The audience ranged from children in school uniform to a long time lecturer in Physics and Mathematics (one of the first to teach at Jagan's night school in 1965)

And then the fun part started.. I offered in my nice Hindu way to moderate the discussion .. which was lively, active.. The first question.. profoundly philosophical I thought.. was 'What is this group about? What is atheism?" .. kind of like 'Why do we exist'.. and Ferlin, main heretic , explained. Then it continued, the documentary, the flaws with it, what was nice about.. and then whether religion and science could co-exist; and creation and evolution. At some point, I was asked to ensure that the women in the group spoke.. one woman said she felt that people were not talking musing about atheism, but rather sticking to their own beliefs. Another woman said she liked Dawkins and is atheist. A young girl said she was just having fun. A young man was interrupted from his texting.. said he felt people missed some points of the documentary (I believe he tuned out for a bit). but said he thinks the group should have a more structured debate with pros and cons side rather than the free flowing whatever .. I responded by saying that chaos is the order of the Universe. Deep, I know.

There was the discussion about 'where are the moderates who might not agree with supreme authorities'.. and how those moderates in the end help to prop up supreme authority.

And we had to stop at some point.. these discussions are never ending. I asked two people who were silent .. and then realised one was wearing a crucifix. He was described as an 'open-minded Christian'.. and the other guy said he was Catholic . I asked if after the film, if he was still Catholic.. he said yes.

I remembered .. a long time ago, when during the 'gay rights debate' in 2003, when Lurlene Nestor was an MP. She organised with the GYSM to have a discussion with the fledgling SASOD then. I ended up being the only representative there and having to moderate and to be the main proponent. It was an open venue, in Durban Street. It was a crowd of people who did not know each other. The back and forth was emotional and lively and full of all kind of thing.. but at no point did I feel threatened for speaking out, or were there any cussing down or humiliations. It has been over eight years.. and all of my Hindu deities (or the one which is in all of us) gave me good blessings (or I took them back) by putting me back in a place where it was possible to connect with people who I might sometimes disagree with.

The erotic and the revolution..

2011-10-10T19:58:00.003-04:00

The revolution has become tedious and boring and it no longer provides the excitement and the rush. The revolution is now down to budgets, and indicators and project reports and to bank statements which are not being delivered and to people who are not doing the work they were never meant to be doing.

Instead of drafting emails with statements and letters to the editors and to people, the cyberspace.. once the place which birthed the revolution.. is now a place to quarrel and argue and to refer to contracts and to terms of reference.

The revolution has moved from the streets.. to offices in which some people want to sit in Executive Chairs behind Executive Desks and be called Executive Directors... Sir in some places.. the revolution for some is now an excellent opportunity for chairs and those desks and maybe a laptop to go with it.

Work which used to be done for free now has to be paid for.

The mad people who got together to say yes.. to kick off the revolution and to terrorise.. their madness once the fuel for the revolution, is now the catalyst for the destruction of the gains achieved as wars are fought over money, tasks, accountability for tasks. People who should be pushing ideas have to manage cheque books as the money flows into the revolution.

There are some who are suicidal because they cannot find work while others are being paid a lot of money to co-ordinate the revolution and do consultancies to understand the pathologies of those are oppressed. The work moves from dealing with the injustices faced by the oppressed to ensuring that project deadlines are met.

There is no longer any erotic in the revolution. The creativity, the spontaneity, the power has been lost. The revolution has become funded and it has been killed.

Mental health on mental health day

2011-10-10T10:17:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago an amazingly talented woman I know told me that she went to the psychiatrist - for depression - and he gave her some mild tablets. I was shocked.. it was a week of a lot of people tripping out, including me, and I put it down to the full moon. Another woman then shared her story of coming off of her medications - an accident when she was on a weekend away from home and did not have them with her. Stories which would not make the media.

Today is Mental Health Day. Guyana media is focussed on the PPP Kitty Rally (madness and insanity is how one friend described the President's rantings against the media and the opposition). I like the focus in the Guardian UK which gives different aspects of mental health stories .

There are no organisations in Guyana set up to deal with mental health and I hope to do so at some point

Since coming out with my own mental health problems, I believe I have done well in managing them. There are still times when the depression is there.. 'I wish I was dead' or 'I do not want to move, wish I was in a dark place and could just sleep'.. but no dark place for me fortunately. The binges have been less though and I have been functioning effectively (unless others think otherwise). So.. reflecting on what works..

Acceptance that it will pass..
Yeah.. I do not fight the feelings any more.. I let them wash over me and keep in my head that while it seems while in any phase of depression and I start to react negatively to situations around me.. I know that it will pass and I have to be proactive in coming out of the rut.

Movement, sunshine
Exercise .. movement.. yoga, the surya namaskar.. so even as I do the rounds.. increase the number when I feel that I cannot or do not want to do the rounds. While the knees say no.. go out on the seawall and walk, or go on errands during the afternoon sun and walk in the sun around Georgetown. Some amount of willpower is required to do that.. but celebration when I can do it.

Self indulgence
Well.. self care really, and knowing as the mind shuts down and the body starts to slow down.. that it is okay to slow down and postpone tasks. I go through less plantain chips now than I used to.. though now and then I have gone and through four packs of cheez whiz or so in a row as a way of getting rid of stress. Not feeling guilty about self indulgence either.. and celebrating that I have not opened any of the condensed milk waiting as cures in the cupboard.

Not stressing about failure
The 40th year has been critical.. and I hear for many that all the issues come up, about expectations, dreams not fulfilled, etc. And this kind of recognition that we are immortal and wishing I was dead because in the end I will die anyway . So, now it is about not mourning that I am wasting time doing the time spent on managing the health. Everything will come in its own time, and celebrations.. that the choices which I made have led to interesting things which I would never have imagined.

Managing relationships
A major source of the feelings of failure is the lost relationships.. former lovers, friends.. and the dysfunctional family relationships which are based on complex history of culture, etc. So I have ended those relationships which do not nurture me. Some relationships which I cannot end, I am working to remove the expectations of any kind of result and to be a bit more practical in terms of how we achieve whatever results we want. Work based relationships are also important and sometimes the unpaid work generates the greatest angst. I am glad that I have said no to some things which were emerging as wearisome rather than challenging.

Keeping busy
It is good to keep busy, not to ignore what is happen or to silence the thoughts, but to be actively engaged in things which bring pleasure and feelings of achievement. Some things are spontaneous , others are deliberately planned. One of the things which I felt bad about was when I resigned from Help & Shelter, was how to use the knowledge and skills which I had since there was no vehicle to use this knowledge. However, there have been many workshops and other activities which required preparation and planning and which also had their own challenges. Writing is important.. and that has also helped.. whether my journal or this blog.

Spirit and God
I usually curse God when I feel overwhelmed and want to die, and then Thank God for the good things which happen and the bad things which force me to try to do things to survive. My atheist friends would probably laugh at me and ask why bother. But this is not so much about God, but really about working through our spirituality. This is not about devil possession ( people have prayed for me and wanted to slap and flog me for views I have held ).. but about creating a world view in which we are active but which would not hold us down. I know a Catholic priest. who has been through the political oppressions but who has maintained a sense of humour and bright eyes and no bitterness or sense of entitlement as a result of the struggle. That is the kind of spirituality which I hope to build for myself.

I want to walk in the sun..

2011-10-08T22:49:00.001-04:00

"Hey.. do you want a drop down.. I going your way"... driver .. intimate from the past.. who had abruptly cut out when something changed .. and sent messages once a year which said 'hi and bye, busy busy'

Me.. "Nah, I want to tek a walk in the sun"

It hit me today.. as I enjoyed the walk in the sun , how friendships and acquaintances and facebook frenz evolve and how things change as we grow older. I used to think that once I made a friend.. that there would be some kind of contact and that there would be some knowledge that even after long periods, there would be time to connect and continue without any expectations and just have laffs.

I wondered if I am childish in the 'best friend/no longer best friend' switches.. but then I hear from other guys of friendships which ended.. sometimes for unknown reasons, or for arguments, or through distance, change of work, change of religion, change of partner. As adults, they also feel concerned (something must be wrong.. he wife aint want he talk to we no more.. he might be dead.. he depressed.. he vex with we and aint telling we why..).

I learned that the counselling skills are good.. and that some people need to be listened to for a time and then to move on. That ending time is not always easy to recognise, and I now learn that it is good to end the 'friendship' when the need has been exhausted. There was a saying.. some friends are for a reason, some for a season and some for life. Getting older means being able to manage those relationships.. and to know how to let people understand when the season is over or the reason has been fulfilled. I had a friend who told me he edited his address book every New Year's day to remove contacts. I see some people on Facebook 'cleaning up their friends lists'.

I also have started to let people know.. that it is okay.. time to go.. no need for the platitudes of 'I have been busy' or 'I have been meaning to call you.. ' or 'Sorry we could not meet up.." .. and that there is no need to worry about maintaining a connection when there is no longer need for one. One or two people have said the same to me as well when the time has ended and their interests and values have changed. I like that honesty, and while I might be disappointed , it is much better than to be left hanging.. wondering if everything is alrite.

However .. karma is funny.. so I do not delete the contacts or the addresses because things may come up . I like when old acquaintances are renewed even briefly. And for those who have preferred to end their connection with me without explanation.. I will walk in the sun and the rain without you.

Freedom of expression and child abuse

2011-10-04T09:47:00.001-04:00

The latest abuse of power by President Jagdeo is in the closing down of the CNS 6 TV Station for four months. This period includes the elections. Media operatives, political parties and other organisations have called for protests and vigils.

The TV Station is being sued for comments aired on one of its programmes against Mr Edghil. Mr Edghill has sued the station for libel. Some persons believe that the penalty is excessive, others believe there should be no penalty. Others believe that the timing is political since the CNS 6 gives voice to a range of people who have no access to other TV stations.

The owner of CNS 6, Mr Sharma is an icon for many in Guyana. His TV programming has given voice to many poor people and has highlighted many of the injustices faced by people. His TV programming has also been used to cuss up other groups in the society - Help & Shelter used to come in as a target.

Mr Sharma is also in court , on charges of child sexual abuse. Our justice system is not good when it comes to cases involving child sexual abuse, cases could take years and many times the child victims and their families are further traumatised by the lengthy proceedings. Recently, Mr Sharma has reportedly been unable to attend court appearances due to ill health.

Jail Kwame, Free Sharma
In September 2009, there were allegations made about child sexual abuse against another media operative, Mr Kwame McKoy who is a member of the PPP. The media operatives used their freedom of expression to ensure that this case was highlighted.. but then the story ended abruptly when the President asked the media for assistance to find the child.

The result is that the allegations have never been resolved properly and as happens with the child abuse in Guyana, the matter has become a joke especially for those who do not like Mr McKoy or his political party.

In April 2010, when the allegations surfaced about Mr Sharma, there was disbelief and a view that Mr Sharma was the victim of a system which did not mete out the same punishment to Mr McKoy. One of the things which I heard in the minibus on the day I decided to resign from the Rights of the Child Commission was 'Jail Kwame, free Sharma'.
It seems as though child abuse and domestic violence are political now.. that depending on which political party or hero we support or do not support, we will ignore those who are violated.

Freedom of expression and Child Abuse
Some of those who are active in the protests against the violation of the freedom of expression have said that we should separate Mr Sharma from his TV station and the issue of his court matter.

That is the explanation we in Guyana have as we support the enterprises of those who have been accused (and sometimes convicted) of child abuse and domestic violence. I have also been accused of being a child molester. Some persons have mocked the protests in which I participated against child sexual abuse.

I hope that the National Assembly will one day convene the tribunal as stated in the Constitution to deal with the allegations against Mr McKoy and that the child involved is safe. I hope that Mr Sharma's health allows him to go to court when needed. I also hope that the justice system will ensure that the case would be resolved and that the children do not suffer as a result of the delays.

While the matters are pending, I will not be supporting any enterprise which involves Mr Sharma, Mr McKoy or any other person who is being accused of molesting children and who have matters which could be resolved through our legal system.

I will not support any activity of the Ministry of Human Services which involves children until they resolve the allegations against their representative on the Rights of the Child Commission.

I would expect that others would do the same to me should I be charged with child abuse. The abuse of a child's rights is not a joke, or a weapon for political humiliation. There should be no picking and choosing of who to morally or legally sanction.

Thnking of women during Navratra

2011-10-01T07:14:00.002-04:00

(This was edited and published in Stabroek News)
The Hindu season of Navratra is a good time to reflect on how we are doing as a people in building a society in which we understand the equality between women and men . Many of our ancestors used to think of God, the Divine Creator as Mother, and Hindus continue to honour the feminine energy in Navratra and Diwali . In some of our histories, , God turned masculine, became 'He' and things turned for the women - and those who revered the feminine learnt to despise and oppress the manifestations of that Mother while worshipping the Mother. The legacy is that we live in a place in which women and girls are subject to abuse and violence from men and boys who believe that there is some 'natural' or even 'divine' right to put down and humiliate women in different ways.

In the last week, two groups of women, one group younger than the other, spoke of the verbal harassment on the road. One girl talked of walking longer routes to avoid sites where the men would gather. The other group of women - community health workers - spoke of being harassed while working - going about their business of caring. The women talked of feeling frightened - of not responding because the violence gets worse. Some of us men who hear the harassment, we ignore it too - because we are scared ourselves or we believe as one guard at NIS said.. she is a lady , she should expect that!

None of the women in these groups said that they looked forward to being harassed. None of them said that the harassment made them feel beautiful or sexy. All of the women said that they do not talk about these issues because this is how it is and nothing can be done. So it is part of the risk of living in Guyana - of knowing that men are free to express their desire to have sex with you.. or not . Many men and boys have no problems shouting their contempt at the women who in their heads are not good enough to qualify for the beauty pageants which the Government and the private sector support.

The front page of the Guyana Times of 30 September 2011 has a picture of the President and the Minister of Tourism.. opening GuyExpo surrounded by "GuyExpo models." The caption though, as always happens with the private sector, carries none of the names of the girls.. they have no identity beyond being 'models' it seems. Page 4 of the Guyana Times.. Breeze in a Bottle - is some men in suits, all named - but the 'models' have no name - "Limacol Girls apparently' No Limacol men or boys. Both pictures.. the men in suits - symbols of male prestige and prosperity , named.. surrounded by women , not in suits and not named.

So as we embrace capitalism, we have also embraced the commodifcation of women and their bodies. The girls lose their identity beyond the labels and sashes around their bodies - GuyExpo, Limacol, alcohol, taxi, restaurant, hotel, cell phone company, cell phone. The Government and private sector sponsored beauty pageants are used to define the ideas of the beauty and perfection and models are in demand to help sell products. Sex sells is the mantra - apparently only straight men and lesbians buy these products!

The media has carried stories of the young women who participate in the pageants. Every month.. we get an idea of their aspirations and their dreams. The girls say that they are empowered by the pageants. We are fortunate that we live in a free and liberal society. But is it really free and liberal when half of the society cannot feel safe?

The men and women who organise the pageants - the parents and teachers of the children at Stella Maris - Ministers in our Government - opposition members - all believe that beauty/intelligence/heritage pageants are the way to go to empower young women . How do we teach empowerment in Guyana? Should our empowerment come at the expense of others - of those who do not win or dance well or sing well or trip up in their saris or their evening gowns? Do we expect that our young women should walk and talk like 'queens' ? What messages are sent by the Government and the private sector to the girls and women who choose not to or cannot walk or talk like queens or who apparently cannot wear their evening gowns or saris or who constantly disappoint the nation by their failure to win 'major pageants' ?

One irony recently.. during the Miss Guyana pageant.. it was reported in the Guyana Times of 22 July, 2011 that one contestant had to abandon the pageant because of problems of 'revealing images being circulated' On the one hand.. the swimsuits and the body beautiful is to lauded and encouraged.. seductive and sultry as one reporter wrote about one beauty pageant contestant.. and yet, when a young woman decides that she wants to show her entire body - the ultimate it seems - she is condemned by the same system which is setting her up to view her body as a commodity to get by in Guyana's prosperous society?

At one mandir there is a notice that women should dress decently before entering the mandir... no comments about how the men [should dress ]though.

So this is what we say to girls and women - Dress decently or we will think you are a whore; but we want you to walk around in a swimsuit so we could make comments about your body and how you display it; Dress decently but if we do not think you cannot walk well in an evening gown or a sari we will let you know what we think of you and your daring to think that you could do so; be seductive and sexy but do not post your own naked photos on our own desire- we will decide how much of your body you must show and when it is appropriate; you cannot wear that swimsuit, evening gown to church/mandir because God is in church/mandir, not at the National Cultural Centre; walk properly because if you do not we will ensure that you never forget it; be intelligent or we will laugh at your mistakes and false accents and your inability to answer questions that most of those who are asking you will never be able to answer themselves; enjoy, accept or ignore the abuse and the harassment.. on the road and the work place.. do not speak up because something must be wrong with you.. you are never going to be good enough no matter what you do.. you are too fat, you are too skinny, you are too dark, your hair is not straight enough, sometimes you are good, sometimes you are not good.. we want you to know from as young as possible that no matter what you do, you will never be good enough.

In this 2011 Guyana, it seems these are the empowering messages that we want women and men to use to in forming the ideals of what it is to be female. And like those those women who reluctantly talked about the violence and harassment , many girls and women continue to lose out.

You are cute...

2011-09-27T13:56:00.004-04:00

The young woman told me ".. and another thing, you are cute.. if you were ugly I would have been distracted by wondering why you so ugly"

Due to some cosmic irony, fate has pushed me in the direction of getting invovled in doing training - mostly around domestic violence and child abuse prevention. Irony because I am inherently anti-social and do not like 'public speaking'; my preference is to avoid socialising with any group which has more than three persons.

My inability to manipulate my karma has resulted in facing the challenge to find ways of animating so that people could learn the content.

Pedagogy has all kinds of styles.. and I think that the massa style.. wild cane, rote, examination , ridicule .. has prevented us from thinking of other ways of teaching and learning. I was fortunate though that in the learning for the work to be done with Help & Shelter, the facilitators and trainers all used participatory methods and encouraged full interaction.

So when my turn came, I had to learn to do the same thing - to not only know the content, but to be able to design any learning session in such a way that the people are interested in the topics.

The feedback from the participants is critical. In addition to looking at how many are sleeping or texting furiously or side talking, I usually ask for an evaluation of the 'facilitation'.

Sometimes the feedback is good. One midwife, quiet throughout an entire session many years ago, at the end said that the day was one in which she was surprised that she did not feel like sleeping. A man who had the appearance of being disengaged the whole afternoon, said that he had wanted to leave early, but decided to stay because the discussions were good.
Some sessions though, with younger people - mixed reviews. There is boredom (if the pace is not changed rapidly) or some persons not being interested in the topics but feeling that they have to be present.

One comment I am trying to figure out years later from one of the classes in the BHSOSA Lower Sixth project: "Mr Kissoon was good,.. he was a bit capricious and his temperament changed often.” Another girl had said that in addition to enjoying the session, she really had to tell me that I looked like Mr Bean.

After a session with members of a Hindu organisation , one person said in effect that " Mr Kissoon's appearance was disgraceful, his untidy hair, his unshaven face, his inability to dress properly all distracted from the content. He is a disgrace to the Hindu community for not knowing how to dress."
Another person in the same workshop said that the 'workshop was very good though Vidya should have taken more care with his appearance' The other 38 persons made no mention of the dress or the hair.

Another time a retired Headmaster told me that I was talking foolishness.

Generally, the feedback has indicated that people are satisfied with the work.

I used to be nervous about the feedback , but now I have started to look forward to hearing what people think of the sessions, whether their expectations have been met and the effectiveness of the animation skills. As to being cute though.... maybe is a good thing I never bothered to keep my hair tidy or shave or put tee shirt in my pants.

SUBJECT : APPRECIATION SCRUTINY

2011-09-16T16:10:00.002-04:00

V E R Y VERY S E C R E T - DO N O T L E AK EL DORADO 0000000000000

SUBJECT: APPRECIATION SCRUTINY

REF: A. EL DORADO non
B. ELDORADO sens

Classified By: [This is a complex case and we have added another agent on this matter. We need a code name which is not used often, a name which would reflect the national identity, the rarity, the cultural heritage of El Dorado. Political Officers Cassava Ball and Sour have joined with Konkie. Konkie has put her long blond hair in dreadlocks and befriended a taxi driver and a minibus driver so has good intelligence networks] Classification : DO NOT LEAK : for no apparent reason.

