to tell or not to tell.. who gay and who not gay and who might be gay

One of the things of being with SASOD has been the questions of "do you know if so and so deh suh".

Another thing has been the disclosure of secrets.. of hearing who actually deh suh.. even tho' they play dey is not suh or they in church and so on. And some people nod sagely and say yes.. dey know dey know, or dey hear from solid sources. Others who deh suh avoid me and SASOD because they think I am a flaming homosexual and will out them and not keep their secrets.

Outing
Outing is this process by which journalists, prostitutes, former sex partners, drug dealers, police will disclose whether a person is gay/homosexual/bisexual/deh suh or not. Or has ever had sex with someone of the same sex/gender while drunk or high on drugs.

Scott Long wrote this piece about the ethics of outing people - celebrities, pastors politicians, homophobic people. He looks at recent cases of outing of mostly Republican, conservative, anti-gay marriage people and  questions whether outing those who are homophobic does anything to further the fight against homophobia.  He looks at the right to privacy of even the most obnoxious persons who hide their 'gayness' behind homophobia. He suggests that outing people is a way of reinforcing the homophobia - of shaming them more and does not do any good to anyone. ( I think.. there is a lot more said in the essay)

Experiences with outing
The first experiences I had with outing had nothing to do with homosexuality, but rather to do with domestic violence and child abuse. In doing the work, the stories of survivors of abuse at the hands of prominent men had to be hidden because the survivors wanted it to be so. It was frustrating.. but confronting hypocrisy also meant taking into consideration the rights of those who wanted to keep matters private. At one event I saw a prominent pandit, and walked out telling the organiser that this pandit had molested a woman I know but she did not want to talk about it. Sometimes it could be clear cut, sometimes it is not. I would like to out the abusers, but that means outing those who are stigmatised and feel victimised so there are ideas of not my secret.

Similar dilemma, but not the same as I have found with dealing with the same gender loving/liking/lusting/ men (and women) - who themselves willingly or unwillingly perpetuate homophobia.  I talk about men here mostly.


Gay/bisexual/bi-curious/bromantic/downlow/ g0y/ lil bai buggah

What the hell is this thing named gay anyway?

Jamaica Observer Cartoon

I remember in high school in sixth form.. when talking about sex, the guys talked about 'tekin lil bai buggah' and hailing up as a part of life's experiences like 'pump racin' fuh see who could break [ejaculate] more'. For men, this is called 'adolescent and childhood experimentation and is seen as  'normal' ' It is never clear when or at what age this normal experimentation becomes abnormal.





'Gay' has different meanings for different people. For some it refers to the people who are born male but who like to dress in women's clothing and behave female. For others, it is an identity implying a man who is exclusively attracted to other men .. not necessarily dressing in women's clothing.

However, there are  kinds of same gender lusting liking loving desires- which deal with the men  who might sometimes experience attraction to other men; or who have had sexual and/or emotional relationships with other men.. or those who are emotionally attracted (but not sexually) attracted to other men. And many times the men are also attracted to women and might be in love with and fall in love with women too. Yeah.. is nuff stupidness.

Some people are comfortable with the gay men who fit their image of what men should be like; others prefer the effeminate men who is different and "obvious"..

So 'outing'.. is not so easy to do if it is not clear where or when on the spectrum (normal lil bai buggah, big man bromance or fantasy, one night drunk encounter)  to out people. So and so dont like sex wid man, but he like cuddle up with his best friend.

So it might be easy to say that so and so deh suh.. but so and so stand up with their girlfriend/wife/bride and say, I no longer deh suh or I was never really suh or I have prayed and I am cured.. it could backfire.

I have in my head also the man who ask me to hook him up with other guys, and who want to know when the next gay party is and so on.. but who say no way, I cannot interview him about his homosexuality because he does not have anything to do with 'them' beyond just having sex.

Expecting all LGBT people to be 'gay' rights activists
Not all women are feminist - I have heard. I define homophobic acts as those which will directly or indirectly cause harm to the well being of LGBT people - and I include acts such as  preaching homosexuality is a sin, and then say oh but we must love the sinner but not the sin. Like smoking and smokers they say. 

Many LGBT people have no interest in any kind of rights or activism and just want to get on with their lives. Some of the men who dance about the spectrum go safely to their heterosexual lives and pretend all is well.  Calling these guys out to support 'gay' rights is a kind of outing and we have learnt not to do that.. or to tell them that is not only gay people who interested in gay rights.

Some men.. just want to have fun without worrying about law, rights, history and so on.. and the subversion makes it enticing for them.

Outing to the wives/girlfriends
Some men make decisions to get married to women.. and to have their flings on the side, or to stay faithful.  I know some same gender liking/loving women who have told their partners about these desires. However, when I have asked the men I know if they have talked to their wives/girlfriends about these desires.. they say no, or have not replied. One man said 'she is homophobic'.. but he is in love and has curtailed his connections with the people from his past. And you wonder if when you meet the homophobic woman. . whether.. to bring up the past or conversations about gay rights .. just to you know.. get lil fun.. but then.. you think.. what the hell, everybody has their own life to live.. leave it be

Outing those who love the sin, but love/hate/love/hate the sinners
What do you with those who are committed to the religious paths which have them loving the sin.. but then going through phases of loving and hating the sinners.. ? This one not so easy.. each person chooses their own survival methods which includes praying and calling for the saviing of those who sin, including themselves. The first 'outing' is actually to oneself.. to admit that these desires exist and are part of the being. Some people.. they come to terms with this and reconcile their faith with their sexuality; others.. they remain in denial , thinking they can pray the gay away while sinning and begging for forgiveness, and alternately shunning and bringing the sinners close to them.

Outing those without power
Guyana is expected to discuss 'gay' rights soon as part of the UPR process. Each LGBT person deals with their closet differently (not the pit latrine, but the place of hiding), and some let in people selectively. Outing those, who feel they have no power, that they have everything to lose and who will not be able to change anything.. that would make no sense. But then... personal power.. is important and is there any other way for people to realise this personal power? Many have gradually come out of or let people in to their closets as they make the choices to ensure their own safety and security. Some return to the closet depending on circumstances.

Outing those with power - political, social, economic power
Yeah.. definitely.. in Guyana with the homophobic holding high positions..what do you say to those who prop up the homophobic government or institutions? But... what good would outing do.. back to this shaming thing.. is it really shaming though .. to say that so and so in power.. who hides behind respectability.. is actually the thing which you hate? Is there a way of saying that.. hey.. look.. the man you look up to , up there.. he is 'gay' too.. why would you now look down on him?