The joy of not being meaningful...


The woman had two purple passion fruit in the whole bowl of yellow and  I asked her for them - because the colours were different. I was trying to be present in the market though I got conned with some cheap cayanne bananas and the pineapple could have been better.

The purple/red still stood out on the pile in the basket which I will write gratitude for later as I will write about the other things.

So I see the pile and I think it would make a nice picture to write something about. Then I learn of the editor. and I start messing around

There is a course to complete but my mind is not on it. There are other things to write and to test and to update but my mind are not on them.  It is a difficult time, strange moments of functioning but not pushing boundaries or testing new things or growing.

So I play around with the online editor which I have not heard about. I open the lengthy document ,legal stuff.. a woman whose work has been awesome has asked me for my perspective on it even though I have no qualifications to do so.. but I start reading the document, and start reading around the document and then stop reading it to go and do nothing meaningful for awhile.

These hours, idling.. staring.. feeling breeze, not doing anything except breathing, with the dark cloud hovering, but not as heavy.. they are precious. They would not last but they are enjoyable and possible even in prisons.

So the story of the picture is not really healthy eating or the bountiful harvest or anything like that. It is a picture of random idleness, which is not rest, but also not anxiety or being busy or trying to do anything worthwhile..

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