1. (C) SUMMARY : The Embassy has been puzzled by the 'Appreciation' being planned for the Supreme Leader/Champion/President. We have received invitations and seek advice on whether we should attend.END SUMMARY

2. (C) The Embassy received an unmarked package of invitations and VIP banners for an Appreciation Day. We scanned the envelope without opening it.

3. (C) The Embassy immediately informed the El Dorado Police Force that there seemed to be a threat on the life of the Supreme Leader/President/Champion since a funeral was being planned for him. Konkie had just come from an Appreciation Service for the second cousin of the third child-mother of the step-father of the child of the first child-mother of the minibus driver.

4. (U) The El Dorado Police Force said that it was not a funeral - not in the traditional sense. Konkie, Cassava Ball and Sour went on the road to find out. The ladies who begged with their children did not know about this kind of funeral. The children who skipped school because they did not have food did not know. Cassava Ball and Sour checked at the hospital and the man with blood on his face who had been waiting for three hours to see an emergency doctor did not know. Konkie went up to a woman wearing dark shades in a Cruiser with tinted windows. When Konkie tapped on her window , the woman pointed a gun at her. Konkie thought she saw a VIP invitation in the vehicle but could not confirm.

5. (VC) Please delete this after you have read. It seems as though instead of waiting for the Supreme Leader/Champion/President to die and then do the eulogies and so on, a group of civil society people.. many of whom have been trained and participated in our democracy and governance initiatives - have begged the Supreme leader/Champion/President to give him the eulogies before he leaves office. This is a new custom. The fear is that given the fat pension to ensure a healthy and long life; that when the man does die.. people would not remember who he was at his funeral. The country has a problem with forgetting its past Presidents and their legacies.

6. (U) Cassava Ball checked with the religious contacts and they remain tight lipped. One Christian with nice silk tie and fat gold rings said it is biblical to not wait until the funeral to sing praises or give tears at the loss. No other Christian has objected to this view. Cassava Ball has been watching the TV channels to see which of the preachers has been saying things like this.

7. (C) Konkie said that many people have received the invitations and plan to attend - to see who else would be going. Some of the people who will be there are scared that if they are not there, then, the Christians and Muslims especially, that "God will Sin them". The Hindus who spoke with Konkie said that there is no concept such as sin in Hinduism and that nothing is wrong with saying thanks and that some people have illusions about bad things which are in fact good things in disguise.

9. (C) Konkie said that the alcohol sellers are annoyed that NO ALCOHOL WILL BE ALLOWED. They do not understand why they cannot express Appreciation for the high and unregulated sales of their product to whoever wants to buy. They were even planning to give out at cost price (many smuggle in their product so the costs are low)

10. (U) Cassava Ball and Sour said that some people on the road thought that there will be popular singers from Jamaica - those that were not arrested. Some people thought there will be a temporary lift on the ban on cocaine for those dealers who might appreciate the supportive business climate. Cassava Ball and Konkie have confirmed that this is not true. Another woman with dark shades in an SUV with dark tinted windows asked Konkie if she wanted to earn some money on her way out of the airport. Konkie thought it was a set up because she saw what looked like a policeman cuddling up with the woman.

11 (C) The Embassy understands security will be tight at the event so as to protect those with alleged criminal interests from being arrested or assassinated. Cassava Ball and Sour and Konkie have collected invitations to share out in return for any further intelligence they can gather. END.
EGGBALL

SUBJECT: EMBASSY REACTS TO LEAKS

2011-09-06T17:06:00.001-04:00

V E R Y VERY S E C R E T - T O P OF THE L I S T FOR L E AK I N G EL DORADO 0000000000000

SUBJECT: EMBASSY REACTS TO CABLE LEAKS

REF: A. EL DORADO abc
B. ELDORADO xyz

Classified By: Political Officers Cassava Ball and Sour for no apparent reason.

1. (C) SUMMARY : The Embassy was caught off guard by the recent leaks. . Then we understood. Some officers are annoyed because they would have liked to have had a say in which ones to leak . The officers are also annoyed because there has been a backlash END SUMMARY

2. (C) Our switchboard operator has had to deal with irate calls from people in Georgetown who are upset for various reasons.

a) Some people are offended that after providing real information to our spies that their names are not listed in the cables. They did not realise that our spies wanted gossip or else they would have provided gossip. Some people would like us to issue the new cables and leak them with their names so that they could become famous.

b) Other people called in to say that they object to being referred to as "spaghetti". When Cassava Ball and Sour heard, they said no no, it is cognoscenti. That created havoc and we had to engage our security. Some people said that they were not mafia; other said that they thought we spoke English; while two persons asked for the recipe.

c) We have restructured our classification :

I) "Cognoscenti" refers to those persons who turn up everywhere, whose names are on our invitation lists but nobody knows why, and whose names appear in the newspaper letter columns. We have had some problems with the letter columns names because we keep getting email bounce messages from the highest office in the land and Cassava Ball and Sour are working on finding out .

Cognoscenti typically know how to use a knife and fork; they would not go straight to the buffet table; and would not use both hands to take food from passing trays.

Cognoscenti would typically know the meaning of the word cognoscenti, or would at least know who to ask to find the meaning.

II) "Informers" refers to those persons who would not get pass our security access for various reasons, but with whom we maintain cordial relationships because they tend to know things. We then go out and meet them or invite them to places with no security clearance.

The trouble with Informers is that they frequently forget what they told us so

Cassava Ball and Sour have devised a mechanism to record every conversation. The recordings have to be certified and verified.

The first recording had the agents interrogating Cassava Ball and Sour because it seemed that the Informers knew what was going on .

The background music was deciphered and translated into 'They are watching me'. This recording was deleted as inappropriate for evidence.

We also had problems claiming expenses because some agents after listening to the recordings from one of the local bars thought we were in Brazil and not in El Dorado

III) Underworld - there is no underworld in El Dorado so we have ceased using this classification. All trade and business activities are above board and are legitimate and any corruption is quickly dealt with by the law. There is a high conviction rate for crimes. The tea we are drinking is made with local medicinal herbs which are sometimes rolled into tubes and smoked.

d) Cassava Ball and Sour have been tasked with fixing our relationships with people because it will be a bleak Christmas. We will not be invited to any nice Christmas parties since even our friends are suspicious and do not trust us. They will not come to our parties or any events either.

e) We have been flooded with letters typed up and pre-coded and classified in the cable format with all kinds of things. These range from allegations of visa fraud at our Embassy, conspiracy theories about 9/11, conspiracy theories about 12/25 and love letters to former visa officers who are now at headquarters or in jail.

f) We have had to let our other colleague diplomats know that we will not be taking DNA of anybody from the glasses, chicken bones, tooth picks or napkins left over from the parties, lunches or drunken binges.

Cassava Ball and Sour have been asked not to steal these items until the next big story comes along.

3. (C) Drug usage in the Cabinet and allies and enemies :
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We are concerned about drug use in the country. There are rumours about a high usage of anabolic steroids and other ahem ahem performance enhancing drugs at high levels. There are laboratory test results which show some of the local steroids and other ahem ahem performance enhancing drugs result in hair loss. We have noted an increase in the amount of hair loss - the President, the Commissioner (who has been holding on tightly to his cap in case anybody takes it away from him), the Presidential Candidate and Advisor; the Pro-freedom Newspaper Publisher who was not involved in backtracking; the Hotel builder/seller/buyer who was not involved in any other business; and the Minister who did not allegedly have problems with Goats.

4. (U) We will no longer use names in the cables so as to avoid any backlash when they become leaked in the near future. What the hell, we have decided to leak this one ourselves.

5. (C) Cassava Ball and Sour are two new officers. They have been jittery because they have heard that people talk about eating Cassava Ball and Sour; about eating Cassava Ball alone; and about buying Cassava Ball for $20 each from a man in Bourda Market. They have confirmed that there is no plot to buy and sell our secrets at Bourda Market

END CABLE : EGGBALL

Celebrating the wasting of time - two hundred and counting..

2011-09-05T08:23:00.001-04:00

This if for Iana, who said "Have no idea why i waited so long to read your blog...great stuff! I feel good about still being here because people like you, "still deh hay" and for Samantha who said that there is "real good stuff to be found here".

This is the 200th post on the blog. A year ago , I wrote on the 100th anniversary that All work should be God's work.., and that the intent of writing should be to try to lift conversations and open up some space for dialogue and also try to add Guyanese voices to the blogosphere.

There are some great writers in Guyana, but they are busy and I wish that they would also find a way to write their own blogs and to own them. After reading Arshilata , I mourned that the Guyana Prize winners again seemed to be mostly no longer living in Guyana. I look forward to a time when writers who live in Guyana would be publishing in Guyana. We cannot forget how people like Edgar Mittleholzer and JW Chinapen published their first works in Berbice (not Georgetown).

This year, I had to write up on some other work and the resulting article Chantilly Lace was published online at sx salon This was an experience for me because I learned about editing and ways of improving what I am writing. I still have to apply that new found knowledge.

This blog has no editors. As a result, the enthusiasm and the energy create pieces with many typos, half sentences and grammatical errors, but I post anyway.

A woman asked me who do I write for, why would people want to come back.
I have come to the realisation that I am really writing for no one - that these ramblings are like me standing on the seawall shouting out in the wind. Or like the Jordanites at the market on Saturday.. speaking out - people pass, some hear, some do not hear and some might drop some money for them. I have no fantasies of making the money from the writing because then it will become a chore.

This blog is an obsession. One day I had three posts when I should have been doing other work.. and other times a week passes without any posts as I agonise over what to write, what to write.

I am sucker for the attention.. waiting to see if there will be any comments or so and looking at the stats to see how many people have read each post. The average is about 20 or so - clicks maybe from spammers. I deliberately use sexy keywords and the search strings are hilarious.

The things which I think are important.. are often not popular. One kind friend pointed out that this letter which was published in Stabroek News last week, that it only had five comments and that people are jokers since he felt the issue was important. I spent a whole week trying to write what I thought was going to be a masterpiece, but... like many masterpieces, they are for the author/creator and not for anyone else.

There are things which I want to write about, but I have not found the language. Like the beauty queens who feel empowered by events which discriminate against those whose bodies do not fit the racist and sexist criteria , or discriminate against those who might decide to show their naked bodies.

I wanted to write something about alcohol .. about singing Ramayana at a wedding house where the (illegal) bar was in the corner.. and wondering whether since Ram and Rum are so integrated for many, that perhaps I am really the mad person at undoing what has become a core part of the Hindu/Indian pscyhe in Guyana. I want to write about shaking hands with the man who is the head of the largest narcotic enterprise - the legal one that is - in Guyana .

I drafted things about working 'green'.. and thought of being smug that since I work from home, my carbon foot print is probably lower since I have little or no clothes to wash; no ironing; no air conditioning (or fan); and I insist on electronic documents rather than paper documents.

I want to write about the short lived experiments at mobilising people to do things. I should write about the minibus driver who told me that he makes sure he takes off the cuss music when elderly or children are in the bus (and he older than me)

These two hundred posts have taken time, which has passed and which could probably have been spent doing other things which are more productive. Some people have said that they will not write because they do not have the time. I do not write this blog because I have the time .

I waste the time because there is this urge, this desperate need to say things which I think need to be said at the time, and which I might regret later. And I hope that those who could really write, who do not have the time, that they will also start littering the blogosphere about their own experiences from Guyana.

Arshilata - Women's Fiction from India and Bangladesh

2011-09-03T21:41:00.000-04:00

Arshilata - a small quilt (kantha) made from discarded saris and loungis used to wrap mirrors or toilet articles

ed. Niaz Zaman, Published 2007 writers.ink, Bangladesh

God is good and every now and then, a brilliant book comes my way by accident. I have not been reading the book club books due to time, but this book had me.
This is a book of 20 short stories written by women from India and Bangladesh. Some were written in English, others are beautifully translated from their original Bangla, Urdu, Telegu, Marathi, Malayalam and Oriya. The nuances of language might have been lost in translation, but the impact is still the same.

The stories are about women and girls, in different circumstances and doing different things. One of my bookclub members from time to time says things like 'this is not true, this is incredible, this is not how people behave' but that is the importance of telling stories to share other truths and fantasies of the truths.

In Make-up Box, Mallika tries to bury her sister, a sex worker and moves from burial ground to burial ground. Under the Lemon Tree opens up about mental illness in families - and this piece, so relevant to how many of us in Guyana live

"What beauty does secrecy have? Ever since I was a child I've seen how secrecy weakens people, makes them small. Gives others the chance to sneer and jeer and taunt.That's why, no matter how shameful, sorrow and pain should be brought out into the daylight, to heal in the light and the air."

Bitter Triumph is a take on infidelity and how a woman chooses to live with it. Many might object - the last line is how some people's marriages end up" Occasionally, our excursion to the garden coincides and on these rare days, we sit in adjacent chairs in companionable silence like two perfect strangers in a city park. Infidelity is often not talked about in many 'Indian' scenarios since the Indian family is always seen as a noble institution.

The care of elders, and aging in Aunty is told, the dilemma of caring when there are no caregivers and when the expectations of families are not met.

Saleha's Desire.. a woman dares to tell a man that she does not want to have sex with him.. and the villagers punish her but she says to her mother who asks her why didn't she die " Every morning when I get up from sleep I have this hope that from tomorrow good days will dawn. They don't. Even then I don't know why it is that I desire to live on"

Two women - infidelity again, the two women meeting up after 'their man' is dead.. a different kind, but similar to the cussing up reported on Facebook by a woman - betwen "childmudda" and "childrenmother "
Insy winsy spider is a bit strange.. but tells a story of generations changing. Giribala.. the pain of the trade in women. Transformation.. familiar to many of us when the revolutionaries also abandon their principles and then become those that they fought against. Parul's Motherhood - a woman tells her husband 'You are not my baby's father' . The black cat about marriage and abandonment. "The Vultures are everywhere" - about broken promises by politicians.. some of them also women in beautiful saris- "who spoke of their leader and said what a wonderful person he was"

Yellow is the colour of longing - forbidden love and communicable diseases. Parakrousis - a woman fantasises about killing the child, women and man who oppresses her.. this was difficult to read. Where did she belong - about a girl who was found as a baby halfway between a mosque and a temple, and whose 'mother' sold her to whoever would pay. The story is told during the time of partition in India.

Pratibha Ray's The Other God is my favourite.. a satire, but perhaps not a satire on God and seeking God; and about the foreigners and the Bhartiyas and how they see God or do not see God.

Green Chillies - about a young bride who would not be demure. Ayoni - derived from ayonija like Mother Sita, not born of the womb, ayoni.. not having a vagina and womb, .. a powerful brutal story dedicated to a girl called Sveta and the other children who are sexually abused. Mariam and the miser - another story told by a mother to a daughter - with no happy ending or no ending really - but the daughter listening to the story wondering whether this was her mother telling her about survival.

This collection is highly recommended. For those of us whose ancestors left India a long time ago, some of the stories show a different imagination of women.. different from the tales we are shown in Bollywood or selectively told from some of the ancient scriptures. These stories follow no script and some of them are familiar, while others give insights which we would never have into lives across the world.

infidelity, death threats, cocaine, corruption and the Cables

2011-09-03T17:22:00.003-04:00

A lot of us are fascinated by what the US Embassy wrote about Guyana,. The Wikileaks revelations are telling us about the US concerns about the appointment of Commissioner Greene, about the death threats against public officials, about the opinions on matters. The cables are from 'intelligence' officials and funnily enough, they do not say anything new.. they reflect all the rumours which rumble around Georgetown. The US Embassy reported all the gossip as it happened in Georgetown it seems.

I blame Burnham for my inherent suspicions of the American, British and Canadian Governments and their agendas. The Iraqi war was based on some evidence that Saddam Hussain had Weapons of Mass Destruction. The cables are not comprehensive. The Guyana Government kept asking for evidence that Commissioner Greene was involved in drug trafficking. But no evidence was given it seems unless the missing cables will show that evidence.

There are death threats reported to the embassy, and against the Ambassador. Those are serious, but as one reads the cables, you get a sense of contempt for the people in Guyana. This cable HAPPILY NEVER AFTER: PRESIDENT TO DIVORCE goes into all the rumours about the President and Ms Varshinie Singh's personal life (the cable refers to Ms Singh by her first name)

The President has said that all of this is amusing. He is probably laughing because nothing has changed, or he knew all this anyway. We are laughing at some of the imagery.. of the Commissioner breaking down in tears and talking about 'girls' and Dr Luncheon President Jagdeo's legacy has been endorsed by many Guyanese - though from the US Cables it might seem that some people do their obeisances while also telling the US Embassy other things.

History has shown that the US Government has not been a friend to have many post-colonial Governments.
The opposition might want to celebrate all these revelations.. except that the US Embassy cables on them are probably also not flattering and also full of the kind of gossip and so on.

So what?

The time has passed, the big three have not broken off relationships with Guyana. Those who have to go to the big three countries go to them. The drug dealers are still here judging by the large seizures of narcotics.. and they are feeding consumption in the USA. As many of the third word have said.. if there is no demand in the US, there will be no supply.

How many of us care what the US officials think about us? I have had my own experience with some of the contempt of diplomats and others for Guyanese.- not only the politicians but others. One of the cables refer to information supplied by "Georgetown cognoscenti" .. sounding like Georgetown cocktail circuit people.

So like the President said.. amusing, light hearted diversion., reinforcement of what it seems as a country we suspect but cannot prove, and which they faithfully reported. More cables are probably being generated in the same genre. Maybe the US State Department should just release them now for us so we could all have a laugh.

Frustration and faith in Guyana..

2011-09-03T17:20:00.001-04:00

A man who received a lot of recognition for his charitable work in Guyana said that he was frustrated by Guyana, and Guyanese people. Another man asked me why did I return to Guyana a long time ago and why am I not leaving. Another man on a restless night said he felt angry, that nothing will change, it will be more of the same, abuse of Government powers; reduction of police professionalism, increased crime rates. The Government has said that Guysuco nor no one in Guyana could run the modern sugar factory. Some people are poor, cannot find their way out, and there are many young people who cannot read or write. Another woman's blog is a litany of woes about Guyana and Guyanese society but she does not own those views.

Another man said he lost his wallet, and someone called and returned it to him with everything intact. Other people are making a lot of money hosting lots of big events. There are many students who celebrated their success at exams. Guyana is more than the Government and the political parties. Those of us who have to live here.. some of us make the choice, some of us have no choice; have to find ways of creating Paradise here. On the one hand it might mean a lowering of the standards for what we want for paradise; or to actively work to make that paradise and celebrate any achievement of it without dying.

The activism which is driven by faith does not take its toll in the same way as the activism which is driven by contempt and anger. Anger is a great motivator and the frustrations which build up should be released and not held inside. While pushing for the large scale changes.. we forget to celebrate the small changes.

This week, an important lesson as the President called the middle finger protesters the 'loony fringe' (Guyana Times Article reposted below). He however was called out to state that the boy should not be charged - agreeing with the loony fringe. One of the unwritten stories of that protest is that there was at least one woman who had been dealing with crap a lot of her life.. and she took the step to go out and stand up with the other 'loonies'. Sometimes, this is how change happens.

