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Showing posts from July, 2013

Running when I shouldn't..

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Standing at the UG end of the seawall and looking West ... and remembering what it used to feel like running down to Kitty. Two miles. The pes cavus makes brisk walking tricky now and the knees and joints are weakened.. but there is the salt air and the breeze and the hot setting sun dazzling the eyes. So I start to run slowly, to hell with the knees. A youngster passes me and I remember when I used to run past others.  It took me great effort to come out here. It has been a while since the clouds have come into my consciousness , but the clouds are there and slowed me down. It was rough today.. it was supposed to be an intense work day with many things to do.. but..  . But there were many things being ignored and many triggers.. email from a woman who scares me and who I have to be careful what I say in reply; message from a man about a thing from the past which I thought I done with.. and gradually between the fog and the things.. I was immobilized. The blasted bourbon cr

The trail of icy shoulders...

The woman I knew for years turned to me with an expression of disdain and told me 'Hello' and turned away. We were at the airport.  I had foolishly interpreted the exchange on Facebook that it was possible to have a civil conversation across differences and I did not realise I had yet again pissed off someone. Her friend though, gave me a hug and we had a nice chat. I know many people talk about who they do not speak to or have nothing to do with. There is a certain madness about human relationships.. even as we might celebrate former 'enemies' turned acquaintances and partners, we also have to deal with those former 'friends' with whom the connections become deliberately cold and distant. I do not have the ability to give anyone the cold shoulder. Once in my life I ran when I heard my name called on the road by a former loved one .. but generally I manage to keep engaging when engaged - especially by people who I might have difficulties communicating wi

Piriton, peppermint oil and prayer..

A woman told me she will chant for me. Another woman who lives with the hives thing said to rub and spray peppermint oil everywhere and rubbing alcohol. You deh good good.. and den de itching starts.. foot bottom, instep.. as the evening cools, you feel chilly .. it is weird. I go and tek a piriton and hope that I will sleep good tonight. The chills get worse.. i go and bathe and shiver away, no fever though. I go to bed.. shivering.. and think now to deep breathe and meditate. So I start deep breathing and meditating and I think the piriton and the pepper mint oil start causing some hallucinations because I have grandiose ideas in my mind. I should keep a recorder next to me the next time because this morning I cannot remember them.  But the deep breathing and prayer seems to calm down the shivering. Next thing I know, I have to throw off the cover sheet and take off the tee shirt because it is too hot. My mouth feels funny. There is some itching so I rub back the rubbing alc