From Guyana Times 3 September, 2011

Middle finger’ teen should not be charged – Jagdeo

President Bharrat Jagdeo has said that the teen who alleged ly showed his middle finger to a presidential convoy in a lewd gesture should not be charged.Instead, he said, it is the driver of the vehicle who should be prosecuted for having failed to adhere to the police sirens.
Jagdeo made the comments at a news confer ence held at the Office of the President on Friday. He explained that on the day in question, August 8, he was travelling along the East Coast Demerara ( ECD) highway when he realised that both sirens were blaring. At that point, Jagdeo said, he looked away from an article he was reading at the time and instructed his outriders not to use both sirens, as they proved too loud.
“… so I heard both blaring, so I looked up way ahead of me, and I saw the outrider using the siren to get the vehicle to pull into the left lane, because … the driver ( had) refused to do so.
Eventually, they overtook on the inside lane; and as they were passing this finger emerged, I was way behind, so I had never seen this person.
If I see him I won’t know him, so he couldn’t show me the middle finger,” the head of state said.
Stressing that 18- yearold Kevin Simon of South Ruimveldt should not be punished, President Jagdeo continued: “ Now, this is probably a misguided youth, and I don’t feel that he should face prosecution because of this. But what I think they should go after is the driver.
Because, just imagine you yourselves, if he doesn’t respect a police vehicle with a siren, imagine him trying to overtake and he is in another lane with your family, how he would treat you as an individual.
“ I think it is the driver who should face the consequences for disobeying the police order, not this youngster [ who] maybe is just misguided.
He didn’t show me the middle finger. I was way behind the outrider of the vehicle.” The president said the hullabaloo over the issue is nothing but an overreaction by a fringe group comprising loonies “ running around looking for a cause.” “ But that ( incident) suddenly becomes a big issue, a cause for protest. This fringe lunatic group needs something to keep them going from time to time, and so I guess we have to oblige them to give them a chance to protest around the place.
“ They are portraying this slightly differently. I think it’s the driver, the driver – I actually thought it was the driver; it was the driver who refused to obey the police outrider,” remarked Jagdeo.
Simon, a porter on a water delivery truck, has since been to court and was remanded to prison for allegedly showing his middle finger to the president’s con voy.
Initially, the teenager was charged for breaching the peace. He pleaded not guilty to the offence and was remanded to prison for one week; but when he returned to court on August 16, he was again remanded to Camp Street Prison for another week. He was granted bail in the sum of $ 5000.
Kevin Simon is being represented by Attorney Nigel Hughes. Since his incarceration, several concerned groups, including the Alliance For Change ( AFC) and A Partnership for National Unity ( APNU), have expressed concern over the manner in which the lad was treated.

"They almost killed me, now I am with them.."

2011-08-31T18:46:00.004-04:00

Guyana's politics has been divisive and this coming election is going to be characterised by A Partnership for National Unity (APNU - not apnooo). This week, there was a group of non-APNU people who met a team from APNU to have a conversation about APNU. APNU did well to be a part of this conversation, and have committed to others.

Everybody admitted that APNU is not generating too much excitement, for various reasons. APNU has less advertising budget than say Jamzone and that the partnership between Mavado and Kartel / Gully and Gaza was of much more national interest a few weeks ago.

So.. why did I bother? Unity terrifies me because I feel that once people are united and unified, then somebody gun tek ovah and it will mean the end of dissension and the space for skepticism. Partnerships on the other hand are intriguing.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation but not as yet
Those of us who old enough to remember the WPA would know that it was a party which opposed the PNC (before Hoyte) and would have heard the stories of the beating up, jailing of the WPA members and the people who attended their meetings. So.. I was curious to know how come the WPA and PNC tight now.

The WPA representative at the conversation said.. "they almost killed me, but now I am with them because I have seen the changes' .

I asked another WPA member on the side.. about this 'forgiveness' and he said no, that the PNC is not the only one that has to apologise (to the WPA and the nation), because Truth and Reconciliation has to be a national process. The WPA man was fired in the PNC years, lost his family as a result, and then in the PPP years was harassed continually. His memories and experience of the PPP are not good either.

So any excitement that I had about forgiveness and apologies dimmed, because the thing is, somebody has to start this process. And it should not wait on elections, nor should it be dependent on any one else doing the same. But the WPA and PNC in creating APNU, seem to have decided to postpone the Truth and Reconciliation Commission to after they win the elections. Perhaps those of us who are interested in Truth and Reconciliation should set up the process to do it, rather than wait on any Government or political parties to do so.

PNC in the partnership
Me and plenty other people, some who like/love the PPP and others who do not, we have to figure out what we want the PNC to do before it comes back into Government. Can I vote for PNC - No. Because in the 19 years in opposition, it has not dealt with the issue of acknowledging its own past. I have no interest in hearing how wonderful Burnham was, he was not. I accept that Hoyte brought many changes. If asked, though, I would say .. like what the Australia Government has done in the case of the Aborigines ; and what the British High Commissioner said about accepting responsibility for the homophobic legislation in the Guyan and the Commonwealth, and the steps it is making to correct that history.

Then maybe I might believe that the PNC is changing..

Young people
It has been great to see on my facebook, a lot of excitement from AFC and APNU young supporters who seem to be interested in something.. but they spend a lot of time cussing up the PPP and not much talking about what they are visioning for the country. I remember all the hype around Mr Granger's election as leader of the PNC, and how I myself nearly went to vote for Mr Granger.

This picture (from Guyana Times in March 2011) stands out in my mind.. Mr Granger and a lot of young happy excited people reflecting our diverse nation and not posing for any campaign poster. The people here are wearing tee-shirts, not suits - and I hope the APNU leaders do not ever wear suits anywhere. Suits are a turn off, they remind me of what is bad about Guyana - the colonial history, the idea that the superficial is important, that dress codes are more important that the people wearing the clothes. In fact, Mr Ramotar should burn his suits too, wear the red shirt.. though on some posters that might give him a santa claus look, but still..

So.. where are they now? I got an email from one youth (not in the picture above) asking for donations of paper so they can print hand bills.
In fact, at the conversation, the WPA representative was the only one to me who could fire the imagination about this partnership, national unity, sharing resources, liberating people to do their own development.. things which the PNC and the PPP never set out to do. Are the young people able to own this message? What does it mean for them.. and is it still about voting for Granger or for APNU?

Communicating the APNU message
The APNU website took awhile to load, and I cannot find the Unity Charter and their press releases online. APNU has to make full use of the technology which is available and use it effectively. The access to radio and television has been curtailed. The available space has to be used to communicate what this partnership is about, or as another woman said, what the partnership means for all people in actual dollars.

I asked about police reform, and was told in a way which reminded me of Burnham's arrogance.. that the police reform was in the document. I searched the document, and tried again to ask. the man said, yes it is in there, I should go look for it. I have no more interest in looking for it. I thought I could download the document and do a search.. APNU people should be showing me and telling me where the answers could be found.

A woman pointed out that she does not want to hear APNU rebutting the PPP/President Jagdeo because a lot us tune out when people are busin' out and cussin' out. APNU would do well then to use the available time, space and resources to urgently state their policies, to show their development plan and not to expect that people will vote for them because of a recital of the litany of the woes of life for some under the PPP government.

Beating children, rights for gay, lesbian, trans citizens, hanging people
At the conversation, it seemed that a lot will be issued by the policy committees. I asked a question about the Universal Periodic Review report - about how will APNU deal with the beating of children in schools; about the discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation and gender identity (or discrimination against people who do not identify as heterosexual); about the human rights abuses of the Police; and the police reform.. but there were no clear answers (I had left and heard that the answers nearly created a riot because it was something about ''what people think and so on"). Another woman said she would love to hear how APNU plans to reduce alcohol consumption. We agreed, not only the waffle about macro things and constitutional reform and so on.. but some clear statements and values on what these issues mean to those in the partnership.

So.. yep, APNU. Good for those who want to try something different. However, it will not be easy - last elections we had Third Force and all those hopes for change. Another woman said that a lot of us have not been able to change anything on our own. This idea, as the WPA representative said, that people should take charge and be active in their own development, that idea is foreign, alien and stranger than Mavado and Kartel and Shilpa Shetty. And as a result, APNU might have to wait another five years before we are convinced of this idea.

Nobady else aint talkin'...

2011-08-25T21:02:00.002-04:00

Bus stop and I jump in the front seat. Bus driver know me.. ask how de old man and den ask me like I aint wukin today. The music is about man checking to see what under a girl skirt.. as with the lyrics of the music you never know if it is a school age girl or what. I ask is why he playing.. he said is not he, is the conductor. The conductor is the owner.

I get racial now. I ask the conductor to change the music, put on some uplifting music or play some coolie music because i aint want to check under nobody skirt.
the conductor seh he aint got no music like dat. I seh black people like gospel music too. People in the back saying well well. big lady got smile on she face and I vex bad, because is nuff stupidness.. others looking straight ahead like they aint hearing.

So I shut meh mouth.. the man aint change the music and if i start sing Amazing grace at the front of the bus, it would not have the same effect like when I sing at the back of the bus.. other lyrics about man bunnin' everybody. The driver shame bad.. so I ask he,.. i say man, so is whole day you gotta listen this or you gotta choice? Driver say no.. conductor at the back suck he teeth. Conductor is the owner of the bus.

Driver turn of the CD and put on 98.1 and lo and behold is a coolie tune.. real coolie not like dem a watch meh . I want ded wid laff.. i say well, nice thank you.

Conductor ask the driver.. what the hell you doing, who tell you to tek off the music.

Nobody cant tell he what music to play. I say wow, I thought since I paying the money I could choose the music.. the people at the back still looking straight ahead. They know where they going.

I reach my stop. I give my fare. I jump out. Conductor tell me 'I aint hearing what you hearing.. something wrong with you.. nobady else aint talkin'

Yep.. I know, for a few of us, something really wrong wid us.. because nobody else aint talkin' .. I glad for the reminder.. but the bus driver hand move on that CD player.. he ain't talk either

God and domestic violence..

2011-08-13T14:30:00.001-04:00

The Pandit at the wedding said that a Hindu woman stays with her husband no matter what. A Hindu survivor of domestic violence got her inspiration from the Bhagvad Gita and the Mahabharata.. she said that story of standing up to family meant she should stand up to her abusive husband.

The work with Help & Shelter to combat domestic violence and child abuse involved working with religious and non-religious people; and in the beginning Help & Shelter was accused of being anti-family - family apparently being this place where women were supposed to take whatever was meted out to them.

Things changed though.. and one of the radical shifts which has come about has been the shift in how sections of the religious community have invested in and joined the work against domestic violence. One of the blessings I have is that in doing this work.. I have had to learn about different faiths, and the way in which they are organised and also to learn from the survivors of domestic violence who have used their faith to survive.

The first session with a faith based organisation I ever did was with the Guyana Conference of Seventh Day Adventists (GCSDA) who for sometime now have been clear in their teachings on family life about domestic violence and abuse. It was scary at the time.. the audience included the elders of various churches. The GCSDA has continued to discuss domestic violence, and this month I had the honour again of hosting a session with the Stanelytown SDA congregation.

Other youth groups and women's groups started to also discuss domestic violence - and it was interesting how the congregations motivated these discussions rather the church pastors themselves. I had the privilege of speaking from the pulpit on three occasions - though I had suggested that it would be better coming from the pastors themselves.

The Roadside Baptist Church in No 65 Village Corentyne was also in the forefront of the work, mobilising through their skills training centre to push the awareness around Upper Berbice at a time when there was no other awareness. The Youth Can Move the World programme which had strong affiliation to the Bahai faith was also consistent in spreading the information about domestic violence and child abuse. The Central Islamic Organisation of Guyana and some other Muslim assemblies have always been open to the discussions on domestic violence - most recently at a gathering of Imams. The Awake magazine of the Jehovah Witnesses has also dealt with domestic violence and abuse.

The Hindu community .. in the beginning it was like pulling teeth. There were discussions in various satsanghs, but no leadership statements or strong commitments against domestic violence. Things slowly changed, Pandit Chrishna Persaud organised a training session with the Guyana Sanatan Dharma Maha Sabha; and recently the Guyana Hindu Dharmic Sabha has been consistent in speaking out - last Navratra in one message encouraging Hindus to link the worship with the work against domestic violence.

Other pandits like Pandit Rajin Balgobin includes the condemnation of abuse and violence in his sermons. In this article published in Horizon 2011 , Hindu men talk about domestic violence. One of the men stated bluntly that if anyone is told by any person to stay in an abusive relationship by any religious leader, then they should feel free to find a religious gathering which would take them out of the abusive situation.

A woman told us of the practical help given by her Pastor - they went to the police with her and to the court - while she could get no assistance from any of the other religious persons around her.

The Sai Baba organisation has always been aware of the need to have the discussions, and the Sai devotees I met at the Prema Nilyam this month were very much aware of how they could assist in situations of violence and abuse. The Men's Empowerment Network is led by a Christian pastors who are also naming the violence and abuse while working with men.

Spare the rod and spoil the child..
Where some faith based groups fall down though, is in the beating of children. The same old arguments pop up.. family values, religious books say, everything that has been used to justify the violence comes up again. The brutality of slavery was justified by many Christians as well.. but on the other hand, many Christians have reclaimed these sayings and have asked people to think of other ways in which they view violence and children. It is ironic when even some people who are not Christian will quote this particular part of the Bible. It was horrible when a group of Christian people sought to form a committee to preserve family values.. apparently meaning that parents should be able to beat their children when they feel like.. much like how family values used to mean that men should beat or abuse their wives.

Many religious persons are changing - Help & Shelter's Pickney Project worked with faith based leaders who were taking the challenge of realising the changes needed without losing any power.

Lessons learned..
Faith based organisations have large constituencies . The message should be clear that no abuse or violence should be tolerated in any family. Some organisations have also recognised that separation is a not a bad thing.. that when the violence happens, the vows are broken.

Some organisations are learning their own power as they work with survivors - and provide support with the police and the court system. The Roadside Baptist Church is a good model for how they provide this support. Other organisations have reached out in different ways to provide safety and counselling support with a primary focus on ensuring no harm is done to the survivors.

The support to perpetrators vary.. there is danger in that many of the faith based leaders believe that the change can happen overnight and could expose the families to further risk.

Some perpetrators have changed their behaviour through prayer..but the safety of the rest of the family should not be held at ransom to this hope for change.

There is growing demand for faith based organisations to provide the pscyho-social support to survivors of domestic violence and abuse - this however should not absolve the Government from ensuring that all the other mechanisms outline in the National Domestic Violence policy are in place and working well.

Denying god in Guyana..

2011-08-12T22:29:00.002-04:00

One time a minibus driver said gospel music was only for the morning.. and another time a passenger said I cannot sing Amazing Grace.. because that it have time and place for dat. I said God dont have time and place and a girl who was winin' up in front suck her teeth while others look a bit embarassed. I am an unrepentant invoker of God in minibuses when I want the minibus to change the music which I think is dutty and calling for women to take off their underwear.

Sometimes it works.; sometimes the drivers pretend they not hearing me, or in some of the minibuses which might have the murti of Laxmi or Durga on it, I would get a good cuss out from the drivers who expect me to understand that they have a god given right to make their money at any costs.

I am as guilty as the politicians who have cleverly ensured the adequate supply of the opium to the masses, in different forms and of high quality and have themselves become involved in dealing it. The President himself gave the nation over to God though others would want to know how he does some of the things he does if he believes in their version of God. Some think that he displays all the
godlike qualities.

God is important in Guyana. Nothing raises God up more than any talk of equal rights for lesbian and gay people.

A lot of people thought I was atheist when I protested the influence of the Christian and Muslim groups who did not want Guyana to accept that there should be no discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation or gender identity. One man told me he had tried years ago to have discussions about the foolishness of believing in God.

Thing is, due to this activism, I learnt a lot about the different religions in Guyana. Most times, from the people who were the practitioners. It was ironic when the homophobic atheists though said that 'homosexuality was against nature' whatever nature meant.

Atheism - the belief that there is no God - has never manifested itself as a movement in Guyana. Recently, I joined a Facebook group of mostly young people in Guyana who say that it is foolish to believe in God. The passion of the co-ordinator is inspiring.. in a time when there are few real counter-movements which are inspired by any ideology. Some people feel that atheism might mean hedonism and anarchy and no morals at all.. but from what I could see some of the people in the group are pretty well read about what they believe in and can articulate their views very well.

The trouble I have with atheists though.. is that when they are cursing up God and religion, they tend to curse up the Judaic Gods and Religions and make claims about the absence of reason and the lack of application of scientific methods and belief in science as it pertains to the existence of the supernatural.
The religious oppression of people, the way in which their power is used to silence opposition are all reasons to cuss up and buse out.
Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion is a nice example of 'busin' out and cussing up.. except that it was against the Christian church mostly, his reference to the Hindus being the Hindu right wing inspired massacres in Gujarat in 2002.

I believe that skepticism is healthy, and that Hinduism has a place for science and reason without bounds. To the best of my knowledge, there has been no book burning or sanctioning of any of the Hindu writers or scholars throughout the ages.. and the commitment to wide sharing of knowledge allowed zero to spread through the Islamic world at a time when ijtihad was also allowed and when there were many further inventions and discoveries and explorations.

In Guyana, an atheist agenda would take time to get a foothold. Any atheist agenda must not only state that it is denying God, but in a place in which discourse is about shouting up and cussing down, there is a responsibility to raise the discourse above that.. to offer some other perspectives on Truth and to also put forward ideas not only about science and logic, but also about how we define our humanity. I am not interested in the ugly history of the religions, or the problems of their scriptures.. I am interested in what can be put forward as the non-God solutions to the problems facing our existence. I joined the Secular Humanist mailing list and I like their approach thought it seems stuck in academia and far from the lives of ordinary people.

Not all of us religious people place responsibility on some separate Supreme.. some of us do believe we have to be active in our own destinies .

So why bother to lime with the atheists on Facebook and elsewhere.. it means that there is feedback and criticism.. a way to get perspectives from people on how they perceive God and how they get to that position.. if only for me to learn more about Sanatan Dharma as I seek to answer the questions they pose and not to condemn them for asking those questions. I do not believe the atheists are going to go to hell, or that they are sinners for denying or questioning the existence of god.

To fight or not to fight.. for God

2011-08-05T15:46:00.000-04:00

A woman talked about a relative she has a problem with. The relative met with an accident. The woman thought it was God punishing the relative for the bad things.. and the pandit apparently agreed with her. This week, I got into an exchange with a Jehovah Witness and then carried that exchange to Facebook. The exchange was about how Hinduism is condemned by the Jehovah Witnesses. The Facebook comments protested the kind of ownership of truth by many religious denominations. Many people avoid those discussions.

When growing up, we used to take all the tracts and the magazines and so on.. but when someone left a magazine in the letter box saying Hinduism was wrong.. then things turned a bit at the insult. I would not give out any tract to any Christian or other person to tell them that their faith is wrong. I don't think anybody should do that to anyone else.

There is a Hindu 'backlash' to all the crap which has come from especially sections of the Christian denominations around the world.. some are very open in their contempt of Hinduism.

It is sad though, how the Hindu backlash has become ridiculous and taken on the tone of those who seek to diminish other faiths. The battles which are chosen are fascinating.. a lot of fuss about a Jewish woman who depicted Lord Ram as an abuser in a film, and deathly silence about an 'Indian' man whose artistic interpretation of Lord Ram's rejection of Sita is that Lord Ram might have been gay..

At the same time, as I start to see the things which are being taught in Guyana.. that the Diwali Motorcade is 'wrong', that 'culture' is wrong, that yoga is wrong , and things about man made religion (which my atheist friends say is true about all religion.. man made)

I feel bad when I have to say in an assertive voice (and I hear the people saying chase them) to the nice brothers in their ties and shoes and socks; and the nice sisters in their skirts and shoes and stockings .. to say to them.. hey.. we are Hindu.. lef we alone nah and go down the road to the drug dealers and the child molesters and the politicians and and the rum shop owners (those who are not devout Hindu that is).

If I see God in everybody and everything around me, then I should be conscious that God is in all of those who believe that my soul cannot be saved, and who believe that Hinduism is a false religion and that I am 'not good'.

I have no problem supporting you building your church and helping you to find your God .. but does building your church mean the destruction of mine and of others?

Chapter 18 Verse 63 of the Bhagvad Gita.. Lord Krsna tells Arjuna "Thus I have explained to you knowledge still more confidential. Deliberate on this fully, and then do what you wish to do." .. so we are not told what to do but rather told to reason for ourselves.

So I am glad that I feel 'bad' after being 'rude' I know that these people are part of me and I am part of them and we are part of the same One .. that there is no division really between us. However, in the end Arjuna did go on to fight after initially saying he did not want to. I do not want to have to fight anybody for the respect of my faith.

And this too has passed..

2011-07-28T10:30:00.000-04:00

I survived again.. came through and now the familiar feeling of tiredness which is from passing through, fighting and then the feeling of knowing that regardless of what, as the friend had told me, the periods of depression will end.

It is difficult though to believe, kind of like when you have a headache.. you tend to forget what life is like without the headache. And so it is.. when you crave the cool dark room to lie down and just be.. that there will be a time when you will not crave that cool dark room. That when you stare at the screen and the blank documents, that you cannot type anything meaningful, that a time will come when you will. That the phone calls have to be postponed. The deadlines have to be postponed because I knew I will come through just that it will take time.

So the cold maybe, other triggers and then I make a concerted effort to go on the seawall.. to increase the movement, to resist the sweet while just indulging in it and then eventually.. lying down and just let everything wash over and the thoughts race all over. I made a bad decision.. I succumbed to the fry chicken and pepsi rather than keep the belly empty and go on the seawall. But I had to go out .. to walk in the hot sun, because the alternative was to lie flat and I did not want to go down.

So sleep is interrupted again, mind racing.. I get up, 2am , send an email to a former loved one.. have conversations. It is funny when a young colleague is surprised when I tell him mental health is why I am up.. I refer him to the blog and he then tells me I should write for his mostly tech site. Karma is good like that.. but like when the headache goes.. and leaves a pleasant lethargy.. so for no reason.. the heaviness lifts.. again.. and the only casualty is the toxins imbibed and maybe some damaged reputation. But I am glad, that I came through, even though the night was sleepless .. I actually want to get up and get going.

Comfort, contentment and idleness...

2011-07-19T09:35:00.000-04:00

The man ask on his Facebook "Soliciting thoughts on what Khalil meant by "comfort" in the quote

"Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning in the funeral." — Khalil Gibran (The Prophet)" and I fall into the trap when I should be doing some difficult work related to earning money so that I could have this thing called comfort.

Another friend shared this TED Talk http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html on vulnerability .

Last night on the seawall, another friend talked about wanting to come back to Guyana.. she happy to be here and to find the opportunities never mind the crap which make us uncomfortable.

Comfort for me is scary.. it brings up memories of comfort zones, of adjusting to the environment, of becoming comfortable and then forgetting that things could change. I remember thinking of how I sat in this nice chair in my office at GuySuCo and thinking how nice it was.. how I adjusted to the light coming in ; how I was glad to receive the salary and then becoming scared of change.. and then I hauled my lazy ass up and quit the job for great uncertainty.

I see some people who are comfortable.. reluctant to defend the status quo, to accept the things which are crap or saying that they can do nothing to change it - and thinking of all those freedom fighters who now have nice jobs, houses and have put on weight from all the good food. And also thinking of the man who quite everything a few weeks ago to come to Guyana.... against better advice and who also realised that Guyana was not for him, but the courage was that he needed to do something different.

I am thinking of another friend, intelligent guy who I wish would break out of his comfort zone.. who hinted that his business was doing well and he wanted to find a way of getting out there and doing something else.. I know it is all talk but I don't have a meter to measure the passion of his soul or my soul.

Contentment
The Ramayana lists contentment as a virtue, being contented is a form of devotion. Is it possible to be contented without being comfortable? Are the two the same? I aint know, but I like that I am now contented with being able to make myself vulnerable and to push new boundaries and to connect with people in the strangest ways . I am contented that there is an exchange between me and the Universe.. that is good, and last night, with the nice sunset and the high waves on the seawall .. the hard concrete and the night reminded me that sunsets and nice waves don't last forever.

Idleness though.. I am conscious that this Tuesday morning I have work to do.. but heck.. but God good to me, I can write this now and then pay later when my work nearing its deadline and I aint finish it.

Why do I write/blog?

2011-07-16T18:51:00.001-04:00

The man on Facebook asked a question which I have been asking myself "why do you write/blog? And to which public is your work directed to ? To a select few or free access to the general population ?"

When I first started, I had written Not another blog - and said that

"I am nervous about this blogging thing. I do not read many other blogs but I like browsing some of them. Some people have liked the thinkg I have written, others have said I need to learn how to write while others have called the things nonsense. The feedback is good.

I am blogging too because I want to be able to write and to practice writing and to be coherent. Writing is a good way to settle and organise thoughts."

Two years later though, I am thinking of what this blogging has done. I have a far away to go to write 'well' and many times the coherence is an issue. One woman did tell me that I should write, then wait, then publish - so as to ensure that the thoughts are organised and put down well.

I like that I have to own my thoughts - so that means that I cannot cuss up as I want to and I have censored myself- deleted some things after publishing because it might not look good.

Who am I Writing for?
In 1997, Andaiye asked me to write a piece on domestic violence in her column in Stabroek News. I wrote the column. The Monday afterwards , a woman came to Help & Shelter with the column cut out and said she wanted to meet the person who wrote it because she saw herself in the story. I remember the woman sitting with the paper curled up in her hand. I was shocked at the impact of what I had written. I never thought I was writing for her - I thought I was writing for a public that had no interest in domestic violence. More recently, I wrote this letter to plead with organisations who support the Government - all of which ignored the letter of course. But I got a call from a young journalist who said that he agreed with what I said and felt his own powerlessness and wanted to do something about it. And a man who has a public position against my own on not beating children or on equal rights for LGBT people - said to me.. 'good letter.. you are right, we should speak up.. ' . And the blog supporting the Government called me a child molester, etc.
So.. I write on this blog for a public who I do not know. I write for myself, to get things out, and I write hoping that others who are thinking of the same things, even differently, would also find ways of writing and speaking out. A week ago, a woman from NIS told me she read the letter which Mr Kissoon (no relative) cuss me up about and she was glad that people speaking out. So.. yeah, I write so I could get that nice warm fuzzy feeling which comes when people take notice.. even when they cussing me up.

I write for my wellness ..
I never expected to talk about my mental health. But one morning, I thought to hell with it, and wrote this one Thinking of my insanity and others tagged wellness generated some responses from people who also deal with mental health issues, including offers of support, encouragement, shared testimonies and others who have said that they need to do the same thing.

I write because there are things which I feel that I cannot keep inside of me.
Some days I write two blogs which nobody would read (Google stats), but the stuff is out there, out of my head.

I write because people ask me questions..
People ask me things and I get to thinking.. and the answers are complex. So this post is one. The others include those like handling the allegations against Mr McKoy ; the one laptop project; domestic violence; on whether or not I am trans You deleted me? and this popular one Why I still deh hey...

I write because people do not listen to me..
Some of the things I write are the advice I give to people which they do not want. So I write things like I do not want to be so liberated.. and To the young PPP supporter ... . The PPP supporter has since left the PPP, which was not my intention.. but..

I write because I read..

I wish I could read more and read widely. I wanted to develop the habit if rigorous reading and be able to write critically.. so there are a few book reviews here. I hope I could do better with this.

I write because I cannot speak..
I write on this blog after things have happened, after I have been in situations where I could not filter my reason through anger and rage and could not speak out. Posts like Beef, alcohol and homosexuality... and God, Obeah an' Family Secrets

I write because others have read and are reading..
Some people have liked posts on this blog, shared the links, commented on them. Not a lot of people .. some people have said that I should write a book or write a column - thing is , that requires a kind of dedication of which I am not capable. I was reminded of this piece from a long time ago.. Sanity.. and sometimes I wonder if I am still pushing those kinds of boundaries as I used to. When I write, I browse to see how many have read, and who is reading. Sometimes I am disappointed that I do not get the feedback I expect, but many times I am surprised and glad. Sometimes I write when I have 'better' things to do, sometimes I write when I have nothing better to do. I hope others keep writing too.

Dub qawwalli and minding people business on Facebook...

2011-07-13T14:03:00.000-04:00

A man called 6'o clock one morning and said he had my number written down - he was not sure why. As we chatted, he said "oh yes, you are on FB.. I took down your contact details"

Another man started chatting with me on FB thinking I was a nice hot woman. I referred him to my photos if he so sure he in love with me, he started saying he gun find me and kill me and so on because he and his friends like to beat up "faggots".

I joined up Facebook on a whim in 2008 and I have been hooked . I can live without it but life would not have been the same without it. I haven't seen the film as yet.

Friends
Of the 800 friends or so I have on FB, I do not know 75% of them- which is I guess is like in real life where I have hugged up and kissed people who name I do not know or who I forgot where we met.. but is nice to connect anyway. Better that than we kiss rather than we cuss up each other.

I keep my friends list open since I believe in freedom of association - so I have members of parliament, pandits, plenty youth leaders, women's activists, gay rights activists, gay wrongs activists, journalists, computer geeks and sex workers and others who do not have too much information in their profiles. And they know who each other are (even if I don't know who they are but some of them have nice information to share).

I have nervously added relatives (some of them don't speak to each other in real life or unreal life). I have 'unfriended' one man who lied to me in a conversation; and another man who wanted someone to talk to and when that passed, it was a way of freeing up the obligation to keep up a communication.

Lots of people have unfriended me I think - I realise by watching the numbers you could tell but I don't bother too much.

One 'friend' after an argument blocked me from FB, a year later I was being asked how to 'unblock me' and then a year later I had to remove that person from the list of friends since the things on the FB page were disturbing to me... but no blocking though - one day we might be Facebook frenz again.

And I like to see when people frenzing back people who in real life we hear dey had story wid (and I was happy when this married couple professed love to each other when I know they been having some troubles.. even if I think they too old to be doing that). I would unfriend anybody who professing love to their partner if I know they cheating though.

I like how the politicians are frenz wid each odder across party lines.

My frenz frenz though.. when I creep (mind people business) I am amazed at who know who and who liking which politican page and so on.. I mean.. I never knew. But then.. I wonder if they doing it because of they wuk or livelihood - in one or two cases I think they do believe in the political party's they 'liking'.

Facebook was apparently made for school friends. It has been good to see some school and Uni friends and to connect with them. I am shocked at the people who I thought did not know or speak to me in school who now 'frenzing' me on Facebook. It is also a pleasant surprise to see how aligned some of our views are when I thought in school our ideas might have been poles apart (and maybe they were)

It is funny how I also connected with people who thought I was someone else and that some of those connections have turned into real life meetings and good gaffing.

Another discussion about circles on the new Google + says that it is nice how Google + allows us to keep our connections separate as in real life.. except that I have found on this mishmash of Facebook some of my IT friends reading some of my Human Rights stuff and people seem to be connecting across boundaries - which should probably happen more in real life.

A friend told me that he keeps his friends list private because he does not want his friends to know who his other friends are. Seems to me the kind of thing where a man would pass you in the street 'straight straight' without acknowledging if he think that the person he with would not approve of you.

Privacy
I have not worried about privacy.. what's the point since Wikileaks has taught us that what we think is confidential cannot be confidential. I take care how I say things and I have deleted comments after typing them thinking of how it would appear, not to the person who I typing for, but to the nameless people who watching silently.

I already had to apologise once to a woman who is not my 'friend' for a thing which others suggested I should not apologise for. One of my pictures ended up in Kaiteur News without my permission and has been repeated on another blog. I am cautious about sharing pictures of children since I have heard that these are being used all over for all sorts of reasons (regardless of privacy settings).

I have attended events which were posted on Facebook.. interesting ones.. and others have come to events which I have advertised and which they would never have known about or attended otherwise.

Death, Birth and IllnessFacebook.. learnt of the death of people here, including the suicide of one of the guys from school who had 'frenzed me' in the early days , and also the death of another colleague. It is surreal since those persons' Facebook pages are still there and active. Other persons have announced deaths of relatives and I just gone ahead and put 'Sorry to hear etc' in a very inane way as though my 10 seconds of typing would do anything to alleviate anybody's grief.. but Facebook allows us to do those polite things.

I friken to put up my own birth date since identity theft is a big thing but other people have no such fears.. mebbe I too big minded about my own identity to think is one that somebody would want to tief. I do the nice happy birthday thing too.. including to people who I know vaguely.. or as I found out recently, is not the person I thought it was.

Dub qawwalli

I crawl through the Facebook wall.. pass all the nice scripture messages; the virus porn videos; the astrology; the Facebook application messages and so on.. to check on what people are reading and linking. It has been good since I have widened my knowledge immensely in a kind of organic way.

But what has been great for me too is the music.. the sharing of all kinds of music - and I learn of music from people like Idan Raichel (Ethiopian/Israeli) and Sami Yusuf (British/Azerbaijani) . Another man I met on Facebook (have never met him in real life) sent me amongst other items, Dub qawwalli - remixes of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.

Connections

This blog though started forming in my mind after this Facebook Guyana moment. A woman saw me in the post office and came up and introduced herself to me. She said that she liked reading the things from me and Stella (Ramsaroop) to keep updated on her interests and she was glad to see me in person. It was an unexpected thing, but it got me thinking of what kind of influence Facebook has had on my life.

Campsite, Oasis, Coffee Bean and NightCap..

2011-07-13T09:38:00.003-04:00

One of the things about working from home is that there is a need to have alternative places of meeting for various reasons. I don't like rumshops and some places which have too loud music don't work.

Kudos to the people in Guyana who have decided to open coffeeshops/cafes which provide different kinds of venues for people to sit and gaff. I am not a connoisseur of coffee or cake and I go more for the atmosphere than for the taste of anything.

Campsite
Campsite at the corner of Camp Street and South road is a good meeting place for me.. I like the location, near two minibus routes and there is this open plan and bright light which means nobody can hide. For me it has been the place to see and be seen.

SASOD has its trustee meeting there.. and there is something about sitting down in a meeting and peoplewatching.. seeing who passing, who coming in.. and at Campsite.. President, President in waiting, beggar man, sane person, not so sane person all come in. Some people talk to others, some talk to themselves and nobody seems to mind.. or unless they like me and too polite to say anything.

I like to eavesdrop on the men from the racing service who come over for their coffee.. some I understand win their bets and use the lil money to buy a coffee. There are others I see every time, sitting in the same place.. reading newspapers and talking loudly.. I do not know if from impaired hearing. A lady came up to me to express her concerns about the morality of the government and to share her knowledge of the homosexual indiscretions of one of the members of the Cabinet.. and she did this in a very loud way that I get friken and wonder if the said member of Cabinet would walk in any time to hear .

A friend and I played a few games of Scrabble there and twice, the security guard on duty joined in.. we sat as close as we could to the door so he could play while working. In my moments of crisis, when seeking sweet.. I find that Campsite is a good place to have a Sundae and to watch other people.. move out of my body.. and to be alone while not being too alone and if I had the urge to mumble to myself.. then it would be a good outlet.

The service in Campsite.. you get a sense sometimes that they don't want you there.. and you have to wait long.. but if you there for a meeting or so, then no problems with the waiting... just factor that in, or sit down and stare at everybody else.

Oasis Cafe
Oasis's decor works on the mind to create a warm cosy atmosphere which is not claustrophobic. It is not as close to minibus routes like Campsite - and I have been robbed twice on my way to minibus in the evening hours. The coffee, juices and food are excellent - I go for capuccino or mauby when I am there.

Different comments about the service from different people. If I have a problem, I raise it with the owners who take note. The owners have used the space to do different things - so music, SASOD's first poetry reading, art displays, aural acupuncture demonstration, play scrabble, cards all have happened.

The bookclub has found a home there, and the owners encourage the reading with their own bookshelf . It is the kind of place where I cannot eavesdrop on conversations though and I get the feeling that I would stand out if I start mumbling to myself.

Once I tried to get away there to do some reading but .. it was one of those days when nice people I know came in and I ended up talking about all the things I was trying to avoid talking about, but Guyana like that.

The Coffee Bean

I visited there for the first time this week.. to meet a guy who liked the atmosphere there because it was quieter than Oasis and he could talk a bit louder. Service is friendly and with different kinds of seating arrangements - soft chairs, table and chairs and the padded benches. Nice decor - though the lighting.. maybe my eyesight is a bit bad, I could not see to read well. It is easy when playing music to forget to change the CD.

No bookshelves here, but a table with some magazines near the door - I was hooked on one but blocked the entrance. The two times I was there, I was surprised to learn no local juices.. most places have these in some form or another and the waitress said Sprite was the closest thing they had to local juice.

[ Update on 13 August, 2011 - There is a comment from Ms Dewnath which says that Coffee Bean does stock local juices ]

Night cap
I had written about Nightcap. It is not far from where I live , so walking distance and when I get the urge for a chocolate milkshake.
I have also had a couple of meetings there on the outside park benches - though when the place gets dark (it is called Nightcap) , difficult to see to write on paper.

The inside decor is perfect to sit down and gaff, though I found the seats a bit low. They have a bookshelf as well but reading could be difficult in some spots since the lighting is dim. I like that they have an outdoors space - and a woman told me that her kids like running around the yard there.

So what is the point of writing all this.. to celebrate that there are places now to go meet and talk and for me.. not worry too much about drunk people breathing over you or loud music so you cannot hear yourself. As with everywhere, you could choose to buy what you want depending on your budget.

I aint a good hangout person.. and I not good to go and lime just so.. all my interactions are purpose driven (well so I like to think anyway which is why some of the meetings go on too long). Georgetown life has been enhanced for me by having these places around. Other people who read this probably wandering what I talking about.

Nine forms of devotion...

2011-07-10T17:01:00.001-04:00

My favourite part of the Ramayana is in the Aranya Kanda (Chaupaii 35,36) where Lord Rama dialogs with Shabari on the nine forms of devotion or "navadhå bhagati" Over the last two weeks, we have sung this part twice and maybe because of old age , I started to wonder how I measuring up on them.

Listen, O good lady, to My words I recognize no other kinship except that of Devotion. Despite caste, kinship, lineage, piety, reputation, wealth, physical strength, numerical strength of his family, accomplishments and ability, a man lacking in Devotion is of no more worth than a cloud without water. Now I tell you the nine forms of Devotion; please listen attentively and cherish them in your mind. The first in order is fellowship with the saints ..

There are traditions of how saints are formed, and this saint thing has to happen two ways.. the followers recognise the saints, and the saints are descended from lineages of spiritual tradition. I know one or two saints.. and on Facebook there are a few pandits, and many church leaders who post up prayers and exhortations on a daily basis. So.. I can't say that I follow this order..

and the second is marked by a fondness for My stories
I sing in the Ramayana Gole and like singing.. and hearing the explanations from some people. Some people go on a bit, and I know that I tend to tune out after 10 minutes. Thing is , I could read for myself if I wanted to follow this form..

Humble service of the lotus feet of one's preceptor is the third form of Devotion,..

When I did my janeo, I 'christened' under Pandit Gowkarran Sharma. He is now passed on. I have not adopted any other guru, but I know that there are many people who have been inspirational in their teachings. I have not done service at their feet though..

while the fourth type of Devotion consists in singing My praises with a guileless purpose

When I do sing, it is sometimes with guileless purpose, and in chorus, though I must confess that I sing for the joy of singing whether I can sing or not..

Muttering My Name with unwavering faith constitutes the fifth form of adoration revealed in the Vedas.
I have been taught to pray and I have learnt to pray a bit more now, sometimes I pray to ask that I could see God, but I have stopped praying for things to happen or for blessings

The sixth variety consists in the practice of self-control and virtue, desisting from manifold activities and ever pursuing the course of conduct prescribed for saints.
Conduct prescribed for saints.. nah, not me.. sometimes self control - but the sweet thing and then i like cussing up now and then, but I am getting better at it.

He who practises the seventh type sees the world full of Me without distinction and reckons the saints as even greater than Myself.

Yep.. learnt to do that, and it has helped to reduce the anger and 'hate' of persons who I think are Godless.. because God seh he deh in dem whether they know it or not.. and I think of the lady on the minibus who want to convert me to Christianity because she got the Holy Spirit and I don't because she think I worshipping man made Gods(my atheist friends will say all gods man made)

He who cultivates the eighth type of Devotion remains contented with whatever he gets and never thinks of detecting others' faults.

Well, this one got some work because if I was contented with what I get, I not sure what that means in terms of looking for ways to test myself and give challenges.. however, when things don't work out the way I want these days, I find that it is easier to switch mode, find alternatives, move on - and not be too preoccupied with other's faults.. though when they doing things which I think stupid.. I tell them. as I expect others to tell me.

The ninth form of Devotion demands that one should be guileless and straight in one's dealings with everybody, and should in his heart cherish implicit faith in Me without either exultation or depression.

I am getting better at implicit faith in 'God'.. realising that God is not external to us but we are part of God and I get a nice comfort from knowing that regardless of how many rituals I do not perform, or how many mantras I cannot recite.. that being guileless and straightforward is as equal to knowing the mantras and performing the rituals.

Whoever possesses any one of these nine forms of Devotion, be he man or woman or any other creature, sentient or insentient, is most dear to Me, O good lady. As for yourself, you are blessed with unflinching devotion of all these types.
This reminds us that sometimes we could find inspiration in people like Sabari (who described herself as the lowest of the low).. because of Her devotion.. and that pompous men who manipulate their way to leadership do not have to be the examples which are set.. there I go again, finding faults in others..

Finding God on the minibus..

2011-07-07T19:53:00.000-04:00

The lady asked the bus to pause at the church to pick up her son. I asked her if she goes to that church, she says No, she goes to one of the Assemblies of God. We get to talking about people we know.. she asks if I go to Newtown. I say no, I am Hindu. She then says that I can still convert.

I ask her.. why would I convert, I deh good.. she says how you know? I say.. that isn't she happy with her God?I am happy with mine, I had good experiences.
She ask me how i know God. I say God put me here to sit down next to her. I say that God greater than us, we cannot know what God thinks. She say no, she knows that her God is the true God, not man made Gods.

I say what man made Gods? I say is only one God they have. I say that she has God inside of her.. she says that the Holy Spirit is in her.. I say , yes in her and everyone.. her stop come. As she step out she say that her God is the Most High God, higher than the other Gods...which are moulded by man. We smiling all the time when we talking and I glad she telling me these things.

So.. after years of living together and going to school together and doing things like social Studies.. somehow, the learning that Hindu people do not manufacture their Gods has been missed and people get this idea , reinforced in their churches.. that their God is the Most High (Higher than all the Gods..)

So even though I assert my own belief and truth and experiences.. are people taught that those are false and that something is wrong with people like me who might experience God in a different way?

No wonder in Guyana we have a lot of work to do to get a cohesive society.

I am not the best-suited presidential candidate ...

2011-07-05T19:58:00.000-04:00

Comrades,
Many of you have not heard me speak because I have been overshadowed by my soon to be predecessor.. well okay, we dont know when he willl become my predecessor./

But people are saying that I am the best-suited presidential candidate. Comrades, that is an insult to me.

I have taken pains to wear my red shirt.. everywhere.. may day rally, congress, martyr memorial, other memorial, everywhere.. i have short sleeve red-shirt, long sleeve red shirt. I do not wear suits.. how can I be the best-suited candidate? I have thought about making a red kurta but i understand that might send the wrong message to some people, so I will wear a white kurta and have a mala with red flowers.

Comrades.. in the rum shop, out of the rum shop, in your prados, in your donkey carts, in your palaces, in your shacks.. No person who claims to walk in the grass roots can do so in a suit..burra burra and razor grass will damage the suit. I cannot afford as yet to have to get a new suit every time I go to mingle with the real people of Guyana.

When I am given a chance to speak, I will let you know my closet policy. I hope to make my soon to be predecessor a roving Ambassador for Guyana's Fashion.. he travels far and wide and I think that he personally can wear our local fashion and carry it further than any of those beauty queens.

I hope to also commission red shirts for all my Ministers and like Comrade Burnham before me.. I will discourage suits and ensure that red shirts are worn to show unity and harmony. However, I will not have a problem if there are different kinds and costs of red shirts to take account of the different economic classes .. but the point will be to remind those of us - especially in the rum shops - of where we come from and that when we get drunk and see Red, we will not cuss up and behave bad.
Long live the Party!

The bus man jumping over a cliff with everybody else..

2011-06-12T07:16:00.000-04:00

The bus was almost empty and I jump in. Music was low but the lyrics of man asking woman to take off her clothes and talk about the thing underneath the skirt and so on. There were two girls at the back of the bus, the conductor, an older woman, me.

Earlier that day, I saw an 11 or 12 year old girl on the road. Four men working on a house nearby started calling her off.. wanting to marry her etc. It was sickening to listen to.. this is Guyana's heterosexual morality and paradise which the pastors and priests want to preserve. First time in my life I ever did anything like this, and I went up to them to ask them if they know her age, if she is not their sister, and why they don't find a woman their size who could call them back. They kept laughing.. arite Uncle arit Uncle, yall gah fuh fin a 'old woman'..

I ask the bus man to change the music.. and he said arite arite and then say the radio on. I ask him why he has to keep playing the music .. he said that is what they like. So I say why are you perpetrating evil.. and he rail up and start saying what is he supposed to do, he gotta mek a dollar. He know that the music is not good, but he has no choice. When the artistes come to the STadium, he said.. they all go to take off their clothes and win' up..
He said he is no hero.. if everybody want to jump off the cliff, he aint got no intention of being the lone one who will stand up one side.. and he will jump off with everybody else. He said is the paper that counts, not the principles and that he know it wrong, but he has to eat.

The driver probably right.. those who belly full could pick and choose when they do their principles. He has to do customer service, to perpetrate the violence which he thinks all of us as minibus travellers condone and enjoy.

Kabhi Kabhi, cane juice and a quarter of a Viagra substitute...

2011-06-11T12:13:00.001-04:00

Thursday I join the car at the Berbice Car Park. It was an oldish car, and 98.1 FM playing so I think I safe and I would not have to argue for my right to hear coolie music (not Indian music like Raaga and Sitar and so on.. but nice coolie music)..
So the car start out - is de driver, de rasta man in the front seat (well everybody call him rasta man) and he put on his MP3 player and listen he own music..,
and in the back seat me and an oldish looking Muslim man (well he wearing a Kufi, so I assume.. but then if I was wearing a dress, I still would not be a woman) and a young guy wid a cell phone wid de zero not working.

So we go through Kitty to pick up two of Rasta Man bag and then the driver mek a wrong turn in Kitty.. Rasta Man seh.. hey hey. .ah hope you not sleeping. Driver seh nah man.. I arite.. I hope he arite too
So we heading up Berbice, breeze nice, and is bam 230pm and den 98.1 bus out de oldies coolie tune and meh favourite .."Tere chehre Se .. from Kabhi Kabhi..". Now I know in some minibuses and cars, dey does turn down or turn off 98.1 when de coolie music come on, so I clench meh fist fuh see if dere would be any protest. Driver though.. he hand waving to de music (is not a coolie man like me, but I tink he got more coolie in he dan me judging by de way de one hand waving.. by de Grace of God, de car was not waving).. and Rasta Man looking straight ahead wid he ipod, boy next to me fixing cell phone.
So.. when ah used to dream dat me and me loved one would go running tru' snow filled mountains . and now due to de lil knee problem i cant go running tru no mountain wid no loved one (and if ah find mehself in any mountain, is probably because ah running from a loved one dan wid a de loved one) But.. de old coolie tunes.. oh man so dis bring back memories of Liberty Cinema and big gyurl in de line asking 16 year old me wid me hairy face is where I does work .. dat was before cell phone and facebook..

And de tunes continue.. and de Driver wavin' he hand, and de Rasta Man itatin pun he Ipod, and de young boy fiddling wid he cell phone and de Old man looking out de window and me .. passing coconut tree and village and tinking about all de loved ones who I never get a chance to sing Kabhi Kabhi wid..

----------
So I coming back down from Skeldon in a minibus and .. is a slow minibus, we tek we time -- not because of police, because is a good driver. We stop, people come out, rearrange.. two older women sitting behind me talk to the younger girl in front of me about Reshma and how she postpone she wedding because she aint got money fuh de church and de 'jhandhi' and how de young girl say dat she cant be bridesmaid unless Reshma buy de dress fuh she.. and I turning me head round and round fuh listen but also to show dat I not listening..
de nice ladies say.. dat is not Reshma father fault, dat Reshma giving she father family a bad name, is she mother fault.. and I want to join the conversation bad bad.. to defend Reshma and tinking of all dem girls who waste money pun wedding..
Den we come pun 19 Road and we see two man. Bus stop again.. de man dem got two bundle cane dat it look like dey did not buy or get permission to pick from de cane field. De cane not fit in the back of the bus, so Reshma almost bridesmaid come to sit next to me, and den one of de man go in, den de two bundle cane go pun he or he lap.. somehow and de oddah man man jump in an say.. right we good.. driver go back in front.. bus going again

And den i tek a car by de Berbice Bridge and is a health worker in de car and me gaffin.. talking about rum, Berbice. HIV/AIDs.. sex, sexuality and somewhere we get to talking about viagra. We talking in nice voice.. man next to me doze off and de man and de driver in front look like dey hearing but dey don't want to hear.
Health worker look younger dan me.. and I explain dat if meh body say.. today is not u day.. den i gun have to just pay for de dinner or de room and guh lang meh way.. , but de health worker seh he try not viagra,but a substitute.. and he try a quarter only, but de ting ruff, it lef pounding headache, and quesy stomach.. and when he say it last fuh three hours.. i seh wha?.. he seh no no.. the side effects.. so I say well.. not me an' dat.. i mean.. why I gun want headache fuh?

I was thankful for de advice.. ah mean, ah neva say neva.. but at least i would tink twice before a tek a viagra fuh run around de snow filled mountains wid any loved one..

Beef, alcohol and homosexuality...

2011-06-07T09:45:00.000-04:00

Beef
Most Hindus around the world do not eat beef, and have an abhorrence of any contact with beef; some do not eat pork and others are vegeterian. Vegeterianism is a Hindu ideal.. and one which I hope to ascribe to someday.

Last year while helping out at the wonderful Wildlife Festival in the Rupununi, I found myself in the 'kitchen' as I always do, helping out (or being helped out since there was a need to ensure diplomacy and tact in that offering the help did not mean that the manager was incapable of managing). So, beef was on the menu, and farine or bread. And I found myself standing up, tall in a place with many people who are not so tall with a hunk of beef over my head and the juices dripping on me..

So I managed my morals and said okay, I will help out by not serving the beef, but by serving the other things and that I would ensure that my head did not bounce into the hunk of beef above me. One of my Hindu friends was shocked that I would even be near it and said sewa or no sewa (service).. he would not have been anywhere near beef.

I know many vegetarians who have maintained their diet in extreme circumstances .. even when others have the excuse 'but dem aint got nuttin else to eat.."

I have all sorts of excuses for why I am not vegetarian as yet - I am lazy to cook for myself; I am attached to fry fish and bread and the one which is true is that since I have a tendency to rabid activism.. that I would be trying to close down abbatoirs and promoting environmental consciousness (Apparently President Jagdeo and other environmental activists could do a lot more to save the earth if they stopped eating beef and other meat)

The rabid activism against alcohol consumption in Guyana consumes enough energy (which is not replenished by my meat eating habits). Taking on another windmill would not be good for my soul. Arite i know, this is a pathetic excuse for not going vegetarian.

Alcohol
I stopped drinking alcohol after joining Help & Shelter . In the early days, we used to say that there is no correlation between alcohol use and the violence (using the North American statistics) but the communities , the women especially believed differently. This was especially so in the 'closed' "Indian" communities which apparently resist any outsider interventions. Other men have made similar decisions - Ravi Dev writes about his own experience.

Many of the people I know drink, and some not so nice people I know do not drink. I find myself in alcohol spaces from time to time such as at the SASOD Film Festival which is held in a place where alcohol is sold. I had purchased 100 shares in DDL a long time ago.. and I went to one AGM to ask that the company take seriously the effects of alcohol in the community but the proposal was laughed down. I could still go again.. following the example of the Sisters of St Francis of Philadelphia who have led the way in American shareholder activism for promoting change.
In the recent discussion around alcohol use at Feminition, I called for it be alcohol free. Andaiye's articulates the reasons why in ways which I never could.
I also asked Help & Shelter to withdraw from Feminition because of the need to make a strong statement about the connection between alcohol use and the destruction of the lives of many Guyanese women.
Help & Shelter decided not to withdraw. I resigned from Help & Shelter because I felt that it was important to also address systemic issues which contribute to our culture of violence.

Some have praised me for my principles.. others have said that I should see the greater good. I talked to a friend who is thinking through a separation in the marriage.. I found myself making the same 'dont leave' arguments to him.. that others were making to me about dialoguing, etc etc.

(I am a conservative family values man at heart.. and don't like to see nice people part ways especially if children are there but I also know that staying together for the children does more damage than finding a way to live apart while still being there for the children)

Advocacy and activism rely on the use of opportunities to assert principles and if we are going to promote change, then I think we have to assert those principles.

Feminition is over, the violence continues.. and the use of alcohol would continue to be a problem for Guyana.

This thing about principles though and how we deal with them.. sometimes one could withdraw.. sometimes one cannot..

Homosexuality
Last night, SASOD screened the documentary My Wardrobe My Right and had an interactive discussion after the screening. I asked the panel (with Peaches, Gulliver, Joel Simpson and Neil Marks - the producer) about where they felt God was in all of this since SASOD is accused of being Godless. In the responses, Peaches and Gulliver talked about the hypocrisy of those who judge them. Joel said he felt that the documentary was "God-blessed" . Neil said that he is a Jehovah Witness, and I understood him to say that he was doing his job - that he was doing what SASOD wanted him /paid him to do.
I heard him say that he believes in the Bible and has his moral code.
The Jehovah Witness moral code includes among other things that "The Bible is clear: God does not approve of or condone homosexual practices. He also disapproves of people who “consent with those practicing them.” (Romans 1:32)" One of the December 2010 Watchtower Society publications had a discussion about the sins of homosexuals and homosexuality and loving the sinner and condmning the sin.

SASOD has people of different religious persuasions and we interact with faith on various levels. I wrote this article in Hinduism Today, one of the most widely read Hindu magazines. (There are many errors in the introduction and other parts of the article) . Matters of life and death cannot be down to just doing a good job.

What is the point of doing that job, when in personal time, there is a distribution of the views which fuel the hatred .. in Guyana sin is something evil and the LGBT community when pelted and assaulted, are assaulted by people who are doing what they feel is their God given right to do so.

No matter how polite the words sound (love the sinner, not the sin) those words have been used to destroy LGBT people.

One of my friends got pissed off and said that is why she fed up with SASOD.. no f....k..g politics and that they encourage s..t .

She walked out of the film festival .

I guess kind of how I walked out of Help & Shelter but with a more quick decision.

How then does an organisation deal with the work it has to do, when the people who do the work do not believe in its mission and objectives? Do we hire people or pay people who after they collect our money go and undermine the mission?

At what stage do we separate from groups and organisations.. that when our principles might be the same, that there are problems in how we adhere and work to achieve those principles?

Or do we celebrate that perhaps.. even in doing the job, that there are people who are violating their own moral codes and who might contribute to changing the views from within? And what if they don't? Do we abandon them? How do we tell those good workers that the output of their work is not just 'satisfied' customers and that the most important work they can do is to actually share our mission and values and help to perpetuate them?

One of my Muslim friends spoke last night about talking to her daughter about her lesbian friend . In October 2005, we had two clergy men and their wives at one of our screenings. We also had a Pastor who sat down to engage.. and argue.. about the SASOD agenda and so on. The discussions had continued long after the film had finished and I believe he had changed. We had a film one year in which two priests switched positions (one was in a gay friendly church, the other in a not-gay friendly church ) and how they come to realise the dilemmas each other faced.

Principles and pragmatism
Last night a man talked about how in his young days he used to discriminate against LGBT people, but now that is changing and he came to the film festival.
When he asked his questions, some people laughed and tried to shut him up. I was glad he came.. and talked about that process, because sometimes people have to move through their own processes for change. I was angry on hearing Neil's response and thinking of the other social workers and health care workers who do a miserable job in attending to the needs of the people they see.. and also thinking that they 'just doing a job'

On the other hand though.. this seventh Film Festival.. has seen people who have moved in from the outside, who have come from the first time, who might not come again.. and who have taken up and asserted progressive positions which we would never have imagined.

And if I had chased them away or cussed them up when they first came to SASOD, those changes would not have happened for them.

Lemon grass tea, rain and Madame Bovary...

2011-06-05T22:21:00.003-04:00

(Click on the images and then zoom in on them to read..)

Coconuts, sex work, inter-racial marriage and rubbish : Experiences of facilitating the lab content of DPC 224 Online Multimedia Journalism

2011-05-29T13:59:00.001-04:00

Presentation delivered at Research Seminar organised by the Centre for Communication Studies at the University of Guyana , 28 May, 2011

God, Obeah an' Family Secrets

2011-05-17T22:04:00.001-04:00

Sammy Braff ask when he gun see de review of dese plays an i gat wuk fuh do.. but den meh head like tek on stupidness instead of de real wuk I supposed to be doin'.
I been on de Monday nite.... an' all I hear is how I miss a good play "Shadows" how I would ah like it.
Fus.. to big up Theatre Guild fuh trying fuh keep ting from slipping.. an' bigging up de yute dem, all ah dem fuh wuking pun dis play.. when dey could ah deh pun de road karner limin' or smoking coke or tiefin' or whatever it is dat yute who aint gat nuttin fuh do , does do. So big up to dem.

since I nevah write a play review before.. I guh online an I see a ting hey..
part ah me prablem is dat i was too cheap fuh buy de programme so I aint know who de actors dem is in de play dem.

God
De fus play was Pious, by Kojo McPherson an' directed by Mosa Mathifa (gyurl look cool an' calm de nite.. ). De cast include a big woman who come on stage fuh de fus time.. an' dat was good.. in a place in which a lot of people dont get to do nice tings fuh de fus time.. ; an two young guys. Me cyan remembah dem name.. sorry. Dey were good.. de big woman played 'Granny', de young boy Delroy and
de odda young man was de Bishop. De casting was good, de chemistry was good.. granny look like all de oddah granny wid a grandson name delroy. De fust part .. tekin off shoes an' dem ting.. aint mek sense.. de fus 10 minutes was a lil too slow but all de emotion an' ting flow nice from dem. De Bishop man had some awkward moments.. kind of like when he aint too sure what to do while de oddah person talking.
Plot -widout spoiler - Delroy and Granny livin' nice nice, Granny like she God an' she Bishop John (dis Kojo bai.. I wondah why 'e use Bishop John.. dere is anoddah bishop john in guyana dat nuff nuff people doan like) , an' Delroy.. Delroy don't like God an' e don't like bishop john.. granny get money, delroy get vex when he ear granny give it away an den a whole set a secret come out.. and the final scene was in a funeral parlour. beautifully done..
So at dis stage i suppose to write about theme and element and style.. but i ain know what dem ting mean..
Costume.. great costume, de part when granny try to fix de bishop tie was nice, set.. also good. everyting was used (Andre Sobryan had told us a long a time ago that every prop should be used on the stage or move it off) - even de picture of Jesus on de wall...
de simple scene in de funeral part was powerful.. i tink de lighting help wid dat (no funeral dont happen in de night, but dat was not in question here) and if real life dis final scene would ah been in crowded sandy's and somebody would ah get a good lickin' when de secret come out..

But de secret nevah comes out.. we know dat dere is a child molester who is sorry for 'not getting through' to the survivor of child abuse who mek a decision. So.. dere is no 'closure' really.. Kojo seh dat he write de play to see how ppl can be blinded by their faith and close eyes to what might be bad about their blind faith.. and miss out on things.. in this case of course, blind faith in the Bishop.

What I thought of this one.. it was good, though the emotional bits went on for a minute or two too long.. but my favourite scene had to be the last one where the lighting was such you could only hear granny but could not see her face.. I hope they do it again.

Obeah and Family secrets
The second play, The Storm is written by Tivia Collins and was directed by Timonlyn Barclay. De cast include nuff people, young people mostly.. but dey all seem to fit dey role, though the maid Mary .. sometimes came over as a younger woman than she should have been, so it was lil confusin'. All familiar comedy elements hey.. yuh had Grace.. who aint know fuh talk good, she data Rose, she husband Ely, a young man Chris and de maid Mary..
Ely get a dally from a obeah woman.. an' he does do he ritual an' he prosperin' . he family not to happy (dere is a picture of mary on de wall but it never referred to so not sure what it was doing dere.. ) Ah mus admit ah get lil vex.. ah mean.. we gat nuff religion hey. and if Granny from before could believe in she Jesus, and me in my whatever.. den why cyant Ely believe in he dally? An dere was dis ting dat seem to poke fun at obeah. so Granny praying to Jesus is not as funny as Ely doing he ting roun' he dally..

Anyway.. somebody tief de dally, nuff story happen an' den family secret come out..
Costume.. arite I guess do.. Grace supposed to be a rich woman an she changing clothes too much an' ah want fuh know if rich ppl does eat dem breakfus in dem house in high heel shoe.. ah mean.. ah dont know how rich ppl does live..dey does wear de good clothes when dey eating? suppose dey mess it up? and dey does shine deh shoe in deh livin room or in deh bedroom - ah mean.. we does shine shoe pun de back step

nobody else change costume much.. de Set.. had nuff nuff ting in it.. but i aint sure if some of it didn't get in de way of de actors.. mary had to walk around de table.. de carpet seem like it gun trip up somebady.. ah mean.. we know is rich people..

Tivia seh de play was about family secret an' now we hear how Arnold Schwaznegger mek pickney wid he maid.. it look like dis is a camman ting. Again, Mary... played the jokey role good, and de fightin mad role good, but de cryin' ting.. nah.. de wife was always shouting.. .. well, is family secrets. De girl who play Rose, dem seh is she fus time, an' I tink she do real good.. so.. dis one, had laff.. but de ending.. well it aint really end..

Festival continuing on 27 May with the last two plays.

Brokeback Mountain, Night Cap and young Guyanese

2011-05-16T23:02:00.001-04:00

Tonight I was reading the Brokeback Mountain story while drinking hot chocolate.

The Russian Embassy compound has always been this weird space to some of us residents in Subryanville.. given that usually people's fences had spaces in them and you were able to see their gardens and bottom houses and so on. A few months now, there was a sign board talking about Night Cap coming soon and you wondered whether it was going to be a members only thing or what - that kind of mysterious thing in the walled up compound.

I saw the ad on Facebook and went the first night they opened. My friend and I played Scrabble , and the first night blues meant that my hot chocolate was cold by the time it arrived.. the staff are hospitable enough. I had seen the Anne Proulx book there and thought to go back to read the famous story.
Meanwhile.. Guyana Chronicle gives it a nice review
So tonight, I go back.. one of the guys remembers me even though it is over a week and it was a short time. The hot chocolate comes quickly and it is hot .. and I get the book and sit down and chill out - There is a strong smell of something cooking.. and the owner Candace Charles is stirring a fancy looking pot.. Turkish Coffee she says, it has to boil a long time. Ms Charles' enthusiasm is a draw - seen here in this Capitol News story

The staff is young, and courteous and conscious about good service - while the 'sir' thing irritates me - it is good to see that there is some intuitive desire on the part of the staff to make sure that people come back. After I drink the hot chocolate here, I went down to the Theatre Guild One Act Festival.
Here again, with mostly young people who are working on their dreams and realising some of them.

Bulls__t and other memories of Robert Carr...

2011-05-10T22:27:00.001-04:00

Robert Carr died in his sleep on the night of Monday 9 May, 2011. He worked hard in the HIV/AIDS field and was never afraid to stand up for what he believed in. In 2006 he made email contact with me and others in SASOD - always encouraging and celebrating our successes with us, via email.. and in 2008 I had the chance to meet him when he insisted on showing hospitality to me with all the other JAS and JFLAG crew.. they loved SASOD he said.. all of this remotely as they gradually met other members.

Robert then said they worked very hard... It was Easter Sunday night and he and Rohan were working on some paper that was due. I have a memory of him, lying on his couch.. half asleep on insisting that i do not have to go home because he was glad to gaff.. film festival, human rights, asylum, police , church..

We all will die, and we are not sure how we die. I grieve as I learned that he died in his sleep alone in a flat.. given the warmth he extended to many people. We did not agree on many things.. but the exchanges, briefer as his work took him out of the Caribbean, were always affectionate and respectful.

Last year in Vienna, at this AIDS 2010 conference, Robert at the MSM GF let go.. again speaking out in ways that I still would not do.A lot of us will thank God for the interaction we had with Robert, briefly - and to all his kind family, friends, loved ones.. is gone he gone, he aint coming to Guyana to the film festival as he said he would do..
the work continues. As Hindus know.. the soul is eternal, there is no need to mourn.

To the young PPP supporter ...

2011-05-08T12:34:00.001-04:00

hey man
Thanks for making contact and asking me if I am the person in trouble with op..

As you said, you are a PPP supporter and you are enjoying benefits from the PPP. You also said that "everyday I c wrong doings with the government and certain stuff right in the op....sometimes I just get depressed bout all this...but is good that u speak out"

About speaking out..
People say I brave and I have guts to speak out and so on, but I friken bad. I am hoping that my livelihood would not be affected. However, as I learned from this woman.. my silence would not protect me. I hope you read Audre Lorde's essay about Transforming silence into language and action and tell me what you think of it and whether it would apply to you and your friends who you say are also frightened.

Speaking out also means that you have to put yourself in the other person's shoes for a bit as well. It does not mean writing like how the authors on Propaganda Press write - cursing, ranting and raving at each other.
One of the pro-government blogs which I have been told is run from the Office of the President has accused me of being an author on Propaganda Press.
I am not an author on propaganda press and it is sad that a pro-government blog would continue to perpetuate that lie.

I agree with Ruel Johnson when he wrote that anti-government talk should not be just the same lies, rumours, cuss ups which are just anti-government,.. but should be pro-truth, pro-freedom, pro-democracy.

So.. when you and your colleagues start to speak out, it is about speaking your truths and your ideas and your vision and speaking it to your seniors in the Party and to other people.

Nobody has vision
You told me ".. I think nobody has vision....all we hear is the symptoms of the real problem...nether granger or ramjattan or donald have come up with a strategic plan.. "

I think they have their own vision for Guyana. It might not be what other people think is best, but they have something they working for.
Their supporters would know what that is, and those supporters especially of the ruling party who are benefiting from their vision would not believe you.

Thing is though.. what about you? What is your vision for Guyana? Have you written it down? Put it on facebook? Get others to sign on to it? Give to the PPP and all the political parties to see if it will be added to their own vision?

Young bloods
You said that "what we need is a young party new blood...a lot of youths" . Youth might seem to the answer. When President Jagdeo assumed office there was a lot of goodwill towards him because they thought that he would break with the past. Unfortunately, I feel that did not happen. You might not agree with me. This Cabinet has the youngest set of Ministers of any Cabinet as well.

Young blood is not needed if it continues the oppressions. What is needed is for people like you to bring up new ideas and to continually question your own morals and values as you engage in politics. Someone reminded us yesterday that politics does not have morals that is why it has to be checked by other means. You have to decide how you will mix your morals and your politics.

Political parties and movements
You said you started a movement and that later on you might want to create a political party. Political parties are not the only way to bring about change.. and right now, if you have a movement.. you should make it visible.
Get allies from across the political spectrum.. you would be surprised at how many people probably think like you and would give you support. A guy I know who was sickened at the January Gospel concert when the politicians took to the stage also felt that he should do something, but he was not sure.

The PPP it seems has people internally who are like you.. they have received a lot of benefits, they are scared of losing everything.

You probably feel that you have to be grateful for what you have received. One day , I hope you get to read the Bhagvad Gita which talks about these dilemmas.. about knowing what is the right thing to do especially when close ones are involved to whom you feel you should be grateful.
What would you do if a loved one does some thing wrong? What keeps you in the PPP? What is the worst thing which could happen to you if you speak out?

Peace

dis wan gun las'..

2011-05-05T10:48:00.000-04:00

The bus driver seh dat de Royal Wedding is a big ting.. and dat since he doan turn off he tv, he gun see de wedding. I ask he if he gun watch de divorce, he seh nah man, dis wan gun las'.. because dey know wan anoddah lang an' dey been tru' dey up an down aready.. he seh he watch de news..

I aint know nuttin' about married life.. I know dat I does sit in Help & shelter sometimes and watch de weddings in de garden an' say .. oh oh.. moh wuk fuh help and shelter.

I think a lot of people when they get married and fall in love and so on , they are hoping for long term arrangements. Til death do them part. Some of the men I know decide that they have no intention of being faithful though.. to their partners.. must have a lil ting on de side, while other men (and women) hope to be faithful and

Family Values
I am a conservative family values man at heart.. so if I know two married people having problem which does not have violence or abuse, and if I tink is two nice people.. I would try to help to keep them together - in one case even after the divorce. So as a result, not too many people come to me for marital counselling.
If there is any violence or abuse.. however, the thing should bruk up immediately. I aint kay what.. it should done.. because it does not get better.

Lil ting pun de side
One of the things I learn in my family is that man must have lil ting pun de side.. and it is funny and tolerated and celebrated.. the infidelity. The infidelity has had long term damage on some of us.. one of the assumptions which has been made that since I have a penis, I would tolerate infidelity and encourage it.
One of the other expectations as a man, is that other men could confide their infidelity to me and expect me to accept it..

What about the sweet woman/sweet man..
A woman I know and like tell me that she enjoyed her affair with the married man who she felt 'respected' his wife.. I asked how she knew that.. she did say from overhearing conversations and so on.. so apparently. some men (and their outside woman/man) do think that as long as the wife does not know . then all is well. I have been an outside man too.. a mistake in judgement since that kind of dishonesty is no base for any kind of sound relationship whatever the nature. Things might be exciting.. but in the end, if we believe our sexuality and spirituality are linked.. it dont wuk out.. One of things turned into a friendship before it got anywhere..

Why is it my business what my friends/acquaintances do
One of the realities of domestic violence in Guyana is that many men abuse their wives because nobody has told them that it is wrong or have sanctioned them. Many abusive men walk in society, drink with their friends - and are proud to abuse their wives and girlfriends in front of the friends.. the friends though, say nothing.. do nothing, some are ashamed.. some are horrified, some try to pretend is none of their business. Likewise.. with the infidelity.. it is my business now.. because my silence means that my friends and acquaintances would think that I am agreeing with them.. and I would tell them hey.. don't bring your sweet man/sweet woman story to me . There might be reasons.. all kind ah ting is reason fuh de outside ting.. but I would help to fix de reason dan to perpetuate some lie. And if I know.. I overhear conversation, or I meet the woman or man.. I gun talk..

Are people who cheat evil and wicked people who should be stoned to death?
In a society which seems to uphold heterosexual monogamy as a sacred value.. it is sad when some people who promise to uphold this have no intention of doing that. Many people get trapped in marriages for different reasons.. but if there is no agreement as to how they will stay together , then they should find ways out.
I know nice guys who had no intention of cheating.. who made choices and decisions and fought after their flings to keep their marriages and I think have not cheated since. Some people cheat as they approach the end of their relationships.
I know guys who cheat as a way of abusing their wives.. by trampling on their wives' and girlfriends' trust in them and saying.. look how stupid she is.. yep.. so the idea of castration does come to mind.
So no easy answers.. at the end of the day though.. if any of my friends are cheating on their partners.. I aint gonna let them think that I accept it or agree with it. I will not encourage it..
But I aint know what situation i would find myself in..and what choices I would make even as I intend to say NO.

I know some couples accept that they will have their outside dalliances, and have their comfortable situations with each other. If that is the case, then good for them. Others though, do not accept it.

nancy drew in bourda market..

2011-05-01T13:17:00.000-04:00

so after moving off from the picket , i head down to bourda market .. I saw a man reading a book at one of the stalls.. with the continued decline in literacy in Guyana especially among men/males/beings with penises .. I am always feel that I need to tek a picture if I see a man reading a book anywhere - saw a man reading while waiting for an appointment at Ministry .. and now at the market, see a man with a tattoo throw back reading a book.. saw that it was a book stall and the man is the owner.

His collection of books included a lot of romance novels - he said 98% of his clients are women - and included clancy, grisham and so on - and then toni morrison, terri mcmillan, alice walker..
The man said that he trying to keep the thing going, and that he believes it is necessary to keep the book stall open, even though it rough but he said he could do with more space.

He has a lot of Nancy Drew.. I bought two which I have not read (for my niece)

When Guyana was a backward oppressed country, apparently before independence.. every market had book stalls, and there were roving sellers of books. I heard that Berbice actually had about three publishing houses (Edgar Mittelholzer published his first books there). Now that we are thriving progressive democracy, the number of book sellers has decreased. The nice fancy City Mall has no book shops. Bourda Market has a few stalls. Georgetown Reading and Research Centre has their second hand book store. Michael Forde Bookshop is depressing to visit.. one could only imagine how vibrant it must have been like in the days when the PPP was being oppressed and not in power (a friend and I wanted to make a proposition to Freedom House to take it over but we too busy wid stupidness).

There is a nice small shop on Regent Street near Oronoque - Centre for Islamic Studies. - air conditioned with a settee so you can sit down and read if you want.
One day Guyana might become backward again.. and the bookshops will thrive.

war and peace, vodka and climate change

2011-05-01T12:44:00.001-04:00

MARCH ON MAY 1ST WITH UNWAGED,
LOW-WAGED AND UNRECOGNISED
CAREGIVERS TO DEMAND OUR RIGHT
TO A LIVING INCOME!

Organised by Red Thread and endorsed by Grassroots Women across
Race, the Red Thread Domestic Violence & Rape Survivors Self-
Help Group, The National Woman’s Organisation of the Guyana
Presbyterian Church and UG Students for Social Change.

_________________________________________________
On May 1st, Labour Day, workers of all races march in the
streets to claim their rights. We are workers too!

• We are mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters who look after
our loved ones without pay.
• We are vendors who are prevented from making a living by local
and central government who push us into corners where we
can’t get customers.
• We are old age pensioners who can’t eat or pay our bills on
$2.42 a day.
• We are mothers on public assistance, many with disabilities,
who struggle to survive on $1.78 a day.
• We are domestic workers, cleaners, security guards, shop
assistants, restaurant workers, bartenders who are forced to
accept slave conditions by employers who disobey the law.
• We are sex workers who are criminalised for struggling to
support ourselves and our families.

Bring pots and pans, other noisemakers

We say to everyone who wants a better Guyana:

• A society which pays caregivers little or nothing
is a society which does not care about people.
• A society which does not value women,
children, people with disabilities, and older
people can never stop the violence.
• A society which does not value mothers
destroys children.

Children left alone while their mothers work long
hours away from home, sometimes even in other
countries, will not learn how to care for other people
and the environment.

Don’t blame us. March with us!

• FOR A LIVING INCOME for mothers & all caregivers!
• FOR VALUING CARING, beginning with our children &
elders!
• FOR PROTECTION AND JUSTICE for woman & children
in violent situations!
• FOR EDUCATION that educates, stimulates, & does not
overburden children but leaves them time to play and
explore!

WE ARE ALL CAREGIVERS!
WE ARE ALL WORKERS!

Gather with us at 9 am- Regent & Cummings Sts

ALL WELCOME! MEN- COME OUT AND SUPPORT US

-----------------------

So .. I went out and stood up with a placard at the corner of Regent and Cummings street.. the larger march would pass here and then the plan was to join the contingent at the back. There were a few stragglers not making noise first.. the TUC contingent (or PNC.. depending on who you talk to), then there were the Teachers.. they made some noise.. then there were big truck music.. like Mashramani.. carnival.. people had their bottles.. some vodka, some eldorado in their hands.. and there were no chants.. only the thing about win'in and cackin up yuh foot and so on.. The GAWU band had a lot of people, some already high.. nice placards.. about Down with War and UP with Peace, and Peaceful Elections and one or two with 'No to domestic violence' and a few about 'privatisation of the sugar industry' and climate change is a capitalist curse and down with US embargo on Cuba (1)..

Some of the people had bland faces, some were winin',.. but the silence.. from the marchers.. in the May Day rally, was deafening.

The Red Thread pickets were about children, education, no violence, wages for uncaring work. The teachers looked and some of them had comments about 'lessons aint going nowhere fuh just now' and 'if you cant beat them join them (about corporal punishment' )...

Nice thing was that as the marchers passed.. they could read the placards which we had - some passed. But.. no chanting or calls or anything abotu solidarity for ever or any of that communist crap.. only pure Jamaican and Trini music.. and the vibes.. so after my photo moment.. I then dropped the placard and went to the market and gaffed with a guy who own a book stall

Erotic work...

2011-04-27T10:06:00.001-04:00

No real wuk..
A minibus conductor asked me one day if I don't work.. and another driver asks me if I am on leave or if I am sick - they ask me because they see me during the day rather than in the morning and the evening. A neighbour also asks when he sees me daytime.. like you on some long leave.. last week another man asked me 'What are you working on now' and today another man asked ' What work do you really do... ?"

I could say mind your business.. I have been tempted to say if I tell you I would have to kill you ; but I mumble things like.. I do this that and the other.. computer work, work from home.. whatever I get, spy on people..

I wish I could perfect the art of being sophisticated and vague which will leave people wandering and have plenty speculation ..

No shoes and socks..
I work from home.. like some dressmakers, tailors, caterers, tutors, mechanics, farmers - been doing that since November 2008. The Internet is the main tool of the trade. So.. my laundry is light since no fancy clothes to wear to work, and only on very rare occasions would I wear socks and shoes. I have had meetings in my sleeping clothes (the excuse "sorry our bandwidth is crap so no video"). Disadvantage is that after 1pm , place get hot really bad and I go and sleep and I am not sure if I am as productive as if I was nicely dressed up in socks and shoes in an air-conditioned environment.. but I will never know.

No filing cabinet..
A website designer friend said that I should create a space in the house, and actually do a thing about coming to work on time, in proper clothes and so on. There is no space really in my house to have an office. But.. what has also happened is that I have also been forced to cut back and reduce paper to a minimum. Every time I think that I need to buy a filing cabinet, I think no no no.. I need to recycle the paper and ask for digital documents and question whether I really need to keep all that paper. I have a scanner now and I intend to scan all the other documents which I have been keeping.

Erotic work..
What is this work that I do, or I don't do enough of? It is a mix of things, some of which I am paid for in money, others for which there are other benefits and others for which there is nothing in return except headache. Audre Lorde in her essay, the Uses of the Erotic writes "The aim of each thing which we do is to make our lives and the lives of our children richer and more possible. Within the celebration of the erotic in all our endeavors, my work becomes a conscious decision - a longed-for bed which I enter gratefully and from which I rise up empowered."

So... what wuk do you really do?
Unpaid work this Monday May 1 will be commemorated for caregivers. I do not have to cook, clean, look after, nurture, nourish , wash clothes.. only do this when I feel like. I used to think that the volunteer stuff could be done on whim, when I was available and when I had time.
Nah.. it aint wuk out suh.. because after about 16 years volunteering, I recognise that all wuk.. paid or unpaid, demands the same level of commitment to quality, to ensuring that the goals are met, that people are working , that accountability is achieved.

That longed for bed..
So.. I would love to think that all the work, paid and unpaid, are longed for beds.. but nah..the unpaid work especially could be full of the stresses and tensions that impede the work being done.

Does the work make my life of the lives of my children more richer and more possible? Nah..well sometimes, economics means that I cannot pick and choose the paid work all the time and be grateful when I get it.. while duty and a sense of obligation means that I also don't quit some of the unpaid work which might not make my life richer (or my children). However, I celebrate when the work does both.

Working well..
Working well requires great planning, as does chilling out and taking time off and scheduling the empowering work in between the work which brings in money or for which there are no noticeable immediate benefits.

Learning and training is part of work - necessary parts. So whether it is domestic violence, child abuse prevention, rights for LGBT people, Linux, Drupal, ICT4D.. it is work. Learning means pushing the boundaries to get new experiences.. and to also evaluate and check what is happening. One of the dangers of how I am working is that quality could be sacrificed for some other expediency. I got two unexpected blows to fanciful notions of myself because of the lack of quality checks.. as a friend reminded me .. critical review is necessary for growth.

So really.. like you aint got wuk fuh do.. yuh writing stupidness..
Writing on this blog is work - part of the learning. The work includes preparing a digital archive for the Caribbean IRN; developing an oral history project which will take advantage of the technology available and also learning the rigours of qualitative research; develop a platform for an e-zine, struggle to implement a platform for a user community; editing user documentation; work with the NRDDB on this project.. including learning, teaching and finding tools to ensure that the objectives can be met; seeking funding for work in 2012, training some Help & Shelter people in facilitation skills; working with a friend on another important article he will write; finding a solution for a collaboration platform which involves a steep learning curve; facilitating the labs for an online journalism course and then marking the assignments..; finding a solution for an online database implementation; planning the SASOD film festival ; and testing, monitoring, checking on two projects .. one more intense than the other...
The CVs are merged not very well here.

Some of this paid, some unpaid; some erotic.. some far from it.

Rights of the Children one year after...

2011-04-23T10:31:00.000-04:00

A woman called me up this week to ask whether the Rights of the Child Commission would take on the issue of the crazy curriculum for common entrance and the fact that the demands prevent children from playing or recreation.

She then remembered I had resigned a year ago. My resignation was due to the lack of resolution of the allegations of child molestation against Mr Kwame McKoy, the representative of the Ministry of Human Services and Social Security; and to my fear of the lobbying influences which would be brought to bear on decisions (I had received a friendly phone call from a nice man who I know asking whether I would support his candidate for Chairperson; I assured him that the Commissioners are all competent and that they could decide between them who should be Chairperson and Deputy Chairperson and thought nothing more of it at the time)

It will soon be two years since the Commission was signed in - the life of the Commission is three years. I remember when learning that I had been appointed to the Commission thinking that it was a great honour to be nominated by the women's groups and thinking of the potential which such a commission had in terms of the work which needed to be done in Guyana.

The Commission's work has not been prominent in the media as the work of the Women and Gender Equality Commission and the Ethnic Relations Commission. The Chairperson of the Rights of the Child Commission, Ms Nasir, noted in March 2011 that there is a work plan and that the secretariat was being organised.

A year later on reflection, I realise that I would have gone crazy (and driven the others crazy) with the delays in getting the Commission to be vibrant and active in the society. Now that I have completed grieving over the loss of what might have been .. the work continues in other places within a framework of clear policies and guidelines and with great opportunities for learning.

The Speaker of the National Assembly has never acknowledged receipt of my resignation letter. He is not mandated to do so - though one would have thought that the value system which says that MPs have to dress up nice when they go to Parliament would mean that letters of resignation would have been acknowledged. (Interestingly, I have heard that my name has been on the list of persons to be paid the monthly stipends) . This lack of acknowledgement is no surprise.. the Minister of Human Services never acknowledged an earlier request for an appropriate investigation into her Ministry's representative on the Commission either.

It is unfortunate that the allegations have not been resolved - the allegations have been used to satirise Mr McKoy and make light of the abuse of children. The issue seems to have been forgotten. Maybe maybe the media and the society are no longer concerned about the unresolved allegations. Since the National Assembly has not seen it fit to seek an appropriate resolution to those allegations, and the society seems generally to have lost interest .. I am probably not the best person to sit on the Commission.
I wish the Commission the best as it tries to implement its mandate. I hope that the other commissioners would be able to pronounce publicly on how they view the unresolved allegations against Mr McKoy. I am sure they would all want an investigation and resolution by an appropriate tribunal which would leave no doubt in the minds of any section of the population.

one thing at a time...

2011-04-16T19:30:00.001-04:00

It has been a difficult few weeks fighting the urge to want to lie down and sleep and be in the dark.. not wake up.. and not to eat all the sugar in the bottle. Physical health is affected by mental health though it is not sure which one comes first but both are related.

Things become harder to plan and achieve major outcomes - focus is on getting through each minute, each second..each task.. get up, write this email, do this thing, that thing.. and working through the various obstacles - cough, fever, restlessness, family tensions, heat, political crap

The Swami reminded the people on the video that Happiness comes from Within..

I know that that the chocolate taste lingers only for so long..no matter how much you eat.. the sensation of the crunching of the plantain chips and tastee snacks and crackers and peanuts only lasts for a few seconds..
and that the taste of the grape thrill and grape icee might linger for a half hour so (and I cant find any grape drink where I am going to look for it)
.. and that after indulging the body feels sick and the mind does not feel better.. and there is this active struggle to reject the things which make me feel negative and seek out positive..

The two interactions with the former friend.. who fate says I will always meet up.. and there will never be the space which should happen.. I am proud that I am civil - I answer the questions politely, no quarrel.. nothing.. Bhagvad Gita Chapter 6 Verse 9 comes up "spiritual advancement is realised when one views friend and foe alike.."
That not easy.. i have affection for friends, for foes though..is another thing.. but in being polite, I mourn the loss of the friendship

As my mind is restless.. working back and forth.. doing, fighting, succumbing, resisting, celebrating, mourning, searching, pushing, .. the universe points me back again to Bhagvad Gita, Chapter 6 Verse 25.. and reminding about how the mind can be controlled by practice, by meditation.. on the soul.. 'who is this being who is struggling?"

As I deal with all the feelings of inadequacy.. I get a rejection letter rejecting an application for much needed funding ..

I am proud because as I have dealt with other rejections, this is not for me.. though part of me is sinking because the critiques are in the areas of the personal competence which I had assumed that I have.. so this is how I will know that I am not as good as I think I am. And there is a certain tired thing of thinking I have to fix certain things.. but there is a fatigue because always fixing fixing .. at some point there must be a point of realising.. perhaps it is more positive to think that it is not fixing, but building.

And when I buy the four sugar cake from the lady outside Bounty on Regent Street ($160) .. the pink and white one.. I am enjoying it and then when on the second one .. a woman begs me for ten dollars.. i ask her if she wants sugar cake .. she say yes .. and I give her the remaining eighty dollars worth.. and then when I take the wrong minibus for UG and have to walk in the hot sun.from the line top to the campus. .. I realise.. hey.. is the eighty dollars sugar wuking out hey.. saving me the $60 fare ..

So the good and the bad.. the physical exercise is taking longer.. the yoga which requires concentration is not easy to do.. not because of the body but because of the mind.. so I will go eat some ice-cream and I know all will be well because the alternative is not good.

My legacy will continue...

2011-04-12T08:54:00.000-04:00

Comrades..
For the first time in the history of this country we will be breaking racial history and it is my pleasure to give you Dougla Donald as our next President... Comrades, forget about voting for candidate and all that nonsense, we in the PPP/R have broken true grounds by actually putting up a candidate who has all the races of Guyana in him - well the important races anyway - and who is a man of the people. Comrades, this man never tek any Minister wuk or advisor wuk and yall know the pressure that I am under for people who want to be Minister.

Comrades.. once again we have those anti-poor people hounds who do not want to see the poor people in our Party get rich and build nice houses like them complaining about us giving away Guyana. Comrades... we have an Indian man who want to cut down some tree and has paid us lots of money for it. And they complaining. Now when I give Guyana to God - nobody complained, those damn hypocrites. But What do you think I meant when I say i was giving Guyana to God? If God exist everywhere and in everyone of us, then God exist in those Asians and Indians and so on who will give us money and gifts to take away pieces of Guyana.. so Comrades, that is what I meant by Giving Guyana to God.. God deh in all the people who we selling out Guyana to.

Comrades, some of you are also saying how I twist up my mouth about the man who back track and use his money to print newsprint to cuss me and my friends up. Comrades, I was not condemning that man.. I was stating that man's credentials to be an associate of my successor. That man only fault is that he still has his US visa.

And comrades, I thank you for endorsing our Candidate.. I know some of you vex bad but I say go back to the rum shops we have encouraged to prosper and deal with your issues there.

I would like to offer my admiration to those comrades who did not push us to do stupid things like voting for leader and so on..and who remembered their origins and all the things that they stand to lose and withdrew.

That kind of ignorance. about voting and contentiousness is reserved for the other parties who are anti-working class and anti-poor people and who have time to waste and have no other ways of building consensus.

Comrades.. you have life good now.. no more lines for you, except at the Embassy. The police will look after you as long as you look after them. While some of you have lost out to climate change and flood and so on, some of us have found ways to make money from climate change.

All of you can buy what you want and you can bring in and carry out what you want.. we have no restrictions on anything coming in and out of Guyana anymore - we remove the CANU from the wharf to help with that.

While other leaders have blood on their hands, the only blood on my and Dougla Donald hands is from the lil blackpudding dat we like to eat now and then.

Comrades the future continues to be bright! As long as Dougla Donald can keep with going to every cricket match, every football match, every state function, every where I going, every crusade, every yajna, every dance.. kartel, beenie man, terry gajraj.. whatever.. and dat you continue not to bother with those Western things like democracy and transparency and so on.. den you will continue to prosper.

Forgiving and being forgiven...

2011-04-05T21:19:00.000-04:00

Some of my Christian facebook friends were overjoyed after the Gospel Concert on Saturday night when President Jagdeo and Raphael Trotman held hands.

Rapheal Trotman apparently asked the President to forgive him and the President said he would do so. The President might or might not have said something about 'me too' but in a country marred by ugly rhetoric, the crowd went 'wild' no doubt at thinking that it is possible to have some connection.

Cynics like me were horrified at the abuse of a religious event - and view the whole forgiveness thing through a lens of suspicion.. will AFC join up with Love and Faith and the PPP to contest the upcoming General Elections against the blood on the hands PNC? But wasn't Mr Corbin the man who in 2003 sided with the Evangelical Churches who were praying and fasting against the sexual orientation as a fundamental right thing? Or have those people now switched their sides to the God fearing PPP now? So.. all of a sudden it looks like gospel will form a large part of the upcoming general elections.

But this thing about forgiveness though and being forgiven .. it not easy. I can apologise very easily.. and sometimes I do not mean the apology .. and I have been told that I cannot do my thing and then say sorry and expect that I can get away with that. True.. asking for forgiveness means facing consequences and changing behaviour and attitude.

Many times I have been horrified at the impact of my words and actions and have been glad for the forgiveness and I have been conscious of what and how I say certain things to people. Other times of course I have never received any forgiveness and I have moved on, though still hoping that someday I will be forgiven.

Hindu scriptures talk a lot about us not being separate. My Facebook page.. shows me these wonderful connections. Children of two of the Presidential Candidates are on my friends list and all of a sudden I realise that any sarcasm, satire and condemnation and so on.. well , one just does not insult the father's of one's friends. Another child (not a facebook friend) of a prominent man hauled me up for insinuating some wrong doing by asking a question about a relationship with a wrong doer and I apologised, even though lots of other people asked me what on earth was I apologising for. Kind of like what some of us wondered about Mr Trotman.

I have learnt to forgive.. what it means to me is letting go of a desire for revenge. However, it does not mean that I will let go of the desire to ensure that consequences are faced for any of the wrongs done to me. It was ironic for me on Monday when a man I was close to called to mock me about a statement I made about reconciliation (on facebook) and then I happened to see him later as well.. and I laughed at myself.. and asked myself so .. have you forgiven him for the undermining and the contempt or will you keep the distance which is necessary to ensure that no further damage is done ? And then polish my halo about how wonderful I am at forgiving?

I laugh at myself as I find myself engaging with people who have cussed me up and have made my life difficult - and without asking for apologies or anything like that, maybe because of my own insincere apologies. What I am grateful for is when I notice change of behaviour and attitudes , and people expressing their own remorse. In July 2010 after Mr Edghill and the IRO insinuated that we were pedophiles with the SASOD film festival, we learnt from another man that instead of rioting and burning down the place.. we should rise above that and forgive Mr Edghill for his ignorance and have compassion for him and go to dialogue with him and his colleagues. The IRO never replied to our letter for dialogue.

I have learnt from the people who no longer hate those who have abused them, raped them and harmed them terribly, that the hate and anger can consume and sometimes inhibit the ability to see justice done.

Whatever we do in Guyana, however we approach reconciliation, forgiveness and maintaining our connectedness with each other.. we should ensure that justice is not sacrificed in that project. And people should be wary of people like me who are not always serious when we are asking for forgiveness.

For Lorena

2011-03-26T22:22:00.000-04:00

Lorena is a Venezuelan blogger living in India. Her blog - Historias de la India- has information in Spanish about India.

In researching some of the answers to questions which people posed for her, she came across my blog and then wanted to know more about Indians living in the Caribbean. She sent some questions which I am answering here.

I thought Lorena would want to know that there have been Indians in Venezuela since the middle of the nineteenth century. Nalini sent this quotation "Walton Look Lai's Indentured Labor, Caribbean Sugar P117-"In Trinidad, Indian immigrants had gone over to next-door Venezuela in such numbers that the official reports were unable to estimate exact mortality among the Indians in Trinidad up to 1855""

My friend Pandit Rajin has visited several mandirs and satsanghs in Puerto Ordaz/San Felix where Hindu people have settled.

Here are the answers :

How old are you and what do you do for a living? (If you dont mind to tell me)

I am 40 and I do all kind of things for a living, some of which is related to Information technology

What is your personal opinion about india and his people?

India seems a very vast and complex place and different people have different opinions of it. Some people love visiting there and living there, while other people have migrated from there to live in other places. Some of the people have made great standing Internationally in different fields. There seems to be a lot of poverty and social injustice which is not always dealt with, while there are great developments in other areas.

What are the big differences between indian people and guyanese?

Very difficult to say since I have not visited India.

Have you ever felt the "necessity" or curiosity to come here to know the culture and the country? Why?

I have personally not felt the need to visit India - India seems to come to me in so many ways through the media and there are other vicarious experiences.

Does many people in Guyana travel to India? If thats the case...what are the reasons?
business...pleasure, religion?

Yes, I think people visit India, and more people would like to visit but it is expensive. People visit for business, religion, education, politics and tourism.

What is the big difference between hinduism here in India and Guyana?

I am not sure - though I think from what I see in the films and on the television, the organisation of the temples is different. In Guyana the temples are organised community groups and are not open 24 hours, while in India the temples are open for 24 hours and have priests available. In Guyana the temple is a social space, I think in India it is only a religious space.

Do you practice arranged marriages in Guyana? (Here in India its the norm)

There are a few people who ask others to help them find nice people to get married to. However, the couple are allowed to meet and decide if they want to get married

Do the hindu ladies in Guyana are conservative and home oriented? (you see.. here in India usually ladies go to University but after marriage they become housewives)

Really? I see that there are many Indian women who work in different ways - in Guyana there are a few Indian women nurses and doctors and I see on television many politicians and academics.. Hindu ladies in Guyana do work in different places (and being a housewife also involves work! )
The Prime Minister of Trinidad is a Hindu woman.

I have heard in Trinidad there is racial discrimination between black people and hindus...is that the case in Guyana?

There have been incidents of racial tension and discrimination which have occurred - though not Hindu specifically but more the 'major' ethnic groups of blacks and Indians . One Guyanese academic wrote a book to say that Hinduism was anti-black.

What do you love the most from your country?

The fact that I get to answer questions like these

In general...how is the personality of the people from Guyana?

Very difficult to say, it depends on the personality of the person who is asking the question. Some people find us nice, some people find us not nice .

Have you ever been to Trinidad? are there similarities between Guyana and Trinidad?

Yes - some similarities s in the Hindu religious practices, we have similar language and seem to like similar music (soca, calypso, chutney). We have slightly different ways of cooking the food, even the curry.

Tylenol, alcohol, resistance, gulab jamoon

2011-03-21T12:30:00.000-04:00

Tylenol
Phagwah this year started off with me waking up shivering with fever.. I took two tylenol and put tumeric in my coffee. When I was little the day used to start with the goolgoola made by my Naanee. As I battled with fever, I questioned the fates.. my karmic engagement..I I do not like Phagwah day because I have not let go of the bad feelings associated with the day.

Life said.. right, ketch your bed.. you did not want to go sing chowtaal today.. then at least you have a truthful answer to say you were sick rather than some complex answer which nobody would understand. Fever in the blasted brain though had me dreaming and thinking of the random thoughts and this blog is a result

Alcohol
Alcohol (and meat for some people) is part of celebrations.. alcohol consumed by Hindus, and briskly sold by Hindus. My memories of alcohol and Phagwah are not good - various incidents including one where a relative was threatening others. There is something sad, and I feel scared about people, who need alcohol to show bonhomie and to let go of their inhibitions.

The last time I played Phagwah on Phagwah day, I was nervous the entire day when some of the guys I was with were drinking.. alcohol bought from Hindu stores. I sit down singing chowtaal in one place while the host sold the Carib and so on for people coming in and felt trapped. A couple of places we sang this year during the season.. the hosts were willing to offer alcohol if there was any suggestion that it was wanted.

Ravi Dev in his Phagwah Day column talks about Indian people and alcohol. The Chowtaal gole history is that the men in the gole were expected to take their tups to keep the voice warm and open.. and every household served a tups. The Guyana Hindu Dharmic Sabha and others have tried to reduce the alcohol consumption.. others though have found ways to ensure that alcohol is consumed.

Resistance

I remember as a child thinking I did not want to play Phagwah with some of the adults who I did not like and to pretend that I had to like them. I remember resistance.. the drummer from the PPP who refused to go upstairs to the Belfield house of Burnham where my relatives had visited .. and thinking of Burnham's house and how he invited everybody in, regardless of carpet and so on, and played.
I remember the people who put us to sit on their patio.. so no mess in their nice houses.. I used to say no to their offer of food since I felt that was the only way to show that I did not like them. I imagine that the children who would not take food from me now.. some of them probably dislike me.

Other people who welcomed us in to their houses.... 'nah worry wid powder pun de carpet, it gun clean.." - lessons in hospitality.

Gulab Jamun

The sweetmeats.. my belly tends to get this kind of weird feeling of eating too much rich foods and this year , fever be damned, I still indulged - funny how my appetite could be lost but not for the sweet things. Phagwah days have had one or two other good things happen - but I do not know if it was because of Phagwah or just coincidence. While this year I huddled under the blanket and praying - one year I was blessed with visiting Ocho Rios.. beautiful drive through Fern Gully, and then walk around with one of the local guides and talk about life in Jamaica. Another year I was in Boa Vista chilling out and indulging in about 50 of the 80 flavours of the ice cream I found at this shop. The day

Phagwah means different things to different people. For some it is religious.. for other it is not religious, or a mix.

The permission to be dirty and ugly.. so you could dabble in colours and mud and water and let go. Vikram Seth's A Suitable Boy has an account of how the Holi Season was the only time when you get a chance for boys to touch girls and girls to touch boys under the pretext of rubbing powder. A woman told me that Holi in some parts of India is not safe for some of the women on the road.

One time I was coming home, and there were two women , one had a Bible in her hand. She said.. boy you play plenty.. and I say.. well it is the season, and ask her if she mind if I throw some powder on her, and she said .. okay , lil bit. And I put lil bit powder on both of them. The kind of connection which should probably last throughout the year.

Dookala, and the wings of a bird

2011-03-15T13:11:00.000-04:00

And among the teachings of Bahá'u'lláh is the equality of women and men. The world of humanity has two wings -- one is women and the other men. Not until both wings are equally developed can the bird fly. Should one wing remain weak, flight is impossible. Not until the world of women becomes equal to the world of men in the acquisition of virtues and perfections, can success and prosperity be attained as they ought to be.

Baha'i writings

Money
The woman took the money - and asked me if I was sure that I had enough for myself. New Year's Day was the first day she had come to the gate.. saying nothing but I went downstairs to give her a big raise because I felt that was a nice New Year's Day thing to do. I tried to ask where she coming from.. because part of me still thinks that people who beg are tricksters while another part says that God visits me in the form of beggars.
The woman came back a few times after - one time she just stood on the bridge and stared at our jhandhi flag. She was at the mandir on Shiv Ratri night; and then one Sunday when I came home from a rare visit to a mandir, she was waiting at the gate. I had this thing in my head.. that never mind the prayers and chowtaal and fasting and so on, really and truly that worshipping God is really about this woman and how I interact with her.

This woman tells me she comes from Wales and then works somewhere but she does not say much, except thanks sometimes. I wonder if I am being fleeced, and whether I should bother with whether I am being fleeced and just be glad I can give and then thinking I should not be sanctimonious about giving and then thinking why the hell not... if it was a man, it would have been easier to say no.. go find a wuk.. but this woman tells me she works.

Feminisation
The first email exchange I have on International Women's Day 2011 is with a woman who was glad I wrote this letter today about how President Jagdeo friken the feminisation of men as though being woman-like is a bad thing for a man. The woman Minister though, she sit down and aint say nothing.. well nothing was reported.. she dare not, because probably like so many other women she friken dat she might loss she wuk if she talk too much. The other powerful woman they have in Government, she willing to mek up she own story too to defend she Government. For some men, that loyalty is a wonderful quality.. For me though, it is one which frikens me and make me limit my Hail All Women.

Is funny how President Jagdeo talk about how he friken the feminisation of men - just as I have in my head this thing about being a coolie womanist and get into other conversations about men who embrace feminism since it provides opportunities for us to learn about ourselves as men. Andil Gosine writes about this in a 2009 article; another man sent an email on International Women's Day reminding me about social justice and how any womanist man should always be conscious of social justice. Linden Lewis talks about what working for equality means, very similar I think to one of my favourite parts of the Baha'i writings.

Dookala and her jahaji Daughters

This year I have been thinking of the daughters of the Indian indentured labourers who have been working at retelling the stories of our ancestors.. Gaiutra Bahadur's listing of the women who came with her great-grandmother on the ship opens up questions of what happened to them.. this one especially

"Dookala, #95721, Panka from Raipur, 12 years old, sent to Lusignan plantation, East Coast Demerara."

What happened to Dookala, 12 years, alone and unaccompanied?

Nalini Mohabir is doing work at looking at those who went back to India, and whose work has opened up important questions of identity - not only of race, but of nationhood .

There are other daughters who I have come into contact with who are now bringing the stories to light by looking at different aspects of the lives of the people who came on those ships. A man - jahaji son- I know is talking to other men about domestic violence because of a jahaji daughter who asked him to write an article... a massive milestone for me as I think of how initial reactions to the work against domestic violence were deemed anti-man and anti-Indian.

Other daughters though do different things. Minister Manickchand , responsible for the Government's gender equality policies, judges a beauty pageant for Indian daughters.. no doubt oblivious to, or contemptuous of the crticisms that beauty pageants are about the commodification of women .
When sections of the Hindu community protested the last Miss Diwali pageant, it was with this recognition that each woman has her own worth. The Minister and other judges thought that one of the best 'talents' portrayed for Indian women that night was "a seductive woman on the prowl"

Shirley Field Ridley in the seventies in Guyana had condemned the existing pageants as racist (light skinned, straight haired visions of beauty) and sexist.

Another jahaji daughter though.. had a different view of the beauty pageant .

This other side of the bird, that wing got plenty different feathers.

The clitoris in Port Mourant

2011-03-06T19:29:00.000-04:00

We were talking about gender based violence in Port Mourant- the group of women and men all between 18 and 40 years of age.

In a side conversation, two of the guys, one married, one unmarried, talk about sexing women, trusting women and being a responsible man - fatherhood, fidelity, and trying hard to show that you could still get as much woman as possible.

The group talked about Female Gender Mutilation, and in response to some puzzled eyebrows.. I talked about how the clitoris is mutilated in some cultures.
I saw some more puzzled faces (men and women), and then I asked if people knew what the Clitoris was.

Some of the guys shook their heads - No; two women laughed, three others looked puzzled.. a few other men and women had blank faces.

So I explained.. about location and function.. and thinking in a wild moment..in these unexpected moments when I do not have pictures, if I had a clitoris, it would have been easier to just show them..

The sex thing continued this week.. an email from a researcher who wanted to interview me.. since she "was under the impression that you do some work around sexuality and/or have done so."

So she sent the interview questions, and here goes, my responses.

1)What type of work are you involved in? What does your organization do? What is your role there?

I am involved in computer science work mostly with volunteering around domestic violence and child abuse with Help & Shelter. The discussions with young people around domestic violence opens up discussion about sexuality. As a member of SASOD, I have been called pedophile for sharing this story from a teenager. As a participant in the Lower Sixth Programme with the Bishops' High School Old Students' Association , young people have also discussed sex and sexuality with me. I have done things like tell 13/14 year old boys to make sure they try on a condom first before they go to use it in a live situation (with their wives of course)

2)What do you think about the way young people here in Guyana are learning about sex, sexuality, and becoming sexually active?

I think they are learning the same way that we always have.. from overhearing adults, from films, porno, listening to peers (lies and truths) and from reading up and hearing big people say is a bad thing to do. Some young people are targets of sexual harassment and other forms of sexual violence, some might have witnessed sexual violence.

3)What do you think is affecting young peoples’ ideas and beliefs about sex and their sexuality (their ability to act how they want, wear what they want, travel as they want, freely express themselves, etc)? do you think religion plays a role in affecting norms and attitudes towards sexuality? Ethnicity? Class? What about popular culture? Anything else?

You would have to ask the young people really. Young people are not an amorphous homogenous block. I have seen minibus drivers change music for 'young people'.. while there are young people who are uncomfortable with what is being said in the lyrics. Religion plays a role and culture of course, in terms of how people dress and express their 'sexuality'. Class issues vary.. not sure how class is defined in Guyana these days. I believe young people are also , as they have always been, conscious about hypocrisy in the elders around them. some young people are having transactional sex.

4)What do you think about certain forms of popular music that young people listen to here? Do you think this affects young people’s behavior? Should some artists be banned/prevented from entering the country?

The lyrics in some of the music is scary, violent.. reinforcing sexualities which seem to be anti-female and homophobic. I used to think nobody bothered with lyrics just the beat.. but in some discussions about music with some young people, it is clear the lyrics , music videos and so on are influencing how people use their bodies. Yep, some of the artists should not come to come to Guyana to make their money.. (can't stop the music though - banning music makes it sweeter ). People should also be good to discuss with young people these things, one young woman when I asked her about being daggered said 'is just fun, is not real..."

5) a. Do you know anything about sex education in schools? What are children taught in relation to sex and sexuality?

The little I know, does not seem to be much, and it depends on which school and which teacher. Some schools seem to teach parts of the body early enough, other schools and teachers seem to have discussions about sex and sexuality when dealing with other issues. Other teachers talk about domestic violence and abuse.. for many young people, their experience of sex and sexuality seems couched in violence and power (names for the sexual intercourse, penis, vagina, attitudes to sexual partners, etc)

b. Do you know anything about the school curriculum in relation to sex education? is it adequate?

There is an HFLE curriculum, and many schools are open to NGOs and other agencies coming in to talk about sex and sexuality and issues around HIV/AIDs, etc. Some children are not in school though, so ways of engaging the people who are not in school have to be found.

c. how do you think the education system can better inform young people about sex and sexuality?

The education system is a good place to discuss (inform sounds a bit brainwashing and tedious) sex and sexuality and the consequences with children. The informers though should be aware of what the children know, their own beliefs, practices, feelings and should incorporate those into any discussion. Might be also good to use the schools to talk about sex and sexuality with the parents of the children as well, we assume that adults are well informed about their sexual and reproductive health which is a mistake.

I also believe that the discussions about sex and sexuality should not be separate from discussions about self and spirituality. I have seen some instances where sex education seems to reinforce ideas that our bodies are commodities to be used and traded and that we have no ability to manage our desires and feelings.

6)Do you think more sexual services need to be made available to young people and people in general?

What are sexual services? That sounds a bit ominous.. if we are talking about health services and advisory services, definitely..

7)Is sexuality in Guyana different from elsewhere in the world?

I am not sure.. who are we talking about? I don't know enough about the rest of the world, which is a large diverse place. However, I think Guyanese are sexual beings just as any other, and that we seem to have different ways of dealing with this.. with an ambiguous uncertain way of how we deal with our sexuality.

8)Do you think there is a strong link between laws and the ways that people behave?

A complex question.. what are the purpose of laws? So that if people behave in a certain way then they can be penalised..? Hopefully some behaviours would not be displayed. However, we still have high crime rates..

9)a. Are you aware of the attempts to amend the Guyanese constitution in 2001 and 2003 (to include a clause protecting people from discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation discrimination)?

Yep..

b. do you have any opinions about this?

It was a fascinating time in Guyana in terms of how the amendment came in through the Constitutional Reform, and then the mechanisms used by the then Attorney General and others to scuttle it.

c. do you think this attempt at reform was necessary or not? Were you involved in this?

yes, the reform was necessary and i was involved in the advocacy to see the reform through

d. why do you think these amendments were unsuccessful?

Fear, abject fear from President Jagdeo and others in the government and opposition who felt that they would die and go to hell for sinning in favour of the homosexuals.. and probably fear that the Evangelical Churches and the Muslims would also rebel and pray loudly and comment on the other sins of the political establishment.

e. why might the public support or not support this reform?

There are different aspects of the public in my aspect, prejudice is often born of ignorance. We have seen how people like Mr Edghill of the Ethnic Relations Commission wanted to stop a film festival because of this fear that Guyanese people's views can be changed. An article in Hinduism Today deals with the issue of how some Guyanese feel about this issue.

f. what do you think about the criminalization of same-sex sexuality Criminal Offenses Act … Title 25, Section 354 – offenses against morality - “Everyone who commits buggery; either with a human being or with any other living creature; shall be guilty of a felony and liable to imprisonment for life”?

The criminalisation of consensual same-sex activity, even though it is not used for charges, leaves for problems with health care services being provided by Government and leaves LGBT people open to police harassment or even blackmail.

g. why do you think these offenses remain on the books? Why are they enforced? Do you think they should be enforced? Or is this something that you would like to see reformed?

Fear of going to hell on the part of the policy makers. The reform should now go through, since the Sexual Offences Act now has gender neutral definitions of rape. These 'sodomy' laws were used in cases of rape.

b. Do you know anything about the recent UPR (Universal Periodic Review)

conducted by the UN? In this document, the UN noted that Guyana needs to address sexual rights for the LGBT community. What do you think about this?

I support the UPR recommendations

c. Do you see the state of sexual freedom in Guyana as a human rights issue? What do you think of the fact that it is the UN – a group external to Guyana – is dictating what human rights are? Are anyone’s rights left out of this?

The UN is not an external body since Guyana is part of the United Nations. The rights of LGBT people are human rights issues as established by the Yogyakarta Principles. There are some issues such as 'marriage' which are not necessarily priorities for Guyana but the cases for access to services, employment and non-discrimination are important

10)a. In these recent human rights initiatives in Guyana and others around the world, some activists wish to acquire particular rights based on aspects of their and others’ identities, such as gay rights, lesbian rights, women’s rights, for instance, while others demand more general rights. Is naming of identity as part of human rights important to you?

For me personally, there is a need to name the identity when the identities are used as basis for discrimination. President Jagdeo in his comments at the launch of the Men's Affairs Bureau reportedly said he would not 'call the name' when seeming to refer to gay men.
However, identity naming is complex, and what is considered 'gay' in some places, is not necessarily the same in others.

b. What will the naming of same-sex sexual rights – such as gay rights, lesbian rights, etc - do to Guyanese society? Will it transform it? Do you think changing laws will affect particular spaces in Guyana (for example, will it change the lesbian community? Will more public spaces be open to the LGBT community?)? Will this be positive or negative? (some have argued that changing laws or legalizing same-sex sexuality, for instance, will change queer spaces in the country). If it is legal to be gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans, will Guyanese society be different?

You have introduced another label 'queer' into the discussion. Who knows what the changes in laws would bring about. though the framework would be there to criminalise discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation or gender identity. There are other discussions which have to happen as well, as happens with any other issue which the society has to deal with.

11)a. how do you feel about dress codes that exist in various government buildings and other establishments in Guyana?

b. do you have any opinions about this?

c. do you agree or disagree with them?

d. why might the public support or not support these codes?

A tragic legacy of our colonial history and sad, very sad. You know so many people probably have to dress up nice to go and get shoddy service and even pay their lil raise and lunch gifts to the well dressed officials who are dealing with them. I do not support the codes, but we have no choice if we have to do business in Government places.

12)a. Do you know anything about the current challenge to Guyana’s cross dressing laws (where it is illegal for a man to wear women’s clothing and a woman to wear men’s clothing Section- cross dressing under Section 153 (1) (xlvii) of the Summary Jurisdiction (Offences) Act Chapter 8:02 which criminalises as a minor offence the “wearing of female attire by men; wearing of male attire by women.”)

b. do you have any opinions about this?

c. do you think this is desirable?

d. do you think this challenge will be successful?

e. why might the public support or not support this initiative?

f. what do you think of men wearing women’s clothing and women in men’s clothing?

g. why do you think these offenses remain on the books? Why are they enforced? Do you think they should be? Would you like to see the cross dressing laws reformed?

I hope the court case goes through and that the laws are repealed. This is another legacy of our colonial history which serves no good purpose for anyone. These days.. what passes for women's clothes and men's clothes is very fluid.. so who knows.. I have written about being trans though

13)a. Do you know anything about the Sexual Offenses Bill that was recently – May 2010 - passed into law in Guyana (a law that intends to better protect victims of rape and sexual abuse, especially women and children)?

b. do you have any opinions about this?

c. do you think it’s necessary?

d. why do you think the process to convert the bill into a law took so long? Were you involved in this?

e. why might the public support or not support this law?

The sexual offences reform was necessary. I don't know why the bill took so long to pass. I was in the picket at the time. There was wide consultation on the law, and I think the concerns were mainly about the rights of the accused and some issues of how the law would be implemented.

14)a. Do you feel that Guyana is replicating western legal systems? How do you feel about this?

b. In regards to sexual rights, would you change Guyana’s constitution, laws, or Guyana’s legal system in any way? If so, how and why? If not, why not?

We already have a western legal system.. that is what we inherited, the homophobia of the slave masters and unfortunately, that continues to remain. Definitely I would hope that the laws are changed to ensure that Guyanese could achieve their full potential in Guyana regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Coolie womanist..

2011-02-24T23:10:00.001-04:00

This week was Republic Day/Mashramani/Carnival in Guyana. I have had some conversations about race.. strange conversations because I am conscious that overwhelmingly, Guyanese of African origin are more visible in the Carnival like Mashramani thing - when commentators will talk of how people of all backgrounds enjoy the thing.. But.. the leaders know that better a party in the streets than people marching...

A friend sent me this :

"Despatch from Governor Light to Lord Stanley.
Government House, Demerara 30 Nov 1842
"Some eight or ten Coolies may probably desire to remain behind [i.e., not return to India], having made connexions with black women"

while another friend (Indian origin) tells me of her conversation and argument with a man (of Indian origin) who said that black women are easy for sex and how Indians in Guyana were 'polluted' by being close to Black people..

Another blogger of 'Indian' origin asked me if I could read her blog to see if she sounded racist.. and I did not reply because I had no answer to deal with anybody's racism if I am not going to deal with my own complex views of other "races"

And then I tell a right wing Indian (Hindu) man I know to go read Audre Lorde's essay on Uses of the Erotic : The Erotic as Power because he say he is bored with his school work.

Audre Lorde is a black woman who this coolie man would have been glad to not go back to India for in case I missed out on her writings..Another black woman whose writings I like is bell hooks.. .

The cosmic whirl continues and the students of one of bell hooks' students gifts me with this book "Womanist Forefathers : Frederick Douglass and W.E.B. Du Bois" By Gary L Lemons. A big book, and I am busy so I open and go to two chapters down in the book and browse through rather than read and find that I am spending too much time thinking of the little that I have read.

I learn that :

Womanist - A black feminist or feminist of colour.. Committed to survival and wholeness of entire people, male and female.. Not a separatist.. Traditionally universal as in : "Mama, why are we brown, pink and yellow and our cousins are white, beige and black?" Ans : "Well, you know the coloured race is just like a flower garden , with every color flower represented" (Alice Walker, 2003)

Gary L Lemons draws the lineage between Frederick Douglass and W.E.B Du Bois, African American activists , as womanist forefathers to the contemporary pro-feminist (pro-womanist?) black men who are activists and academics who challenge patriarchy in their own lives, and in their work.

According to Professor Lemons, Pro-woman(ist) describes a gender progressive black male who supports the social, economic , sexual and political rights of "woman" transnationally and womanist thinking (as a black feminist or feminist of colour simultaneously).

He cites the work of men who have been working against racism and sexism. It is fascinating to see the work from these men.. Kevin Powell with the essay Confessions of a Recovering Misogynist, Mark Anthony Neal who is a NewBlackMan, and Thandabantu Iverson who was scared to read Audre Lorde because people might think he gay, and who felt that her essay Man Child.. was powerful. Many of the men grew up without fathers or witnessed violence from their fathers, and yet they grew to reject that violence as being part of male. This is different from the other story of how absent fathers contribute to the delinquency and 'single parents' are seen as problems.

As a coolie man reading what this black man has to say about being pro-womanist.. he had his own list of things which he had to do.. and I thought of these in my coolie context , if it is possible to disrespect him and think through how I would fit in them.

1. Affirming humanity of all (black) men regardless of class or sexual difference (I assume that means sexual orientation)
Spiritually, I am supposed to be compassionate.. and the Bhagvad Gita talks a lot about recognising there is no difference from the other men who anger or shock me with their behaviour or attitudes. Though, in thinking through the humanity, it helps a bit to understand behaviour.. problem is ensuring that understanding the behaviour does not mean challenging it or be seen to accepting it. Professor Lemons is a minister of religion.. but the book does not dwell too much , well at least the parts I read, on how spirituality fits into all of this - if it does.

2. Confronting Misogyny
Professor Lemons had Misogyny and Homophobia together.. I think they are separate since I am finding that there are many misogynists who are not homophobic, and many homophobic people who are not misogynists. Misogyny asserts itself all over the male world.. and it is complex in the coolie world. I remember this line from the a woman in the Canadian film Masala "Indian men are mother loving, women hating.... " In dealing with domestic violence and child abuse, I have learnt that there are women who are capable of inflicting great pain on children especially. Last year , I had written some thoughts. My most recent confrontation of misogyny was this gay guy who does the fashion write ups for a local newspaper. One particular review really laid into the girls and how they spoke and looked, and I wrote him and told him that I wished that one day he would come to love women, appreciate their history and aspirations and have some empathy for the beauty contestants who he was writing about. I have another homophobic theory that many of the gay men who are involved in the beauty and fashion thing do that not because they like women,but because they want to reinforce the cultural values that tell a lot of women that she not beautiful until she dress up or make up or hair up or whatever.. many men dont have to do that, a lot of us think we are beautiful no matter how the market might push other images at us of what men should look like.

Confronting homophobia
A preacher woman told me that she is not homophobic.. despite her sustained efforts to peddle the child abuse myths about gay men, and to participate in campaigns to undermine rights of LGBT people. She also believe it is okay to beat children as a form of punishment. Recently, I did an article for Hinduism Today which is to be published in April on Hinduism and Homosexuality : Views from Guyana. It was great to find that there are men in Guyana who are questioning their homophobia.. though a big shot coolie man told a friend of mine that homosexuality is unnatural and that I am a dangerous man. and in Trinidad, the Hindu Senator Panday, when he could not find any Hindu scripture to back up his homophobia, made up something from the Bible. A lot of work has to be done to let men understand their homophobic prejudices.. but it not impossible.

Idea that Strong (black)man.. real coolie man rooted in machismo which oppresses women
A lot of my Indian men friends don't talk much about loving women. A few of them are happy in their relationships and marriage and many of them do not need to have plenty women to assert their masculinity and tend to frown on infidelity. The talk though, in some places.. still has this thing of control.. even amongst some who are 'educated' and dealing with this requires a lot of work. I will always remember a senior coolie manager at the sugar company, after my first TV appearance for Help & Shelter, doing the limp wrist thing in my direction to call me woman. There was another senior coolie manager though, who told me that the work was good and he agreed with me.. a year later I saw that he was in court for assaulting his wife and chasing her with a gun.

Liberation of coolie manhood and masculinity
A lot of coolie men have been killed by their drinking buddies and friends in the last year or so. It is difficult to work out what the notions of being male and masculine are now.. rum plays a big part in some sections of the society.. and having a woman or plenty women is apparently a big part of what manhood is about. There is an increase in the intensity of domestic violence now

There are other guys though who have quietly challenged roles.. deciding not to drink, to stay close to home, to their children.. to listen to their children. Not a lot because the cultural pressures are there to retain the status quo. I remember my father reading this book of Indian women's stories from Trinidad & Tobago - and he wondered where I got the book and wanted to keep it since he had never thought of hearing those stories in Guyana beyond man trouble or anything like that. The book though is out of print and was only for a University audience it seems.

Trying to work out this thing about absent father/present father/is your father ow lef he 'lone.. and elders
Yep, coolie people are family oriented, and no matter, though different fathers play different roles in their sons lives.. some encourage them to greater things, some work through life's challenges with them, others curse them.. it is a battle, but there are many coolie men who are abandoning their children (many pay for abortions or cajole, coerce, demand them) in different ways - even as others are becoming better fathers and husbands. There are no templates really.. and I do not have children nor do I intend to have any, but I think it is a good idea, that being womanist means interacting with the men around you, fathers, brothers, others and celebrating the affirmations which come from the strangest places , and to also give those out. A lot of us have to come to terms with our fathers because they are around.. and you are told. he good no matter with and you have to learn the distinction between forgiveness and forgetting.

Feminism is a white people thing and that coolie women who stand up for themselves are 'western'

Since I started the work with Help & Shelter , I learnt that many people felt that this was going to break up the family. One religious leader had referred to the 'western' trained Indian women who stood up for themselves.. and talked not about equality, but equity. So it not easy for an Indian woman who might want to break out of any moulds.. the Hindu religion includes Shakti, the divine female.. so why this fear when the female power manifests itself at home, or at work or in the society? While many of the women who have achieved much might not call themselves the 'F' word.. I have learnt there are different feminisms and I am happy that I am not scared of any of the women who go beyond what the society expects them to be. I am a conservative though.. and the sexual politics thing.. you know, if a woman want to wear her hijab and cover up, it should be as okay as if she want to wear a bikini and backball an 8 year old boy..or win' down to the ground in front of the President.. that don't work for me... even as other say that I should lef her alone since she asserting her sexuality.

So.. coolie womanist, is it possible. not sure.. not yet.. maybe.. but it is good to see other men who are travelling this journey and are not afraid of women anymore.